IN a surprising announcement, highly-touted pollster Zigby today said that President Obama’s healthcare plan showed a sudden surge, giving hope to the beleaguered president and his congressional allies.  Support for the single-payer plan increased to 55% of those surveyed between July 24 and 27, with those under 35 now favoring the plan by an overwhelming 3 to 1 margin despite fervent Republican efforts to paint the plan as “a one-way ticket to government-forced euthanasia of the elderly.”
 
Vice President Joe Biden appeared on CNN to refute the charges, but made the situation worse when he said that “we’ll probably end up having to let a lot of old people die, but none of those who are politically connected.  And you probably won’t know any of ‘em anyways.”
 
Some even suggested that it was this part of the plan that suddenly made it attractive, as Generation X members realized they could increase the solvency of their pension plans as well as seize their inheritance before their Boomer parents squandered it on erectile-dysfunction pills and "medicinal" marijuana.  Typical of respondents was on Chelsea C in New York, who said “my parents are nothing but a couple of out-of-control embarrassments anyways.  The sooner they’re gone the better for everybody.”
 
A new lobbying group, Planned Orphanhood, has also sprung up to address this issue and already boasts 35,000 members.  Spokesperson Parpindo Geisel said in a statement that “Planned Orphanhood hopes to help adults in Generations X and Y assist their elders in making difficult end-of-life decisions, allowing the young people of today enjoy what little largesse will be available after our rapacious government taxes us into poverty.  Otherwise the Baby Boomers will continue their selfish habits of hogging all the best pensions, drugs, and lakefront property while saddling their offspring with a mountain of Chinese debt.”
 
Noted cranks the AARP called the new group “a syndicate of the purest evil” and denounced them, but Geisel responded that “those codgers are gonna be first on the list.”

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