Hey Alice

I think I figured out why CraigsList is taking down their adult section.

Sadly, the vaccine has not been FDA approved for use on websites.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:30 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Bad Parenting: Rule 1

It is impossible to be a good parent if you are unaware of your child's location. 

Prosecutors in Milwaukee County have charged a 20-year-old mother with misdemeanor child neglect after the woman's 2-year-old daughter was found wandering Milwaukee's streets near 27th and Burleigh late this past Monday night.

Well, thank God they found her!  I'm sure her mother was worried sick!  Why add insult to injury?!?

Police released the girl's picture to the media after investigators were unable to figure out who she was.  Someone recognized the girl and directed police to the girl's mother, Shymika Williams.

According to a criminal complaint, the girl's mother told police that she had taken the girl to a home near 29th and Burleigh approximately two weeks ago.  The mother said she paid the people there $25 to watch her daughter for the weekend.

"The people there."  Heh.  Well, I'm sure they were mature adults who could be trusted caring for a child.  Someone must have abducted her or something.

That person, who is a 13-year-old, corroborated the story about watching the girl.

Wait, what the fuck?  She better have rushed back after the weekend.

While the mother didn't know those people's last names or exact address, she said they had watched her daughter before and were related to her sister's children.

As far as I know?  I mean, Obama's related to McCain, right? 

She said after the weekend, a person named NeNe took the girl and that was the last she time she had seen the girl.

Well, as long as fucking NeNe has her.  Finally, some adult supervision.

The mother claims she hadn't seen her daughter for two weeks.  It's not clear where the girl was the entire time, although the mom did say that after a week, NeNe called her and asked if she could watch her longer.  The mother told authorities that NeNe lives in a foster home.

What.  The fuck. 

I believe it is time to play euthanize six degrees of Shymika Williams.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 10:54 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Microsoft, just stay evil. You were so much better at it.

Hey Microsoft...

If I say, "I'm gay" or "He's gay," actually referring to someone's sexual orientation, that's not a slur.  If I say "I'm from the town of Fort Gay," that's not a slur.  Implying that Fort Gay is gay, because of the name, that's a slur.

Posted by: Alice H at 10:04 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight the NFL season kicks off so have your fantasy rosters in and your pickem picks recorded. 



I'm picking the Vikings tonight by 3.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:21 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Why I think burning Korans isn't such a great idea

I don't think I've seen much of anything here about the pastor who wants to burn copies of the Koran on this Saturday, the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, so I'd like to reprint this comment opposing the idea that I left over at The Hostages late Tuesday/early Wednesday (depending on your time zone) with a couple of edits...

First of all, I find book-burning repugnant in general. I hate Nazis, but I wouldn’t encourage the burning of copies of Mein Kampf. You can learn a lot from reading your enemies’ ideas, after all.

I should take pains to note here, which I did not in my original screed, that Muslims in general are not our enemies. I have Muslim friends, at least one of whom has appeared on The O'Reilly Factor a few times, who are kind and decent people. (In an otherwise serious comment, I should note that, sadly, nobody I personally know has been on Red Eye or punched Shep Smith in the dick.)

Also, behaving in the same manner as the people you’re condemning is hardly a good way to take the high ground.

Secondly, if you find parts of the Koran objectionable, why not scan it for some of the more repugnant verses and hold a protest where you read them out loud on a day like 9/11? That would seem like a more educational experience.

Third, while the guy who’s doing this has every right to do so, it’s an attention-seeking dick move pure and simple. Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD do it.

Does that last point sound anything like something else that’s been in the news as of late? Hm?

Well, that's my take on this controversy, and I'd be happy to hear what you think about it, especially if you agree with me. Because, if we've learned anything over the last twenty or so months, having people refute your arguments is kind of a downer.

Posted by: Sean M. at 04:50 AM | Comments (40) | Add Comment
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Picture, Thousand Words, Some Assembly Required

To those who helped enable this by voting for Hope & Change, I just have to say:
more...

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:34 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I was workin' for Babs Boxer, but then I got high!

I was pullin' six figures too, but then I got high,
Now I'm gettin' hauled off by Capitol Cops, and I know why,
(Why's that, man?)
Because I got high, because I got high, because I got hiiiiigh!

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:35 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Can't you be good at it at least?

Oh for pity's sake. Here's the thing about political corruption, people expect that politicians will get their beaks wet. I've said for years that the only reason to be on the sewer commission is to get your idiot nephew a job. But there's a certain expectation that the politician will be at least moderately competent and won't do things like get scholarship money for family members in violation of the rules and then write letters asking that the money be sent directly to the family, not to the colleges.

That's insultingly stupid, not to mention smugly corrupt.  This is the kind of stuff that's fueling the rage in the public.  It's so openly wrong, so blatantly droit de seigneur, that it's infuriating. 

Posted by: alexthechick at 02:23 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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A copy editor really needed to get their pen on this

I only had a couple of minutes to bap on The Carson-Gore Academy of Environmental Sciences, I'm sure youse guys can throw in much more fun.

Al Gore has had some tough breaks — like losing the presidency after getting more votes than the other guy — but the noted environmentalist achieved a singular honor last week, becoming the first vice president to have a Los Angeles school named after him.

And, fittingly, the school will be devoted to environmental themes. {as opposed to education}

But as in the 2000 election, there's a catch. {a catch?  since when is the U.S. Constitution a catch?}  Critics say the campus' location poses a long-term health risk to students and staff.

...

"Renaming this terribly contaminated school after famous environmental advocates {I thought Gore was a famous advocate of his own pocketbook} is an affront to the great work that these individuals have done to protect the public's health from harm," an environmental coalition wrote in a letter to the Los Angeles Unified School District. Making sure the school is safe "would be an even better way to honor their contribution to society." {making sure the school is safe should be a basic fucking requirement, and should have nothing to do with honoring ManBearPig.}

...

Lowry said the school's environmental emphasis will do Gore proud, including recycling projects and research and beach cleanups {but will he make money off carbon offsets from this?  I don't think he's going to be proud if he doesn't.}. Cross-curriculum efforts will include environmental speeches and presentations in English {at least they're teaching some English in this school}, topsoil measurements in math and climate study in science.

The principal also envisions an organic garden that could produce a student-led farmer's market.

Suwol said Lowry sounds "incredibly wonderful," but added that she'd feel better if the vegetables were grown in planters above the ground.  {I feel bad cackling over kids getting poisoned, so I won't shout "BWAHAHAHAHAAA!".  But at least, thanks to the 20 million child deaths from the DDT ban, the school won't be overcrowded.}

(via IHateTheMedia)

UPDATED to include the Crazed Sex Poodle pic.  Thanks to Aggie for sticking that back in our brains.

Posted by: Alice H at 12:34 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Yeah. How Dare We?

This lady over in England nails how the Eurotwats don't understand the opposition to Obama.

With the smug incomprehension in which it takes so much pride (can’t understand – won’t understand!), the BBC sets about the American Tea Party Movement as if it were a cross between the Klu Klux Klan and the German neo-fascist brigade. Not once in all the demonic depictions I have seen and heard (last week’s Newsnight package was particularly outrageous) have I heard a mention of what the TPM is actually about: taxation. (Note to BBC editors: the movement is named after the Boston Tea Party because it is protesting about the imposition of higher federal taxes and over-weening controls on citizens who believe their voices have been ignored.)

The British generally and the BBC in particular have a real problem understanding the obsessive suspicion in which the power of central government is held in the US. This is not some funny redneck eccentricity: it is fundamental to the Constitution which gives individual states much greater sovereignty than the countries of the European Union enjoy. The states have independent judicial systems (some states have capital punishment, others do not) and separate taxation systems (some have sales taxes, others do not). Only a Supreme Court ruling can over-turn state law by, for example, declaring something (such as abortion) to be a legal right which a state legislature may not deny.

Yeah. How dare we care for our future? How dare we cherish the freedoms brave men and women have died in order to protect? How dare we cherish the system set up that enables the United States to become the last best hope for man in the face of tyranny and despair? Yeah. How fucking dare we?

That's right. How fucking dare we care? What the fuck is wrong with us? Why can't we just take what the bureaucracy throws at us and ask for more? Why can't we just accept a lower standard of living and be happy, just so we don't get called racist?

You know why? Because we are fucking Americans. That's why. Freedom and opportunity were our birthrights, forged over 230 ago with people standing up, demanding that their leaders be held accountable, and refusing to accept limits on our futures. Liberty is our divinely entitled right, and fuck anybody who sees otherwise. Fuck them seriously and with the vigor that doesn't need boner pills to get ready. And fuck anybody on any side who wishes to endanger or limit those freedoms through deal making and then tell us they know better than us.

And how can we stand in front of our children and grandchildren and tell them that we sat silently by as the Leviathan sought to enevlop us? How? Through moderation? Fuck that. Fuck that with the forecock of future freedoms. Fuck anything close to surrender or compromise. I owe it to my daughter to refuse to let her future be threatened, and I must do what I can through the electoral process to preserve it. I must stand up and tell "our betters" that they are not special, and that they listen to us. I must exercise my rights, so that she will be able to have the same ones as she grows up. And I must not yield, for the other side never quits.

And while not easy, it can be accomplished. How do I know? Because I fucking lived through it. And I know we can do it again.

So fuck you, statist critics of freedoms. Fuck you, go to hell, and let us save the future.

Posted by: eddiebear at 10:07 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Oh yeah, and...

Posted by: Alice H at 10:38 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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An amazing tribute

Go read this now, and when you're done, you'll appreciate all the people in your lives who have believed in you and sacrificed things to help you reach your goals.  Be warned, though, you will likely shed at least a couple of tears.

Also, you will come away from it disliking Charlie Crist even more than before.

(Via Hot Air.)

Posted by: Sean M. at 09:55 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Awesome TV starts up again tonight.

Katey Sagal should have won an Emmy for last season. It's a travesty that she wasn't even nominated.  And I can't even begin to figure out what direction they're going to go this season; I thought I had it puzzled out and then I read something on Kurt Sutter's* blog that makes me think I've got it all wrong. 

*Yeah, he's a total lefty.  But the mental disorder that goes along with being that far out in moonbatland means that you're adept at creating some great believable fiction.

Posted by: Alice H at 02:20 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Please oh please let the author be in Texas

Where "he just needed killin" is still a valid defense.

I suppose the good news is, if we find someone in possession of this manual, we can lynch him right away instead of waiting for him to actually hurt someone.

Posted by: Alice H at 01:14 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Fourmile Fire

Posted by: Alice H at 10:58 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Oops!

A lot has been made about Obama's "They talk about me like a dog" remark today, but check out what he just barely avoids saying at around 0:48...



Almost told the truth there, didn't you?

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:00 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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I Like Art. Yes I Do

And this is art.

Jane said: “It is a bit like when children use their hands and feet to create individual pieces of pottery, but instead, women can use the shape of their breasts to make a unique ceramic piece.

“Women can then paint a plate, mug or other item of their choice, either with paint brushes or using their breasts.

“It is a tongue-in-cheek fun event, but it will all be done very tastefully and screening will be provided so women can create their breast 
artwork in privacy.

“If some women don’t fancy taking part in breast art, they can just do ordinary pottery and painting.

“Painted ceramics make ideal presents and I’m sure husbands and boyfriends will welcome painted breasts on their work mug!”

Posted by: eddiebear at 10:57 PM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
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Probably too soon for this

This is the same guy who refused to participate in the Super Bowl Shuffle because he thought it would be a distraction.



via Gawker.

And in keeping with the basketball spirit, Deadspin has a collection of bleacher collapse videos.

Posted by: Alice H at 11:12 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Kathleen Parker continues to be stupid

We have a few tried and true punching bags here, and Kathleen Parker is one who seldom fails to disappoint, so to speak.

In a column where she suggests that social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace may hold the key to Middle East peace—Facebook "friends" don't tend to kill each other, she basically contends—everyone's least favorite "conservative" columnist manages to out-stupid herself with the following:

Meanwhile, evidence mounts that sentiments are shifting among younger people, whose worldviews are broader than those of previous generations. Recent polling by Frank Luntz found that American Jewish college students are more willing than their elders to question the Israeli position. They resist groupthink and desperately want peace.

Might Palestinian youth feel similarly? Alas, I could find no similar polls.

Ahem.

First of all, we're talking about American college kids who have probably never faced a Hamas rocket attack being polled here, not Israelis. Secondly, you "could find no similar polls" because...

1.) I doubt Frank Luntz does much polling in Gaza and/or the West Bank and, more importantly...

2.) Many Palestinian children are brought up from birth to hate their Jewish neighbors and are taught early and often that killing people is a great way to get into heaven.

Such people are not known to desperately want peace.

Meanwhile, Kathleen Parker draws a paycheck from the MFM in between remembering to breathe.

Posted by: Sean M. at 05:40 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Sad news

One of my favorite comedians, Robert Schimmel, died of injuries he suffered in a car accident. He was only 60 years old.

He was one funny motherfucker, and he will be missed.

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:09 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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