August 07, 2008
All up in my... wait, what?
While on patrol Monday evening, an Indiana cop noticed a naked guy standing in the window of a Fort Wayne home. So she approached the man's front door, which was wide open, to investigate further. It was then that Officer S. Hughes and a colleague were treated to the sight of a prone Ronald Miller, 56, engaging in a remarkably lewd act on his living room sofa.Remarkably lewd? I doubt I'll be impressed:
I called for assistance from another on-duty unit and together Officer Tim Hughes [...] and I approached the residence on foot. [...] I could clearly see through the open front door, the male white, later identified as Ronald H. Miller, was lying on his sofa inserting an item, later identified as a claw hammer covered with a plastic bag, into his rectum while completely naked. We observed he had some type of lubricant on his genital area and buttocks which we learned was motor oil.
10 points for originality. The only thing missing from the report is "alcohol was involved" but I think we can safely assume.
His neighbors wanted it to be known that Ronald "The Hammer-Jammer" Miller was "not right."
No fucking shit.
(Thanks to Mthulhu)
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