Isn't it convenient that Hurricane Gustav dissipated, but not before it menaced the Republican National Convention enough to force the most unpopular president since John Adams to cancel his appearance? 

That's the question being asked by investigative journalist Andrew Sullivan in his latest dispatch on the popular consertive blog, Daily Dish (link unavailable due to DPUD posting guidelines).  The former GOP strategist turned philosopher wrote that:

"It seems awfully convenient that head torturer George Bush was able to have an excuse not to visit the mob of religious fanatics calling itself a convention, and instead was represented via a message from the head dominatrix of the US, who is for some gobsmackingly unknown reason popular with the type of sniveling worm that is causing this country to sink into a despair that only Barack Obama can pull us out of."

However, using contacts developed during his long years within the inner circle of the Republicans, Sullivan thinks he knows the answer:

"They have a weather machine.  They used it to destroy New Orleans three years ago, and now they've used it to help get their convention off to a stealthy start so that they can insert platform points about making the official religion of the United States Jews for Jesus and making it illegal to put gerbils in your anus.  Not that I do that very often.

"It's also pretty convenient that they managed to get independent journalists like Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews distracted with faux hurricane coverage, instead of continuing to dig in to the real stories that impact this nation, like the bedroom habits of Bristol Palin and vetting via innuendo.  If it's on Google, it's good."

Later, Sullivan asserted that "very often" constituted more than five times per week.  He went on to note that:

"John McCain is very old and will likely die before inaguration, so the anti-Jew status of his hateful sidekick is important for voters to realize, as well as her passion for forcing her children to bear offspring that she then raises as her own in cultlike fashion.  This is why Bush and Co. menaced Louisiana with Hurricane Gustav: to distract the nation.

"Remember, these people shoot their friends in the face with shotguns just for fun!"

Fortunately, Sullivan also had an explanation on how Bush could prove that he was innocent of malfeasance:

"All the torturer-in-chief needs to do to prove he doesn't have a weather machine is allow free and open access to all the scientific records of the national labs, preferably by posting them all on the Internet, as well as give detailed accounting of his movements the last three years.  Until he does this, I will believe that there is something to hide."

"There. Is. No. Other. Explanation."

Posted by: plebian at 05:20 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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