October 31, 2008

In case there was any doubt

Helen Jones-Kelley? Liar.Yes, yes, I know, I'm a raaaaaacist for pointing this out.

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We can has Cynthia McKinney?

Could Cynthia McKinney be the 2008 cycle's Ralph Nader?  I doubt it, but I hope so. 

After all, she's far more hopey and changey than Obama!

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 05:53 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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New Ohio Theme Song

Many people don't realize this, but the current Ohio state song is Stick a Buckeye Up Your Butt and Tell Me You Love Me.  In order to help the state really reflect the modern world, I have come up with two possibilities to change from this overly sentimental song that hearkens back to a world riddled with covered wagons and rampant diarrhea.
 
The first, and most obvious, is the Rockwell hit Somebody's Watching Me.  However, in my continuing bid to gain entry to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the dingiest non-porno attraction in the greater Cleveland area, I have written an all-new theme song for Ohio, called Helen's Kind of Place.

It's sung to the tune of the Cheers theme song:
 
Make a politician sweat
We'll take everything you've got
If you dare to ask a question
Your credit rating's shot
Wouldn't you like to live in a place
 
Like our happy Ohio
Where everybody checks your name
And your records are fair game
You wanna be where big brother
Checks your every move
 
You wanna be where everybody checks your name

Posted by: plebian at 05:30 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Dan Quayle Endorses Obama

In what comes as a final, shattering blow to the Republicans' hopes in 2008, former Vice President and conservative standard-bearer Dan Quayle endorsed Barack Obama for president today.
 
Quayle, who was once a rising star in the conservative movement only to find himself a national laughingstock after his debate with Lloyd Bentsen, said that this election was important "to correct some historical mistakes."
 
"I am confident that four years of listening to Joe Biden will leave people yearning for me," Quayle said to a roomful of reporters who had missed their plane.  "After his stupid mouth costs us allies and drags us into wars, my arguing over the spelling of tomato will seem like small potatoes.  At least my rhetorical flourishes were never slanderous or revealed shocking incompetence."
 
He went on to note that he is afraid of Sarah Palin, because "she didn't wilt under the media glare like I did, which means she must have a steely heart which harbors only hatred for her enemies."

Posted by: plebian at 05:26 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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Doom Meter at 12?

Maybe, maybe not.

Read this and this in their entirety then come back and tell me where yours is.

Then go vote for McCain.  Seriously.  We can't let this happen.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 03:59 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Hope, change, habitual abuse of the elderly, sick and disabled

We are the soulless monsters we've been waiting for.

Malkin has been following these types of abuses for a while, while Jonn Lilyea has a report of nursing home staff filling out voting ballots for a man with severe dementia in Ohio.  Read the report, the man has no idea who or what he was voting for, and the family had him declared incapable of voting by the courts because of his medical condition years ago.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 03:49 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Random Halloween thought

If Barney Frank were a vampire, he'd quickly become a very hungry vampire.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 02:26 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Put down that Doom Meter

I'm looking at you, Oronmay Unditpay

We can win this thing, if everyone gets out and votes.  And again, talk to anyone you know who's still undecided or who's considering staying at home.  Show them video clips on YouTube, if they're not paying attention to that stuff.  Do what you can.  But most of all, don't let ANYONE tell you that this is over.

More: I can't emphasize this enough: Do NOT listen to the polls.  Especially on Election Day.  If you're in a swing state and you haven't had a chance to get to your polling place, you're going to hear a lot of talk about how Captain Bullshit has already clinched it.  That's a ploy to keep you from showing up.  David Axelturf wants you to think this is hopeless.  You know what?  Fuck him.  He and his boss and all the MSM douchebags who are in the tank for them want you to think this is already over.  But you know what?



Damn straight, Bluto.  Let's get out there and win this election!

(h/t)

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:58 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Does this sound familiar?



(By Cuffy, who, I'm sorry to say, is a racist for pointing this out.)

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:23 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Promises

Via Instapundit, I find this article that lists the promises made by Obama in one speech.

This one stuck out at me:

"invest $15 billion a year in renewable sources of energy to create five million new energy jobs over the next decade"

So, doing some quick math I see that the annual expenditure per job created would be $3,000.  Really?  What kind of super fucking awesome health care benefits does that come with?  Leeches?

Let's not forget that the entire energy industry currently employs less than half that number.

Also, this one doesn't pass the laugh test:

not increase taxes on anyone if they "make under $250,000; you will not see your taxes increase by a single dime –- not your income taxes, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains tax"

Unbelievable. 

Here is some more laughing material for you:

build "a new electricity grid"

Hahahahhahaha... in 4 years?  8 years?   20 years?

"eliminate the oil we import from the Middle East in 10 years"

At the same time?

"make a deal with every young person who's here and every young person in America: If you are willing to commit yourself to national service, whether it's serving in our military or in the Peace Corps, working in a veterans home or a homeless shelter, then we will guarantee that you can afford to go to college no ifs ands or buts";

Wow.  Just wow.

He concluded:

Mark my words.  I will personally blow every man in America.  I will also empregnate every woman of child-bearing age with my holy seed bringing forth a new empire of light and purity that will last for 1,000 years.

Read the rest if you have a penchant for the absurd.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 12:03 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Google: Veteran's Day - No Way

Halloween? Of course!

Just another stupid holiday that makes the grade for the Commies at Google.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:03 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Obama's Campaign is Full of Shit

Just read this at the King of All Blogs:

Barack Obama refuses to release the names of the 2 million-plus people who have given his campaign less than $200. According to campaign officials, it would be too difficult and time-consuming to extract this information from its database.

Bullshit.

Any person with any experience using databases* (particularly the types of databases generally used to store credit card/billing information) knows that it would be trivially easy to process this data. 

We're talking a day tops.  More like it would be a matter of minutes.  The truth is that the Obama campaign has already looked at the data that would result from such a query and have found that it demonstrates massive fraud.  That's why they won't release it.

Yet another glimpse of the future under the Messiah's future Kingdom on Earth.

* - I forgot to mention.  I'm one of those people.  I have a lot of experience with almost every kind of database on the market and almost any kind of data you could put in one and I know for a fact that this is just a huge, steaming pile of bullshit. 

If they don't have the manpower in their 500,000,000 dollar fucking budget, they should give me a call.  I'll do it for free on my fucking lunch break.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:33 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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More of that vaunted "Judgment"

Well, well, well.  Look who Captain Bullshit may be trying to tap for Chief of Staff, should he manage to win steal the election:

Barack Obama's campaign has approached Illinois Rep. Rahm Emanuel about possibly serving as White House chief of staff, officials said Thursday as the marathon presidential race entered its final, frenzied stretch with a Democratic tilt.
What a great choice there, Barack.  I mean, it's not like there's any sort of recent congressional scandal (*cough* Mahoney *cough*) that Rahm might have played a part in, right?  Of course not.  After all, he's been a part of the Mostest Ethical Congress EVAR.  Plus, he's been part of the Dem congresssional leadership that's achieved...um...sorry, but I'm drawing a blank here.  (Not that I'm complaining about that last point.)

Besides...uhhh...you're all just a bunch of RACISTS!!!11!one!1!!eleventy!  And what's more...Look, a shiny thing!

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:29 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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October 30, 2008

I can't wait to see the news story on this one

NRSC chair Sen. John Ensign has apparently* said that Gov. Palin is "not experienced" enough to be President. 

Good thing shes running for Vice President, I guess.

But thanks for trying to torpedo the ticket anyway, John.

*It's just a Twitter update, not a news story. 

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 10:14 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Pork Fat Jack is panicking

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!  Awesome, Murtha's looking for one last million dollar earmark from the DNC before Russell and the voters of Western PA kick his corrupt, bloated, Marine-slandering ass out of office.  That'd rule so much if we could take PA districts 10, 11 and 12.  I didn't think Russell had a chance against a guy that'd so thoroughly bought a district, but I guess I was wrong.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:10 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Was DPUD Celebrating Last Night?

This might explain the direction of the site today.

And Philly fans (rioters) let him have it … with a bottle … to the head.
Fall down, go Boom.

The loud *CLINK* you hear is not edited.




Posted by: eddiebear at 09:09 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Worst action movie titles

The Hostages are having another epic thread, be sure to drop by and offer your own suggestions.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:17 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Tripe, Leather Pants, and Me

I received another begging e-mail from the Psychology dorks today, once again pleading with me to post to their survey.  Once again, I will not, despite the kindly-worded note from Benjamin.  Mostly it's because last time the note was addressed to "Editor of Daily Dollop."  This time?
 
It was addressed simply "Plebian."  Since when were we on a first-name basis? 
 
So instead of that, I give you this: a rant against leather pants.  That's right, I don't care who's toes I step on.
 
I feel very strongly that wearing leather pants is a moral issue, and that the practice should not only be frowned upon but should be made illegal.
 
I'm not speaking of the moral implications of using cowhide to make leather.  Cows are both stupid and tasty, so I don't have any problem turning their hide into a wide variety of useful products, from thigh-high dominatrix boots to sexy bustiers.
 
But leather pants is just one step too far.
 
When you wear leather pants, you're making one of the following statements:
 
1)  "I wanted to wear something which not only made my ass look bigger, but makes it look as if it's trying to escape."  Leather pants do not flatter your figure, people.  Oh, perhaps one in a thousand people can wear them, but nobody else can.  But one in a thousand people can pick their nose with their feet, too, and I don't see anybody pretending that's acceptable.
 
2)  "I'm too chickenshit to wear a short skirt like the rest of the tramps, but still just as much of a skank."  I fully support a woman's right to decide to be a skank, but let's stop fooling ourselves that leather pants are some kind of acceptable way to tart yourself up.  Just go for the too-short skirt and the fishnet stockings and stop pretending.
 
3)  "I love the squeaking that my thighs make when I walk!"  Because nothing says "hot" like audible reminders of balloon sex.
 
4)  "I am a man with poor fashion sense."  If you're a man, and you simply must wear leather on your legs, for heaven's sakes, wear chaps.  They're fun, they're classic, and they're unique.
 
Plus, you'll like a member of the Village People, and women dig that.

Posted by: plebian at 05:48 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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Well, It's 5PM Eastern Time, And No October Surprise?

Today was/is probably the final opportune day for an October Surprise to be released, and unless it happens soon, any positive impact will be for naught.

If that bounty offered for the LA Time Tape to be leaked has not had an impact, especially in the light of layoffs at the newspaper, I wonder if those being laid off are scared of getting the "Joe The Plumber" treatment.

Posted by: eddiebear at 03:59 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Ask A Moron: Hand-Face-Cock Jane

mare asks - For heaven's sake, Moron Pundit who deserves a facecock more than Jane Fonda?

That's easy.  Nobody.

http://www.m0r0n.com/DPUD/janefonda.jpg

You were right to call me out on that, mare.  I apologize.

If you'd like a quick answer to your stupid question, leave it in the comments or e-mail me at chaos -dot- overlord -at- gmail -dot- com.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 03:32 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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