Many have questioned the wisdom of having Obama appear on a faux Greek temple to give his acceptance speech tonight.  Well, what you didn't consider was the ideas that he rejected.  Fortunately, I found a list of the other options he was offered before choosing Obama meets Alexander.
 
Pyramid
A giant sixty-foot pyramid is constructed at midfield, and when the time for the speech comes the upper section tilts backwards to reveal Obama inside, who then gives a stirring speech to those assembled about how he will work to "erase George Bush's name from the history books."
Although volunteers were available for the labor, this was still abandoned as too expensive.
 
Half of the Titanic
Obama gives his speech from the deck of half of the Titanic, sticking up out of the midfield turf as if it is sinking.  The theme for the speech is "Righting the Ship of State" and focuses on how we'll recover from 8 years of Republican misrule.  Leonardo DiCaprio is on board to introduce him by yelling "The next king of the world, Barack Obama!"
Rejected because some thought the image of Obama on a sinking ship would resonate poorly with voters.
 
Tree of Life
A three-hundred-foot-tall tree, akin to the one in Disney's Swiss Family Robinson exhibit, takes center stage, with Obama standing beneath it's branches talking about how important it is to live in harmony with all the peoples of the world as well as with nature, and how he would help us to "repair our grievous injury to the only planet we've got."
During construction of the graphite tree, a smelly hippie known only as Dumpster Pop-Tart climbed up in it and refused to leave until all windmills were turned off at night to protect bats.  The project had to be abandoned because there is no known way to get a hippie out of a tree.
 
Christmas in Cambodia
Invesco field is turned into a steaming jungle, and Obama gives his speech from the deck of a patrol boat talking about how our military is turning young men and women into killing machines that commit acts of savagery not seen since the Franco-Prussian war.  His speech centers on how the horrors of fighting in an unjust war affected him.
Nobody but John Kerry thought this was a good idea.
 
Urban Renewal
Obama stands in the middle of an urban wasteland and begins by yelling "who's the candidate?" with the crowd answering "sho'nuff!"  Then, as he talks about his experience doing community development, the gritty cityscape is turned into an attractive urban scene with cafes, organic grocery stores, and schools with massive funding problems. 
This set was constructed but seized by police as evidence after a Detroit stripper's body was dumped here, clad in nothing more than a washcloth monogrammed with "Mayor KK."  Police have no suspects.
 
Class is in Session
Returning to his most familiar setting, a faux classroom is set up and Obama gives a lecture on the importance of good governance to the nation, with 80,000 students receiving a PhD in Obamaology when he's finished.
Idea abandoned after Joe Biden read his introductory speech, titled "We will fight them on the beaches" and which appeared to be lifted completely from Winston Churchill, except for several spelling and grammatical errors.
 
SUCKERS!
Obama walks out and a giant banner unfurls behind him that says "SUCKERS!"  He then reveals that his master plan was to be president, and he hasn't really thought about anything after that, so he's turning the country over to unreformed 60's radicals who will attempt to destroy the economy and allow communists to run amok on the world stage.
Held over for inaugural address.

Posted by: plebian at 01:26 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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