I would have just gotten drunk and then curled up with my laptop

Posted by: alexthechick at 06:58 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Yesterday - hot dogs. Today - movies. Tomorrow - the world!

Yesterday, it was hot dogs.  Today, it's movies.

I don't go out of my way to find this kind of nonsense, I swear.  Somehow, it just keeps fucking finding me!

Film characters disappear into thin air, travel through time, and know how to fly. They're all scientific impossibilities, but since they take place on the silver screen, we suspend our disbelief and go along for the ride.

But one scientist has had enough and is calling on filmmakers to temper their creativity by obeying the rules of science.

At a recent meeting of American scientists, physicist Professor Sidney Perkowitz suggested a new rule: every film should be allowed just one major suspension of belief for the sake of the story.

In other words, films shouldn't repeatedly violate scientific laws. And they definitely should avoid internal inconsistencies - breaking scientific rules established in earlier scenes.

"If it's scene after scene, it becomes greater than I can stand," says Prof Perkowitz. "I understand the dramatic impulse behind it. The natural tendency is to hype things up."

Others in the scientific community agree.

In order to emphasise a sense of "impending doom", filmmakers often ignore realities like time, says Dr David Kirby, a lecturer in science communications at University of Manchester. After all, if the asteroid in Armageddon was spotted years before it threatened to hit Earth, the story would lack tension.

Okay, so it's just some jackass physicist who apparently has no concept of fun, but still, people, please.  The article goes on to mention the three "worst" movies for science - among them, one of my all-time favorite bad movies, The Core.  Frankly, if you think the American people are so fucking uneducated that they think the vast majority of a flick like The Core could actually fucking happen, then the issue isn't with science.

It's with the education system.

And if you can't put aside your disbelief long enough to enjoy a movie, then you really need to score some hookers and blow and have a night out on the town.  Maybe while we're at it, we should ban such literature as Azimov's Foundation Series - after all, it's obviously scientifically impossible to predict the fucking future.  Or Burroughs' Martian Tales - really, folks, active life on Mars? teleportation? atmosphere on Mars?  And, fuck, while we're at it, World War Z might convince the poor stupid American public that the zombie apocalypse is coming right now.  (Okay, strike World War Z.  We all know teh zombies are coming.)

Lighten the fuck up and enjoy a bad damn movie.

Posted by: Ember at 06:52 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Ron Jeremy Raps

Really what more needs to be said?



Jeremy starts at about 1:10

source

Posted by: chad98036 at 06:19 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Obama's PR Machine: Winning Hearts And Minds

Fuck you, Valerie Jarrett. Fuck you and your fucking arrogant attitude with the fuckhammer of SHUT THE FUCK UP laced with Fuck Off. 

She agrees with one questioner that maybe the administration should create "the dummies guides to the issues Obama is talking about.  Because the people only understand simple things like "Hope and Change" but could never understand complicated issues like "cloture." Sorry Valerie, but even "us common folk" can count to 60.

Amen, brother Ben. Fuck these fucking double fucking baggers of fuckheadedly arrogant fucking futility and fucking cluelessness. Fuck them for looking down their noses with such fucking contempt the very people who helped elevate Obama to the White House. Fuck them for failing to fucking think they are fucking better and smarter than everybody else. And fuck you for thinking the American People are stupid.

Yes, the American people may not understand every fucking procedural technique or policy statement that takes place in Washington. But you know what, Valerie fucking Jarrett? The American People are fucking smart enough to see what you and your crew are trying to do, and they have fucking told you to fuck yourself with a diet goatse flavored fucksicle. And guess what, Valerie Fucking Jarrett? You are the fucking stupid ones to not realize what is happeneing to you, your party, and Captain Awesome's policies and political standing as you fail to comprehend the public's voice and continue to fuck the fowl.

Oh, and now, all of a fucking sudden, you are upset that the American people, dumbed down by decades of your fucktastically fucked up fucktunnel of FAIL education system do not understand "cloture"? You are the fucking fools who created the educational system, Valerie Fucking Jarrett. You are the ones who told those of us who preached responsibility, eduscation, civics, and basic fucking competency that we wer evil bigots and racists for demanding such awful things from our fellow Americans. You are the ones who fucking pushed to lower standards and learning sets, only to piss and moan when the people you helped educate turn their backs on you? Fuck you, Valerie Fucking Jarrett.

No, Valerie Fucking Jarrett. You fucking tried to pull one over on the American People. You fucking tried to cram an agenda down our throats, hoping we wouldn't understand what the fuck fuck fuckity fuck you were fucking trying to do. And when we told you to knock this shit off and vote your people and party out of office, you kept telling us we didn't know what was best for us and were stupid. So fuck you, Valerie Fucking Jarret. Fuck off, and take your failed agenda with you.

Posted by: eddiebear at 05:13 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Abortion clinic shut down after federal raid in Philly

Beyond the obvious ghoulish horrorshow of performing abortion after abortion, the clinic apparently was about as sanitary as a Civil War field hospital,

Pennsylvania regulators say federal raids at a Philadelphia clinic where abortions are performed found "deplorable and unsanitary" conditions, including blood on the floor and parts of aborted fetuses in jars.

This apparently was discovered after the not-so-good doctor had a patient die during an abortion, and high painkiller levels were found in initial forensic testing of the patient.  The feds are also looking into whether illegal late term abortions were performed in the clinic.  The doctor's license is currently revoked.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 05:05 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Racist, Bitter Clinging Teabagging Bigot Criticizes Obama's Leadership Skills

WOW. Since when did Ezra Klein become a teabagger?

But the White House has stayed quiet -- and confusing. Publicly, Kathleen Sebelius said the White House would do whatever Harry Reid wanted. Privately, there's been no support for this public option push, and the idea didn't even make a token appearance in their white paper. They wish this wasn't happening, but they're not willing to put a stop to it. Instead, they hoping someone else -- maybe Jay Rockefeller -- stands up and calls the play.

This is, however, the worst of all worlds. In refusing to disappoint the left early, they're assuring the sense of betrayal will be much more acute because the feeling of momentum will have far longer to build. And in refusing to embrace this strategy cleanly, they're making it harder to lay the groundwork for an effective communications strategy around a bill that's tougher on insurers. The problem isn't just that the White House is following, but that they're making it harder to eventually lead.

Look, I have no doubt that Klein is expressing his frustration over Obamacare's future still in a kabuki dance-like state, with confusion over its future increasing by hour. And I have no doubt the Democrats will try something to push it through (hell, Klein himself has been urging the "Any Means Necessary" theme). But watching one of the bright, young, smug Journolist members who was supposed to be the vanguard for Hope and Change lose faith in the Messiah, even if only a bit, is humorous.

Hey Ezra, now you are learning what those of us who did not vote for Obama knew a long time ago: that he is a shitty leader and incapable of taking charge. But I am glad to drink your bitter tears of disappointment and frustration. Keep trying pal, that chicken is always ready.

Posted by: eddiebear at 03:38 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Donny Douche, er Deutsch

Refers to Marco Rubio as a coconut.  If you're unfamiliar with the terminology, it's the slander as when someone refers to a black person as an Oreo, but in regard to Latinos.  What I find interesting is, when you watch the clip, he's so offhand about it, sometimes you hear other commentators and reporters use terminology like this on TV and you think, okay, you picked that up from your buddies at the office or bar, and you...didn't fully grasp what that actually means when you stupidly said that on air, did you?  Not getting that vibe from him at all, and I'm a little surprised by how casual he is in saying it.

What a fucking twat Deutsch is.  I don't know how a TV show with fewer watchers than this crapblog has readers manages to stay on the air, but there it is.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 03:29 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Dear Google:

Fuck. And. You.

"I would say that we did not understand how to communicate Google Buzz and its privacy," he says. "There was a lot of confusion when it came out on Tuesday and people thought that somehow we were publishing their email addresses and private information, which was not true.

"I think it was our fault that we did not communicate that fact very well but the important thing is that no really bad stuff happens in the sense that nobody's personal information was disclosed."

Hey, Eric Schmidt, I don't know about you, but I consider as personal information my google chat statuses, my email lists, who is in my group and the like.  I am personally aware of people whose use of gchat revealed some information (in this case participation in an online role play game) that they really really really didn't want their family to know about.  I discovered that my own attempts to keep the two halves of my internets life separate went flying out the window when person from group a suddenly could see people from group b. 

Confusion?  If by confusion you mean your users discovered that you don't give a flaming fuck about their privacy, then, yes, there was confusion.  Those statements are in direct contrast to actual user experiences.  Guess what trumps? 

Fuck you Google.  Fuck you sideways. 

h/t Alice H (sekrit to Alice - that other thing you want me to write about?  I'm working on it but I'm folding in some other stuff too)

Posted by: alexthechick at 02:58 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Not anti-fascist, just anti-those fascists.

So some Germans built a snowman that looks like Hitler.


German authorities are looking into it because
The probe was launched after a group of anti-fascists filed a complaint about the snowman,

The funniest part? They would have no idea why I'm laughing.
Stolen somewhat shamefacedly from Say Uncle

Posted by: Veeshir at 01:45 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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moar epic facebook fail

So. You're a cop. You enjoy Facebook. You decide it 's a great idea to allegedly announce to the entire freaking universe that you plan on take action, including probably violent action, against the citizens in your community for exercising their Second Amendment rights.  (The allegedly isn't for show, presumably this is really the officer in question but that's not proven at this time)

Let's count the fail.

1.  Assuming that ANYTHING you post on Facebook is private.  It's not, I don't give a crap what your privacy settings are.

2.  Assuming that ANYTHING you post on ye olde internets won't immediately be shown to everyone in the universe.

3.  Stating in public that you're going to cap a member of the community for which you are a cop.

4.  Stating in public that you intend to engage in a massive civil rights violations.  Here's my inner litigator's response - CHA-CHING I'M IN THE MONEY I'M IN THE MONEY!  Yeah, let's tell the whole world that you acted with knowing disregard for the right to open carry.

5.  Being a utter douchebag who should not have access to a badge.

There's mention in the article about the open carry advocates going to gatherings to make a point and the cops monitoring those sites.  My immediate response?  Monitoring for what?  What the fucking hell, the state is monitoring citizens' discussions of lawful activities because the cops don't like it?  I'm not even remotely up on California law or the federal privacy stuff but unless there's some bullshit homeland security excuse (oh wait there probably is) then that's really freaking outrageous.

Fail Clue Boy.  Fail.

Posted by: alexthechick at 12:51 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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CPAC Lies Down With Dogs, Gets Up With Fleas ( #CPAC10 )

There’s been quite a kerfluffle about Ron Paul winning the CPAC Straw Poll.


[Really? You voted for this guy?]

Well, the ACU was practically asking for it. Paul-bots are normally over-represented at CPAC, and bringing Glenn Beck on as the keynote speaker is going to bring the most rabid of the 9/12'ers out of the woodwork. Not content to just complain about the Federal Reserve, the Campaign for Liberty events were particularly aggressive this year. I made sure to attend an event on state nullification (“When All Else Fails: Nullification and State Resistance to Federal Tyranny”) featuring Thomas Woods.

One can tell Woods is a fairly smart guy, but it’s painfully obvious that he hasn’t an ounce of tact in his entire body, nor any grasp of electoral, political, or legal reality. He did take what was in my mind a completely insane topic and gave an interesting historical and philosophical defense of it... leaving out the part where it fell by the wayside and is now the favorite topic of cranks. Members of the public used the word “secession” a time or two in the Q&A session and nobody batted an eye.

Woods’ rather whimsical defense of the modern nullification/interposition movement is basically that nothing else has worked to stop government growth and encroachment, so why not try it. Well, you don’t try it because it isn’t legal and doesn’t work. (Ask anybody in a medical marijuana state who has been busted for pot.)

I'm no Constitutional lawyer, but did the “strict Constitutionalists” read this part of Article VI?:

This Constitution, and the laws of the United States which shall be made in pursuance thereof; and all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme law of the land; and the judges in every state shall be bound thereby, anything in the Constitution or laws of any State to the contrary notwithstanding.

Also at CPAC were the Oath Keepers, who have been discussed on DPUD before, and the John Birch Society, who still refuse to shy away from crank conspiracy theories.

So I say the ACU shouldn’t have been too surprised at Ron Paul’s straw poll victory. They invited all the nutters to town and gave them all the rhetorical crack cocaine they wanted. If the ACU wants a more reputable poll outcome, they should take better care to vet their sponsors, speakers, and panel topics.

(Cross-posted)

Posted by: JoeCollins at 12:10 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Alright Conservatives

Its time to make some decisions.  In other words, its time to stop being all or nothing douchelickers and start making the country a better place.


more...

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 12:09 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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The Climategate Story Is About To Get Very, Very Interestinger

I don't know how much this will accomplish, or if Attorney General Holder will indeed allow an investigation, but when a U.S. Senator calls for an investigation into Climategate, things should get interesting.

The released CRU emails and documents display potentially unethical, and illegal, behavior. The scientists appear to discuss manipulating data to get their preferred results. On several occasions they appear to discuss subverting the scientific peer review process to ensure that skeptical papers had no access to publication. Moreover, there are emails discussing unjustified changes to data by federal employees and federal grantees.

These and other issues raise questions about the lawful use of federal funds and potential ethical misconduct. Discussed below are brief descriptions of the statutes and regulations that the Minority Staff believe are implicated in this scandal. In our investigation, we are examining the emails and documents and determining whether any violations of these federal laws and policies occurred.

Heh. Game. Fucking. On.

Posted by: eddiebear at 09:42 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Biathlon Win!

How to increase Olympic TV ratings.


Via the Firearm Blog, funnily enough.

Posted by: Veeshir at 08:54 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Presented without context

This is a little old, but, still...

There are a lot of dos and don'ts for a good Super Bowl party, but one underrated key is this: When everyone leaves, their testicles should be in the exact same shape as they were when they arrived.

I think that's actually a really good rule of thumb for any sort of successful social gathering. Super Bowl parties, wedding receptions, Bar Mitzvahs—yeah, every guy should probably leave any of those events (to name just a few) with their balls unharmed.

Posted by: Sean M. at 01:33 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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This Ain't Hell featured in The Army Times

For their efforts in publicizing General Ballduster McSoulpatch's stealing of valor and finding his identity.  Quite possibly the best part?  The Army Times mentions General Ballduster McSoulpatch in their article.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:16 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Crap crap crap...

Keep Dick Cheney in your prayers, he's been hospitalized with chest pains.  Reported stable.

Posted by: Alice H at 07:43 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Nanny state it up for us, FDA. Please.

Oh, for fuck's sake, can't we even fucking enjoy hot dogs any more?  In case you've had your head up your ass for fuck knows how long, giving your toddler a hot dog that hasn't been cut into tiny pieces may pose a choking hazard.  As such, it is imperative that the government step in and tell us that we should redesign the "shape" of hot dogs so that kids don't choke on them, or at least affix grapes, hot dogs, peanuts, and who knows what else with warning labels.

Seriously.

"Any food that has a cylindrical or round shape poses a risk," he pointed out. Smith said that hot dogs were high on the list of foods that could be redesigned -- perhaps the shape, although he said it would be up to the manufacturers to figure out the specifics.

Hard candies, on the other hand, could be designed so they're flat rather than round, said Smith, who is also director of the Center for Injury Research & Policy at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio.

The AAP policy statement appears in the March issue of Pediatrics and is the first such guidance on the subject from that group.

[...]

The policy statement called for the government to establish a "mandatory system . . . to label foods with appropriate warnings according to their choking risk, to conduct detailed surveillance and investigate food-related choking incidents, and to warn the public about emerging food-related choking hazards."

Manufacturers' responsibility would be to affix "choking hazard" labels to high-risk products and to consider shapes, sizes and textures when designing products.

"I think there should be a commitment from the entire industry to label not only hot dogs but all high-risk foods with some type of informational label that allows consumers to make informed decisions," Smith said, adding that he thought companies would figure out that "safety sells."

My daughter likes hot dogs.  Without any government intervention, my husband and I had the completely unoriginal thought to cut them into small pieces that are easy for her to chew and swallow.  It's a fucking miracle that she's still alive, isn't it?

Posted by: Ember at 07:13 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Leave those kids alone

I hope these people aren't anywhere where the mad mullahs can get to them.

Via the Jawas who think it should be seen widely.

Any musician who thinks he's brave for standing up to fascist W should watch this and be ashamed.

Posted by: Veeshir at 04:55 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Bronze medal of AWESOME

What's the point of getting a medal at the Olympics if you can't hold it in front of your crotch and ask girls to kiss it?



I suppose the question is, is Scotty Lago sporting a half pipe or a full pipe down there?

Posted by: Alice H at 02:52 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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