doubleplusundead

March 20, 2010

An Open Letter To Despair

The last few weeks, some unpleasant developments have hit my real world life, my family, and my country. And while I am worried and wish for the best, I have come to realize that while these developments may try to make me curl up, despair, and become a sniveling puss bag of pussiness and pansy, I have made my decision. I have made my choice. And I wish to tell the forces of darkness, despair, hopelessness, and the tyranny of the self-inflicted weakness the following. But first...
*lights Opus X Cigar*
*Downs bottle of Makers Mark*
*Vomits*
*Adjusts tie*:
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. FUCK YOU. FUUUUUUCKKKKKKK......YOOOOOUUUUU!!!!!!!!!1!1!!ELEVENTY!

Fuck you in an infinite loop with a crochet hook soaked in anger and hate up your circumcised with a carrot peeler dick. Fuck you for thinking that I would surrender and go away like all of the other dipshits and assholes who quit. Fucking fuckity fuck fuck you for thinking that I would simply accept shit the way it is and cry myself to sleep. Fuck you for thinking I would go down without a fight. And fuck you sex panther style for thinking you know me, for you obviously fucking do not.

You know what? I pity you, despair and hopelessness. I fucking pity you because you thought you had me. You thought the shit soaked splooge rage of suckiness you threw at me would win the day. You thought that kicking my ass would be enough. But you know what? You fucking failed, you fucking fencefucked fuckhamster of fucked up fuckheadedness and futility. You fucking failed, because I have had my ass kicked before. I have been laid low, beaten up and left to suffer. And I have answered the fucking bell every fucking time. I have taken the worst life can throw at me, and I am still fucking standing. I can never be completely conquered. I can never be subjugated. And I can never be taken prisoner by the darkness and fear you wish upon me.

So fuck off, despair. And get fucked in your eyesocket by hopelessness along the way. You picked the wrong person to test. Go try to find a fucking victory somewhere else. Go fucking try to fucking plant your sting of shit elsewhere. And if you wish to try me again, let me offer you some knowledge:

Come and fucking try to fucking beat me, asshole. Come and fucking try.

***UPDATE: VIDEO GOODNESS***

Posted by: eddiebear at 11:10 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 418 words, total size 2 kb.

1 A take-no-prisoners, scorched-earth, defiant-to-the-end, zero-compromise, cigar-smokin' editorial. Well put.

Posted by: Lemur King at March 21, 2010 12:44 AM (QEb2l)

2 Well said. So I guess Tony McAuliffe was channeling you.

Posted by: cbullitt at March 21, 2010 07:30 AM (AipKT)

3 Verra nice, indeed! When I saw your e-mail, I began to cry and pray. When I read this, I began to smirk, knowing you not only meant what you wrote, but wanted us to feel the same. I raise my coffee and salute you, eddie.

Posted by: LC Aggie Sith at March 21, 2010 08:29 AM (+bSoE)

4 Well done. I am keeping you and yours in my thoughts, Eddiebear. With strength and determination like that, you'll make it through anything.

Posted by: Nicole at March 21, 2010 09:54 AM (iUBlB)

5 Well said, eddiebear. It's time to be done with the Eeyoreism. What would the Founding Fathers have said to the people now who are whining and giving up?

Unless I have been literally killed dead, I have not been defeated. Quitting is for pussies (and politicians).

It's past time for us to man up and get the work done. And by the way, the work is never done. That's called Life. Get used to it, people.

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