December 12, 2008

The dead have risen, NTTAWWT

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You Mean Tax Cuts Are Popular In Europe? Who Knew?!?

Especially in Germany.

Some 80 percent of those polled said they thought lowering taxes were the right way to bolster growth. Only 11 percent said they thought a consumer voucher – rumoured to be under consideration by the German government for an economic stimulus package – would be effective.

About 73 percent of poll participants said they thought the economy was in bad shape, meanwhile 26 percent said things were good. Some 64 percent found their personal financial situation to be unsatisfactory, and 35 percent were happy with the balance on their bank accounts.

There was speculation in November that the German government was considering giving the country's consumers €500 vouchers, but so far officials have denied they are planning any such measures.

In the wake of the global financial crisis, the German government has cut taxes and announced infrastructure spending worth more than €32 billion to jumpstart its economy, but is still under pressure to do more.

What a shock that after 50 years of socialized everything, Europe is starting to lurch back in the direction of free market ideals, while America seems to be more than willing to "spread the wealth".

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Your Daily Dose Of WTF, Ninja Cats Edition

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A Handful Of Green Berets vs. 250 Or So Taliban: Who Ya Got?

I think we know the answer to this one.

"If we went that way, we would have all died," said Howard, who was hiding behind 12-inch-high rocks with bullets bouncing off about every 10 seconds. Insurgents again nearly overran the U.S. position, firing down from 25 yards away — so near that the Americans said they could hear their voices. Another 2,000-pound bomb dropped "danger close," Howard said, allowing the soldiers to get away.

 Finally, after hours of fighting, the troops made their way down to the streambed, with those who could still walk carrying the wounded. A medical evacuation helicopter flew in, but the rotors were immediately hit by bullets, so the pilot hovered just long enough to allow the in-flight medic to jump off, then flew away.

 A second helicopter came in but had to land in the middle of the icy, fast-moving stream. "It took two to three guys to carry each casualty through the river," Ford said. "It was a mad dash to the medevac." As they sat on the helicopter, it sustained several rounds of fire, and the pilot was grazed by a bullet.

 By the time the battle ended, the Green Berets and the commandos had suffered 15 wounded and two killed, both Afghans, while an estimated 150 to 200 insurgents were dead, according to an official Army account of the battle. The Special Forces soldiers had nearly run out of ammunition, with each having one to two magazines left, Ford said.

 "We should not have lived," said Walding, reflecting on the battle in a phone interview from Fort Bragg, N.C., where he and the nine others are to receive the Silver Stars today. Nine more Green Berets from the 3rd Special Forces Group will also receive Silver Stars for other battles. About 200 U.S. troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan have received the Silver Star, the U.S. military's third-highest combat award.

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So, What State REALLY Is The Most Corrupt?

Almost if by cue, The Deciders have determined via their "Fuzzy Math" that Illinois is not really the most crooked of Obama's 57 States. Which one is?

According to the article, North Dakota has 8.3 public corruption convictions per 100,000 residents.  Illinois only has 3.9.

The trick here was to use the phrase ‘per-capita basis' in the analysis.  Using the logic presented here by Fritze and his colleagues, they have logically justified that North Dakota's 53 overwhelming public corruption convictions between 1998 and 2007 is solid proof that the state has more of a black eye when it comes to its government, than Illinois, which had a mere 502 convictions during the same period.  Why?  Because North Dakota is a more sparsely populated state.

Oh, I see. When I think of North Dakota (which is seldom), I ALWAYS think of corruption, and not whatever the hell it is really goes on there.

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December 11, 2008

Yes, I am actually sad about this

Bettie Page passed away.

She was 85 so it's not like this is a huge shock but it's still sad.  I hope she is at peace.

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Turkey Day at Blago's

Matthew Continetti of The Weekly Standard has, um, found some additional pages from the Feds' criminal complaint against the disgraced Illinois Governor:

111 a. On or about November 27, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH, his wife and daughters, and BLAGOJEVICH's chief of staff JOHN HARRIS ate Thanksgiving dinner together. BLAGOJEVICH's wife asked BLAGOJEVICH to "please pass the potatoes." BLAGOJEVICH asked what his wife was willing to give him for "the f---ing potatoes" because "these f---ing things aren't f---ing cheap." HARRIS said that BLAGOJEVICH's wife might donate $250,000 to Friends of Blagojevich in exchange for the potatoes.
Heh. Read the whole thing.

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Best mall Santa pics evar

The right mix of creepy and hilarious.

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If at first you don't succeed...

Just keep ramming it further up their ass.

Of course, even if this fails again they'll just find a way to remove the need for a vote.

After all, we can't have these stupid yokels selling 60g kiwis.  Civilisation would break down.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 04:15 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Romania Knows How To Handle Zombies

Tax them!

Bungling civil servants had mixed him up with another man but although Stirbu pointed out what they had done they refused to acknowledge their mistake until Stirbu won a 12 month legal claim to be declared alive.

Judges renewed his status as alive - and then charged him ?500 in court costs.

Mr Stirbu said: "When the judge ruled in my favour I was absolutely delighted - and then seconds later was absolutely shocked when I found out I would have to pay so much in legal bills.

"I will of course appeal the imposition of the costs but I am already beginning to wonder whether or not I would have been better off staying dead." - ananova.com

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Santa May Not Be Around This Winter

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People who hate children shouldn't teach

A substitute teacher took out her frustrations on a class of second graders.

A primary school teacher who left a class of 25 pupils in tears after she told told them Santa Claus did not exist has been fired..

When excited youngsters became rowdy as they talked about Santa, the supply teacher blurted out: 'It's your parents who leave out presents on Christmas Day.'

The class of seven-year-olds at Blackshaw Lane Primary School, Royton, near Oldham, Greater Manchester burst into tears and told their parents when they arrived home.
The substitute teacher won't be returning to the school.  If she has any love for children whatsoever, she should recognize that she has no business being around children in a position of authority.  Not due to claiming that Santa doesn't exist, but because anyone who would inflict that sort of pain en masse on a group of second graders is just an awful person and hopefully realizes that she should never put herself in a position to do it again.

(This is a sore subject for me anyway, as a radio ad last week had a child asking repeatedly whether someone would tell them the truth about anything, then asked out of the blue if there was a Santa Claus.  Which then had my six-year-old son questioning Santa's existence, in front of my two-year-old daughter.  Needless to say, they've lost a listener for the rest of the holidays.)

(h/t IndyEnigma)

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Obama's Fault: Where the fuck is Moron Pundit?

I'm not sure how I can connect this but my recent run of stressful situations, work overloads, the decision to move (perhaps into a HOUSE!!!!!1eleventy) and every other distraction keeping me from blogging is definitely Obama's fault.

I know you've all missed me so I thought I'd drag myself out of the PHP Mines and give a dose of what Obama has fucked up since my last update. 

Answer:  A whole heck of a lot.

There?  Enjoy your MP fix?  What else could you want, a reach around?  MP don't play that, motherfuckers.  Morons need love, too, but they have to pay for it.

* - Obama is full of shit on this one and everyone in Illinois knows it.  Every politician in Illinois is dirty on some level.  Hell, almost every person in Chicago has been involved in some type of corrupt activity.  I remember I once had to go to a downtown building to install a sample of a product for my company and we had to bribe the fucking building manager not to "rat us out to the plumbing union." 

Amazing.

** - What?  Cholera is caused by shit, right?

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First They Came For The Masturbating Old Men Near A Pool, And I Said Nothing

Well, actually, this fellow seems like a bit of a pervert.

The incident took place in June 2007 near the pool at LÃ¥ngviksbadet in Kalmar in southern Sweden, reports the Oskarshamns-Tidningen newspaper.

As the girls, who were 13-years-old at the time, gathered beneath the pool’s diving board, they noticed a naked man masturbating on a bench outside the nearby sauna.

“He looked at us and smiled when he did it. We were shocked and thought it was disgusting,” said one of the girls in court.

The 60-year-old admits that he saw the girls while he was sitting naked on the bench, but denies that he was masturbating.

“I haven’t had an erection in the last ten years,” said the man.

“I’m engaged in a number of therapies, including TFT, thought feel therapy. It involves tapping on different points [on the body].”

In his defence, the man also presented a note from his doctor elaborating on his groin problems.

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Only ask appropriate questions

It's been noted at Political Punch that questions submitted to the change.gov Open for Questions website are being screened for approved content; most specifically questions about Rod Blagojevich are being flagged as inappropriate. So let's take a look at what has passed muster as an appropriate question:

Does Burt Reynolds excite YOU?

Full-size image available below the fold here.

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Normally, The Words "Woman" + "Prison"+"Cellmate" Would Help My Healing Hand Heal Faster

But not in this case, especially since the woman involved doesn't look anywhere as Foxy Brownish as the babes in those prison movies I watched in high school college last night.

The 4th District Court of Appeal ruled Wednesday that she is indeed "cohabitating" - with her cellmate.

Two members of the three-judge panel concurred and ordered her alimony payments stopped. A third dissented, writing Craissati's involuntary assignment to a cellmate is not cohabitation. "I would affirm the trial court's reasoning that this is an absurd result," wrote Judge Larry Klein.

The couple divorced in 2001. In 2005, Patricia Craissati was sentenced to nine years in prison for a DUI accident which severely injured two men. She is at Hillsborough Correctional Institution on the west coast.

Her attorney, Steven Cripps, said when he first heard of the ex-husband's argument that she was cohabitating with a cellmate he said: "Are you kidding me? You are going to take advantage of this situation and do this?"

Cripps says she's been receiving just over $2,000 a month in alimony while in prison. He said he will ask for a rehearing before the appeals court.

"It goes to show the most winnable case is losable and the most losable case is winnable," said the attorney of 29 years.

Andrew Craissati, a self-employed investment banker from West Palm Beach, said an uninformed person might consider his actions mean, but that there are many factors people don't know about. For one, he has had to pay as her house has sat empty because she did not want to rent it out. He called his victory "bittersweet."

"Everything about this case is just so sad," Craissati said.

His attorney, Lewis Kapner, said the ruling is grounded in the general language of the couple's agreement - cohabitation simply defined as living with another person for more than three months.

 

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Literary Reviews Can Sometimes Be Awesome

And this is one example.

That literary turd we can’t seem to scrape from the bottom of our thong, Kathy Lette, has admitted – in the pages of London’s The Daily Mail, and on Australian morning television - to having had an affair with a married man. Now, I’m aware that there are some people who’d rather watch their own children slow grilled on a bed of live paederasts than see Kathy Lette talking, let alone to read her terrible writing, but blow me down if the piece in The Daily Mail didn’t feature scarcely a pun at all (well, maybe one or two, but that’s well down on Kathy’s usual high fre-pun-cy!). I have decided, then, to rewrite Kathy’s piece and publish it below, torturing the prose in the manner to which Kathy’s poor suffering words are accustomed. Enjoy…

It was way back in 1980, readers, when Kathy met some guy in a local gym whom she allowed to take her home for a bit of the old how’s your father. This was a guy who thought “weights” was what you had to endure before picking up a bit of skirt! In fact, that night he managed some 366 pounds! He also thought to “come” was a signal to “go”, because, after he came, he went!

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Remember Barry Sanders?

Well, his son now plays football in Oklahoma.

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California FAILIN'

Hey, what a surprise! The Bluest of the Blue States (you know, the one I live in) is about to go broke:

California lawmakers just got a Henry Paulson-like ultimatum from state officials: If they don't act, the state could be forced to suspend road, bridge, and other public-works projects as early as next week. Come March, California will be out of cash for even day-to-day operations.

A confluence of the national recession and years of legislative budget games is squeezing the Golden State as never before. Although it's not the largest budget gap the state has ever faced, this time it will be harder for California to get help from private lenders. Standard & Poor's now ranks it lower than any other state except Louisiana, which shares the same rating.

The question is: Will lawmakers finally make the tough budget decisions they've put off for so long?

Um, based on the results of a joint session of the Legislature I'm guessing the answer is no.

During the joint session, members listened attentively, but their questions and statements afterward didn't reveal much softening of positions. Republicans signaled continued opposition to tax raises, while Democrats stressed they had already countenanced "devastating spending cuts" and some new revenue was needed. Democrats are a few seats shy of a full two-thirds majority needed to pass a budget on their own.

"It's not clear what my colleagues on the other side of the aisle want," said Karen Bass (D), speaker of the state Assembly, who helped organize Monday's joint session.

Well, if you need me to spell it out for you, Karen, some more "devastating" spending cuts would be good. Or, and hear me out, since this is a little crazy, you could cut taxes.  That could put more money in the hands of California's consumers and business owners. You know, money that they could spend, invest, or use to hire new employees.  Money that would circulate through the state, generating new tax revenues.

Yeah, who am I kidding?  Hello, tax hikes!

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December 10, 2008

The more you know

Veeshir sends this along....yeah, it's probably old, it's still funny,



(h/t)

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