April 27, 2009

CDC Warns on Risk to Journalists

The CDC today reissued a public health warning to all journalists and media personnel to remind them of the dangers posed by "White Throat", which has now reached Epidemic status owing to the thousandth reported case.  The disease has been spreading since February 2008, although health officials had hoped that its recent remission since November of last year meant it had been stamped out completely.
 
The condition affects primarily journalists (both online and print) and pundits working in television, with few reported cases in radio broadcasters.  It is characterized by the viscous, white, mucousy discharge which can clog the afflicted person's airways. 
 
The latest victim of the disease was online political analyst and social trends expert Sam Fulwood III.  Unconfirmed reports indicate that only prompt intervention by White Throat treatment expert Dr. Jenna Jameson saved him from having serious injuries.
 
Jameson said that in most cases, swallowing is the only known method to "restore the integrity of the air passage."  She said the condition occurs when the substance arrives without warning, catching the victim off-guard, and is typically caused by "a lack of respect and common courtesy between like-thinking individuals."
 
Like most victims of White Throat, Fulwood III is expected to make a full recovery, although experts fear he may suffer the condition's after effects, which can include depression, increased taxation, and feelings of betrayal, with some constipation also possible.  Cognitive dissonance often lasts for three to five months after an attack as well, though this usually fades over time.
 
Noted sufferers of White Throat include political writer Christopher Buckley and TV icon Chris Matthews, who has had well-publicized battle with the disease almost daily for the past year.

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