June 19, 2008

Land Developer with Ties to Obama Indicted

The Obama campaign received more bad news this morning when a federal judge handed down indictments against construction company Holey Dynamite.  Closely tied with Obama foreign affairs consultant Winnie the Pooh, HD’s chairman, Gopher, is also a noted Democratic financier and is reputed to have connections to the Hundred Acre Mafia.

At the center of the investigation are a series of construction deals made between Pooh and Gopher during the development of the Hundred Acre Resort and Casino, from which Pooh and several of his friends profited when HD converted the rural area into one of the country’s hottest resort destinations.

 

The project had been the source of tensions between Gopher’s company and the local Heffalump residents, who have repeatedly alleged that Pooh and his friends harassed them in order to drive them off of their lands for a fraction of their value.

 

Saul McKay, spokesman for the Heffalumps, said that his clients were strongarmed into selling lands that had been in the family for generations. 

 

 “With the financial power of Gopher behind them, Pooh and his friends made my clients out to be vicious, honey-stealing thugs in order to devalue the land and buy it for pennies on the dollar.”

 

When asked about the issue, an Obama spokesman called it “a distraction from the real issues facing this nation, like mental health care to make sure that everyone doesn’t end up trying to take their own life like Eeyore.”

 

Responding to the scandal, GOP candidate John McCain repeated his plan to “grant an amnesty to all Woozles living in the United States regardless of how they got here, because that will really upset my so-called Republican base.”

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