May 29, 2009
Before I start, does anyone else get momentarily giddy when they read this headline?
N. Korea Defiantly Fires 6th Missile, Slams U.N.
Turns out the missile didn't hit the U.N. but landed in the ocean or something. Lame.
Anyway, I just wanted to touch on how the Chamberlain Administration is responding to this rapidly deteriorating situation:
With tensions high on the Korean peninsula, Chinese fishing boats left the region, possibly to avoid any maritime skirmishes between the two Koreas. But U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates said the situation was not a crisis and no additional U.S. troops would be sent to the region.
Oh, well never fucking mind then. For some reason I was under the absurd impression that North Korea was consistently threatening war with the South while simultaneously making aggressive military moves and detonating nuclear weapons. Where would a moron like me get that stupid idea?
"If the U.N. Security Council makes a further provocation, it will be inevitable for us to take further self-defense measures," the North's Foreign Ministry said in a statement carried by the official Korean Central News Agency.
Oh yeah. Well, in my infinite stupidity I must be misreading that. Certainly the North Koreans would never defy their 60 year armistice with South Korea:
On Wednesday, South Korean media reported that North Korea may be starting up its nuclear plant at Yongbyon, a site that was in the plutonium production business before the country agreed to shut down operations during the Bush administration.
In response, officials in Seoul, South Korea, announced they are joining the U.S.-led Proliferation Security Initiative (PSI) organized under U.N. Resolution 1718.
North Korea called that move a declaration of war, and the country's Central News Agency reported the regime no longer considers itself bound by the 1953 armistice. It also accused the United States, a signatory of the armistice, of "dragging" the South into the program through its "hostile policy" toward the North.
What was it that Teddy Roosevelt famously said about diplomacy? I believe it was, "Speak Softly and Shove A Stick Up Your Ass," or something to that effect. Well, Obama is the living end when it comes to speaking softly and Hillary definitely has something in her colon so I think we're in good shape.
... Or fucked. Yeah, that's it. We're totally fucked.
See, if I were North Korea I'd invade South Korea in the next few weeks. I'd do it because I'm pretty sure I'd get away with it. The United States would do literally nothing because we have the most useless executive to ever lead this country. Also, the mere act of invasion would destroy the global economy in one day. China would either do nothing or attempt to control the situation but either way I figure they'd start putting their money somewhere other than our debt.
Sure, 35,000 American troops would be in the way of 1,000,000 Nork soldiers but does anyone really think the One would commit the necessary military assets to the peninsula to actually defeat them? Would Japan? Would China? With the threat of having one or more of their cities annihilated by nuclear fire? I don't know.
I do know that the objective North Korea seeks would be accomplished. They'd prove that they had the power to control events. The world would be forced to give in to their demands.
But, of course, they aren't going to do anything. They're just bluffing. Ask Bob Gates.
I think Gates is wrong. Like Japan after the Rape of Nanking and America's subsequent oil embargo, they have very little to lose by an aggressive posture. If the U.N. installs a strict sanction regime against them (which seems more likely than it usually is) they will literally be starving and out of fuel. The scary thing is they had to know this would be the global response to their actions and they did it anyway.
So, either they are using all this crazy shit as a bargaining chip to get what they already have* or they seriously intend to extract ransom in exchange for the survival of South Korea and the global economy.
And North Korea invading the South under the umbrella of nuclear protection isn't even the worst part! The worst part is that as soon as North Korea crosses the line all the other little assholes in the world are going to cross their lines too because it will be impossible for the U.S. to deal with something of that scale and put out fires all over the rest of the planet.
This is what we get when we put a 4 year old girl in charge. We get fucked.
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* - Free oil and food from the rest of the world.
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