December 31, 2008

Happy New Year!

I broke out the asti early and am, humiliatingly, nearly hammered on half a glass.  So I wanted to wish y'all a happy new year before I start drunk blogging.  It's been an honor to be granted the keys to this place and I resolve to try to post actual substance occasionally. 

Plus perhaps to "accidentally" link to lesbian porn. 

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Democrats begin agitating for media bailouts

A bit of Name That Party, followed by some interesting reactions from various media people.  The question becomes, how many GOP Congresscritters are going to cave and go along with the bailout?  I also wonder how many Congresscritters will be swayed by the fear of having dirt on them or personal information dug up or exposed by the media?

What I'll really be interested in is what McCain does, does he allow his "all politics is personal" side come out, and oppose media bailouts for their shabby treatment of him during the 2008 campaign?  Or will he come crawling back to his main contituency, like the voters in Murtha's district did to Fat Jack (I can't believe you idjit voters in Western PA let Murtha make you his bitch like that).

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:55 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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2008 recap

Lessee, been an interesting year, blogwise, went from just running this crappy little blog myself to having lots of great co-bloggers, we've grown in traffic significantly, and there are lots of people I owe thanks to for that, my co-bloggers, Ace and John Hawkins are probably the biggest ones, but obviously we've gotten to work with lots of other great bloggers too throughout the year.

As for resolutions, I think they're ridiculous, but I promise I'm going to actually, oh, I dunno, write at my own crapblog a bit more, I know I haven't been posting as much.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:41 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Soda wrong

Soda very, very wrong.

(H/T Veeshir)

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 07:54 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Why not save the trip and just "martyr" yourself at home?

Unsurprisingly, the Iranians are pissed about Israel's decision to go after Hamas for lobbing rockets at innocent Israeli citizens.  Some of them are even volunteering to form "suicide brigades" to attack Israel, though it's not exactly clear how they would get there.

On Sunday, Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei issued a religious decree to Muslims to defend the people of Gaza in any way possible and said anyone who died from this would be a martyr.

Following that, five hard-line student groups and the Combatant Clergy Society began signing up volunteers for military, financial or propaganda aid to Gaza.
They have a Combatant Clergy Society? Of course they do.

But there apparently was one (brief) positive development...
Criticism of Hamas is rare in Iran. However, in an unusual move, the Iranian Kargozaran newspaper published a letter from another student group which called Hamas a terrorist organization for taking refuge in "kindergartens and hospitals." Following this, the Kargozaran, a reformist publication close to former Iranian president Hashemi Rafsanjani, was shut down.
Gee, what a shock. Seriously, though, let's hope the paper's editors and employees are safe. I don't think the Mullahs buy into the whole "dissent is the highest form of patriotism" thing.

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:30 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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This made my friggin' day

Christopher Hitchens basically calling Bill Maher and his audience stupid, then flipping them off:

On an unrelated note, if you tell anyone today that you'll "see them next year," you deserve to be punched in the throat.  I've been at work since 1pm (until 9pm) and ten people have used that line.  It's not funny.  Never has been.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 05:01 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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The Official Roland Burris Death Chamber

It's pretty fantastic if you haven't seen it yet.  Oh, and in case you were stil in doubt about this man's ego, his children are named Roland II and Rolanda.  I'm totally serial.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 02:37 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Maybe A Firearm Is Not The Best Method Of Self-Defense

Especially if this is the scenario that follows.

The Multnomah County Sheriff's Office said an 88-year-old woman fended off a naked intruder by grabbing the man's crotch and squeezing. Deputy Paul McRedmond said the man got into the house Tuesday through a sliding door. He backed the woman into her living room and pushed her face down onto a chair.

That's when the woman reached behind and squeezed. The man tore free and fled.

Posted by: eddiebear at 01:02 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Roseanne Barr: Splitting Atoms With Her Mind

How we can survive without her genius, we'll never know.

I said Israel will attack any boat carrying doctors and medical supplies--they have turned away the red cross already and all medical and food assistance. Israel is a NAZI state. The Jewish Soul is being tortured in Israel. The destruction of the jews in Israel has been assured with this inhuman attack on civilians in gaza. Hamas is the street gangs---this is equivilent to los angeles attacking and launching war on the people of watts to attempt to kill the bloods and the crips.

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:45 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Wacky Laws Are Always Fun To Mock

And here are some good ones.

2. Using profanity is against the law on playgrounds and in public parks in Columbia, Md.

3. The last Sunday in June each year is Log Cabin Day in Michigan.

4. In Michigan, it is legal to kill a dog for attacking chickens, livestock or people, but you can't snuff the pooch in a high altitude decompression chamber or by electrocution.

5. In West Virginia, anyone who taunts someone who decides not to participate in a duel or who declines to accept a challenge is guilty of a misdemeanor and can be sent to jail for up to six months and fined up to $100.

6. In Kentucky it is illegal to sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display, or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits that have been dyed or colored. It is also illegal to dye or color baby chicks, ducklings, fowl or rabbits. And unless they are at least two months old, the aforementioned animals must be sold in batches of six.

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In which I defend Paris Hilton...

You buy whatever the hell you want, hun.  Capitalism rulez.

(Yeah...I haven't blogged in a few days and this is what I awake from my Val-U-Rite holiday stupor to write...)

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I'm Sure This Means Something, But I'm Not Sure What

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The Newest Darling Of The Moonbatosphere Needs To Learn About Proportionality

With this failure to grasp the basics, Rachel Maddow definitely is a fit for MSNBC.

But while we're on the wild wide world of scary tour, of course, Israel has started another war. A third straight day of airstrikes on Gaza, the death toll now more than 300 people. Israel says they are doing this to prevent Palestinians from firing rockets into southern Israel. First of all, there's the question of proportionality as to how many people those rockets have killed versus how many people the Israeli bombing has now killed. There's also the issue of effectiveness. In the midst of this massive air assault killing hundreds of civilians in Gaza, a rocket fired from Gaza today killed a man and wounded seven in the Israeli town of Ashkelon. Effectiveness. Three Israelis were also stabbed by a Palestinian in a Jewish settlement in the West Bank today. Is there a military solution to this problem?

Maybe. Maybe not. But when a dimbulb like this is touted as a rising star on a cable network that is nothing more than a broadcast version of the Daily Kos, what does that say?

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Moron of the Day: Moron of the YEAR

Its been a great year for Morons so now you get the chance to pick the Moron of the YEAR! I have narrowed the list down to the following five but feel free to add your favorites from the Moron of the Day category in the comments if you think I'm an idiot.

  • The Holy Diver - A man that loves his karaoke so much he'd kill for it.
  • The Travelling DUI's - The family that binge drinks and drives together stays together... in jail.
  • Federal Boobie Inspectors - What could be better than that?
  • Bear Slayer - Stone. Cold. Badass.
  • Hammer Time - The news story that made you ask, "which end of the hammer goes in there" and prompted Alice "Anal Penetration Expert" H. to respond "it helps you pull it out."
Who is your pick for Moron of the Year?
The Holy Diver
The DUI Family
Federal Boobie Inspectors
Bear Slayer
Hammer Time
pollcode.com free polls

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:45 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Beer Lake? In Germany? Please Let It Be True!

Oh yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!

The truck, carrying 12 tonnes of freshly brewed beer, lost most of its load on a sharp left-hand turn at the bottom of a hill, according to Kassel police inspector Wolfgang Jungnitsch.

Nearly 80 crates carrying about 800 litres flew off the truck, most of the bottles smashed, and their contents quickly froze in the chilly temperature of about minus 4 degrees Celsius, he said.

"A sheet of ice quickly formed and the air was filled with beer fumes," Inspector Jungnitsch added.

It took an hour to clear the intersection, and police said the trucker faced a fine for not securing his load properly.

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Excuses (Etcism)

I recently got into my annual debate with an ultra-liberal family member and therefore will be ranting to you on several topics I was too tired/rushed/drunk to flesh out during the debate. 

One issue we approached was the intrinsic disadvantage people of "victim classes" live under.  I think it works like this:

A person of a victim class looks at their life and says, "this shit is fucking hard and it never gets any easier."  Then, they look at their own efforts and do not find them lacking so they look to find the reason why.  History provides them with fodder for saying their difficulties in life are caused by racism/sexism/etcism.* 

Now, society and government buy into this grievance and attempt in good faith to alleviate it.  Things change and life disadvantages are removed but ... what the fuck?  Life is still hard!  The system must still be broken. 

The cycle repeats forever.

Why?  Well, as a blessed white male with no possible disadvantages in life** I am going to let everyone in on a little secret. 

Life is fucking hard.  All the time.  It never gets easier.  There is no point at which you have "succeeded" and can relax.  It is hard for rich people and poor people and beautiful people and ugly people and smart people and stupid people.  Always.  No matter what. 

Nothing the government has or ever will do can change that.  I know, sucks.  Tough shit. 

* - I'm not saying that these disadvantages do not exist or that they don't have significant effects on the ability of these groups to prosper.  I am merely saying that these disadvantages (particularly in modern America) pale in comparison to the default background difficulty level of life itself.

** - I could get into the specific and rather damaging disadvantages I was born with but nobody wants to hear about MP in that much detail.  Let's just say I had to overcome some chemical imbalances over time that set me back about a decade.  No big whoop.  I look at it as a learning experience.

Update: I like the term Etcism.  I'm claiming it.  If you use it you have to say, "Coined by the Illustrious Moron Pundit of DPUD" after each use.  It is decreed!

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:13 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Target marketing

Are you the kind of angry lefty scold who feels the need to inject politics into every fucking last part of your Chimpy McBu$hitler-hating life?  Well, if you're reading this, probably not, but if you are, I have good news!  There's finally a cell phone carrier for you!

Posted by: Sean M. at 03:53 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Presented without context

"I'm sorry, sir. We have run out of donkey testicles. Can I offer you some deer testicles instead?"
Uh, no thanks. I've been craving donkey 'nads all day, and there's really just no substitute for that flavor...

Posted by: Sean M. at 03:05 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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December 30, 2008

What's PETArded in 2009?

PETA came out with its list of "What's In and What's Out for 2009" a couple of weeks ago, and of course, it's more or less uniformly idiotic.  F'rinstance...In: Eating green, Out: Eating mean.  Get it?

But this one puzzled me...In: Inauguration fever, Out: Inauguration beaver.  WTF?

Oh, and while I like lolcats as much as the next person, bacon cheeseburgers are never Out.  Ever.

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:52 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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I've seen this on the Discovery Channel, I know how this ends

So. It appears that there are earthquake storms going on under Yellowstone

For those of you not as deeply steeped in Discovery Channel disaster shows as I, let me sum up.  Yellowstone is actually the mouth of a giant volcano that tends to go BOOOOOOM every 600,000 years or so and, pretty much, kill all life on Earth.  The last explosion?  Ohhh, about 625,000 years or so.  Booooooooom.

While I really don't want to live through the ensuing Zombie Apocalypse when Yellowstone does blow (where would I find heels), I will say there's a part of me that loves this.  Not just for the death and destruction but for pointing out that human beings are wee little ants who can do nothing compared to the power of Gaia.  

Posted by: alexthechick at 08:25 PM | Comments (25) | Add Comment
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