A suggestion

Somebody with a little more computer know-how than I've got (okay, a lot more) should throw together a quiz like this one to test how much of a Moron you are.  You know, how much Val-U-Rite you drink, how many hobos you stalk and kill each week, etc.

I scored 63%, by the way.

(Via Dan Collins.)

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:34 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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Guess ! That! Party! Culture of Corruption Style!

Stashiu sends these along.  The current mayor of Baltimore is being investigated for possibly accepting gifts from a developer that she supported special tax breaks and zoning changes for during her time as head of the Baltimore city council.  The mayor claims that the developer gave her the gifts as part of a relationship, both were in the middle of separations.  She may face perjury charges for not reporting the gifts, she and the developer went on several vacations together, and the mayor was given a $2000 gift certificate to go a furrier paid with the developer's company credit,

The furrier's owner, Richard Swartz, told prosecutors he remembered "a guy coming into the store and [he] requested that no name [be] put on the certificate." The certificate was purchased with a Lowe's Platinum Visa card that investigators traced back to Doracon after subpoenaing the firm's bank records.

There's plenty more details in the article, but there's a taste of it.  The article itself never mentions that the mayor of Baltimore is a Democrat, you can find out that she is a Democrat by clicking her name, and it'll send you to a profile of her, but never in the article.  Stash also sends another story along where her party is never mentioned.  Funny how that works.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 05:27 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Oh Hell Yeah! Microsoft to offer support for XP till 2014

Thank God, because I haven't heard anyone with a single good thing to say about Vista.  The main reason cited is that businesses aren't upgrading to crappy Vista.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 04:54 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Ambience is Everything

I found this story about John McCain’s VP search coordinator hilarious.  Not so much for the story itself, but for the hard work that went into forging an atmosphere of secrecy and back-door dealings to make you scared of the eventual selection.

 

So let’s just take this story to its ultimate denouement, shall we?  Because I hate things that are half-done.

 

I've stuck a much better rewrite below the fold.

 

more...

Posted by: plebian at 04:31 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Eric Holder Enters Advisor Protection Program

Obama Vice Presidential advisor Eric Holder entered the FBI’s Advisor Protection program today amidst rumors that he would soon be run down by an out-of-control bus.  The rumors, stoked largely by right-wing hate sites such as HotAir, had FBI officials worried that the recent history of Obama advisors being run down might repeat itself.

 

“We’re taking these allegations very seriously,” said Samantha Wright, head of the Advisor Program.  “Our profilers tell us we’re dealing with a sociopath here, who time and again hurls those who displease him beneath a rhetorical bus at the first sign of trouble.  We don’t want Mr. Holder to become his latest victim.”

 

Agents said that Holder was being held in a secure location “to prevent anyone from getting to know him better and discovering that they didn’t know him very well to begin with.”

Posted by: plebian at 04:25 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Sean has ruined it for everybody!

Great job, Sean M.  You've ruined the fastest-growing moron blog with your wanton quoting of the AP.  Between whiskey chasers DPUD forwarded me their threatening response to your juvenile takedown posted yesterday:

Mr. Doubleplusunderd,

We at AP no like you copy text so much.  You pay us now or we shut your down you blog.  You use many word, pay much money, 135 to be paid dollar now.

We find internet strange and scary.  We just want make fine story in paper.  You no steal from us no more or we call lawyer.

Also, Iraq war lost and Israel bad.  All hail Obama, next president!  Only he save us from angry Gaia, who see bad gas make ocean exploditate.

No make us no more angry.  Send money real soon.

AP

PS:  We need money bady.  You want invest, buy ads, something?  Hit tip jar, please.

DPUD doesn't have that kind of cash laying around, you know.  And he's certainly not going to take it out of MY salary, since I don't get paid jack squat.

So now you all know: Sean M has ruined it for everybody, like that kid making fart jokes in second grade.

I hope you're proud of yourself, mister!

Posted by: plebian at 04:23 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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There's a joke here, but it just isn't coming together for me.

One of these things is not like the other.

Floaters.

I like it.

Takedown.

Heh.

Random goodness.

Not bad, but a bit amateurish, a pro would have used a short bus.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 03:42 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Does Obama have an Elian problem?

Apparently there are some connections to the Elian Gonzalez affair at the Obama campaign that should alarm Cuban-Americans in Florida:

Having two top advisers who played key roles in the episode — Greg Craig, who represented Gonzalez's father in Cuba, and Eric Holder, then a Clinton administration deputy attorney general when federal agents stormed the Miami home of Gonzalez’s relatives to remove the then-6-year-old and return him to Cuba — Obama now finds himself on the wrong side of an emotional issue in a battleground state.

But I suppose the Obama campaign shouldn't worry about this.  After all, the whole Elian Gonzalez issue was just another distraction from Republicans trying to take the focus off the real issues:

[Obama spokesperson Freddy] Balsera believes that Cuban American voters will decide that the 2008 race “has nothing to do with Elian Gonzalez or Greg Craig.”

“The Elian [Gonzalez] scuttlebutt was a Republican stunt, quite frankly,” he said. “I’m not denying that it was effective before, but people are wise to that trick.”

Yes.  Trying to keep a young boy from being sent back to a hellhole like Cuba was all part of an diabolical 8-year plan for John McCain to win the White House in 2008.  Rove, you magnificent bastard. 

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 12:32 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Huckabee said to be Mulling Potential Gaffes

Sources close to former Republican frontrunner and overall attention whore Mike Huckabee said that the Baptist Minister is considering making a “major gaffe” regarding Barack Obama.  While the nature of the gaffe is not fully revealed, the source did say that it was of either an ethnic or faith background.

 

“Basically, Huck’s upset that he’s not getting the attention of major-league faith leaders like Father Pfleger or Reverend Wright,” said one source.  “And he figures that since those guys got a lot of attention by being close to Obama and spewing anti-white hate, he’ll try the other side of the coin and go traditional racist.”

 

The former staffer said the plan is probably what prompted Obama’s bizarre claims over the weekend about upcoming Republican tactics.  “When Obama said that Republicans would try racist attacks, this was probably what he had in mind,” the confidential source said.  “It’s pretty well-established this campaign that white guys from Arkansas are going to use racist code words to criticize Barack.  And you know who’s a white guy from Arkansas?  Mike Huckabee.”

 

But not everyone agreed that the gaffe would be race-related.  “I think he’ll question Obama’s sexuality,” said one former Huckabee volunteer now working on the Bob Barr campaign.  “Huck wants to be the populist demagogue, and he can’t do that as long as Obama has the fruitcake coalition sewn up.  But if he can get those swooning nimrods up front at Brother Huck’s Socialist Revival, watch out!”

Posted by: plebian at 12:30 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Intent on biting every hand that feeds it

Damn these people are stupid, no wonder nobody actually buys music anymore.  So who is the RIAA going after this time?  Why, AM/FM radio, of course!  You know, the same AM/FM radio that gives their music hours and hours of airtime of exposure and publicity every day?  Basically, because they aren't making any money from sales anymore, the recording industry wants royalties, which they've never collected from AM/FM radio to make up for it. 

In the past, the RIAA complained about it, but didn't pursue it aggressively because they were making enough from sales to be satisfied.  RIAA has successfully shaken down satellite and internet radio for big royalties, and now have bills in both the House and Senate to go after terrestrial radio. 

If the NAB is smart, they'll immediately start seeking out indie labels and working with anyone who isn't part of the RIAA, and start use their airwaves to bludgeon the dirtbags. 

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 11:28 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Slubkid number two! Congrats Slublog!

Moronosphere Free Radio comes July 4th.  Join up if you're interested.

Origin of Moron.

Bitey.

Heh.

FAIL

Funneh.

Anyone surprised by this?  No?  I'm not.

Democrat talk about how the oil would take years to access?  Bullshit!

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:56 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Og get job with wire service

I've heard of an unfrozen caveman lawyer, but an unfrozen caveman journalist? It looks like the a certain news organization has one on staff:

Lincoln police arrest a 49-year-old man accused of firing a crossbow at his neighbor. Officer Katie Flood said the man got into an argument with his 25-year-old neighbor about the breed of the neighbor's dog Saturday evening. The owner said the dog was a pit bull, but older man said it was a Labrador.

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:52 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Even the Soviet of California now favorable to opening shores to drill oil

Amazing how things change.  The invisible pimphand is way strong.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:58 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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BREAKING: Gov. Sarah Palin writes Harry Reid, causes blogger to have heart palpitations

Gov. Sarah Palin played the Absolute Moral Authority Card^tm to tell Sen. Harry Reid (Doucebag-NV) to drill in ANWR (PDF). Allah has a post on the letter here, but I think he missed the most interesting part:

Yet there is an even more important point. The location and quality of oil production are changing world geopolitics. Countries that produce significant quantities of oil and natural gas are gaining in power and prestige. Several of these countries have objectives and value systems that are antithetical to U.S. interests. We are becoming increasingly dependent on these insecure sources to our long-term detriment. Further, it has become clear that U.S. petrodollars are financing activities that are harmful to America and to our economic and military interests around the world.

One of the biggest concerns people have with putting Gov. Palin as McCain's vice president is that she has no foreign policy experience*. I think this is a savvy way for Palin to both raise her national profile on an important issue and get on record on a foreign policy issue.

Keep it up, Palin!

*Apparently she lacks the foreign policy acumen and experience of Govs. Bobby Jindal, Tim Pawlenty, and Mitt Romney despite the fact that, as Captain Ed notes, the state she governs is the only one bordered by two foreign nations.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 09:45 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Anyone want to help chad out?  I'll try and come up with something, I can usually come up with images, but the more people with ideas, the better.

bmac looks at Carlin and his career, the Man of Substance remembers working as a stagehand at Carlin's shows.

Where we are globally with oil consumption.

Oh, yeah, that'll happen.

Stay away from drugs, kids.

Hacks.

What, you weren't before?

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 06:55 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Democratic Jealousy Threatens to Derail Majority

Insiders warned today that a rift in the Democratic Party threatened to derail their control of 2/3 of the government and severely hamper President-to-be Barack Obama’s agenda over the next four years.

  

“It seems like every Democratic peer is working on his own little Nobel Prize proposal now,” said one insider.  “First Al Gore wins a Nobel Peace Prize for a home-movie slide show, now this.  We can’t get any progress on our goals as a party.”

  

Party chairman Howard Dean is said to be very concerned about the issue, but is busy writing his memoirs of the 2008 campaign:  “The Audacity of Hype: How My Leadership Transformed Rancor into Victory.”

  

One Hill staffer said that Nancy Pelosi has been shut in her for two months working on a treatise titled “We Cant’ Drill our Way to Lower Oil Prices: why supply and demand no longer apply.”

  

“She’s hell-bent on proving Adam Smith wrong,” the staffer said.  “It’d be a big shock to generations of economics majors if she turned out to be right, though.”

  

Pelosi is not the only Democratic congressmember hoping for the Economics Prize.  A group of Senate Democrats are feverishly writing a detailed thesis on why their loans are just like everybody else’s loans, titled “Opportunity Costs and Friendly Loans: Why Time Spent at Angelo’s Cocktail Parties was So Not Worth It.”

  

Other notable Nobel entries in preparation:

  

We can’t kill our way to victory:  by Jack Murtha.

Though Murtha hopes to submit this for the Peace Prize, those knowledgeable of the project say it will actually be for the Nobel Prize for Literature because it is his firsthand account of “the true story of the Haditha massacres.”

  

We can’t convict our way to lower crime rates: by William Jefferson.

Submitted for the Nobel Prize in medicine because of it’s ground-breaking study that all criminals are not at all to be blamed for their crimes and should be let off scot free.  It also includes a taunt at Chris Dodd, saying that “only fools are bribed for less than 5G.”

  

We can’t feed people out of starvation by Harry Reid

Submitted for the Nobel Prize for Agriculture, which doesn’t exist, but which Reid is hoping they will create in order to give him a million dollars.  Rumors that Reid has contributed a large swath of land in Nevada for a Nobel Museum are unconfirmed.

  

Yes, we can! By Barack Obama

Submitted for the Nobel Prize for Being Barack Obama.  This statue has already been cast and the hall rented out for the awards ceremony; it has only to be formally awarded to make it a fait accompli.

  

Home Brewing the Kennedy Way by Patrick Kennedy

Submitted for the Nobel Prize in Chemistry.

Posted by: plebian at 04:39 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Hansen Warns Congress on Polar Bears

Climate scientist James Hansen told a Congressional committee today that unless swift and certain action is taken, “within a few years we will be facing a Polar Bear invasion the likes of which humanity will barely survive.”

 

“This is an issue that we need to tackle now, by trimming surplus human population and crippling the economy, before it becomes too late,” Hansen said in his statement.  "The Northwest Passage, closed since the age of dinosaurs, will open up and expose our northern waterways to ice floes that will regularly come from the North Pole.  On these frozen barges, likely guided by pilot monkeys, will come the Polar Bears, seeking to extract vengeance for our wanton consumerism.”

 

Hansen painted a bleak picture for cities on the Great Lakes  such as Chicago or Detroit.  “Armies of these giant, killer bears wandering desolate cities, eating what few survivors remain trying to glean a life off of rainwater and abandoned radioactive sludge,” Hansen predicted.  “Then, the Bears will strike south, down the Mississippi, rupturing fragile levees and destroying farmland like a plague of two-ton carnivorous locusts.”

 

After his statement Hansen answered questions, saying at one point that “it’s now time to panic, crack each other’s heads open and feast on the goo inside.”

Posted by: plebian at 04:25 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Inconceivable!

Allah has a poll, and it is a goodie.  According to the responses to this poll, 21% of Atheists responded they believed in God... 

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 04:08 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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CDC West Nile Virus expert contracts West Nile Virus

He didn't contract the illness from his job, but at his home.  Approximately 1.5 million Americans have been infected with West Nile, and about 300,000 have had symptoms. 

Typically, symptoms include a period of fever and aching, chronic fatigue can sometimes set in for months after the initial symptoms, it can also sometimes lead to neurological diseases that can be fatal.  Mosquito repellent with DEET, and making sure that there are no places with standing water around where you live or are at are the best ways to avoid getting West Nile. 

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 02:53 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Does Bob Barr have Balls Insurance?

Separated at birth? You decide!

Now, the spokesman for Cinco Balls Insurance...


I think we have a match!

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 02:08 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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