Once again, the racist homophobic sexist teabagging right wing extremists are attacking the scientific credibility of a Democratic representative.  The hateful hacks of the Republican Party continue to deny the fundamental truths that peer-reviewed science brings to us.  Last time I checked, there is formidable scientific evidence to support the hypothesis that Guam could fall into the sea, or, as Congressman Hank Johnson put it, "flip over, and uh, capsize."

After all, Mister Plato, founder of the prestigious Athens Academy, documented the history of the island.  It is well known fact that, after the failed attack of Atlantis upon the city of Athens, the island fell victim to the dramatic climate change that was created by the Oracle at Delphi.  The natural gasses she inhaled created unsustainable amounts of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere as they were released.  Originally, Plato described Atlantis as being "swallowed up by the sea and vanished".  However, recent research by two MIT dropouts indicates that the scientific facts of this case - much like the so-called "facts" that these extremist nut job Republicans throw at us - are not what they seem.

Their research shows that the actual demise of the island of Atlantis is, in fact, a far more sinister component of global climate change, known as Tectonic Island Thermal Alignment Non-Isometric Cataclysm, or TITANIC.  To us, this would be unthinkable.  What we would have thought of as unsinkable only yesterday, tomorrow may lie in a watery grave, and only Congressman Hank Johnson is brave enough to speak out on behalf of the Island of Guam.  It's obvious that the despicable right-wing simply doesn't care about Guam, because only 10% of the population is white; so-called conservatism's ugly policies are continually rampant with racism.  The situation with TITANIC and the Island of Guam is just another example of their refusal to accept scientific facts when swayed by their fear of minorities.

From the paper in the Journal of Totally Awesome Science:

See, first they make bad air by letting that future-seer-girl get high on volcanoes.  Plus, there were cities.  Cities are bad.  All that bad volcano air creates a local greenhouse effect, in effect, warming the ocean locally.  Also, we’re pretty sure they made a big ozone hole.  There were cities.  There had to be ozone holes.  Right above them.  It was hot in Atlantis.

The stuff that islands are made of is probably full of methane.  Frozen methane.  From Krypton.  It’s trapped in all the rocks, which eats away at continental crust when super-heated by the bad volcano air which was compounded by the ozone hole right above them, like a giant magnifying glass made of bad.  As the methane escapes and eats the island, the island experiences earthquakes – much as happened in the island nation of Haiti.  Eventually, the island itself shears off like an iceberg, flips over, and capsizes, sinking to the ocean floor.

Our research indicates that bad car air is way worse than bad volcano air, and we anticipate this fate occurring to several island nations in the near future, Guam, Haiti, the United Kingdom, and Nantucket. 

So, to the racist homophobic sexist teabagging right wing extremist blogosphere, I say that you are today’s WORST PERSON … IN THE WOOOOORLD!

Posted by: KeithLOLbermann at 12:47 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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