Big Brother Daddy is Watching Looking Out For You

In a column published last week, after detailing her upbringing by a strict father, Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich scoffs at a recent Reason magazine article which concluded that her fair city "reigns supreme when it comes to treating its citizens like children."

Writes Schmich:

Reason, a libertarian journal, surveyed the 35 most populous American cities to determine how they "balance individual freedom and government paternalism."

Concluding that Chicago was the strictest of all, the article mocked our bans on handguns and public smoking and—as easy as shooting geese in a barrel—the recently rescinded ban on foie gras.

The complaints went on. The article stomped its foot over our limits on serving trans fats in restaurants and blathering on cell phones while driving.

It whimpered about our police cameras, our tax on bottled water, our high cigarette and alcohol taxes, and, in the way of many a 10-year-old, seemed to equate the fact that we can't have whatever fun we want whenever we want it with an assault on our basic freedom. But where some people see paternalism, we weirdos believe that most of Chicago's rules help turn unruly city dwellers into civilized citizens. Big cities are like big families—put a lot of people into a small space and somebody has to be charged with the power to say "Stop it."

She goes on to list several other things, like barbecue lighter fluid and air conditioning, which she wishes the city would take away from her neighbors.

That's a fine idea. Next, how's about we come up with a few other things Big Daddy could take away from Mary. You know, for her own good. Might I suggest:

-Hybrid cars. The smug is a terrible problem.
-Hair and nail salons. The chemicals can't be good for the environment.
-Coffee shops. All those paper cups and the little paper things that keep you from burning your hand. Shudder.
-Newspapers. More paper. They probably still cut down trees to make it.

Got any more ideas? We've got to save Mary from herself, people!

(h/t)

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:48 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
Post contains 351 words, total size 3 kb.