Speaking of fanny packs...

For a related video (but no fanny packs) see here.

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:59 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 14 words, total size 1 kb.

The irony is that the convention will be filled with green douchebags

The Democratic National Committee had hoped that this year's nominating convention would set a new standards for environmentally friendliness. The only problem is that outside the base of the Democratic Party, there isn't any demand for the things they want:

The host committee for the Democratic National Convention wanted 15,000 fanny packs for volunteers. But they had to be made of organic cotton. By unionized labor. In the USA.

Official merchandiser Bob DeMasse scoured the country. His weary conclusion: "That just doesn't exist."

Damn those greedy industrialists for only producing goods when there is a market for them. You see, this is why we need Barack Obama. However, I think even liberals will agree that the real crime here is that they were planning on giving out fanny packs. I'm from a place where people still think mullets are rockin' and I know that's a fashion no-no.

(h/t)

***Thanks for the link, Pilgrim!  Make sure to check out the rest of doubleplusundead to see what we're cookin' up.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 12:27 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 179 words, total size 1 kb.

This Is Legal?

I didn't know the government could purchase corporations. Sounds a lot like nationalizing them:

The state of Florida has announced it will buy the U.S. Sugar Corporation for $1.75 billion so as to convert farmland to reservoirs. U.S. Sugar owns some 187,000 acres of land around Lake Okeechobee. The plan, which is part of the state's Everglades restoration effort, is to convert much of this land from sugar production to conservation purposes.

This just has to be illegal, doesn't it? If it isn't, what's to stop the government from 'buying' Exxon or 'buying' General Electric if they don't like the way they do business? I fear this story just put a lot of bad ideas in many crazy heads.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 12:20 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 122 words, total size 1 kb.

He's not the Barack Obama he knew a few years ago, I'm sure

Jim Geraghty points out that Sen. Obama used to think that town hall events were the best part of his job...that is until John McCain wanted to appear at one with him. 

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 12:09 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 45 words, total size 1 kb.

Morons of the Day: Eau Du Cat Piss

While I lack hilarious detail, I think we can all read into this story enough to enjoy their stupidity:

A neighbor complained of a strong smell in the area around the home on East Follett Street.

After investigating, the officer found the cats inside the home.

Police said the house belongs to two brothers.

As of this report, it’s unclear why the men had so many cats.*

Thanks to South Park, I think we all know why they had so many cats...

* - Yes, the original story was comprised of 6 one sentence paragraphs. 

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:58 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 103 words, total size 1 kb.

The AP Can Blow Me

I was going to do a post about these cute girls in Utah protesting high gas prices because their parents can't afford cable but I realized it was an AP article so I have to sum it up in 5 words:

Pyper [...] and [...] Sadie [...] had [...] gas[...].

Loses something in the translation.

Oh wait, I just noticed the AP stole this story from the Salt Lake Tribune.

When a daily dose of Hannah Montana became impossible, the Vance sisters knew it was time to take to the streets.

Sadie, 9, and her sister Pyper, 7, marched around downtown Salt Lake City chanting, "Lower the gas prices," while carrying homemade signs. The sisters decided to protest after losing their favorite cable TV shows when their mother, Michelle, had to sacrifice cable TV to pay for her daily commute.

"Gas prices are too high," Sadie said. "I just decided to come and protest so they'd go down."

Cute.

Now back to the AP fellating me.

I've always wondered something about the news business. Isn't news just something you heard from somewhere? So doesn't a news reporter just hear something and then tell someone else who then, in turn, tells somebody else? Sooner or later somebody writes it down and prints it out and then a bunch of other people read it and mention it to other people, right?

How the fuck do you get to copyright that? Can I charge when I let them know it is raining outside? That is to say, provide the information in a public format by stating loudly "it sure is raining out there" followed by a lengthy invoicing process to my coworkers? I guess I'd have to wear a t-shirt that said "© Moron Pundit 2008. All rights reserved." everywhere I went.

In this case, does the AP have to pay the SLT for the story? Did the SLT have to pay dude that called them to let them know this was happening? Did that guy have to pay the girls for doing it?

Seriously, somebody explain this as you would to a retard because I don't even see how the AP gets to charge at all.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:46 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 365 words, total size 2 kb.

A message from your Moronosphere Chamber of Commerce

Are you a busy Moron like me?  (Just say "yes," because it'll make the premise for this whole post easier, okay?)  If you answered "yes" to that question, and I know you did, I'm sure you've often wondered if there was a company out there that could handle both your discount liquor and real estate appraisal needs.  Because, really, who has time to make two trips?

Well, my friends, you don't have to wonder any more!

Posted by: Sean M. at 11:25 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 84 words, total size 1 kb.

An Open Letter to Sean Penn

 Sean Penn:  Super hero.

Dear Sean Penn,

A nation turns its lonely eyes to you, Mr. Penn. 

When dissidents were held without trial in Cuban prisons, who was there to gently place Fidel Castro's cock in his mouth?  Sean Penn.

When someone doubted that farce returns as tragedy, who was there to prove it by suing a hollywood director for having an anti-war blacklist?  Sean Penn.

When Hurricane Katrina hit, who was there to save the day, daring to launch his boat without a plug, risking the lives of countless cameramen?  Sean Penn.

As a nation, we have learned to turn to you when the getting gets tough, Mr. Penn, and with the situation along the Mississippi, things haven't been much tougher.

But you have abandoned us.

We expected Kanye West to ignore the situation because he doesn't care about white people.  We expected the Dixie Chicks to ignore it because have rural white people ever bought their music?  I think not.  They hate country.  It goes without saying that Spike Lee blew up the levies and is therefore unlikely to help. 

All we're asking is that you bring your camera crew and make the effort to appear to by trying to assist in helping the devestated areas.  That's all.  Just a quick, healing photo op. 

Then you can go back to fucking yourself.

Sincerely,
Moron Pundit

 

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 10:18 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 233 words, total size 2 kb.

Anthony Kennedy breaks out his favorite crayon and scrawls another piece of judicial brilliance

Our special little Supreme flipped his favorite coin, and wrote the 5-4 decision declaring that child rape is not punishable by death, arguing that it isn't proportional to the crime committed.  



Hey Justice, why don't you have a seat over there?

And we're banking on this short-bus all-star to uphold our Second Amendment rights in the upcoming Heller decision?  Weak.

The article has an excerpt of Kennedy's decision, in it he claims that the "national consensus" around executing child rapists is that it is they are opposed, and that by imposing the death penalty, you encourage the rapist to commit murder, then he says this,

...Each of these propositions, standing alone, might not establish the unconstitutionality of the death penalty for the crime of child rape. Taken in sum, however, they demonstrate the serious negative consequences of making child rape a capital offense. These considerations lead us to conclude, in our independent judgment, that the death penalty is not a proportional punishment for the rape of a child.

What a bunch of bullshit, he can't find any real constitutional justification for this decision, so he just made it up as he went along.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:58 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 208 words, total size 2 kb.

doubleplusundead ranked #24 on the Right Wing News top 40

Nice, thanks John!  Not bad for a little moronblog that's been around for little over a year.  All credit to MP, Vintage, Sean, bmac, plebian and Cuffy though, I highly doubt doubleplusundead would be on the list without their contributions.  Honestly, as amazed as I am we even were included, I'm even more amazed by how highly ranked we were!  Hugh Hewitt took one look at where we were listed, and where he was listed, and declared that John Hawkins was "not to be trusted as an analyst."

So, thanks again to all our readers for continuing to drop by, especially all you AoS morons, and I hope you continue to enjoy our site.

I hadn't checked in at RWN yet, so thanks to the Eggman for the heads up.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:10 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 140 words, total size 1 kb.

ZING: George W. Bush Is A Poopy Head

Giggling scatologists Obama voters in ... wait for it ... San Francisco are finally gonna stick it to Chimpy McHitlerburton, man:

From the Department of Damned-With-Faint-Praise, a group going by the regal-sounding name of the Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco is planning to ask voters here to change the name of a prize-winning water treatment plant on the shoreline to the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.

The renaming would take effect on Jan. 20, when the new president is sworn in. And regardless of the measure’s outcome, supporters plan to commemorate the inaugural with a synchronized flush of hundreds of thousands of San Francisco toilets, an action that would send a flood of water toward the plant, now called the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant.

Meanwhile: 

 Back to San Francisco:

“It’s a way of doing something physical that’s mentally freeing,” said Stacey Reineccius, 45, a software consultant and entrepreneur who supports the plan. “It’s a weird thing, but it’s true.”

How much you wanna bet Stacey is a member of the Sierra Club:

Sewage and stormwater runoff are among the nation's largest sources of water pollution. Lack of investment in maintaining municipal sewerage systems and insufficient political will to curb new sewage hook-ups results in more sewage than many sewerage systems can treat, especially when stormwater enters the system.

(Cross-posted at Perfunction)

Posted by: Cuffy Meigs at 08:22 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 231 words, total size 3 kb.

Stupid Congress.

Dirty.

Hot.

Score.

Nice pic.

Awesome.

Oops!

Dang!

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 07:14 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 11 words, total size 1 kb.

Another successful RINO hunt!

This time in Utah.  Open borders shill Rep. Chris Cannon lost his primary battle to political newcomer Jason Chaffetz.  The vote was 60%-40%:

The organization built by Chaffetz and Scott overcame a large gap in campaign cash that grew in the final days before the vote. Cannon's fundraising machine raked in $86,000 in large donations over the last dozen days, according the Federal Elections Commission Web site. Over the same time period, Chaffetz gathered just $6,300.

The new cash put Cannon at nearly $740,000 for the two-year election cycle, with Chaffetz at just more than $170,000.

That's interesting.  There's a similar situation in Alaska with Sean Parnell and Don Young.  I hope it ends up the same way.  

Reached for comment, McCain spokesperson Juan Hernandez said the following:  "Sen. McCain expresses dismay that the Republicans of Utah's 3rd Congressional district let their hatred of brown people cloud their better judgment.  Hopefully, if he wins in November, Mr. Chaffetz can put aside his irrational fear or undocumented workers and work with the McCain administration."

(h/t)

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 02:55 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 177 words, total size 1 kb.

Edukashin is important

Our host mentioned in a comment to this post that he had trouble passing his math classes back in his school days (daze?), and since I'm all about self-improvement* I figured there had to be some help for people like him somewhere out there.  And you know what?  I was right.

You're welcome.



*Okay, so self-improvement is actually a distant second to getting drunk on cheap liquor.  Sue me.

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:53 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 72 words, total size 1 kb.

Game On!

You may pull the razor away from your wrist for I have returned!

What have I noticed immediately upon my return?

Obama has not abandoned Wisconsin. In fact, it appears that the two biggest advertisers on ABC (the only channel I get...) are Obama and McCain.

Well, they also have this fully retarded commercial by Moveon.org.



And they talk about shit being taken out of context.  Buncha donkey cock suckers.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:06 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 72 words, total size 1 kb.

Neat!

If any of you listened to The Dennis Miller Show this morning on the radio, I was definitely on there.  It was on voicemail, so I didn't know until I heard it just now.

Also, I sound like a 'tard.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 10:12 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 41 words, total size 1 kb.

Thousands flee South Florida!

Horrible, giant monster spotted in Miami.

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:49 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 10 words, total size 1 kb.

12 Year Old Wins Car For Attendance

Caught this on Fox today, and here's a random link to the story.

This was in Chicago, where apparently, they’re offering incentives like iPods, laptops and fucking CARS, to get kids to do something they’re SUPPOSED to do, go to school.

Maybe we should get them a house for eating their vegetables.

We’re so doomed. The CEO of Chicago public schools is on with Shep Smith, trying to defend this asinine policy, and he said 85% of thier students are living below the poverty line, and “fighting huge, huge battles to get to school everyday.”

Really? Is it a “huge battle” to walk into a fucking classroom? Sorry, it’s just not that hard. I don’t care how poor you are. This is so ass backwards, we might as well close every school in Chicago right now.

I caught a documentary on HBO last night called "Hard Times At Douglas High, A No Child Left Behind Report Card." A two hour film that tries to blame Baltimores problems on Bush’s No Child left Behind, even though Bush’s program was not implemented until AFTER the absolutely disastrous year this Documentary captured.

Here’s an example. Douglas High has an average freshman class of 500 every year. They graduate an average of 180. Douglas is losing 320 students a year, all on their own, and the teachers all acknowledge this. Now, how the fuck is this the fault of No Child Left Behind? How can you even put this in the title of the documentary, when only after the dismal performance of this school, did the feds step in and re-organize?

HBO is full of shit, and this thing is laughable, when their own cameras capture things like a guy beating the crap out of 5 girls right in the hallway, full force face punching, completey ingnored by any school authorities. Somebody clearly had to step in to fix this school that has become a gathering place for thugs, where teachers beg students to just go to class, as they stand in the hallway mocking them.

Somehow it’s all Bush’s fault.

Cross-Posted At My Place

Posted by: bmac at 08:29 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 358 words, total size 2 kb.

Because Arianna Huffington says so, that's why!

Who should replace Tim Russert on "Meet the Press"?  Keith Olbermann, of course.

Why?  Because he challenges "conventional wisdom."

Can you imagine how much worse California would be today if she'd won the 2003 recall election?

(h/t)

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 08:12 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 44 words, total size 1 kb.

On Biblical Zombies (and yes, I know it's probably "old.")

Usually I leave the Zombie posts to the professionals, but this was too good to pass up. According to Cracked.com's list of Biblical super powers, Old Testament prophet Ezekiel used his powers to create an army of the walking dead.

How did I go through 7 years of higher education at Christian schools and miss that?  I swear, you'd think they'd teach me something that could actually be useful in the future. 

(On a personal note, if there are any public relations people out there, I have an interview to work as a staff writer with a firm in DC on Thursday and any interview advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.  My e-mail is itsvintageduh-at-gmail-dot-com.)

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 07:43 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 128 words, total size 1 kb.