November 27, 2008

President-Elect Obama Overrules Pardons

Calling them "travesties of justice" and following through on his vow to bring change to Washington, President-Elect Barack Obama made the unusual step today of overruling President Bush's recently celebrated pardons, saying that the condemned "deserved exactly what they have coming to them."
Obama made the shocking announcement just hours before holding his star-studded President-Elect Thanksgiving Party in his Chicago headquarters, with a guest list which not only makes the Oscars seem like Hee-Haw, but is so long that he requires two full-size turkeys to accommodate everyone.
The condemned in question were the heads of the Pumpkin and Pecan crime families.  While Bush had long ago announced his full confidence in the criminals and vowed to set them free, Obama, eager to burnish his credentials as being tough on crime, stepped in via his authority as President-Elect and overruled the pardons.
Reports said that the sentence for the two "was carried out swiftly", although rumors that David Shuster fainted in the press room have not been confirmed.  A spokesperson did confirm that the veteran newsman "got the vapors" and felt dizzy, but would not comment on the report that Shuster "screamed like a little girl and wet his pants" before toppling face-down in a bowl of avocado dip.
New York Times editors said that the unusual move was "a right, and good, and just action, and will help to finally heal this country after eight years of Republican neglect."  They went on to publicly call for President Bush to step aside so that "the firm hand of Obama can rest easy on the tiller of the ship of state."

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