April 30, 2009

White Throat strikes again!

Uh-oh. It looks like the epidemic has spread to Baltimore:

The economy is still a nightmare. The military situations in Afghanistan and Pakistan are perilous -- and getting worse. But for all the troubles swirling around the nation these days, America has rarely seemed to be in such steady and capable hands.

That was the feeling that came across on TV Wednesday night watching President Barack Obama's 100-days press conference. Even on his best nights, John F. Kennedy did not seem as calm, confident and masterful as Obama did in an hour's worth of prime time give and take with the press.

As good as Obama has been in such settings before, Wednesday he seemed perfectly tuned to each shifting topic and tone.

CDC officials have been dispatched to quarantine television critic David Zurawik from the rest of the staff of the Baltimore Sun, but it's likely too late. Baltimore journalists are encouraged to stay home if they exhibit any of the following symptoms: obsequiousness, an incessant need to gargle with mouthwash, or the feeling of being a "dirty, dirty girl."

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Unfortunate Texts

Via Instapundit, some awesome.  You're welcome.

I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 05:50 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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100 Days of Awesomeness

In honor of 100 days of being presided over by the most awesome president in the history of presidents, I give to you this list of 100 awesome things you may not know about Barack Obama.  But you should know them, because simply knowing these will make your life more awesome.
 
Barack Obama is so awesome that…
 
1 He doesn't molycoddle New Yorkers; instead, he scares them straight, just like juvenile delinquents
2 The PBA changed their rules: now the lowest score wins
3 He wears his sunglasses at night
4 Treasury Department?  He don't need no stinkin' Treasury Department
5 The cynical hearts of teenagers sing with joy unfurled at his coming to hand them mountains of debt they can never hope to repay
6 Nine out of 10 reporters agree: he tastes great and he's less filling
7 He blows off allies, prostrates himself to kings, and sucks up to dictators in the name of "smart diplomacy"
8 And he looks damn good doing it, too
9 His dog's not only from Portugal, but it's from underwater, too
10 Turkey's not just for Thanksgiving, but for the EU, too
11 When he fights the law, he wins
12 When his wife twisted off the Queen of England's head like a beer cap, he reattached it with nothing more than the sweat of his brow
13 You can see his awesomeness from space
14 He fires CEOs like other presidents change socks
15 He can hold two contradictory opinions and still be the model of consistency
16 White House maids report that the Presidential Toilet smells like roses and honey even when he forgets to flush
17 He encourages hate-mongers to moderate themselves via his silent presence, like he did at the Summit of the Americas.  Or in his church.
18 His Teleprompter has a blog that's more popular than this one
19 North Korea launched a satellite to confirm #13
20 Iran did, too
21 Even gravity's not a constant when he smiles at it
22 When he gets a haircut, his awesomeness actually diminishes by 0.0027%
23 Yes, that's right: even his trimmed hairs are more awesome than you are
24 That's why he needs his barber flown in from Illinois.  Lesser barbers might trim his awesomeness by even more than that
25 He is the walrus
more...

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More Proof That Sarah Palin Is Aweosme!

Posted by: eddiebear at 04:04 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Kim Jong Il Is An Awesome Singer!

H/T

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I've actually been thinking about trying this

Makin' bacon.  Veeshir linked it in comments, and I'd definitely like to try doing this. 

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White Throat pandemic spreading

We were warned about the condition, and indeed, it seems to be spreading.

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This is why I love Justice Scalia

That's going to leave a mark

This is actually a wonderful distillation of the competing schools of jurisprudence as well as the difference between much of conservative thought and liberal thought.  Sure, you *can* compile a dossier on someone.  That doesn't mean you *should*.  The conservative response is to maintain the right to do so while simultaneously retaining the right to bench slap the hell out of someone for so doing.  The liberal response is to ban the right to do so since someone's feelings will get hurt.  (Yes, yes, broad brush whatevs)

It's the Tea Party thing.  It's the fury over the housing thing.  It's my blinding rage over "hate crimes" legislation (v v short version of rage - fuck you you motherfuckers I do not need anyone to protect my wee delicate sensibilities and how dare you HOW FUCKING DARE YOU treat me as a child in need of protection).  It's the difference between can and should.  Conservatives say you can but you are a jackass for doing it.  Liberals say you shouldn't because Of The Children.  Fuck that.  Chainsaw.  Sideways.


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Jay Carney Just May Be The Busiest Man In DC

I mean, keeping Joe Biden away from a microphone is a tough enough job. But when Scarnton Joe says something this fucking stupid?

Vice President Joe Biden said Thursday that he would not recommend taking any commercial flight or riding in a subway car “at this point” because swine flu virus can spread “in confined places.” A little more than one hour later, Biden rushed out a statement backing off.

...That contradicted more restrained advice from President Barack Obama and the federal government - and the last thing the White House wants to do right now is shut down the airline industry and big city subways out of mass panic.

Jesus Titty Fucking Christ is this guy stupid.

Once again, I want to go and punch in the face any and all of the "Axis of Defeatism" douchebags ostensibly on our side who thought Sarah Palin was not a good choice for VP.

 

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Hawkins gets the best interviews

Interviewing Mark Levin this time around.

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Is the NRSC this fucking stupid?

Are they really thinking they're going to torpedo Toomey with Ridge?  You know what?  Go for it NRSC, you were already stupid enough to hitch your wagon to Benedict Arlen, why not make it 0-2?  You and the GOP can become the Detroit Lions of American politics. 

Here's why the NRSC and RNC are a bunch of dumb bastards if they pull a stunt like this.  I can see the GOP elite thinking they've got this shit figured out, but they don't.  They think they can win the general with Ridge because he's a RINO's RINO, and PA is a bluish state.  But they're wrong, because Toomey would crush Ridge in the primary, no matter how much money they'd throw at the primary campaign.  Outside of the Philly 'burbs, Republicans in PA are fairly conservative (as Carville famously noted), we'll back Toomey and win the primary.  So, not only will the NRSC end up with egg on their faces, yet again, they'll have torpedoed Toomey anyway for general, and do what few thought possible, make conservatives even more pissed off at the GOP elite than they already are.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:19 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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If I've Told You Once, I've Told You A Thousand Times: The Potato Was Not Meant For This Use

But these fellas are creative.

 

 

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Obama supports the troops by giving them blow

Who cares?  It will only make them more presidential:

All the subjects were recruited because they were addicted to cocaine, O’Leary said. About 40 volunteers — most of them veterans — are being given injections at VA labs in Kansas City and San Antonio, he added.

Hundreds of veterans have apparently been used as human subjects in the past decade, according to records and interviews with officials.

The VA has handed over several other abstracts from studies over the past decade, and O’Leary said his agency has been conducting such research for at least 25 years.

O’Leary said that the subjects’ safety was paramount. But documents of a decade-old study that tested morphine on veterans found nearly 800 “adverse events” from anorexia to heart tremors.

Reached for comment, Lindsay Lohan asked reporters what she would need to do to become a veteran.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 08:39 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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April 29, 2009

Oh, give me a break, People

Okay, this shit is really, really getting on my nerves:

Michelle Obama leads a group of famous White House faces that have landed on the pages of People’s list of the 100 most beautiful.

The first lady joins White House social secretary Desiree Rogers, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, White House chef Sam Kass and chief of staff Rahm Emanuel in a section called “Barack’s Beauties.” Actress and recent cancer survivor Christina Applegate made the cover.
Okay, I don't deny that some people find Michelle Obama attractive. She is, after all, a very...um...striking woman. I have no idea what Rogers or Kass look like, but Geithner looks like a fucking dork and there are ghouls that look good next to Emanuel.

We get it. You guys in the magazine business are fairly liberal. You also want to sell copies of your magazine and, more importantly, advertising. And Obama is popular right now, so you naturally want to capitalize on that. But don't serve us a big, steaming turd and expect us to pretend that it's delicious ice cream, m'kay?

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Let's put a government-controlled GPS in each and every car!

I suppose the silver lining is, the Feds will be able to find your car each and every time it's stolen.

The tax would entail equipping vehicles with GPS technology to determine how many miles a car has been driven and whether on interstate highways or secondary roads. The devices would also calculate the amount of tax owed.
Who's going to start organizing the efforts to get 48% of Americans to break their mandatory car-nannies? I think it's time to keep an eye on who's running against James Oberstar and start doing everything we can to make sure Oberstar loses his seat in 2010. It's a shame, because he's generally against gun control and abortion, but this sort of nanny-stating can't be allowed to get a foothold.

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Kathleen Parker And The Rest Of The RINOs Must Be In Competition For The Stupidest Article Praising Obama

I mean, this is worse than a 13 year old girl's diary crush on the cute boy in school. I can just imagine her with newspaper cutouts of The Messiah on her Trapper Keeper, writing "Mrs. Obama" over and over on a sheet of paper.

As a recovering obsessive-compulsive {and the literary equal of a Tiger Beat reader}, the past 100 days have been a torture of quantification {wait! I thought torture was no longer allowed!}. How’s he doing SO far? Is he the change we’ve been waiting for? Is Barack Obama really a centrist, as so many (including I) had hoped? Or is he one of them dadgum fascist-Marxist-commie-Moozlems?!{define centrist}

Obama is who he said he is—a pragmatist. It just so happens that pragmatism under present circumstances demands/justifies/warrants what are rather socialist solutions {so that's centrism?}. The President is in the unique position of being able to say with face straight and heart true: I’m not a lefty ideologue. It’s just that Republican leadership has left us in the sort of economic free-fall that only Big Government can rescue {No. I just used a crisis to my advantage}.

Thus, the first 100 days have been brisk, if entirely too long {you can say that again}. And action-packed. Obama has done so much, so fast, that our heads spin{like in The Exorcist?}. If this is not a tactic, it should be. He seems blessed with the immaculate timing in which events don’t just open a window, but nuke the building. In breezes Obama with his team of carpenters {But are they Union Card Check carpenters? And what are they building? A dog house for BO?}. While Americans were distracted with lost jobs and decimated savings {yeah, the minor stuff as opposed to his moobs.}, Team Obama re-landscaped the American Dream {wait! I thought he was a carpenter. So he's a landscaper as well? Sign him up!}with spending and future debts that are beyond our comprehension {yeah, but it's Skittles and pixy dust, so it's all good}. Now comes the perfect storm of avian, swine and human flu, just in time for a national health plan. Timing really is everything {yeah. Just ask that guy in Mexico who caught the flu after shaking Barry's hand.}.

Hoookay! So far, Parker concedes that Captain Cool basically is just a guy who is lucky enough to have events fall into his lap. So much for being Teh Awesome!!!1!1 But, as always, she's on a roll. Shall we proceed?

Here’s the thing about Obama: He’s a completely new deal {I still have my receipt. Can I trade this deal in and get store credit?}. We’ve never see this character before {which character is that? Is he now a comic book hero as well. Man! How can t he guy even sleep between all of his jobs?}. Each day is a new play and we’re not quite sure how this particular narrative arcs {I knew I hated theater, but I never knew why until now.}. All of that makes us a bit uneasy, as it should {wait! I thought he was calming or something.}. But my truest sense of Obama is that he thinks hard about each issue and that his mind is open {so long as Axelrod or the Teleprompter tell him what to say and do}. He is still finding out how to be president {sic}, listening instead of talking; watching and measuring, as children from disrupted childhood {sic} learn to do {I thought he claimed his campaign made him qualified from day one and that he was so awesome he could overcome everything}.

The task for conservatives is not so much to oppose the president, but to help him see {yeah, Palin's swearing in on 1-20-13}. Show him a better idea and he will consider it {and ignore it. Remember "I won"?}. I’m not sure Republicans are temperamentally capable of working with Obama, however{as opposed to all of that work and cooperation Democrats gave to Bush?} . His style confounds them. He’s the left-handed pitcher; the river that flows upstream; the slight fellow who fells the giant with a slingshot. And he never breaks a sweat. Who IS this dude? {I'm sure you'll tell us after you finish sending him a pair of your soaked knickers to show your love for him}

After 100 days, I think I’ve figured it out {Oh! Do tell!}. Obama is Cassius Marcellus Clay Jr. (Muhammad Ali to the more recently born.) Always above the fray, he floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee{So long as he can avoid hitting his head on Marine One's door}. So far, the Obama presidency is a rope-a-dope {and Ali lost the title two different times to inferior opponents. Your point being?} 

I am slackjawed after this glaring display of stupidity by a woman who wants you to believe how smart she is. What is scary is that after this piece, what will David Brooks do to top this?

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Behold The Glory That Is Free Speech On A College Campus

The Bucknell University Conservatives Club tried to hold a version of the now famous "Affirmative Action Bake Sale". Predictably, the University bigshots went out of their way to shut it down.

 

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Swine flu death in Texas

The first US swine flu death has been confirmed in Houston, Texas. The unfortunate victim was a toddler.

A baby in Texas has died of the H1N1 flu strain, the first confirmed death outside Mexico from a virus which health officials fear could cause a pandemic as it spread to two more countries in Europe. Nearly a week after the threat emerged in Mexico, where up to 159 people have died, a U.S. official said on Wednesday a 23-month-old had died in the state bordering Mexico. A health official said the baby was Mexican and was in the United States for medical treatment.
Anyone care to guess as to how long before Texas is overrun with swine flu Mexican flu - wait, we can't even decide what the hell to call this, how do we think we're going to manage it?

We're a week into knowing this whatever we're calling it for the next couple of hours might be pretty serious, and now we have evidence that someone brought a sick kid into the US from the disease hotbed, knowing they were sick, but the US hasn't yet sealed its borders.  Even dumb little me knows that when you've got someone sick in a house, you isolate them from the rest of the family and wipe down with bleach anything they may have touched - why this isn't being implemented on a global level is stunning. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame the parents for seeking medical care for their kid - doing whatever it takes to try to help your child is the morally correct thing to do on the part of the parents.  The US government is 100% to blame if even one US citizen gets sick from exposure to this kid - if the government wants to play mommy to all of us, they'd better be ready to protect us from the cooties from the kid down the street.

Posted by: Alice H at 09:10 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Guess who?

Someone wants to make nice with a country that hasn't been exactly friendly with us over the past few years...

"I don't have much doubt that the present tentative plan of our government and the Syrian government is to re-establish diplomatic relations when it's propitious to do so," he told The Associated Press.

"I don't see any impediment to it. It will be an orderly process...I wouldn't be surprised if it happens this year."
All I can say is "Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back." Or, alternatively, "The first time tragedy, the second time farce."

Posted by: Sean M. at 04:43 AM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
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April 28, 2009

Solar Powered FAIL, New Orleans Style

Some guy dumps his girlfriend, his job, and a ton of cash to build a solar-powered car and drive it across the United States for some reason or another. All well and good, even if it is stupidly naive. But this story achieves FAIL status when he left the Manbearpigmobile unattended in The Big Easy.

But an hour after he parked on a busy, well-lighted French Quarter street, someone broke into the van and stole passports, laptops, credit cards, cash, a digital camera and a portable hard drive.

Despite the estimated $10,000 loss, da Luz seemed in high spirits the next morning, describing the break-in as a "dent" in his ecological barnstorming tour. He insisted that he was still enjoying his first visit to the Crescent City. After discovering the theft, da Luz and an assistant from the Netherlands trotted to a nearby tavern to "drown their sorrows."


Fucking stupid hippies. Just for that, here is a musical tribute.


Posted by: eddiebear at 11:21 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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