September 30, 2008

California to be Energy Exporter by 2015?

After a long battle between faux Republican governor Arnold Swartzenegger and the California Legislature, which is mostly communist with a green garnish, the government of the largest state has committed itself to developing its vast resources of smug for the production of clean energy, which it hopes to provide to the rest of the nation.

“Just the smug from San Francisco alone could power the Eastern seaboard!” said Green Party chairman Karl Lenin. “And if we can get even one of the smug generators in West Hollywood or Beverly Hills operating, we’d be able to power every state west of the Rockies! Except for Wyoming, home of Dick Cheney and a festering hellhole that should be depopulated.”

A spokesman for the governor called it “yet another nail in the coffin of Arnold’s political career and a clear sign that the constitutional ban on non-citizens running for president was a very good thing.”

Scientists pointed out that there is no known way to turn smug into anything other than annoyance, but other than global warming they are typically wrong about everything, so they may be ignored.

Millionaire investor T. Boone Pickens said he looked forward to selling the Smug Collectors, because “whether or not they work I’ll get my millions selling them.”

Al Gore said that while encouraging, the step didn’t go far enough. “We’ve reached a tipping point, a veritable point of no return, where we are over the knife edge and past the event horizon. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m out of trite phrases, and I have to go now because I just got word that another one of my houses has been burned to the ground.”

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