September 30, 2008

PETI Begs for Understanding

A PETI spokeswoman today pleaded for tolerance from the public after another pointlessly extravagant demand by animal-rights groups led most to question not only their motives but their sanity.  The organization hopes to head off a backlash caused by PETA’s latest juvenile attempt to shock people into not eating animals, which is unlikely to be successful because most animals are delicious.
“We at the People for the Ethical Treatment of Idiots want everyone to remember that their friends, loved ones, or even they themselves might, in fact, be an idiot.  Just because the population of PETA Is fully stocked with idiots doesn’t mean that we can discriminate against them.  Even though we want to.”
PETI also said that those who mistakenly watched the video of chickens being defoliated by high-pressure air should have known better than to click on a scantily-clad Pamela Anderson in hopes of seeing her naked.
“Rode hard and put away wet?” said a PETI member.  “More like half past skanky, quarter ‘till cadaver.”
PETI spokeswoman Lindsay Lohan said the problem should be discussed more openly.  “You could be an idiot and not even know it, like those people who are poor because they don’t know that you need money in order to not be poor.”
A PETI statement said that they wanted to remind people that “there’s a good reason Lohan is our spokeswoman.”

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