New York smokers

May want to find out if they sell Astroglide in 55 gallon drums.

The Legislature was considering Gov. David Paterson's $1.60 increase in the state cigarette tax that's now $2.75 per pack. That would increase the cost of cigarettes in New York state from about $7.60 a pack to $9.20. In New York City, which has its own $1.50 tax, the price could jump to near $11. Paterson's bill would also double the tax on chewing tobacco and many other tobacco products while finally taxing little cigars as much as cigarettes.

BTW, it sounds like they're hurting bad enough on budget to try and shake down the reservations...I hope the Natives fight like hell.

Or better yet, PA should drop its taxes on cigs so we can build a bunch of shops along the NY/PA border, hell, we could do that now as long as the short bus all-stars in Harrisburg don't fuck it up.  Hmmm...

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 11:19 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Dr. Jenny McCarthy proven wrong. Again.

Researchers at the University of Rochester Medical center tested the idea that a gluten-free and casein-free diet could help children with autism.  It didn't.

Doctor Funbags can stop selling her snake oil any time now.

Posted by: JoeCollins at 09:19 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Well, nobody's perfect

Especially not French amateur surgeons/cannibals. Or, apparently, their prison guards...

A French prisoner killed his cellmate then sliced open his chest to remove and eat his heart, a court has heard.
However, the man removed the wrong organ, and ate his lung by mistake.

Nicolas Cocaign, 39, appeared in court in the northern city of Rouen for allegedly killing Thierry Baudry in January 2007 by punching and kicking him, stabbing him with a pair of scissors and suffocating him with a rubbish bag.

Mr Cocaign then allegedly sliced open Baudry's chest with a razor blade, removed a rib and pulled out an organ which he believed was the man's heart, but which in fact was a lung.

He is accused of eating part of the lung raw and then frying the rest of it with some onions on a makeshift cooker in the cell in the Rouen prison.

Leaving aside the fact that the beating and stabbing might have been, I dunno, a little bit noisy, how do you miss a heat source in a prison cell? And how do you get onions in there? Oh, wait...


Well, at least Paul Sorvino never resorted to cannibalism.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:06 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Tomorrow Is The Day To Tell The RNC To Fuck Off

Yes, tomorrow is the day that Nikki Haley will probably win the GOP nomination for SC Governor (and, likely, the state house). This in the face of a GOP establishment that threw everything they had at her, to include lies about her virtue, religion, and state of mind. And nothing could fucking make me happier.

Yes, the fuckdorks at the RNC think that they know better than we do. Well, fuck them. Fuck them with a side of ribs and a kick in the balls. Fuck them for fucking us over and telling us that we have to take it. Fuck them forever.

So fuck you, RNC. You fucking can go and suck off a goatse for all I care. And learn to call Nikki Haley Governor Haley soon enough.

Posted by: eddiebear at 10:48 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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You know what? I'll just go with what Michael Barone says

In re:  recent Head Moron Blog unpleasantness, I'll simply take  Michael Barone's side.

Key quote:

Finally, there's the $20 billion escrow fund that Obama pried out of the BP treasury at the White House when he talked for the first time, 57 days after the rig exploded, with BP Chairman Tony Hayward. It's pleasing to think that those injured by BP will be paid off speedily, but House Republican Joe Barton had a point, though an impolitic one, when he called this a "shakedown."

For there already are laws in place that ensure that BP will be held responsible for damages, and the company has said it will comply. So what we have is government transferring property from one party, an admittedly unattractive one, to others, not based on pre-existing laws but on decisions by one man, pay czar Kenneth Feinberg.

I've had a simple political guide for years that's yet to fail me.  Whatever Barone says?  I'm going to assume his evaluation is correct until proven otherwise.  So.  Yeah.  It was a shakedown.  And someone other than a pundit needed to say so.  If anyone else wants to consider me a political naif for adopting that position?  Well.  FYNQ. 

Posted by: alexthechick at 09:32 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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Bootleggers and Baptists

Interesting clip from ReasonTV,

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:01 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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WTF is wrong with Wisconsin?

At least they aren't making it rain on Capitol this time.

Yes, this happens all the time.

In other news, how's that World Cup working out for you, North Korea?

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:32 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Obama: "Yeah, About That Border Fence..."

If true, this is a bit much, even for The Chicago Way.



Oh, and fuck this shit if it is true. Fuck any "compromise" with Obama if these are the fucking terms. And fuck any Republican with the fucksaber of freedom dripped in fuck juice if they think that "getting something advanced" is a groovy deal if doing so means universal fucking amnesty.

I don't think many of our congressbetters realize that this is another one of the electoral fucking tripwires we the unwashed have right about now for telling you to get rampfucked with your failed careers if you cross it. Rewarding illegal activity for a promise of a fence that we all know will never get built so long as Democrats court votes of the criminal class is not the fucking way to go. We have already been spat upon over Porkulus, Crap & Trade, Obamacare, and the "jobs" bill. And this? No. Fucking. Way.

And what is fucking frustrating is that the dipshits at the RNC who told us Dede, Charlie Crist, Arlen Specter, and Bennett of Utah were the right ideas will probably fucking push this plan and call us idiots for opposing them. I have no proof, but the GOP apparatus has not been very inspiring in fighting socialism, so I would not be shocked if they fuck us over once again. And that is why I no longer give money to them.

So be warned, Congresscritters. Even thinking of advancing what Kyl claims Obama wants is a recipe to be called "former" Congresscritter.

Posted by: eddiebear at 08:21 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The L.A. boycott is totally based on principles

Unless, of course, it happens to cost the city some cash...

Two much-debated City Hall issues are expected to converge this week when the Los Angeles Police Department's red light camera program moves to the front of the line for an exemption from the city's contracting boycott of Arizona over that state's new immigration enforcement law.

On Tuesday, the City Council is scheduled to consider — and appears likely to approve — an exception to the boycott allowing a 10-month extension of a multimillion-dollar agreement with Scottsdale-based American Traffic Solutions.

[...]

The council's Public Safety Committee says the exception is justified because red light cameras provide a "significant benefit to public safety."

$300,000 worth of Arizona's dirty, racist "public safety." Yeah.

Posted by: Sean M. at 04:42 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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A tornado hit my hometown today

someone already has a youtube video up

Posted by: chad98036 at 09:28 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Happy Father's Day

I know, it's a terrifying thought, but indeed some morons have reproduced...congrats on that...I guess.

Cheers to all the moron dads out there, it's a tough job, but someone has to raise the next generation of Val-U-Rite swilling, gun-toting, hobo-slaying wingnuts, and there's none better than you to do it.

Let us know if any of you guys get shirts.

(...but seriously, have a great Father's Day, we hope the day treats you well)

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:10 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Things to consider

Posted by: chad98036 at 01:56 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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It's not like "Green Energy" is a scam or anything

What do you want to bet Al Gore is raking in some cash through this deal, somehow?

Britain's biggest wind farm companies are to be paid not to produce electricity when the wind is blowing.

Energy firms will receive thousands of pounds a day per wind farm to turn off their turbines because the National Grid cannot use the power they are producing.

[...]

It raises the prospect of hugely profitable electricity suppliers receiving large sums of money from the National Grid just for switching off wind turbines.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard was not available for comment.

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:33 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Shut Up, Peggy!

Seriously, shut the fuck up. I don't care that you finally seem to haltingly acknowledge what many of us have known for damn near three years now: that Captain Awesome doesn't have the chops to hold the highest office in the land. I don't fucking care about your tepid conversion, because you were one of the "Republicans" who thought that a flashy degree and a smooth demeanor was all that mattered over the experience and common sense others had. I fucking don't care because you went out of your way to tell us that he would usher in a new era of politics, not the naked shower attacks, thuggish union beatdowns, and general cluelessness he presents. And I really fucking in 3D Fuckovision don't care, because a good (hell, even a competent one) President knows how to handle a crisis, something lacking today.

But no, Peggy, you told us you and your ilk, of which Obama was and is a member, had all the answers (and what does that say about the East Coast Literati if this fool is their shining light?). You told us that a lifetime in a classroom mattered more than a lifetime in the fields. You told us that the ability to read a teleprompter mattered more than the ability to think on one's feet and rely upon instincts and experience. And you told us that we were illiterate hillbillies for daring to question the New Age of Awesome. And now that the veneer is dropping faster than your knickers at the White House Social Office, you want to call his reaction to being snakebitten into question?

Fuck. No. Fuck no with the fistfucked fury of a blueballed fucklion. Fuck you for what you have helped foster. Fuck you for helping to weaken and humiliate this country in the eyes of the rest of the world by helping this clown get elected. And fuck you just because your fucking arrogance in the face of failure is galling.

I want my country to succeed and be seen as a strong and powerful beacon of hope in the darkness that is the rest of the world. And I want my President (and yes, Obama is my President) to at least portray to the world a sense that he has everything under control. And we see none of that in Obama; instead, we see a bumbling clod who can only hope to threaten and bully people and businesses with the power of his office, not a man with a real plan and the confidence to accomplish it. And America is hurting because of it, both domestically and internationally.

So fuck you, Peggy Noonan. Fuck you for what you have done to this country. And fuck you for now begging for forgiveness after the damage has been done.

Posted by: eddiebear at 10:15 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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Andrew Sullivan, political genius

Don't worry, the link below goes to NRO, not Andi's place:

“Palin is the only endorsement anyone wants. If you ask who the most influential endorsers are, Palin is numbers one, two, and three," - Rick Santorum.

But the entire Beltway assumes she is a non-starter in 2012. What kind of denial are they in?

Where to start?

First of all, we're in an election cycle where "the entire Beltway" is about as popular as Ebola. My Congressman, who happens to be a solid conservative, has been in Washington since 1999, and he won a three-way primary with just 49% of the vote—the lowest percentage of any campaign he's ever had, including city council races. How are Dems in Red States going to fare?

Secondly, which conservative candidate wouldn't want the endorsement of a popular political/opinion figure who has sold zillions of books (how are your various tomes selling, Andi?) and has a prominent platform on Fox News, the ratings leader among cable news networks? Sure, it's not as if liberal-leaning voters are going to vote for a Palin-endorsed candidate—hell, they'll probably run, screaming, in the other direction—but they weren't going to vote for GOP candidates in the first place. Palin's endorsements are meant to shore up conservative support and convince independents who lean right that they should vote against the Obama/Pelosi/Reid agenda that some of them voted for in 2008. Mistakes were made, she's saying.

And, then, there's the whole "non-starter in 2012" thing. Sully is assuming that her value is that she's going to be the pull for the politicians she's endorsing because she's going to run in 2012. While that may or may not be true, that isn't the point, is it? Palin's value is in the here and now, where there is a huge electoral surge in 2010 that hates what the Dems and Obama have been doing and want to sweep them out of office.

TIME TO GO UTERUS SPELUNKING AGAIN!!!!!

Posted by: Sean M. at 03:10 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Tweets from the Death Star

My favorite:

@ImperialDesigner: That trench leads right to the exhaust port. How'd I miss that? LOL, my bad!

@ImperialDesigner: @Clone4371: What do you mean, anyone can read this?

@NotRebelSpy: @ImperialDesigner, mind linking me plans so I can check?@ImperialDesigner: @NotRebelSpy: Okay, just keep away from @RebelScum, LOL! http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Death_Star_plans

@Bothan: @ImperialDesigner: Thanks Bro. Gonna get wasted and drive this to @MonMothma.

@ImperialDesigner: ...Oh F*$&! I'm outta here!

 

Almost as good as Darth Vader's blog

Ewok Cook-Out

Touring the forest moon. Getting back to nature. Singing around the bonfire.

Wondering whither Luke Skywalker. Musings on my reign to come.

I have spent the day touring our facilities on the Sanctuary Moon from which we emit the invisible energy-condom that protects the still incomplete Death Star orbiting above. This world is an explosion of life, every inch teeming with creeping vines and scurrying insects and rustling leaves. Our tour ended up at the stormtrooper garrison where General Veers was hosting a barbecue.

"Have you tried one of these Ewoks, m'lord?" asked Admiral Piett, offering me a crisp kebab. "Delectable!"

Veers himself was surrounded by a cadre of identical troopers holding their helmets in one hand and their drinks in the other. "Lord Vader!" Veers greeted me. "I'm so glad you could join us. Did somebody get you an Ewok?"


"I'm fine, just fine," I assured him. "Your forces seem to be in excellent shape, General."

"Thank you, my Lord," he smiled. "Have you met Lieutenant Twenty-Six? He's responsible for the new drills we've been using to tighten up the scout platoons."

"How do you do?" I said, shaking the cloned trooper's hand briefly. He nodded respectfully. To Veers I quipped, "How do you tell them apart?"

Everyone had a good laugh over that.

While the men kibbitzed I took a stroll through the nearby glen. I cannot remember the smell of the world anymore, but with my boots stepping through the bracken underbrush and with the dappled sunlight playing over my helmet I can almost fathom was it was like to know scent.

Twigs snapped and I paused. Animals were about -- animals with minds. When I closed my eyes I could discern their wispy spirits sparkling behind the glow of the thoughtless canopy. They had smelled the meat of their kin and it set their hearts racing, dreaming of revenge. But they scampered before my shadow. I moved on, pushing through the bush.

I came to a rise overlooking a shallow ravine in which was situated the auxiliary entrance to the shield generator bunker. I considered: why a back door?

When I returned to the clearing I asked General Veers about it. "The Emperor specified it," he told me. "As you can see, my Lord, the auxiliary entrance lies just to the west of that rocky cache. His Excellency has commanded me to station a legion of walkers behind the ridge at all times..."

"Go on, General."

"Loath as I am to speculate, my Lord, I can only assume the Emperor is baiting a trap for rebel spies."

The General may be on to something, for there is movement in the Force. Even now I sense a restlessness in the galaxy, a yearning of hyperspace to eject matters on our very threshold. I meditated on this growing disturbance as the men stuck a fresh Ewok on the spit and lowered it over the fire.

"Doesn't that smell great?" whistled Lieutenant 26.

The sun set and the party became more boisterous. Several of the men took turns leading the others in rounds of song. I declined when asked, but made a special request for the classic popular anthem Burn, Rebel, Burn which they took up with enthusiasm. In listening to the lyric carefully I developed a theory that the song may in fact be ironic, but I am a bad judge of such things: from my point of view most popular music these days seems to be a joke on its audience.

"Where's Moff Jerjerrod?" I asked.

"Back on the Death Star crying because no one invited him," chuckled Admiral Piett, his arm around his new yeoman.

"Does nobody like that guy?"

General Veers shook his head emphatically and everybody laughed. I knew where they were coming from. The man is annoying. If the Emperor himself had not forbidden me from crushing Jerjerrod's trachea with my mind I can assure you today's barbecue would also have been a merry wake.

The air was alive with the chirping of insects.

I looked upon the bonfire blazing into the forest night and felt a shiver run down my spine and into my cybernetics, though I know not why...

Now I have returned to the Death Star to finalize preparations for arrival tomorrow of my master Darth Sidious. I know he blinds me to his designs in the affairs that the Force tells me are threatening to unfurl here at Endor, and it makes me feel so very alone. Can it be that yet another man who has pretended at being a father forsakes me?

I am too willing to stand in another man's shadow, to win his approval.

Tomorrow I shall pierce his fog with my focused vision when he comes here. I shall know his mind and yet mine will remain a placid pond to him, the mirror surface giving no hint of what eddies churn within.

Too long have I been the learner. I must now prepare myself for my future, when I am the Dark Master. I cannot afford to be negative -- I have to know Luke will turn. He will come to study the Sith way from me. It is the only interpretation of the prophecy that makes sense!

Though I have devotedly worked for his love and bowed to his reign, I admit to you I will smile when Palpatine dies. My whole life I have waited to stop being somebody's padawan.

I am ready for bed. I have to stop journaling. Big day tomorrow. And yet...I sense something -- a perturbance in the Force I have not felt since...

Deep in space, I feel the strings of the Force grow taut. The Emperor is not the only gifted one traveling to this moon. There is another. Skywalker!

They come together to clash, and thereby make me Emperor.

Soon this will be Darth Vader's galaxy, and the people will willingly raise statues of my gargoyle face in celebration of an era of stability and order like no other the worlds have ever known.

In anticipation of portraiture, I applied a fair gob of Boba Fett's new skin cream before I clapped off the light and lay down to sleep, the air whistling soothingly through the ventilators of my hyperbaric chamber.

Posted by: chad98036 at 12:52 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Whoda thunkit?

Ahmadinejad's a liberal!

via @UANI.

Posted by: Alice H at 11:14 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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At least it was before the wedding...

Our Friday dose of broken dreams comes to us courtesy of Geekologie:



I wonder if she found her non-platonic acquaintances on Craigslist?

Posted by: Alice H at 11:06 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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See? He really *does* have a plan!

Apparently President Obama has had his head on straight the entire time regarding management of the oil spill.  The Wall Street Journal reports that the nation's GDP could actually grow a smidge thanks to the fact that the spill has gotten to the point where the damage control and cleanup will generate more economic activity than the number of jobs destroyed.

The six-month moratorium on deep-water drilling may cut U.S. oil production by around 3% in 2011 and cost more than 3,000 jobs, according to J.P. Morgan’s energy analysts.

Commercial fishing in the Gulf is also likely to suffer, but that’s only about 0.005% of U.S. GDP. The impact on tourism is the hardest to measure, although it’s fair to expect that many hotel workers who lose their jobs will find it hard to get new ones.

Still, cleaning up the spill will likely be enough to slightly offset the negative impact of all this on GDP, J.P. Morgan said. The bank cites estimates of 4,000 unemployed people hired for the cleanup efforts, which some reports have said could be worth between $3 and $6 billion.

Up next in Obama's plan to end the recesssion:

• Burn down the national parks to create more firefighting jobs
• Increase the actual dollars that gas stations receive for every gallon of gas, because everyone knows that it's all about the income and not the profit margin
• Teach our children to be Obama scholars, because knowing how to organize a community generates more revenue than doing something that actually, ya know, produces something
• And a bonus from beyond-RINO Joseph Cao (see, Obama's so wise he's got bipartisan support!): encourage the suicide of company executives to make room for the unemployed in the payroll
  

What else can Obama do to end the recession?  I'm sure you morons have recognized some of his other efforts, please share them with us!

Posted by: Alice H at 10:15 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Do Not Pass Go

I can't wait to see the douchey asshole's smirky booking photos.

Posted by: Sean M. at 01:55 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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