Please settle a decade-old debate between me and hubby: What is the singular of Bac-Os?

(Yes, I know it's not real bacon.  Nor is it even a real meat product.  I'm not asking you to eat the crap, I'm just asking you to answer a question about it.)

Posted by: Alice H at 09:52 PM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
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You might want to head to the liquor store.  NOW!

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:51 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Yeah, I've seen these pictures but haven't had a more constructive response than, "someone should cut the achilles tendons of everyone involved, have horses brutally rape them for a few months and then feed them to pigs alive."

Plebian presented me a far more constructive alternative:



Exit Question: Should I have put the Star of David on the cock? I thought that might be sacrilegious even though I thought it would present the idea of the great Jewish people skull-fucking one of the most useless human beings that has ever swung left when her mom's leg was right.

Remember when I went on about how fucking talentless and useless the Coug was? Well, he's fucking Luciano Ludwig Van Einstein Mozart compared to this fat, obnoxious bitch.

Let me tell you a story.

I'm a Bears fan. Back in ought four they made the playoffs only to be embarrassingly defeated by, in essence, an expansion team including the most awesomely awesome moment where the first play from scrimmage by that team ended in a touchdown.

Now, like I said. I'm a Bears fan.
Superfans 1

Needless to say, I took it pretty seriously. I went out and consumed, at the very LEAST, half a bottle of gin on my way to a coma. If I had been in Florida I'd have made national news.

Aaaaanyway, I woke up with a burn on my leg about the size of business card. I'm not talking red skin. This was easily a third degree burn that went all the way through the skin and down into the flesh. No idea where it came from.

Fast forward a few weeks. Finally, after tons of washing and care the wound had scabbed over and looked like it was starting to heal.

Wrong.

I'll spare you the details but it wasn't until April until the wound was what I'd call fully healed. Still, I have a VERY impressive scar on my leg.

Now, why did I tell this seemingly unrelated, disgusting story?

Because Roseanne Bar reminds me of this puss-filled, crater in my leg. I have no idea where she came from. She's obviously the product of alcohol, she's disgusting, useless, painful to look at and won't. fucking. go away. No matter how many times she gets scraped off the surface, she just fucking festers some more until she's threatening to make you vomit. Oh, and my leg wound had about 49% more talent and sense than her.

To this day, I can make a little joke about my leg and people will laugh. On the other hand, nothing that Roseanne Barr has ever done has made people laugh.

I hope she gets terrible cancer and the only doctor that can treat her is Jewish and he just shows her the goddamned pictures and lets her fucking rot to death, alone fat and fucking soulless.

Burn in hell, ass fucker.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 05:20 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Here's the thought that occurred to me when I saw Roseanne Barr's disgraceful "Hitler eating Jew cookies" pictures (worse than it sounds):

Instead of wallowing in tapped-out anti-semitism, why don't one of these bold comic visionaries indulge in some home-grown racism and shoot KKK-style photos?  If Roseanne wanted to be topical, and get lots of attention, she should have put on a white hood and burned a cross with the White House projected behind her.  That'd be provocative, bold, and original.  Yet this would never, ever be done (nor should it be done: let me be very clear here and say that cross burning is the province of lowlifes and cretins).

Why is it that one type of racism is so clearly understood (and rightfully reviled), yet another so delightfully indulged in?  We're talking about 6,000,000+ dead people here, whose spouses and siblings and children are still alive, having to see this bulbous piece of shit take photos like this.  What photographer in their right mind takes this picture?  What person poses in it?  Neither, in my opinion, belongs in polite society.  They should both be ostracized.

Wretched idiots.

Posted by: plebian at 04:43 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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I mean, how will we be able to be warned of the looming zombie stripper menace?

A contractor’s traffic sign on the Powell just east of the Ross Island Bridge overnight Wednesday read “Caution zombie strippers."

The sign had been switched off by Thursday morning.

Posted by: eddiebear at 04:38 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Thanks to my inside sources at the White House*, I was able to receive a transcript of the Beer Summit that took place yesterday between President Barack Obama, VP Joe Biden, scholar Henry Louis Gates, and police officer James Crowley.  Here's how it all went down:

* = which is to say, I'm pretty sure this is what they probably said.

Posted by: plebian at 01:39 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Wow, classy, but in their defense, they did give guests DVD box sets of seasons 1 and 2 of TJ Hooker, and a can of Slim Jims, gratis.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 12:33 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Here we go, via Newsbusters,

The problem he's got -- 47% of the people who've got coverage don't want change.  They don't like what they're hearing. Now, they may not know what's good for them

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 12:25 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Posted by: Alice H at 12:01 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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Posted by: Alice H at 11:31 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Another tearjerker from the Middle East.

I'm not going to excerpt it as the whole account of the memorial for Neda Agha Soltan is beautifully written and very moving.  Please take a few minutes and read and contemplate the entire story.

Via @iranproxy

Posted by: Alice H at 10:44 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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This story brought tears to my eyes.

A giant photo of the soldier hung in the piazza, with the words "Rome wants its citizen Gilad Shalit free" - words Mayor Alemanno repeated at the evening ceremony.

 I'm sure you're asking, "WTF?! I thought Gilad Shalit was Israeli!" or maybe if your online alias is Palin Steele, "Who the hell is Gilad Shalit and why should I look up a minor piece of trivia?!"  This is the part that is so moving:

Mayor Gianni Alemanno told those assembled of his ties to the Shalit family and to Israel. He met with Noam Shalit several weeks ago, when he visited Sderot, and called on all the capitals of Europe to give Gilad honorary citizenship. "We must bolster the message and all fight towards one goal," he said, "bringing Gilad safe and well to his family."
...
The city council voted to give Shalit honorary citizenship to coincide with Thursday's third anniversary of his capture in a cross-border raid from Gaza.

Posted by: Alice H at 10:28 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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So much for Red, Light, and Blue. Which were obviously chosen solely to create that stupid-ass fucking tagline.

Among rival brewers, the news fell flat. "We would hope they would pick a family-owned, American beer to lubricate the conversation," said Bill Manley, a spokesman for the Sierra Nevada Brewing Co., a California-based brewer that happens to be family-owned.

Jim Koch, founder of Boston Beer Co., which brews Samuel Adams, decried "the foreign domination of something so basic and important to our culture as beer."

Richard Neal, a Massachusetts Congressman who has also written the White House amid the beer ferment, also hopes the meeting will promote beer-drinking nationalism. In a not-so-subtle dig at Bud, he said he knew he and the president "both share a common interest in fostering the success of American-headquartered companies."

More outraged American brewers at the link.

Posted by: Alice H at 10:14 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Who knew that would happen? And what's better is what one of the claims directed at those opposing O-Care.

At one point, Carolyn Kilpatrick (D-Mich.), a former Congressional Black Caucus chairwoman, expressed outrage that conservatives would insist on significant cuts and a weakening of the public option, arguing that many of the Blue Dogs were letting down their black constituents, who make up 25 percent to 40 percent of their voters, in some instances.”

Yeah, and helping to provide an alternative to the shitty, rationed, ass fuckingly titfisting Postal Service Counter style of "care" most African Americans would get under Obama care is a bad thing? Who the fuckingly fuck do you fucking think you are, Ms. Kilpatrick? If you are so fucking hip to taking my fucking money and giving me shitty health care, why not let the poor black people you fucking claim to fucking care about have the same health care you get as a member of Congress?

Fuck you, Congresswoman. Fuck you.

Oh, and to keep with the DPUD style manual:

Ass. Fuck.

Posted by: eddiebear at 10:08 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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What more can I add?

Posted by: eddiebear at 09:53 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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For those of you not watching the show, and you really should be, Veridian Dynamics is the company for which they work.  I think I posted this before, but it's worth posting again.

Posted by: alexthechick at 09:39 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Given the shitty performance so far by the Democrats in the Health Care debate, I wonder if I should be scared or amused by this story.

But Democrats who’d pushed for a vote before the break are dreading an onslaught of advertisements funded by business. The U.S. Chamber of Commerce is putting $2 million toward fighting a Democratic proposal to create a government-run “public plan” to compete with private insurers.

To counter that, Democratic leaders will be coordinating media strategies and grassroots efforts with advocacy groups such as Health Care for America Now, Families USA and AARP, along with unions such as AFSCME and the Service Employees International Union.

In a briefing with reporters Thursday, House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) acknowledged that Democrats have been losing the message war "a little bit" to Republicans. He said Democrats have had problems communicating with the bill as it changed in the legislative process.

“We’re responsible for putting together a plan. We've been focused on that,” Hoyer said. "Republicans have been free to conjure up whatever they want.”

But now, he noted, some industry groups like the American Medical Association and the pharmaceutical industry who derailed reform in the 90s are on the side of Democrats who want to overhaul the system.

“Harry and Louise are going to be saying this is a good thing,” Hoyer said. “We're going to be on the air, we're going to be in the neighborhoods.”

In addition to noting presidential events, the three-page strategy document lays out a detailed campaign of district events, rapid response, and conference calls with lawmakers to update them on strategy.

Posted by: eddiebear at 09:23 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Why in the FUCK hasn't the AARP backed away from this after His Wholly Reluctance salvoed his own plan with that "perhaps it's better if she takes the painkillers" line? 
Two possibilities--either those in charge of AARP too are senile to recognize forced govt. euthenasia, or they are just like Congress and pay no attention to what their constituents want.

Posted by: cbullitt at July 31, 2009 09:42 AM (M/WbE)

2 It really does not matter how much the Chamber of Commerce or anyone else spends on advertising opposing the health care scam; the Democrats are going to get free ads and air time courtesy of the MSM, in the form of "news reports" and "news stories". The amazing part of this whole thing is that, even after the admission by Congress Critters that they have not read, do not plan to read and have absolutely no idea what all is contained in the 1000+ pages of the bill, there are people out there still supporting it and demanding its passage.       

Posted by: Dave at July 31, 2009 09:49 AM (ttKrG)

3 cbullitt,
As you're starting to notice, the AARP has been an organ of the Democratic party for a while now.  If it happened to the feminists, why can't it happen to the oldsters?

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Just as we were all expected to basically move along after Obama's "These aren't the droids you're looking for" speech after he was exposed as a disciple of Rev. Wright, I'm sure that this will pretty much "put an end" to the current controversy facing our first "post-racial President":

Let me say that I thank God that I live in a country in which police officers put their lives at risk to protect us every day, and, more than ever, I’ve come to understand and appreciate their daily sacrifices on our behalf. I’m also grateful that we live in a country where freedom of speech is a sacrosanct value and I hope that one day we can get to know each other better, as we began to do at the White House this afternoon over beers with President Obama.

Thank God we live in a country where speech is protected, a country which guarantees and defends my right to speak out when I believe my rights have been violated; a country that protects us from arrest when we do express our views, no matter how unpopular.

And thank God that we have a President who can rise above the fray, bridge age-old differences and transform events such as this into a moment in the evolution of our society’s attitudes about race and difference. President Obama is a man who understands tolerance and forgiveness, and our country is blessed to have such a leader.

Yeah. A President who was so above the fray that he admitted that while you were a personal friend and that he didn't have all of the facts, he basically called first responders to what could have been an emergency stupid.

A President who was so above the fray that he had his Press Secretary deny that he had said any such thing in a vain attempt to cut off debate about whether or not he had said any such thing.

A President whose spin doctors decided that he needed to invite you to the White House. 

Okay, that's unfair.  They decided that they needed to invite a  guy who was just doing his job (i.e. the cop) in order to tamp down the racial shitstorm he helped to propagate.  Having you along was just gravy.

Yeah, I'm glad that we have "such a leader." Thank God that idiot Sarah Palin isn't in the Number Two spot, huh?

(Found via Andrew Sullivan, who—no joke—titled his quote of this garbage "Amen, Skip.  Amen")

Posted by: Sean M. at 05:22 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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The so-called "cash for clunkers" program has stimulated car sales so much that, well, it's going tits-up as of midnight.

The government is suspending the explosively popular 'cash for clunkers' program at midnight tonight fearing it would go broke before it could parcel out what it still owes dealers for a huge backlog of sales.

Dealers loved the extra sales, but some were already getting cold feet about the deals because of the difficulty in processing them.

One dealer was going to suspend anyway. Another says he's having to haul clunkers back to his lot that he already shipped to the junkyard just to disable them. Others say deals are being held up by red tape.

But rules governing the program totaled 135 pages. They required dealers to register and many started off the week just trying to get answers on a government-jammed website. The rules are "very confusing," says Pete Greiner, who has a Ford dealership that bears his name in Casper, Wyo. "The administration of the program is extremely tough."

Some dealers said demand has been so brisk, they feared the program could go broke in days or weeks.

One Honda and General Motors dealer in Fort Worth says he has 50 clunker deals that were being held up by paperwork. "We're going back to our second and third round with customers to have things signed," said Will Churchill, owner of Frank Kent Motor. "They keep coming up with new forms to sign," Churchill said.

Now the dealership is in a Catch-22 situation: he must destroy the engines of clunker trade-ins to be eligible for the program. But if the paperwork falls through, he could be stuck with junked, rather than still running, cars.

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:22 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Now that's funny.
Apparently, contrary to popular screaming opinion, Mac's do get viruses.

And Oh Noes! It's the Uber-Mac, the Holy Mac, the iPhone.
quote
Security experts have uncovered flaws in Apple Inc's iPhone that they said hackers can exploit to take control of the popular device, using the tactic for identity theft and other crimes.

I think you know what that calls for, you'll have to hit more because I don't want to break the blog. I think this will work.
more...

Posted by: Veeshir at 06:01 PM | Comments (31) | Add Comment
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1 Okay, this is embarassing. It worked on my blog. 

Posted by: Veeshir at July 30, 2009 06:02 PM (MKCIz)

2 heh heh heh.

And I say that with highest of respect as one of the newest members of this crap blog wonderful experiment.

Posted by: wiserbud at July 30, 2009 06:16 PM (EW49d)

3 Okay, I think I see what happened, this'll take a minute to fix.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at July 30, 2009 06:43 PM (OnFcy)

4 Fixed! 

I will say, Apple fanboys are fucking tards.  Remember a few months back when Apple began recommending getting an antivirus program for their computers, and the fanboys threw such a fucking shitfit that they pulled the recommendation down?  Good times.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at July 30, 2009 06:53 PM (OnFcy)

5 Now I just have to worry about Moronpundit kicking my ass.

Especially since it's his cock.

Posted by: Veeshir at July 30, 2009 06:56 PM (rFj3y)

6 No. Macs never get viruses. Ever. Macs are God. 

Posted by: Daniel Ruwe at July 30, 2009 06:56 PM (aw0SG)

7 Wait...Macs are God?  I thought Barack was God.

Well, they are pretty close to each other, I guess.  Both are worshipped by anorexic little emos in coffee shops.

Posted by: wiserbud at July 30, 2009 07:05 PM (EW49d)

8

Doesn't Obama use a Mac?

God uses himself.

That sounds so very, very wrong.

Posted by: Ember at July 30, 2009 07:21 PM (LdRAG)

9 I will have to point out the obvious. But before I do I will admit that, yes, I have a Mac. But if you saw the computer thread the other day, you would see that I'm pretty fucking annoyed with one right now.

Anyway, two points. 1. The iPhone is not a Mac. It is a smartphone made my the same company that makes Macs. 2. This isn't a virus, it is a security flaw that allows people to get your personal information and knock your phone off the network.

You may now proceed to call me a fanboy.

PS. Justin Long is a douchebag.

PPS. Is douchebag one word or two? Firefox seems to think it is two.

Posted by: Jeff M at July 30, 2009 08:12 PM (iDq+K)

10 Firefox's spellcheck doesn't recognize cumdumpster either.  Or spellcheck, for that matter.

Posted by: Alice H at July 30, 2009 08:16 PM (qJHYy)

11 Fair point Jeff, I'm just noting that there are Apple fanboys out there who pretty much think Apple products are infallible, and anytime you deny them their false reality they throw an absolute fucking shitfit.  Usually progressive urbanite hipster douches.   

Posted by: doubleplusundead at July 30, 2009 08:47 PM (OnFcy)

12 Since we're bashing Apple in here, what's especially hilarious to me is their little hissy-fit over Micro$oft's essentially true laptop hunter ads after years of their own blatantly disingenuous advertising campaigns.  Heat, kitchen, stay out of!

And oh yeah:  Linux FTW!

Posted by: HayZeus at July 31, 2009 09:09 AM (RHxVZ)

13 Microsoft has Lauren in their commercials.  Game over, man!  Game over!

Posted by: alexthechick at July 31, 2009 09:37 AM (629oD)

14 Yaknow, if I had the patience to grow my hair out that long, I'd totally try to do the Lauren hair thing.  Except that red seems to wash out of my hair in about a week.  She has absolutely amazing hair.

Posted by: Alice H at July 31, 2009 10:16 AM (qJHYy)

15 Wait, she has long hair?

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