August 29, 2008

****** ITS PALIN******

CONFIRMED!

SEXY LIBRARIAN GLASSES ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL!

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I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Yowza!*"

Update: This is simply the most exciting political news I've had in my lifetime!  She's PERFECT.  Her inexperience is something to be noted but it is countered by the fact that she is the only person with ANY EXECUTIVE EXPERIENCE RUNNING!

She gives me a tingle up my leg.

* - For a politician and a mother of five, she's smokin' and you know it.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:53 AM | Comments (41) | Add Comment
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Zombie critters and other photoshops

PattyAnn sends this my way, and because this is doubleplusundead, we're obliged to post it.  Also, she reminded me to link Stoaty's collection of Obama photoshops(look at the comments for more), which made me think of,



And yes, I hate that I can make an Ace Ventura reference, don't rub it in, you watched that shit too.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:06 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Your morning dose of Kathryn Jean Lopez's shameless Romney boosting

With rumors flying about that Sarah Palin may have taken a private jet out of Alaska, Kathryn Jean Lopez is trying to do damage control for her man Mitt.  Mwahahahaaaa.

Exit question:  If it is Palin, and we find out for sure before Tuesday, Vintage is on vacation, does he drop in to make a celebratory post or does his head just asplode from sheer awesomeness because of the combination of having Palin as VP while being on vacation?

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:49 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Brought to you by the advertising agency of Creepy, Weird, and Wrong

What the hell?



(h/t)

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:27 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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August 28, 2008

Attention Limey Morons!

I don't know if there are any British Morons who read this blog, but if you happen to be one, or if you're a Moron from any other country who's planning on visiting the UK, you'll have to be careful about the vodka you're swilling (or putting in your eyes) because apparently, there's some bad stuff out there.

Drinkers in Stirling are being warned to be on the lookout for fake vodka containing potentially harmful levels of methanol.

Trading standards officers in the city are hoping to raise awareness after counterfeit bottles of Spar Imperial vodka were found in shops in England.

Fears are being raised that the fake vodka may be making its way north.

Experts have warned the high levels of methanol in the bottles can cause serious illnesses and blindness.

Brian Wilson, trading standards officer with Stirling Council, said: "It should be noted that no counterfeit bottles have been found in Spar stores and there are no concerns associated with authentic bottles of Spar Imperial Vodka.

[...]

The organisation warned that the only legitimate route of purchase for Spar Own Label 70cl is via a Spar store and that any Spar vodka offered for sale via any other means should be deemed suspect.
So, if you see some guy (or "bloke") selling vodka out of the back of his van, you should probably pass, no matter how good the bargain is. Come to think of it, that's generally sound advice when it comes to people selling anything out of the back of a van.

Posted by: Sean M. at 11:05 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Oh, great

It looks like Mother Nature isn't looking to do us any favors:

With more than two years of meticulous planning under their belts, organizers of the Republican National Convention are warily watching Tropical Storm Gustav to see if it turns into a hurricane and slams into the Gulf Coast.

As the storm gained momentum Thursday off the coast of Jamaica, it was headed on a trajectory toward New Orleans, which was hit three years ago today by Hurricane Katrina. If it strikes the Gulf Coast on Monday, that would coincide with the first day of the GOP convention at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul.

Should that happen, I'd imagine the tiresome but inevitable "John McCain doesn't care about black people" line would be trotted out lickety-split. I hope Ray Nagin has those school buses gassed up and ready to go this time.


Posted by: Sean M. at 10:29 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Indian man buys out theatre to prove horror movie isn't too scary

I wish I had that kind of money to throw around.  Then again, that might not be that bad in India, I'm guessing because people are poorer, there are a lot of movie watchers, so tickets are probably cheaper, unlike here where they take half a week's pay for a ticket.  In any case, the film has been advertised as being too scary to watch alone. 

These goofy "so scary that" promotionals and ads are ridiculous, but my favorite of these promotionals is for The Screaming Skull (which was featured on MST3K, you can see the corny promotional after the Gumby short, or skip to 6:00, but the Gumby bit was funneh),


Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:55 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Approval poll

Whaddya think of the GOP House performance?  The Senate?  Bush?  Whaddya think of McCain?  Hawkins has a series of polls at RWN, I petitioned for "Abysmal" as a choice, but I doubt that's happening.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:29 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Once again, sorry for the lack of updates

Vintage is on vacation, and I've been busy, and obviously everyone is too.  It happens, so consider this an open thread.  I'll definitely be posting a lot tomorrow, I have off.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 06:45 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Behind the Scenes

Many have questioned the wisdom of having Obama appear on a faux Greek temple to give his acceptance speech tonight.  Well, what you didn't consider was the ideas that he rejected.  Fortunately, I found a list of the other options he was offered before choosing Obama meets Alexander.
 
Pyramid
A giant sixty-foot pyramid is constructed at midfield, and when the time for the speech comes the upper section tilts backwards to reveal Obama inside, who then gives a stirring speech to those assembled about how he will work to "erase George Bush's name from the history books."
Although volunteers were available for the labor, this was still abandoned as too expensive.
 
Half of the Titanic
Obama gives his speech from the deck of half of the Titanic, sticking up out of the midfield turf as if it is sinking.  The theme for the speech is "Righting the Ship of State" and focuses on how we'll recover from 8 years of Republican misrule.  Leonardo DiCaprio is on board to introduce him by yelling "The next king of the world, Barack Obama!"
Rejected because some thought the image of Obama on a sinking ship would resonate poorly with voters.
 
Tree of Life
A three-hundred-foot-tall tree, akin to the one in Disney's Swiss Family Robinson exhibit, takes center stage, with Obama standing beneath it's branches talking about how important it is to live in harmony with all the peoples of the world as well as with nature, and how he would help us to "repair our grievous injury to the only planet we've got."
During construction of the graphite tree, a smelly hippie known only as Dumpster Pop-Tart climbed up in it and refused to leave until all windmills were turned off at night to protect bats.  The project had to be abandoned because there is no known way to get a hippie out of a tree.
 
Christmas in Cambodia
Invesco field is turned into a steaming jungle, and Obama gives his speech from the deck of a patrol boat talking about how our military is turning young men and women into killing machines that commit acts of savagery not seen since the Franco-Prussian war.  His speech centers on how the horrors of fighting in an unjust war affected him.
Nobody but John Kerry thought this was a good idea.
 
Urban Renewal
Obama stands in the middle of an urban wasteland and begins by yelling "who's the candidate?" with the crowd answering "sho'nuff!"  Then, as he talks about his experience doing community development, the gritty cityscape is turned into an attractive urban scene with cafes, organic grocery stores, and schools with massive funding problems. 
This set was constructed but seized by police as evidence after a Detroit stripper's body was dumped here, clad in nothing more than a washcloth monogrammed with "Mayor KK."  Police have no suspects.
 
Class is in Session
Returning to his most familiar setting, a faux classroom is set up and Obama gives a lecture on the importance of good governance to the nation, with 80,000 students receiving a PhD in Obamaology when he's finished.
Idea abandoned after Joe Biden read his introductory speech, titled "We will fight them on the beaches" and which appeared to be lifted completely from Winston Churchill, except for several spelling and grammatical errors.
 
SUCKERS!
Obama walks out and a giant banner unfurls behind him that says "SUCKERS!"  He then reveals that his master plan was to be president, and he hasn't really thought about anything after that, so he's turning the country over to unreformed 60's radicals who will attempt to destroy the economy and allow communists to run amok on the world stage.
Held over for inaugural address.

Posted by: plebian at 01:26 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Chronicles of the Obamessiah, Part II

If you thought Part I of TNOYF's "Chronicles" was funny, this one is even better,


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Man releases Hostages for beer run

A man in Moline held the Hostages by knifepoint after an argument.  He got thirsty after a few hours and ordered two of the Hostages to get him some beer.

One of the Hostages called police immediately to report the hostage situation, then went to get some beer and ended up traveling cross country to drink the finest beer and eat the best bar grub he could get his hands on. 

The other released Hostage waited until about 2:30AM that night to call police, where they engaged in a lengthy conversation, the dispatcher still isn't quite sure what the hell they were talking about.  Police had resolved the rest of the situation peacefully hours ago, and the hostage taker is awaiting trial. 

Upon release, one of the Hostages, a large, loud, self-proclaimed Man-Lesbian-American stated to reporters,

"I dunno, he was kind of a cool guy, other than the threats, angry rambling and mild stabbing, but it was getting seriously boring in there.  No beer obviously, but there was nothing else either.  Not even any somewhat chunky Eastern European women with gigantic melons.  Hell, I'd take pictures, I usually do," (s)he said with a laugh.  "And no Limp Bizkit, though I would have taken any wretched 90's rap/rock band at that point."  Overhearing the bombastic man-lesbian, one of the other Hostages simply rolled his eyes and walked to his car to go home.


One of the female Hostages said the hostage taker kept asking for her number because he quote, "had a thing for redheads."  She politely declined, despite having a knife angrily waved at her several times.  Another Hostage noted she was happy about the situation, because it kept her from cheating on her new diet, while another wasn't happy with the liberal amount of cursing coming from the hostage taker.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 07:59 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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August 27, 2008

Gee, you think so?

Some Democrats (who obviously don't read the Moronosphere blogs that have been skewering the event for quite some time) are apparently beginning to worry about what kind of message Obama's appearance at a stadium full of 80,000 screaming fans is going to send:

From the elaborate stagecraft to the teeming crowd of 80,000 cheering partisans, the vagaries of the weather to the unpredictable audience reaction, the optics surrounding the stadium event have heightened worries that the Obama campaign is engaging in a high-risk endeavor in an uncontrollable environment.

A common concern: that the stadium appearance plays against Obama’s convention goal of lowering his star wattage and connecting with average Americans and that it gives Republicans a chance to drive home their message that the Democratic nominee is a narcissistic celebrity candidate.
No, really? That could happen? Next thing, you'll tell me that the McCain campaign is hungrily waiting to turn clips from the event into a new series of commercials lampooning Obama's, uh, narcissism and celebrity status.
Another senior Obama aide noted Tuesday there were only two options for what the campaign wanted to accomplish — either do it in the convention hall, in front of the delegates, or somewhere else. “A diner’s not an option,” the aide said.
Yeah, see, nobody's suggesting that. What we've been talking about is the idea that your guy feels the need to do something in front of a cheering crowd of tens of thousands of fans, some of whom may very well be using hand salutes to greet him, where most candidates have felt comfortable accepting their party's nomination in the not-unfriendly confines of the convention hall.  Maybe you should ask yourself why that just wasn't good enough for Obama, though you might not like the rather obvious answer.

Posted by: Sean M. at 11:22 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Rove, you magnificent bastard

I actually mean it for once. Alas, Joe Lieberman is not a magnificent bastard:

Republican strategist Karl Rove called Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman (I-Conn.) late last week and urged him to contact Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) to withdraw his name from vice presidential consideration, according to three sources familiar with the conversation.

Lieberman dismissed the request, these sources agreed.

Lieberman “laughed at the suggestion and certainly did not call [McCain] on it,” said one source familiar with the details.

“Rove called Lieberman,” recounted a second source. “Lieberman told him he would not make that call.”

If this is accurate (remember it is the Politico) then Lieberman is held captive to the same foolish thinking that took hold in Alaska yesterday with who voted for Sen. Ted Stevens and Rep. Don Young.  They may win this battle, but they'll lose the war in the November general elections.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 10:20 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Hot

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Hotter:

McCain, who has pulled even with Barack Obama due in part to his very effective attacks on Obama's "celebrity," spent the evening collecting checks from Hollywood stars or people who once might have fit that description. Among those attending: Dean Cain (Superman); James Caan (Godfather I and II, Bottle Rocket); Jon Voight (Midnight Cowboy, Deliverance); Robert Davi (License to Kill); Lou Ferrigno (The Incredible Hulk); Adam Carolla (The Man Show); Lacy Chabert (Party of Five).

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:14 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Should I be elated about this or scared?

It's being reported that Mitt Romney is out of the running for John McCain's vice president. 

I'm really afraid this means we will have and incredibly boring McCain-Pawlenty ticket. 

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 08:45 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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It's all Greek to me

The Washington Times Convention blog has a press release from the McCain campaign detailing appropriate attire for Obama's coronation acceptance speech on Thursday night. I like their parting shot:

At the Temple of Obama, reporters are expected to observe a level of decency and decorum demanded by the import of the moment and the presence of The One. No "Animal House” behavior permitted. Specifically, no “Toga” chants.
Like the man says: Heh. Indeed. Read the whole thing.

Oh, and it goes without saying that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated as a reaction to Will.I.Am's "song":



(h/t)

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:18 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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McCain VP Survey

John Hawkins at RWN sometimes does surveys of opinions from various bloggers from the VRWC, and I'm usually on the mailing list now, so I've done a few.  This one is about McCain and the VP selection, my results were pretty much in line with the majority, so here be the questions, my choices, and why (if necessary),

Out of the following VP candidates rumored to be on McCain's short list, which one DO YOU THINK HE WILL TAKE?

McCain I think will pick Pawlenty, and that's probably only because he knows he can't get away with putting Lieberman on there.

Out of the following VP candidates rumored to be on McCain's short list, which one WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE HIM TAKE?

I think this is pretty obvious if you read our crapblog, most of us at doubleplusundead have been all about Palin.

Out of the following VP candidates rumored to be on McCain's short list, which one WOULD YOU LEAST LIKE TO SEE HIM TAKE?

Lieberman, not because I dislike the guy, because I do like him, but I like him as respectable and civil opposition and as a generally decent (but mostly wrong on policy) guy, but not as a VP.

Vaguely related(since we're talking Presidential candidates and their VPs, but fucking hilarious.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 05:50 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Some lazy afternoon VP speculation for you; UPDATES!

I know, I know.  I'm addicted to veepstakes nonsense.  Deal with it, crackas!  Byron York has been keeping an eye on the chatter for us over at The Corner and had this to say:

McCain is scheduled to be with his vice president at a rally in Dayton, Ohio at 11 a.m. Friday.  Next, the pair will appear at a rally in Pennsylvania, in a small town south of Pittsburgh, at 5 p.m. Saturday.  If memory serves, in 2000, Lieberman, an observant Jew, did not campaign or take part in campaign activities from Friday evening to Saturday evening.  The Pennsylvania rally certainly seems to fall in that period.  I am not saying that there might not be other factors at play in the rollout of McCain's choice, but it is hard to imagine that that would not be a factor.

Hmmmm.  I doubt that this means much, but if we're reading the tea leaves right this could be a good sign for Rep. Eric Cantor who, like Jack Abramoff, is Jewish.  We know that he has been vetted, has the support of conservatives, and would likely need a three-day "getting to know you" rollout as described.

I'd be 100% on-board with a McCain-Cantor ticket. 

Update: Just wanted to remind everyone is still Jewish.

Update:  It looks like I may have read that report all wrong.  The schedule might mean there will be no Jewish VP.

Yet another update: Byron answers a question I've been asking:

It turns out Cantor does work and travel on Saturdays, so no, it doesn't appear that that would be a factor.  On the other hand, I haven't heard anything to suggest that Cantor is in the final mix in the McCain veep search.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 05:31 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Poll: More People Eating Dog Food

A recent Zigby poll showed that the number of people who answered that they have eaten dog food in the last two months has more than doubled.  Analysts said that the reason for the sharp increase could be a variety of factors, from the rising cost of food and fuel to the increasing homelessness forcing people to steal food from their neighbor's dog to anxiety over the war in Iraq.
 
The phone poll, taken from August 21 to 24, surveyed 832 people and asked the question "Have you eaten dog food for any reason in the last two months?"  0.6% respondents answered "Yes", whereas only 0.2% of respondents in a similar poll taken in June answered affirmatively.
 
Poller John Zigby said that this signaled a shift in American attitudes about eating pet foods.  "It used to be that only college students, two-year-olds, and the elderly ate dog food, but now we're apparently seeing more and more people eating it as a meal.  I'll grant you that it is delicious, but to me this is an indictment of the entire military-industrial complex and the unlawful Bush war that has led to people eating first their pets, then pet food. Soon they will be reduced to devouring their shoe leather."
 
Both campaigns seized upon the poll as evidence of why they should be elected president, with Obama saying that McCain "will only continue to drive you to the pet-food instead of the whole-food aisle" and McCain telling an audience in Iowa that "the only choice Barack Obama can offer you is whether you want dry food or canned."

Posted by: plebian at 04:22 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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