May 02, 2008
ten things i'd change if i were dictator
Ten rules for when I'm dictator,
If any of you Morons want to do your own list, post it and drop a comment, I'll add a link to the end of this post...
1. There will be no more government mandated Nanny Bans on smoking in bars and restaurants, because every town should have the ability to have a nice place to enjoy a drink, a cigar and dinner, and sometimes we like having them together. In fact, no more government Nanny Bans at all, and we'll be reversing old Nanny Bans, all the fun stuff in life will be legal as long as you're an adult, or it involves consenting adults, and you aren't causing trouble for others.
2. We're ending this gun control nonsense once and for all, no more bans on any personal firearm, there will be some heavier background checks on automatic weapons, because we all know liberals are dangerous enough already without any weapons. We have to make sure you aren't some wacko leftist before letting you have a Ma Deuce, after all.
3. No more Bud, Bud Light, Miller, or any of that cheap mass-produced swill, Yuengling is the cheapest we'll accept from here on out. America will become the place to go to get the best beer.
4. Garrison Keillor and Rachel Ray are to be put in stocks on the Mall in DC and pelted with rotten produce for their high crimes against entertainment. I'll be placing bmac and Jen at Demure Thoughts in charge of finding any other crimes against entertainment or finding uppity entertainers that need smacked around.
5. All school districts will be mandated to offer vouchers at the very least, or go to a market system, the NEA will be disbanded, and the universities will be required to reform the failed teaching philosophies and methods they have been propping up and perpetuating, based on objective standards, not what meets their political agenda.
6. There will be a massive rebuilding effort of our energy grid, in order to meet the energy needs of today and tomorrow. No less then twenty nuclear reactors will be built in the next ten years. Any attempt by hippie luddites to get in our way will not be tolerated. All of the energy grid will be modernized to increase total output. All government funded green energy projects are to be defunded, except those outside of the Kennedy compound, or where any other prominent limousine liberals are living.
7. Every time a liberal whines about corporations, the military, or that so-and-so isn't getting taxed enough, they will individually be met with a tax increase of one tenth of a percent, and the taxes of all liberals making over $200,000(since that's the left's random number defining "rich" this year) go up one tenth of a percent, up to a maximum of 75% of total salary. This money will be used to pay for the increases in salary I'm planning for military personnel, and to buy them more sweet gear and advanced weapons. I figure you guys will have orbital lasers and Terminators in about six months, and really, you military folks could do whatever, lay around and sip Mai-Tais on a beach somewhere, the robot army'll take care of the rest.
8. Social security and entitlements shall be privatized, scrapped and/or taken over by charitable organizations or businesses, funded by private citizens and groups. The government is crap at helping people, and trying to make it help people is going to bankrupt everyone, so we're letting happen what'll work best, which is letting people figure out what actually works.
9. We'll have man back on the Moon in four years, and men on Mars in ten, feasibility studies on potential for habitation on Mars in another five years. NASA will be focused on exploration and research to advance exploration first and foremost. ISS is great and all, but c'mon, there's so much other shit that we could be doing that's even cooler.
10. We're rebuilding the infrastructure, roads, bridges and airports. Both our air and traffic grids are obsolete, and its time to upgrade and update in order to meet the needs of today and tomorrow. The roads will be built and rebuilt according to objective need and value, not on Harry Reid's latest investments.
Got one, anyone else? Jen has one up.
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If any of you Morons want to do your own list, post it and drop a comment, I'll add a link to the end of this post...
1. There will be no more government mandated Nanny Bans on smoking in bars and restaurants, because every town should have the ability to have a nice place to enjoy a drink, a cigar and dinner, and sometimes we like having them together. In fact, no more government Nanny Bans at all, and we'll be reversing old Nanny Bans, all the fun stuff in life will be legal as long as you're an adult, or it involves consenting adults, and you aren't causing trouble for others.
2. We're ending this gun control nonsense once and for all, no more bans on any personal firearm, there will be some heavier background checks on automatic weapons, because we all know liberals are dangerous enough already without any weapons. We have to make sure you aren't some wacko leftist before letting you have a Ma Deuce, after all.
3. No more Bud, Bud Light, Miller, or any of that cheap mass-produced swill, Yuengling is the cheapest we'll accept from here on out. America will become the place to go to get the best beer.
4. Garrison Keillor and Rachel Ray are to be put in stocks on the Mall in DC and pelted with rotten produce for their high crimes against entertainment. I'll be placing bmac and Jen at Demure Thoughts in charge of finding any other crimes against entertainment or finding uppity entertainers that need smacked around.
5. All school districts will be mandated to offer vouchers at the very least, or go to a market system, the NEA will be disbanded, and the universities will be required to reform the failed teaching philosophies and methods they have been propping up and perpetuating, based on objective standards, not what meets their political agenda.
6. There will be a massive rebuilding effort of our energy grid, in order to meet the energy needs of today and tomorrow. No less then twenty nuclear reactors will be built in the next ten years. Any attempt by hippie luddites to get in our way will not be tolerated. All of the energy grid will be modernized to increase total output. All government funded green energy projects are to be defunded, except those outside of the Kennedy compound, or where any other prominent limousine liberals are living.
7. Every time a liberal whines about corporations, the military, or that so-and-so isn't getting taxed enough, they will individually be met with a tax increase of one tenth of a percent, and the taxes of all liberals making over $200,000(since that's the left's random number defining "rich" this year) go up one tenth of a percent, up to a maximum of 75% of total salary. This money will be used to pay for the increases in salary I'm planning for military personnel, and to buy them more sweet gear and advanced weapons. I figure you guys will have orbital lasers and Terminators in about six months, and really, you military folks could do whatever, lay around and sip Mai-Tais on a beach somewhere, the robot army'll take care of the rest.
8. Social security and entitlements shall be privatized, scrapped and/or taken over by charitable organizations or businesses, funded by private citizens and groups. The government is crap at helping people, and trying to make it help people is going to bankrupt everyone, so we're letting happen what'll work best, which is letting people figure out what actually works.
9. We'll have man back on the Moon in four years, and men on Mars in ten, feasibility studies on potential for habitation on Mars in another five years. NASA will be focused on exploration and research to advance exploration first and foremost. ISS is great and all, but c'mon, there's so much other shit that we could be doing that's even cooler.
10. We're rebuilding the infrastructure, roads, bridges and airports. Both our air and traffic grids are obsolete, and its time to upgrade and update in order to meet the needs of today and tomorrow. The roads will be built and rebuilt according to objective need and value, not on Harry Reid's latest investments.
Got one, anyone else? Jen has one up.
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