"Moron Arrested After Driving Truck Into House"

Sure, this news story is ten months old, but that sure as hell doesn't make it any less awesome:

The arresting officer said Moron failed sobriety tests. The arrest report shows Moron had a blood alcohol level of more than twice the legal limit.

Of course he'd been drinking. He's a Moron.

Posted by: Sean M. at 01:52 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Vladimir Putin Is A Remorseless Judo Machine

Here is the backstory.

Posted by: eddiebear at 10:05 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Why Is It We Only Get The Lame Celebrity Endorsements?

Well, it seems as though Cleveland Browns QB Brady Quinn and some lineman have endorsed Team Maverick.

Quinn introduced McCain and spoke briefly about how his service to the nation and time as a POW inspired him because he kept “fighting for freedom.”

“Too often times we label people heroes and get caught up in the moment but tonight we have a real hero amongst us,” Quinn said. “This is a man who endured great adversity yet remained loyal to his nation, a man who would not forsake his country…we need heroes like this to inspire us and to remind us that we are the greatest nation.”

All well and good, pretty boy, but I believe some other pundits have you pegged pretty good (NTTAWWT).

Posted by: eddiebear at 09:24 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Cheaters

Hey, you guys will never guess which group of "community organizers" is under investigation for voter fraud in Cleveland. Go on, guess!

[Domino's Pizza worker Christopher] Barkley estimated he'd registered to vote "10 to 15" times after canvassers for ACORN, whose political wing has endorsed Barack Obama, relentlessly pursued him and others.

Claims such as his have sparked election officials to probe ACORN.

"I kept getting approached by folks who asked me to register," Barkley said. "They'd ask me if I was registered. I'd say yes, and they'd ask me to do it [register] again.

"Some of them were getting paid to collect names. That was their sob story, and I bought it," he said.

Barkley is one of at least three people who have been subpoenaed by the Cuyahoga County Board of Elections as part of a wider inquiry into possible voter fraud by ACORN. The group seeks to register low-income voters, who skew overwhelmingly Democratic.

"You can tell them you're registered as many times as you want - they do not care," said Lateala Goins, 21, who was subpoenaed.

"They will follow you to the buses, they will follow you home, it does not matter," she told The Post.

Remember, though, that this is actually a great big GOP conspiracy to keep poor people from voting.

(Via Jim Geraghty, who's rightly skeptical about a claim on the Obama website that "Barack was never an ACORN trainer and never worked for ACORN in any other capacity.")

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:29 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I sense a disturbance in Moronia

I'm sensing that despair and ennui are enveloping Ye Olde Morons due to the election and the financial meltdown and running out of room to stock the canned goods and ammo for the Zombie Apocalypse.  I therefore have taken it upon myself to share with you the highlight of my day (which was not smacking my forehead on my desk from sneezing so hard).

I took the back way home and I counted 15 McCain/Palin lawn signs in a mile and a half stretch.  These were not there yesterday.  That made me happy. 

As was the fact that this



was parked next to me in the parking garage at work today.  It is within the realm of possibility that I made inappropriate noises.  Possibly. 

Posted by: alexthechick at 06:01 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I Accept the Challenge

Ace has challenged readers to come up with some famous Andrew Sullivan quotes.  As you all know, I am a great Sullivan fan.  So I reproduce here some of his greatest quotes (links not available due to small-minded DPUD posting guidelines).

Here are just a few of the bon mots that he has favored us with over the years.

His response to Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction:  "I am gobsmackingly gobsmacked by this.  I always felt that if any Jackson was going to force me to question my sexuality, it'd have been Tito."

And how could any of us forget the chain of heart-wrenching posts he wrote just after 9/11 that helped bring us all together:  "My secret shame:  I eat urinal cakes", "Urinal Cakes are tasty", and "Fresh Breath the Sullivan Way: Urinal Cakes are Free and Bite-Sized in Most Gas Station Restrooms."

 Who among us didn't shiver when he wrote "Ich ben ein Berliner"? Or something like that.  I remember some bullshit in German, anyway, but it might have been something about being infested with chiggers.  Yeah, that was it:  "Ich ben ein chiggercrotchenshitz."  Anyway, dumbass Ace only posts in English, and that poorly.

There's his description of the Bush cabinate just before the 2006 elections:  "Like the Three Stooges, if Moe was actually Torquemada and instead of hitting the dowager with a pie they tied her down, tortured her, murdered her children, defiled her, and then forced her to give them campaign contributions, all while Bush laughing on and on like a latter-day Nero as our freedoms burned around our ears."

Of course, no Sullivan oeuvre would be complete without mentioning this one:  "I've self-presciently identified my own heroic failing: I care too much, coupled with my overwhelming desire to do naught but harm, like a living avatar of the Hyppocratic Oath.  That, coupled with my steely demeanor and cool detachment, means that I shall always run the risk of being too true to my bedrock ideals of conservatism and guarding our fragile liberty from those who would take it, like a urinal cake without a plastic sheath that is exactly the size of a Mentos."

Posted by: plebian at 04:11 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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FPA Endorses Obama

The endorsements continued to roll in for Barack Obama, with yet another major national organization urging its members to turn out for the Democratic hopeful for president.  It represented another major blow to the campaign of John McCain, whose operatives had been privately hopeful that they could seal up at least one more undecided before November.
 
Hugh Jass, president of the Fake People's Association, sent a chain e-mail to reporters earlier today notifying them of the decision.  "This election represents a watershed for fake people," Jass wrote.  "We've contributed heavily to Obama and we voted for him in droves in the Democratic primaries, because we haven't had a candidate who so clearly represented our interests since Landslide Lyndon over forty years ago."
 
Jass said that in addition to the massive fundraising drive spearheaded by FPA Vice-President Asdf Qwerty, they were particularly proud of their Hollywood branch for continued support for Obama.  "I'd like to single out particularly Matt Damon and Whoopi Goldberg, who have made fake people everywhere proud with their continued support of the first true fake person candidate."

Posted by: plebian at 03:09 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I don't think this is a good idea

Apparently Gov. Palin will be dropping the puck for the Philly Flyers opener.  I think this is a bad idea.  If you aren't aware, Philly is a godforsaken Marxist hellhole, and Philly sports fans are the worst of the worst, (with a possible exception to the rule).  Here are some examples, note this is written by a Philly fan apologist,

People try to label us negatively and constantly bring up incidents of snowball throwing and booing Santa Claus, but there is definitely something there that outsiders cannot comprehend.

J.D. Drew had batteries thrown at him. Flyers fans will boo every time Eric Lindros touches the puck for the rest of his career.

I was actually there for one of the ugliest incidents in recent history, when fans cheered while Michael Irvin lay injured on the Veteran's Stadium turf and cheered louder after the medical staff signaled for the ambulance. ESPN broadcaster and Hall of Fame player Joe Morgan said in reference to Philadelphia fans and Scott Rolen, "I have trouble remembering a city having such a vendetta for a player."

Yeah, what those of us who live in civilized society can't comprehend is how you Philly vermin can be so willfully reprehensible, and we have no desire to learn why.  And lets not forget Eddie's post on Philly fans throwing eggs at the Redskins bus.  So no, I don't think this is a good idea. 

(sorta on a tip from Alice H)

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 01:35 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Juror Lives The Moron Lifestyle

Dude chooses drinking over jury duty for a drunk driving case.

Lemons received a summons to appear as a prospective juror in the case. When he didn't show up on Monday, a bailiff called his house. Lemons told the bailiff he was too busy to come to court.

Associate Circuit Judge Scott Thomsen instructed officers to bring Lemons to the courthouse. Deputies say they detected a strong odor of alcohol on him. Lemons was held in custody while the DWI trial went on.

Authorities say Lemons told the judge he had been drinking rum in the morning. Thomsen found Lemons in contempt of court and fined him $250.

Posted by: eddiebear at 11:26 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Fellas, Keep Your Ladies Happy At All Times

Lest they try to injure your genitals.

Her husband of two years, Ealy Jones Jr., sustained second-degree burns and was taken by emergency helicopter to Tampa General Hospital.

The couple was staying at a home in the 7000 block of Sixth Avenue Northwest watching Turay’s nieces and nephews, deputies reported.

[the wife]boiled the water as Jones slept and threw it on his groin area, the report said.

And, yes, the woman had been drinking.

Posted by: eddiebear at 10:14 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Some handy quotes

Hawkins sends along a list of sayings from the Chairman.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:10 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Occam's Razor

As noted in Vinty's post below, ACORN keeps getting busted for voter fraud.  Time after time, in states all across the country, people working for ACORN have been found to have turned in bogus voter registration forms. 

Now, seeing as how this has happened over and over and over again, would it suggest that ACORN's "community organizers" are engaging in election fraud on a nationwide basis, or would it suggest that there's some sort of Rethuglikkkan conspiracy to suppress voter turnout?  If you're a sane person, you might suspect the former.  If, on the other hand, you happen to be a Kossak, well...

Let's just say there are a few logical leaps involved, along with some grade-A incredulousness about ACORN's truthfulness.  What a shock.

(ACORN fraud links via the Malkin post Vinty linked.)

Posted by: Sean M. at 03:03 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The ad John McCain needs to make

I think I've blogged about this before, but one of the more shocking things that Barack Obama has said is that he would be willing to grant drivers licenses to illegal aliens.  Here it is:



I understand that it would be hard to parse that rambling answer into a commercial-friendly sound bite, but it could at least be cited.  Perhaps this would be a good intro to an ad on Obama and ACORN.  They're committing voter fraud pretty well on their own, but how much easier will it be when illegal immigrants have driver's licenses?

As much as I would hate hearing McCain present his immigration plans, he could at least highlight this and say "Even I'm not this bad" or something similar. 

It has possibilities, but I think it would require a competent campaign.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 02:11 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I like her platform...thigh-high boots

It looks like on of our bloggers here at dpud is fed up with the way this election is going and has decided to jump into the fray as an independent candidate!

I'm guessing that her policy of having clowns shot by firing squad will really resonate with the electorate.

Update: My focus group of undecided voters (i.e. five drunk guys from an Applebee's located near a local community college) were impressed with her stance on bisexual chicks who reportedly enjoy teh buttsecks.  "Awesome, brah," was a representative comment.

Posted by: Sean M. at 01:11 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Dammit...

...and the boomers are gonna croak and leave us to pay the fucking tab they're running up, bastards.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:29 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Pessimism takes all the fun out of being right...

Me:

I suspect there will effectively be no nation of Urkaine within the next 5 years.  The Soviets stabbed and the West blinked.  Don't think they didn't notice.

Today:

Mr Yushchenko, who is visiting Italy, announced Ukraine's third general election in less than three years on television, in a pre-recorded speech.

He accused Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko of wrecking the government through her "thirst for power".

A Tymoshenko ally accused Mr Yushchenko of violating the constitution.

Ms Tymoshenko and Mr Yushchenko were allies during the 2004 "Orange Revolution" which swept pro-Western forces to power after a discredited presidential election.

Mr Yushchenko's Our Ukraine party pulled out of the coalition on 3 September after the Tymoshenko Bloc sided with the pro-Moscow opposition Party of Regions to pass several laws Mr Yushchenko saw as a threat to his presidential powers.

Two things:  1) I really wonder how far in the pocket of the Soviets Ms. Tymoshenko is and 2) If you think our election is important, imagine living in a country where the next election determines your continued freedom from Soviet domination.

President Obama will be sorely outmatched by Tsar Putin.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 10:16 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Yeah, I really want these people writing gun laws

Via the Moron-in-Chief, dude, seriously, how clueless can reporters be about firearms?  I like the endless sea of, "It's a shotgun, not a rifle, and a break-action shotgun can't fire when it's open like that, you dunce!" in the comments.  What's the, er, over/under on this LAT reporter/blogger/whatever getting all snippy and defensive about getting corrected, then bitching about getting hounded by "paranoid gun nuts?"  Yeah, I really trust these people to give respect to our Constitutional rights and to act responsibly when writing policy and laws...

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:55 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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What could possibly go wrong?

Posted by: Sean M. at 06:31 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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This Should Be McCain's New Ad

I posted this earlier at The Hostages, but for those of you that don't make it over to that dark little corner of retardation, you might dig this:

Posted by: bmac at 03:56 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Thanks, Ancestry.com!

Gov. Palin is related to both Princess Diana and FDR.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 12:24 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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