I Nominate Daniel Burd for Science Czar

This young man is going to be rich. Very impressive.

Meanwhile, in other news, environmentalists are mourning because they will no longer be able to rant about plastic grocery bags.

Posted by: conservativebelle at 04:03 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 37 words, total size 1 kb.

Laundry really pisses me off too

If Ted Kennedy can leave a girl at the bottom of the Chappaquiddick, I don't see why a little domestic assault charge is gonna hurt Stormy Daniels. 

Posted by: Alice H at 02:52 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 33 words, total size 1 kb.

WTF is wrong with Wisconsin

Okay, that's funny.
In our favorite state of Wisconsin, they had to put up a new highway exit sign

Quote
The state just erected a new sign on Interstate 39, and the only word spelled correctly on the giant, green billboard is "exit,"

Heh. At least they got the route number correct.
I think.
Now if I can only get the image to show up I won't look as if I belong in Wisconsin.
Update: edited for spelling, funnily enough and I'm not even from Wisconsin.

Posted by: Veeshir at 02:50 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 92 words, total size 1 kb.

Remember the Good Ol' Days of the Great Depression?

In their never-ending drive to become the Official, Exclusive Press Office of the Obama White House, Newsweek never fails to entertain.  Today is no exception.

Some might actually believe the Great Depression was one of the worst times this country has ever had to endure.  Not so, according to Newsweek.  In fact, it was pretty damn fun!

more...

Posted by: wiserbud at 01:27 PM | Comments (24) | Add Comment
Post contains 285 words, total size 2 kb.

Yes, you can buy a Congressional seat

More than one, if you're ambitious, even.

Posted by: Alice H at 12:30 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 14 words, total size 1 kb.

What the hell, Paypal?!

From Blackfive:

I received notice from Chuck Z of "From My Position...On the Way" that some gun bloggers were holding a charity shoot and raffling off a gun for Soldiers' Angels as part of their charity iniatives. Soldiers' Angels provided their PayPal system to take donations from the raffle and PayPal has shut down ALL donations to Soldiers' Angels because of it.

(h/t @sarahk47)

Posted by: Alice H at 12:14 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 67 words, total size 1 kb.

Princess Fuknut

To mangle a phrase from the Queen of Demure.  Princess Fuknut just seems so much more apropos.

I don't think my Fancy Nancy Pirate Princess can even do such an effeminate drink hold, even when inspired by fine china at a tea party.  I think next we'll find out that's not really beer he's pretending to quaff.

More pics and scorn at IHateTheMedia.

Posted by: Alice H at 12:02 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 65 words, total size 1 kb.

Moron Pundit for President: Ass Fucker!

Miss me?  Miss my shenanigans*? 

I know you do, but there's a good reason I haven't been able to post that much (other than my employers) or that I'm working all the time.

No, I'm just so fucking pissed off about the current political climate that I'm at a loss for words.

What kind of fucking country do we live in where a legislator can make the factual statement that it is laughable to actually, I don't know, fucking read a bill before you vote on it.  Seriously?  The idea is laughable to our elite Washingtonian masters? 

The entire Constitution of the United States is 4400 words.  It is the oldest and shortest written Constitution of any major government in the world.  Part of the AWESOME, AWESOMENESS of our system of government is that is was not invasive, complicated or ambiguous. 

 It was premised on the idea that governments are evil.  Evil, but necessary.  Because of that they needed to have a few powers to function but all remaining powers were relegated to something that wasn't the Federal Government.  Something not covered in the man pages?  That's cool, it is assumed that the Feds cannot do whatever fucking thing that is because it wasn't mentioned. 

But now, we're writing multi-thousand page healthcare bills and everyone is arguing the merits of its details instead of what really matters.  No bill of any nature passed by our government should be longer than the Constitution or require the aid of a professional law-talking-guy(gal) to understand. 

This is fucking absurd.  Unfortunately, it has become SOP for government (see: Tax Code, TARP, etc, etc, ad nauseum) to produce incomprehensible legislation, allowing it to use any vagueness to destroy or coopt any freedom it finds irritating.  I'm fucking tired of it.

So, when I run for President in 2016, I'm going to support a new amendment to the Constitution.

It will read, in its entirety:

No piece of legislation enacted by Congress may surpass in length the Constitution of the United States and this legislation must be comprised of language simple enough to be understood by any person with a high school degree as defined by the mean reading comprehension of outgoing high school seniors. 

No more legalese.  No more Stephen King novels.  Just plain, simple laws that everyone can easily digest.  Then we can prevent/reverse this:

I see an innumerable crowd of like and equal men who revolve on themselves without repose, procuring the small and vulgar pleasures with which they fill their souls.

Over these is elevated an immense, tutelary power, which takes sole charge of assuring their enjoyment and of watching over their fate. It is absolute, attentive to detail, regular, provident, and gentle. It would resemble the paternal power if, like that power, it had as its object to prepare men for manhood, but it seeks, to the contrary, to keep them irrevocably fixed in childhood … it provides for their security, foresees and supplies their needs, guides them in their principal affairs…

The sovereign extends its arms about the society as a whole; it covers its surface with a network of petty regulations—complicated, minute, and uniform—through which even the most original minds and the most vigorous souls know not how to make their way… it does not break wills; it softens them, bends them, and directs them; rarely does it force one to act, but it constantly opposes itself to one’s acting on one’s own … it does not tyrannize, it gets in the way: it curtails, it enervates, it extinguishes, it stupefies, and finally reduces each nation to being nothing more than a herd of timid and industrious animals, of which the government is the shepherd.

Not bad for a French guy, eh? 

My detractors might ask, "but what if the law being created deals with complicated issues and requires a lot of detailed provisions?"

First, the Constitution deals with what may be the most complicated issue of the human condition: the formation and maintenance of government.  Second, if the provisions get complicated enough that 4400 words is too few, the Federal Government probably shouldn't be sticking their fucking nose into the problem in the first place. 

Because they're retarded. 

Ass Fuckers**.

* - My shenanigans are cheeky and fun. 

** - Ass Fucker.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:53 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 720 words, total size 5 kb.

It's the 40th day

It's the 40th day since the death of Neda Agha Soltan.  Rottengods is liveblogging the memorial service/protest.  You can also follow @Rottengods on Twitter.

Posted by: Alice H at 11:33 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 28 words, total size 1 kb.

Nancy Pelosi, the gift that keeps on giving

Nancy Pelosi is working really really hard to outstrip Blago as my personal gift from Obama.

"It's almost immoral what they are doing," Pelosi said to reporters, referring to insurance companies. "Of course they've been immoral all along in how they have treated the people that they insure," she said, adding, "They are the villains. They have been part of the problem in a major way. They are doing everything in their power to stop a public option from happening."

(h/t @David_Freddoso)

Posted by: Alice H at 11:28 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 89 words, total size 1 kb.

Arizona State Capitol To Auction Off Naming Rights?

Hell, why not. Given how ass fuckingly ass fisted the stae is right now, that idea may not be far off. Especially when stupidity such as this is being floated around as an idea to stem the red ink.

Under the complex financial arrangement, state government services would continue without interruption while the state picks up a cash infusion estimated by Capitol number-crunchers at $735 million.

Gov. Jan Brewer said Wednesday she hadn't made any decisions on which state properties should be sold.

For investors, the deal means long term lease payments from a stable source.

"What they want is an asset that you're not going to walk away from," said Tom Manos, Gov. Jan Brewer's top fiscal adviser.

"They really don't care about the asset. What they care about is how essential is the asset," Manos added, citing talks with bankers.

Legislation to set the refinancing plan in motion is part of a budget-balancing plan being considered by the Legislature on Wednesday for the fiscal year that began July 1.

It also was included in a budget that the Legislature approved July 1 but that part of it and many others were vetoed the same day by Brewer because it didn't include her proposal for a temporary sales tax.

The list of candidate properties was reported Wednesday by The Arizona Republic. It had been disclosed previously that prisons could be involved.

The properties legislation does not specify which specific properties would be sold, and a candidates list provided to lawmakers only specifies the price to replace properties, not the amounts each would fetch in a refinancing.

 

Seriously, what corporate sponsors could we find for this venture?

Posted by: eddiebear at 09:53 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 285 words, total size 2 kb.

Obama: Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Wallet?

Yup. The One tells us he has not raised taxes.

Q 'A lot of business leaders consider you to be anti-business. I was struck when I attended the Aspen Institute Ideas Festival. ... These are wealthy, fairly progressive older people who had tended to support you, but they seemed very upset about corporate taxes, individual taxes, card-check, all sorts of things you're doing that they perceived as not helpful to them. What can you say to those people?'

OBAMA: 'Let's look at the record. I've been in office six months. So far my only tax policy has been to cut taxes for 95 percent of working people. I haven't signed a bill that's raised taxes yet.

Man. Too bad my job doesn't allow me to take the hallucinogenic drugs he's taking, because I could really come up with some crazy shit as well.

Posted by: eddiebear at 09:48 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 153 words, total size 1 kb.

Hillary looking to 2012?

She's not only relieved her campaign debts, she's now got $3 million in surplus.  I fully expect that if Obama tanks (and I think he will), she'll move in and push Obama out.  I suspect if he does tank, and she's set up to run, he'll just not seek a second term, a guy with his kind of ego isn't going to be able to handle being a president that loses the primary, and he would lose to her, I believe. My guess is she runs in 2012, unless the political atmosphere is so bad that it's impossible for any Democrat to succeed in 2012.  If that's the case, she'll try and wait till 2016, and hope that whatever Republican that's in charge tanks as well.  Never count out the Clintons. 

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:12 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 135 words, total size 1 kb.

Blue on Blue

In between calls to Blue Dog members of the House where you try to convince them that they'll get their asses kicked out of office if Obamacare passes, you might want to pop some popcorn.

And while I'm linking Politico and mentioning Blue on Blue, even they're calling bullshit on the idea the auto industry bailout nationalization won't cost taxpayers anything. Who knew?

Oh, yeah, the rest of us. Good job, geniuses.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:24 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 75 words, total size 1 kb.

Nanny Bloomberg trying to seize city man's replica Revolutionary War flintlock

Basically, New York City has what amounts to a functional ban on private ownership of handguns, while in the rest of New York it is just a royal pain in the ass, with registration, licenses and all kinds of red tape. 

The only way you can get a legal handgun in NYC is to get a license to privately own one is from the NYPD.  And the NYPD only issues them if you are über-rich and politically connected, really politically connected, a celebrity, if you are a courier picking up money or other valuable items, certain diamond and luxury goods merchants, you work in private security, and possibly if you're a retired NYPD (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on that or any of the others).  Other than that, you're fucked.  If you want a long gun in NY, you have to have it registered and go through a bunch of red tape nonsense.

There's a loophole that some New Yorkers discovered to escape registration of firearms, and that is muzzleloading black powder (maybe cap and ball as well, I think it's basically if it doesn't fire an actual cartridge or shell) firearms aren't regulated by the BATFE like normal firearms, and NY and NYC laws didn't bother to include them in their registration laws, probably because of that.  So a NYC social worker that used to be a Revolutionary War reenactor decided to have a Tennessee gunsmith make him a replica of a period flintlock, it's a pretty sweet rifle, there's a pic in the link.  Nanny Bloomberg has sent the NYPD to harrass this guy and the gunsmith, in order try and figure out some excuse to justify seizing his rifle. 

Bloomberg can't nail him on illegal possession of a firearm, because the dude isn't breaking any firearms laws.  Beyond that, the guy doesn't have any black powder or musket balls for his rifle, so he can't even fire it right now.  Supposedly, they're offering him a permit to make things go away so that the rifle can be "licensed", but thus far he's told them they can kiss his frizzen.   Dude is ready to take it to the Supreme Court if they do anything. 

It doesn't suprise me that Nanny Bloomberg is doing this, he's basically been fighting a back and forth with pro-2nd activists for years, so any chance the petty tyrant has to try and fuck with someone who believes in the Second Amendment, he does so with zeal.

H/T

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 02:02 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 428 words, total size 3 kb.

So, I check my email this evening

From Alice H, an email entitled "Oh Dear..."

I was looking at our referrals, and noticed that we got one from Google Blog Search.  The search term was "ass fuck" (no quotes).  Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, we are the sixth hit for "ass fuck" on Google Blog Search.

Apparently there's an old post where the words "ass" and "fuck" make frequent appearance, and that's what is driving all these hits.  So first, I'd like to apologize to anyone who was looking for some sort of visual aid to assist with your punching of the clown, and had your junk immediately and viciously recede into your abdomen upon viewing our crappy little moronblog, but then again, why the fuck are you looking for porn on Google Blog Search to begin with?  There are probably millions of places that'd give you better search results.  Porn is of course strictly prohibited by our host, but if you're looking to see something obscene, I mean a really brutal ass-pounding, this might be, ahem, up your alley.

I'd also take this time to note that as I was reading Alice's email, the Gmail ticker had up an ESPN story on Wide Receiver Plaxico Burress testifying before the grand jury...

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 12:54 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 210 words, total size 1 kb.

Oh hells yeah!

The health care vote has been pushed back to October!

H/T ihatethemedia

Posted by: Alice H at 12:37 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 15 words, total size 1 kb.

Shockingly, Capitalism And Common Sense Intervenes In The Treasury Auctions

You mean to tell me that an ass fuck load of national debt might, just might, damper demand for U.S. Treasury Sales?

Get. The. Fuck. Out.

Under the weight of the ballooning deficit, the government has raised auction volumes and analysts now wonder whether the strain on the market is showing.

"Obviously everyone is inferring that tomorrow's won't be good either," said James Combias, head of government bond trading at Mizuho Securities USA in New York. "Maybe you will see more interest tomorrow but I think the increase in the auctions and the size of them may be starting to have an effect. These are very large auctions."

Demand for the five-year notes was below average, measured by the bid-to-cover ratio of 1.92, the lowest in almost a year.

No fucking shit, Triple Word Score of Cockholsters. When the Treasury prints money as if it's toilet paper, you bet your fucking ass that nobody will fucking pay top dollar for something that may be worthless by the time the ink dries on the Treasury Notes.

But I am sure Obama and his team have a plan. Right?

Right?

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:02 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 197 words, total size 1 kb.

It's old

Dave @ Garfield Ridge has a youtube channel.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:20 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 10 words, total size 1 kb.

She's trained to imagine her enemies are moose

Is it just me, or does Baroness, as played by Sienna Miller, in the new G.I. Joe movie kinda look like a dominatrix Sarah Palin.  Just sayin'.



Does that mental image make up for Maxine?  Absolved?

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 10:02 PM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
Post contains 45 words, total size 1 kb.