October 16, 2010

It's amore!

I can't decide if this funnier than endy or endier than funny.
You make the call!

You're the stunning raven haired goddes who was in the (snip) room with my girlfriend and me.
You don't know this but I was filming you with the camcorder the entire time
...snip...
I hope this message finds you and we can form a bond, emotionally and physically, based upon our shared experience of....

So what was the room where he was filming? What was the shared experience? Why does he want to name his daughter after this raven haired beauty? How funny/endy is it that he wants to screw her?

She's the doctor or nurse (he doesn't say) who was in the delivery room as his girlfriend was having their baby. He filmed the hottie instead of the birth. The "shared experience" is "bringing a child into the world together."

High-fucking-larious. I thought I was bad trying to pick someone up at a funeral.
Anybody have any worse tales of trying to pick someone up inappropriately?
H/T The Agitator

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October 08, 2010

Obamacare Official Pace Car

From the inbox:


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September 28, 2010

Kazoo transmitted disease



I hope ya'all are practicing your Rapture repentance speeches.
I know I've been harping on this a long time, but Rome didn't fall in a day.

Update, changed "deathbed" to "Rapture" because that made sense.

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September 23, 2010

Karnak Says

The Amazing Karnak says there will be far more outrage over this from "rights" groups than we'll ever see over this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or thi......ahhh, it gets too depressingly unfunny when you look too closely.

First link to a festival in Spain where they put burning sticks on a bull's horns and it runs around trying to kill something. Not really sure of the point, but eh, it's their culture right?
Just like the rest of the links are to the peculiar culture that endorses killing women for the sin of not wanting to live in a sack or for accepting a note from a fifth grade classmate (a boy! gasp! obviously thinking of... uhhh... kill her!) or be treated worse than a goat or for people to do on and be done on by the gender of their choice.

Not really funny except in the full on black humor irony department that finds it funny when western female activists get raped and are forced to shut up at least and sometimes they end up converting and having to marry their Palestinian "brothers". Which will also garner far less outrage than pissing off a bull that you then allow to try to kill you.
None of which I really find that funny, except for some reason I do.
Willful ignorance is far worse than stupidity and it's far more dangerous. Just ask the people who go to the North Pole and nearly freeze to death because it's not really warming or the folks who believed in Obama.
Hoist on your own retard is kinda funny.

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September 14, 2010

I Loooooove New York...

NY has the most hilarious politics I've seen anywhere. I love watching them.
The disconnect between NY politicians and accountability, honesty or decency is as jaw-droppingly vast as their contempt for their voters.
So in today's laugh-inducing episode (laugh track not needed), we see everybody's favorite law-breaking mayor of NYC wanting to go all cowboys and Indians on... wait for it..... the Seneca tribe in NY.
NYS, and NYC in particular, have ridiculous taxes on cigs. They're at least $10/pack in NYC and $7+ upstate. So the Indian tribes sell tax-free cigs cuz they're a separate nation and make probably more money than from gambling.
Quote
said ... that Gov. David Paterson -- who's trying to rustle up millions in cigarette taxes from the tribes -- should grab "a cowboy hat and a shotgun"

Okay, that's funny. And a good window into why he wants to disarm everybody but the gov't.
What makes it funnier?
Pataki tried this in the 90s. It didn't go so well. 
Quote
The Senecas had set a number of bonfires earlier Wednesday night near and on the Thruway, holding off an earlier assault by state police.


They've also been threatening to start charging tolls on the Thruway (that's 90 going from Albany from Buffalo and 87 from Albany to NYC. They're near the Buffalo end on 90.) since Patterson started making noises and going after them for that sweet, sweet tax money.
The best part? The last time no news services really covered it very much. I was in DC at the time and I saw very little of it on CNN.
Now? Foxnews will be all over it.
The worst part? It'll probably be Geraldo and Shep Smith on location.
 Eh, maybe the Indians will take them hostage, cover them in honey, put them in a hole and cover them in fire ants.
I would predict best ratings ever if that happened.
H/T SondraK

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September 06, 2010

I Like Art. Yes I Do

And this is art.

Jane said: “It is a bit like when children use their hands and feet to create individual pieces of pottery, but instead, women can use the shape of their breasts to make a unique ceramic piece.

“Women can then paint a plate, mug or other item of their choice, either with paint brushes or using their breasts.

“It is a tongue-in-cheek fun event, but it will all be done very tastefully and screening will be provided so women can create their breast 
artwork in privacy.

“If some women don’t fancy taking part in breast art, they can just do ordinary pottery and painting.

“Painted ceramics make ideal presents and I’m sure husbands and boyfriends will welcome painted breasts on their work mug!”


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September 04, 2010

A plastic ball pit too far?

Okay, that's funny.
The FTC sent out a bunch of subpoenas to companies to defend their actions in marketing to kids.
So who did they subpoena? Camel? Parrot Bay Rum? The makers of pink AR-15s?
Nope,
Chuck-e-Cheese, Yum brands and the marketers of Air Heads and Baby Bottle Pops (candy for those without kids or who never go to a supermarket).
So a restaurant designed for kids can't advertise to kids?

I mean, I understand, Parenting is hard, and when your kids see a commercial for something they want it's hard to say, "No".
So the only answer is to make children's lives so incredibly bleak that they can't whine about all the nice stuff they're not seeing.

Quote of the article.
"We are not proposing any regulation" she said

"Yet" she subvocalized as a "bwa-ahahahahhahaha" escaped her lips.

I may have made up that last part.
Via Cold Fury, dude always harshes my mellow and has for nearly 9 years.

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August 31, 2010

"Mommy, what's a Va-jay-jay"?

I just went to purchase a jug of Val-U-Rite vodka at a local supermarket, and what did I see right at the eye level of a hypothetical kid (there were none present at this time of night, thankfully) riding in a shopping cart at the check stand?  An issue of Cosmopolitan with "Untamed Va-jay-jays...Guess What Sexy Style Is Back" on the cover.

I'm far from a prude, but, really? That's something you feel the need to put on the cover of your magazine?

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August 16, 2010

I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

Wherein Veeshir is confused.
You've all seen the story about the Dems cutting food stamps to pay for some children's deal.
But nobody seems to really think it's important that the cuts don't take effect until 2013.
Which means they'll never happen. If they don't fund food stamps enough, does anybody think it won't be added as a rider in some supplemental defense bill or something?

These are phantom cuts.
I understand it's fun to go after Dems for stiffing the poor (hoist ont their own retard, so to speak), but, and here's my confusion, wouldn't it make more sense to go after them for phantom cuts? They don't intend them to go through.

H/T Krauthammer, he didn't seem to think it was important that the cuts didn't happen until 2013, but he's the only one who's even mentioned it.

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August 13, 2010

Bookie Bankrupt? Believe it.

I've been pretty busy for a few weeks (in the Obama sense of the word, I took off 2 weeks to see the family) and I've been cutting way back on my intertubing, but I'm back.

I was in NY and heard something that even made my lefty sister accept that maybe we're in the Funniest end of Civilization Ever.
NY OTB is in bankruptcy.
That's right, one of the biggest bookies in the country is going bankrupt.

Why? It's NY. The pols are blatantly and ridiculously corrupt.
There are two ways a bookie can go bankrupt, if he's just starting out and gets hit with a bunch of longshot wins or his protection money is too costly.

I'll give you hint, OTB hasn't paid out any $10 million winners lately.


OT question (can it be OT if it's in the post?)
Did anybody else think the "Hero Flight Attendant" was probably a dick?
I've flown a fair amount since 9/11 (probably 2-4 R/Ts a year) and I've seen a marked decrease in civility on stewardesses and stewards.
They're dicks because if you give them a hard time, you spend the next day of your life dealing with a tremendous hassle, if not jail time.

Now it's coming out he was an asshole and I'm absolutely unsurprised.
I only fly when I'm going farther than 5 hours by car, although I'm starting to drive up to 10 hours because I'm totally sick of dealing with idiots with the power to take my freedom when they're in a bad mood.

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August 06, 2010

Vacation(s) All I Ever Wanted

Remember how our lefty friends used to bitch about how much time Chimpy McBu$hitler spent on "vacation" (the scare quotes are because of the fact that he had cabinet members and phones and computers with secure internet connections and everything) at his ranch in Crawford? Well, at least he had a fucking job...

First ladies often go on vacations, with and without the president. An issue for Mrs. Obama may be how many: New York in March; Chicago, over Memorial Day; Los Angeles in June; Camp David -- sort of an extension of the White House -- in July; Maine in July, to highlight Acadia National Park, and now Spain. Mrs. Obama is glamorizing Spain's coastal resorts before her Aug. 14 first family weekend visit to Florida's Gulf Coast, to encourage tourists scared away by the oil spill. Starting Aug. 19, the Obamas will spend 10 days in Martha's Vineyard.
To be fair, I guess hectoring people about how fat their kids are is pretty stressful, but this just looks fucking terrible. A lot of us don't have the kind of money that folds these days, much less enough to go on eight fucking vacations over the course of one goddamn summer.

Seriously, did someone like David Axelrod, supposedly a political genius, not look at this and take Barry and Michelle aside and mention that having Her Highness jet off to Spain for one of (I reiterate) eight fucking summer vacations—for which the taxpayers pick up the tab for transportation, security, and God knows what else—might seem like a thumb in the eye to the average guy who can't afford to take the missus to the local Indian Casino for the weekend? Did their political team not realize that this would generate angry run-on sentences like that?

But the GOP spending money on Sarah Palin's new wardrobe during the 2008 campaign? Well, that right there was a fucking scandal.

P.S. Way to stimulate our economy by jetting off to Europe. Yeah.

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August 04, 2010

Awwwww....

...OFA wants you to bake a cake for Barry's B-day!

You know, after eight years of hearing from the likes of Gleen Gouldwald & Co. that we were all a bunch of "Bush cultists," this kind of crap is, well, not very surprising at all.

OFA volunteers are gathering for events on the President’s birthday this Wednesday, where they’ll celebrate by reaching out to new volunteers.
Will they be singing (literally) his praises during those parties?


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July 23, 2010

It turns out that the "Gaza Flotilla" was necessary after all

I mean, if you watch the following, there's no evidence of a Disney Store, a Gap, or even a Halal Hickory Farms...



In related news, did you see who's raising funds for another blockade-breaker? Be sure to note the name of the ship.

(Video courtesy of xbradtc in the H2 comments.)

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July 09, 2010

Didn't we fight a revolution over being part of England?


This story has so much that's screwy.

Possible illegal alien thugs steal a guy's trailer. He says they tried to run him down, he fired two shots and hit one in the face. The reporter above says there's some evidence they're illegal.
Yay!, right?
Not if you're a DA in Jefferson County, Colorado.
Nope, the guys who admitted to stealing the trailer, they returned it, at this point appear to be getting off scot-free while Our Hero is facing 12 felonies including 4 counts of 1st degree attempted murder. How do you get 4 counts of attempted murder with 2 shots?
One of the thugs already was convicted of a similar crime and got off of that one with a reduced charge of "Agricultural trespassing", I'm sure this will ensure he never does that again. And by "never", I mean "he's probably already planning his next heist".

First, WTF? Colorado is in America and not Britain, right? In America if you shoot criminals trying to run you down you should get a medal.
Second, notice the journalists in the above vid, they're as surprised as I am. Either Fox 31 isn't a member in good standing of Minitru (unlike DC's Fox affiliate) or even a progressive journalist finds this outrageous.
Third? What, the first two aren't enough?
Via "Are We Lumberjacks", who thinks there's more to the story or the DA has an agenda.

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July 06, 2010

The World Turned Upside-down

There's a post titled "Why liberals should love the Second Amendment" over at...the Daily Kos.  Yes, really.

There's some lefty boilerplate in there, but it's actually pretty well-argued.

My head asplode.

(H/T pajama momma)

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June 29, 2010

That "Reset Button" really worked!

If you missed Cold War cloak-and-dagger skulduggery, the Russians seem to have pressed that button pretty damn hard...

The FBI accuses the SVR, the successor organisation to the Soviet Union's KGB, of running a network of "illegals", described in court documents as Russians who received training in languages, codes and ciphers, invisible writing and counter-surveillance before living in the United States under false identities.

Each of the 10 was charged with conspiracy to act as an agent of a foreign government, which carries a maximum penalty of five years in prison on conviction.

They were alleged to have met US government officials given codenames such as "Farmer", "Parrot" and "Cat" as well as engaging such tried and tested espionage methods as dead drops and brush passes.

[...]

The nature of their work was said to have been outlined in a secret message to two of those arrested: "You were sent to USA for long-term service trip.

"Your education, bank accounts, car, house etc – all those serve one goal: fulfil your main mission, i.e. to search and develop ties in policy-making circles in US ..."

Mmmmm-mmmm, that's one tasty burger!

This is strangely worded, so I don't really get it, but, um...

A message from alleged conspirators in Boston gave details about a new head of the CIA and the 2008 presidential election gained from a "former legislative counsel for US Congress".

What the hell?

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June 12, 2010

Barack Has A Hotdog!

Have you ever had a Chicago dog? They're pretty damn good, and they only cost a few bucks. But have you ever paid for one (or a few) with your tax dollars, and didn't even get to take a bite? Maybe so...

President Obama may be from Chicago, but he still needs some help when it comes to cooking up Chicago-style hot dogs.

The White House was preparing for its annual congressional picnic for last Tuesday and they wanted Chicago-style hots on the menu. Only catch, the staff didn't know how to make them, reports Lynn Sweet at the Sun-Times.

So the White House staff got in touch with Byron's Hot Dogs owner Mike Payne and flew him to the White House to assist the kitchen staff in preparing hot dogs for Tuesday’s annual congressional picnic.
The kicker? According to the article, Payne didn't even bring the ingredients for the Chicago dogs with him. Instead, he gave a grocery list "with all the traditional fixings" to the White House chef.

Um, is it just me, or is that the kind of thing that could be done via phone or e-mail or by looking at a fucking cookbook instead of flying someone several hundred miles across the country?

And, while the article doesn't explicitly say whether or not this was done at taxpayer expense, do you really think that it wasn't?

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June 06, 2010

Less funny, more endy

So in late March I had a paranoid fantasy about wars all over the world.
I figured by late May at the latest, there would be wars going on in at least the Caucasus and Israel.
I based that on the fact that invasion season in Georgia and Ukraine is right around then. You wait too long, and you're bogged down in snow and cold and your machines and men start failing.

So I'm still paranoid, and I keep seeing things that make me more so.
NoKo and SoKo are going around the warpole and Obama is silent on that, which would only embolden NoKo.
Now, Iran is making noises about the Revolutionary Guard going with the next Freedom* Flotilla.

The only thing missing from my doomsday scenario is Russia. But I have faith in Putin, sure he's a Bond villain, but he's a KGB/Tsarist Bond Villain in charge of a country all pissed off the world doesn't respect (read: fear) them anymore and looking nostalgically back at the USSR.
I'm not rooting for such a cataclysm, I'm saying that Obama's weakness and the way he always sides with the dictator (from Honduras to Iran to Gaza) is making it much more likely.

*Actual results may vary.

h/t The Jawas.

Spelling fixed.

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June 05, 2010

Hey, guess who agrees with Helen Thomas?

Taking a break from donning a Deerstalker cap, grabbing a magnifying glass, and trying to climb up into Sarah Palin's womb, Excitable Andi, in a post titled "Israel Derangement Syndrome" (no link, natch) attacked our staunchest democratic ally in the Middle East yesterday (he apparently doesn't get that the "Derangement Syndrome" thing is meant to refer to someone you support and whose detractors you see as irrationally opposed to—what a surprise), and it's one of the stupidest things he's ever written:

To read Charles Krauthammer today is to enter a twilight zone of an alternate reality. A country permanently occupying and colonizing a neighboring region, and treating its original inhabitants as dangerous interlopers, is the victim.
Okay, where to begin? First of all, Israel isn't "occupying" nor "colonizing" Gaza, permanently or otherwise. Additionally, Israel has pulled out of the West Bank, Sinai, and Lebanon, and who has been the victim since? Innocent Israeli citizens, who have been besieged by rocket attacks by Islamist fanatics.

Moving on, Sullivan continues with the sarcasm (feel the burn!):
An elite commando unit attacking a ship carrying toys and wheelchairs in the hours before dawn are those we should feel pity for.
If all these people were carrying was a bunch of fluffy goodness, why did they insist on docking in Gaza, instead of going to an Israeli port and having their cargo inspected and then trucked in overland, like most other humanitarian shipments to the Hamas-controlled area? Oh, right. I suppose the evil Jews must have wanted to steal all the wheelchairs and toys.

Oh, and I do feel something, though I wouldn't say it was "pity," exactly, for a group of soldiers who were trying to stop a bunch of "humanitarians" who were trying to illegally run a blockade (which is also enforced by Egypt, I might add) and were greeted with a bunch of armed thugs, beating them with pipes and trying to stab them with knives. Seems there might have been a slight miscommunication there, eh, Andrew?
A country with 150 nuclear warheads and the strongest military in its region, the victor in every conventional war it has always fought, is somehow also always fighting for its very existence.
Aaaaaand, here's something interesting. Why mention Israel as the only country with nukes in the region? Sully's native UK (along with France) is one of the only two Western-European powers with nuclear weapons, but I don't recall him ever mentioning that in terms of, say, Ireland. Should my Mick cousins be nervous?

And can you blame the Israelis (this is a rhetorical question for our demented blogger) for having the strongest military in the region when it is surrounded by countries that would like nothing better than to wipe them off the map, not to mention the fact that their founding was necessitated by FUCKING GENOCIDE? A fight for existence is THE VERY FUCKING PURPOSE OF THE NATION.

Sullivan goes on to claim that the late incursion into Gaza resulted in the "hideous murder" of civilians in the name of "the tribe" (got that reference?) and ends with the following:
Something has been wrong here for a very long time, and now it is inescapable. Until the discourse is rescued from the victims of Israel Derangement Syndrome, Israel and America will slowly be drawn into wars they cannot ultimately win, lose every other ally they ever had, and embolden and fortify the very Islamist forces we are seeking to defuse and defeat.
What a triumph of diplomatic thinking! We'll get someone to pretend to like us for now, and the Jews will give up a little bit here and there.

Then, when they've been driven into the sea (or the ovens, again) and a couple of American or Western European cities are smoking, radioactive charnel-craters, hopefully, Andrew Sullivan will be the last homosexual to be hanged or to have a stone wall collapsed upon him.

Fuck you.

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June 04, 2010

No. EN-OH. No.

I accept that language is an evolving, complex thing.  Heck, I took some linguistic classes in college.  I'm aware that modern American English is very different from modern British English, which is different from Middle English, which is different from Ye Auld English, which is different from German, which is different from High German, which is different from Low German, and now I'm getting silly.

But I think that's the point.

I'm not a linguist by any stretch of the imagination, but I am a lover of words.  Words like "ever" and "enough" and "ought".  And, while, like any dumbass using the interwebz, I will occassionally use words like, well, interwebz, I also recognize the difference between "ever" and "evah" - as a cultural inflection.

Which is why, to the four dumbasses in DC, I say, "No."

Four peaceful protesters, some dressed in full-length black and yellow bee costumes, represented the American Literacy Council and the London-based Spelling Society and stood outside the Grand Hyatt on Thursday, where the Scripps National Spelling Bee is being held. Their message was short: Simplify the way we spell words.

Roberta Mahoney, 81, a former Fairfax County, Va. elementary school principal, said the current language obstructs 40 percent of the population from learning how to read, write and spell.

"Our alphabet has 425-plus ways of putting words together in illogical ways," Mahoney said.

The protesting cohort distributed pins to willing passers-by with their logo, "Enuf is enuf. Enough is too much."

According to literature distributed by the group, it makes more sense for "fruit" to be spelled as "froot," "slow" should be "slo," and "heifer" — a word spelled correctly during the first oral round of the bee Thursday by Texas competitor Ramesh Ghanta — should be "hefer."

I guess all I have to say to that is - fr srsly?

H/T to my husband's Facechimp page.  I hate it when he beats me to a good story.

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