December 28, 2009

Zombie frogs

Tastes just like chicken.  Except I've never seen chicken dance around after it's dead.


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Golf: the new hot-button issue

We know that Obama loves golf even more than Dubya did, but that it's okay, because he's smart'n'stuff.  So, now it appears that Obama won't leave the golf course when a terrorist attempts to blow up a plane, but will leave when an unnamed friend's family member gets injured.  Don't worry, though - it was only a "brief delay" to Teh Won's golfing game:

President Barack Obama abruptly ended his golf outing and sped in his motorcade to his compound Monday after he learned a child of a friend was injured while playing on the beach.

Members of the first family were fine, a White House official said, speaking on the condition of anonymity because of a reluctance to discuss personal matters involving the president.

Journalists when they returned to the secured neighborhood where Obama was staying saw an ambulance speed past with its lights on. The ambulance then left the neighborhood with a black sedan trailing.

The president was playing golf with friends from Chicago who joined him on his holiday vacation. The White House is not identifying which friend's child was injured.

After a brief delay, Obama returned to the course.

My favorite is the title of the article:  "Obama friend's child injured, golf interrupted".  (My emphasis, of course.)  How tragic.

Posted by: Ember at 08:26 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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How to get criminals to leave in a hurry

Once again, a law-abiding gun-owner uses his gun to protect himself and his belongings.  This time, it's especially fun, because the law-abiding gun-owner happens to be in his 80's.  Damn that 2nd ammendment, letting senior citizens protect themselves from criminals ...

An 81-year-old veteran pulled out a gun and turned the table on a pair of robbers, Sacramento police said.

Police said Howard "Buck" Buckner fell victim to a common ploy that robbers use in an attempt to get inside of a home.

The robbers faked an emergency, claiming their car had broken down and that they needed to use a phone.

But when Buckner turned to get a phone, the robbers attacked, police said.

"So he stepped inside, pulled out a gun and said, 'Turn off the light and back up. This is a robbery!'" Buckner said.

Buckner said the robbers paraded him through his Hollyhurst Way home at gunpoint in a search for his wallet.

"He kept saying he was going to pistol-whip me if I didn't find that wallet," Buckner said.

When Buckner could not find his wallet in the kitchen, they took him to his bedroom and left to continue searching the house.

Buckner picked his gun and sought to defend himself.

"I just reached in and grabbed my gun," Buckner said. "I hadn't fired it since 1960."

He wasn't sure if the gun would go off, but it didn't let him down.

"I pulled that trigger, and it worked," Buckner said.

He fired three shots from his bedroom, scaring off the robbers.

"They left," he said. "They left in a hurry."

 

Posted by: Ember at 07:24 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Let the woman driver bashing begin

This is what happens when a country's not afraid to offend half its population.  Un-PC as it may be to say so, I'd love to have an extra three feet of parking space due to a "different sense of distance".  Pink and purple, not so much.

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Web Poll - Worst Media Malpractice 2009

I posted it over at PAWatercooler, but I encourage all the morons to go vote for the worst media SNAFU of the year.

(Please behave -- the 'cooler is a PG-13-ish site.)

If this sounds familiar, that would be because I picked your brains about this earlier, but wanted to wait a while to post the poll because the year-end wasn't quite upon us.


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Random religious crap

I haven't had my first cuppa yet, so no cleverosity to go along with these, sorry.

While Jesus is bruising a banana peel, Allah is burning a small child.

The Vatican likes The Simpsons.

Obama skipped church on Christmas. Maybe they don't have a branch of TUCC on Oahu.

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You're a racist and you didn't even know it

Of course, you did know it, if you're in any way opposed to what Obama's been doing and you read or listen to the Beltway's Smart Set...

The left, which invented first "hate speech" (opinions they didn't like) and then "hate crimes" (crimes judged less on the criminal's actions than on what he was presumed to be thinking), has now gone on to its epiphany, which is "hate" defined not by your words or deeds but by what other people have decided you really think. "Hate" is no longer what you do or say, but what a liberal says that you think and projects on to you. You are punished for what someone else claims you were thinking. It hardly makes sense, but it does serve a political purpose. You could call it Secondhand Hate.
Hey, Secondhand Hate kills. Just ask super-smart federal official Janet Napolitano. She knows how systems work.

(h/t)

Posted by: Sean M. at 03:13 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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The System Is Just Mailing It In Right About Now

Yeah, I know. Jokes about "The System" are as unoriginal as my smooth operator lines I try to use on my wife, but this is getting ridiculous.

Kurt Haskell of Newport, Mich., who posted an earlier comment about his experience, talked exclusively with MLive.com and confirmed he was on the flight by sending a picture of his boarding pass. He and his wife, Lori, were returning from a safari in Uganda when they boarded the NWA flight on Friday.

Haskell said he and his wife were sitting on the ground near their boarding gate in Amsterdam, which is when they saw Mutallab approach the gate with an unidentified man.

Kurt and Lori Haskell are attorneys with Haskell Law Firm in Taylor. Their expertise includes bankruptcy, family law and estate planning.

While Mutallab was poorly dressed, his friend was dressed in an expensive suit, Haskell said. He says the suited man asked ticket agents whether Mutallab could board without a passport. “The guy said, ‘He’s from Sudan and we do this all the time.’”

Mutallab is Nigerian. Haskell believes the man may have been trying to garner sympathy for Mutallab’s lack of documents by portraying him as a Sudanese refugee.

The ticket agent referred Mutallab and his companion to her manager down the hall, and Haskell didn’t see Mutallab again until after he allegedly tried to detonate an explosive on the plane.



Call me crazy, but isn't a passport one of the prerequisites for people flying to and from the United States? I dunno, but that sounds fairly elementary to me.

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December 27, 2009

Remember When It Was A Bad Thing For A President To Golf During A "Major Event"?

Yeah, me too. But leave it to Marc Ambinder to defend Captain Awesome's actions during the recent failed terrorist attacks(Since it's not an Andrew Sullivan article, I feel safe linking it). And all I can do is mock the article in the almost whole.

The president's vacation activities might have become the subject of a fierce partisan fight -- but really, the only carping is coming from the usual suspects on the right {as opposed to you guys mocking Bush's vacations?-ed}.

There is a reason why Obama hasn't given a public statement.{He's clueless-ed}

 It's strategy {Oh. That's better. I was afraid it was because Captain Awesome didn't know what to do-ed}.

Here's the theory: a two-bit mook {I have seen variations of this phrase all over the leftysphere the last few days. I smell a meme-ed} is sent by Al Qaeda to do a dastardly deed. He winds up neutering himself. Literally.

Authorities respond appropriately; the president (as this president is wont to to) presides over the federal response. His senior aides speak for him, letting reporters know that he's videoconferencing regularly, that he's ordering a review of terrorist watch lists, that he's discoursing with his secretary of Homeland Security.

But an in-person Obama statement isn't needed; Indeed, a message expressing command, control, outrage and anger might elevate the importance of the deed {yeah, because an attempted murder of hundreds of folks in a plane and countless others on the ground is child's play, right?-ed.} would generate panic (because Obama usually DOESN'T talk about the specifics of cases like this, and so him deciding to do so would cue the American people to respond in a way that exacerbates the situation).

Obama of course will say something at some point {yeah. When the teleprompter arrives in Honolulu-ed.}. Had the terrorist blown up the plane, it's safe to assume that Obama would no longer be in Hawaii. In either case, the public will need presidential fortification at some point {and he has done such a spiffy job of "fortification" so far, as it relates to jobs, the economy, health care, etc., right?-ed}. But Obama is willing to risk the accusation that he is "soft" on terrorism or is hovering above it all, or is just not to be bothered (his "head's in the sand," or "golfing comes first") in order to advance what he believes is the proper collective response to a failed act of terrorism {yeah, because he has been a daring and risk taking politician so far. And, BTW, what is the "proper collective response"? Mass ennui? Or, do you not know?-ed}.

Let the authorities do their work {Because they actually have a clue what is going on-ed}. Don't presume {a Muslim man with a bomb on a plane? I am sure he was just gearing up for a New Years Eve Party, right?-ed}; don't panic the country; don't chest-thump {because Yee-haw was such a bad idea, right?-ed}, prejudge, interfere, politicize (in an international sense), don't give Al Qaeda (or whomever) a symbolic victory; resist the urge to open the old playbook and run a familiar play {I hate it when the old playbook is used. Especially when KILLING FUCKING TERRORISTS was a part of the previous season's approach-ed}

In a sense, he is projecting his calm on the American people, just as his advisers are convinced that the Bush administration projected their panic and anger on the self-same public eight years ago {where was the panic? All I saw was a resolute determination to skullfuck terrorists with Dick Cheney's cock to a level whereby a new species of humanoids was to be created-ones with a hole in the back of their heads-ed}

It's a tough and novel approach {so doing nothing and being silent is the new toughness? That only works when you are Clint Eastwqood, about to unleash a gallon of whoopass on Lee Van Cleef-ed} -- and not at all (as they say in Britain) party political -- because the standard political script would have the president and his attorney general appearing everywhere as soon as possible. {yeah, and telling people all is well. But that's just crazy old me talking-ed}


Floral Fuck Me With The Snapdragons of Fuckheadedness, that was a worthless piece of crap! What the fuck? So, Ambinder basically spent all that time and space, only to say that it's OK for Obama to dither, because he isn't Bush, and that his golfing and vacationing during a crisis is OK, because he is Captain Awesome? Give me a fucking break. This has to be one of the weakest defense of Obama I have read, and I have read plenty of shitty defenses of the man. I am going to drink a bucket of turpentine, and then light my intestines on fire to purge my brain of the stupidity I subjected myself to with this article.



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Another airplane that didn't get blown up ...

I thought, with all this talk of mean Nigerians trying to blow up perfectly good airplanes with firecrackers, a news story about somebody not trying to blow up airplanes with firecrackers would be appreciated.  You're welcome.

In the world of competitive paper airplane throwing [there's such a thing as a "world of competitive paper airplane throwing"? -ed.], a 20-second flight is exceptional, 25 or better is world class.

Thirty is the stuff dreams are made of.

Only one man — Japanese paper airplane virtuoso Takuo Toda — has ever come close to breaking the 30-second barrier. On Sunday, he set a world record for a hand-launched plane made with only paper, but fell just short of the 30-second mark.

Toda, flying a 10-centimeter-long craft of his own design, made 10 attempts to break his own record of 27.9 seconds set earlier this year in Hiroshima but failed to best his previous mark, settling for a 26.1-second flight.

That was still the best ever recorded for a strictly paper-only craft. His 27.9 record was set with a plane that had tape on it.

[...]

Toda, an engineer, is the head of the Japan Origami Airplane Association and is virtually unmatched in his ability to fold paper aircraft.

In keeping with traditional rules of the ancient Japanese art of origami, he uses only one sheet of paper, which he does not cut or paste.

He flew two variations of his world record-setting paper airplane Sunday — the one he used to set the duration record in April and an updated version with a fin. His April mark was recognized by Guinness World Records.

He did not use tape Sunday, which is allowed by Guinness. He chose to forgo tape because he wanted to follow traditional origami rules. His 26.1 mark was the best ever for a plane without cellophane tape keeping it together. Toda had that previous best as well, just over 24 seconds.

"I will get the 30-second record," he said. "It's just a matter of time."

Toda said that the secret to throwing a paper airplane is to aim upward — not straight — so that it has time to gain altitude and slowly circle back to the ground. Toda appeared to be on his way to a record Sunday, but his second and best throw was ruled a foul because it hit a passenger jetliner parked nearby [I'm not even sure how that happens; why are they throwing paper airplanes on a tarmack? -ed.].

"It's really a sport," he said. "The throwing technique is very delicate."

Along with breaking the 30-second barrier, Toda said his next goal was to launch a paper airplane from space. With funding from Japan's space agency, JAXA, Toda and a team of scientists have designed a plane they believe can withstand the intense heat of re-entry.

One of Toda's designs was scheduled to be released from the International Space Station this year, but that plan fell through in part because of problems with devising a means of tracking the planes as they fell back to Earth.

Toda and his colleagues are currently trying to interest Chinese or Russian space officials in reviving the idea.

We let Russia beat us into space.  We cannot let them beat us in the throwing-paper-airplanes-out-of-a-multi-billion-dollar-space-craft race.  Something should be done about this!

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A target-rich environment

Dave Barry's year in review column is up, and in spite of the fact that the past twelve months have been decidedly un-funny for most of us, it's hilarious. Here's one of my favorite bits:

The big health story in April is the rapid spread of swine flu, a dangerous new virus strain developed by the makers of Purell. Public anxiety over the flu increases when Vice President Joe Biden, demonstrating his gift for emitting statements, declares on the Today show that he would not recommend traveling by commercial airplane or subway. A short while later, White House spokesperson Robert Gibbs assures reporters that he is ``not aware of any `Vice President Joe Biden.' ''
To borrow a couple of popular blog phrases, "Heh" and "Read the whole thing."

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:28 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Expelled

Okay, its time for Nigeria to have a time out.  How about, nobody from that country gets to leave, especially on international airplanes, or send any electronic signals for a month. 

I'm really fucking tired of this country.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 07:19 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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The Denver Post is on top of things

http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d120/allish/denverpostisontopofthings.jpg

If there's any doubt in your mind as to just how on top of things the Denver Post is, check out the dateline on the story on the right.

Posted by: Alice H at 03:44 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Upstanding beacon of truth falsely incriminated by the Chimpy McHitlerburton VRWC

Our favorite troofer, Charlie Sheen, was locked up this Christmas in an attempt to silence him by George Dubya and the rest of the reich-wing Rethuglickans, including his wife.  You'd think that someone observant enough to realize that fire doesn't melt steel would realize that his evil spouse, mother of his evil twin babies, was in reality a double agent.  His wife obviously wasn't the victim here, nor was Kelly Preston.

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Peggy Noonan Just Can't Quit Barry

Fuck you, Peggy. Fuck you and your snotty spinsterish elitism with the hopes and dreams of Americans you helped destroy by pushing and shilling for Obama. Fuck you for either being a willing dupe or an outright hack to defend this imbecile, not for what he had accomplished (zilch), or for what he promised (egads!), but because he was a blank slate for which you and the rest of your amiable assfisters of abominable atrociousness to project YOUR fucking wishes, dreams, desires ("ooohhh....it's the 21st Century Jack and Jackie!") upon the rest of us and tell us WE were the evil racists if we dared question him. And fuck you for reminding me of that homely girl in school, who writes love poems in her diary to the school stud, hoping for that scant moment that Captain Cool will look at you in the hallway and say, "hi".

Seriously, Peggy. As Obama's administration becomes less and less popular, even in his own fucking party and movement, what do you do? Do you take the first, brave steps towards Obama Fangirlism Recovery and admit you were wrong? Do you ask for forgiveness from your putative side of the fucking political spectrum? Do you fucking ask for forgiveness from the American fucking people for pushing for this clown over the party that elevated a land grant educated, baby birthin' snowbilly to prominence? Absofuckinglutely not.

No, Peggy, you embarrass yourself even fucking further by tripling down on the adulation by writing this fuckdrippingly foolish paean to Obama as well as allowing his admirers to defend him in your column. And the best you fools could come up with?

"He's a young president, young in terms of youthful." Sometimes people come in to meet him and find "they came for a photo and he gives them a game" of pick-up basketball on the White House court. "Those are the things from a human perspective that make him so accessible. Accessible is the right word. He's emotionally available."

He is appreciative of his staff's efforts. "When you're working hard for your country and you know [he cares] it is huge." How does he show his thanks? "It's a little like a basketball game—'Thanks for that, I know what you did.' It's not a note or a pat or a call, it's a guy-to-guy thank you, 'That's cool, that's good.' You think, 'My coach got that I worked my ass off.'"

"As a person he is just an incredible human being who you can't help but love."



Oh, so we all are supposed to don the vestal robes and march up the volcano for Obama because he is the political equivalent of the assists leader in the Big 12? Seriously? Fucking seriously? Hey, Anonymous Admirer, I don't give a fucking flying fucklity fuck if he is a righteous dude or the "Floorburn Award" winner at the end of the year team pizza party. He is the Fucking President of the Fucking United States of Afuckingmerica. His job is to get shit accomplished and lead this country, not whip the towel on the bench. I fucking want Michael Fucking Jordan or Magic Fucking the Ladies Johnson out there. I want a fucking winner who is confident of himself and his abilities, feelings be damned. I want a guy who wants the ball, needs the ball in his hands at the end of the game. That's what winners fucking do. Did FDR, LBJ, Nixon, Reagan, Clinton, Or Dubya care if they hurt somebody's feelings or made sure they gave their guys a pat on the back? Who fucking knows. But they accomplished shit. Obama? Yeah, he wants the cameras on him, but when it comes time for the hard work of being President, he dithers and delays, and things fall apart because of it.

Good fucking grief, Peggy. Get over yourself and your refusal to face reality. It's really fucking pathetic and self absorbed. You seem to have run out of shit to say to defend this loser, so you turn your column over to "anonymous" folks to defend him? That to me smells of desperation and a "mailing it in" attitude. If you can't think of anything else to write, then just come out and admit it, not this chickenshit stuff. If I were your bosses, I would dock you a week's pay for not even bothering to write a reasonable column.

Face it Peggy. You lost. You didn't even pick the weak horse. You picked the retarded three legged one that is there to make the other horses realize they will never be the biggest glue bottle in waiting in the yard. You can't face the results of your crush, and it is pathetic. Grow up, and be an adult.

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December 26, 2009

Brother Of St. Louis Guy Beaten Up By SEIU Thugs Fired From His County Government Job

Keith Gladney, the brother of Kenneth Gladney, the guy who was beaten up by SEIU thugs back in the summer outside of a townhall in St. Louis County, was fired from his job in the St. Louis County Animal Control Agency. And the best part of this story? He was fired on December 23.

Also, consider some of these facts about the St. Louis County Government and its working relationships with (guess who?)

Is it surprising to learn that the Department of Health (the department that oversees the operations of Keith’s agency) works very closely with SEIU Local 1 on County Health related issues and policies?

And why now?  Of all times?  If they really wanted to punish Keith for his statements in favor of his brother’s case, why wait until now?

Is it a coincidence that this happens hours after the Senate finally got Pres. Obama’s Health Care Scheme passed through the Senate cloture vote and on its way to final ratification?

Could it be that the power structure in the county was waiting for the cloture vote so as to act from a position of political safety with no potential negative repercussions?


By the way, this is the same St. Louis County whose Prosecutor (Bob McCullough) helped form a "Truth Squad" in 2008 to help Obama's campaign by threatening to arrest anybody who "misled" about The Messiah. The same McCullough who has been less than exuberant in prosecuting the beatings. The same McCullough who is one of the longest serving political hacks in the St. Louis area. Coincidence?

If this isn't the epitome of the "Chicago Way" of politics, nothing is.


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More On That Amsterdam To Detroit Flight

You mean to tell me that the guy who tried to blow up the plane flying to Detroit was indeed Muslim and may have had some ties to London (a hotspot of Radicalism in the West) and Engineering Schools (the degree of choice for terrorists), and was not some homeless goat farmer from Gaza? Color me shocked.

Posted by: eddiebear at 11:51 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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It's funny because it's true



I think we can come up with some more demotivator slogans for this.  My humble submissions:

Reid/Pelosi and the Constitution

Obama and Homeland Security

The Cowboys and Winning in December

Andi and Reality

Posted by: alexthechick at 09:04 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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December 25, 2009

Because it's not like I hated flying enough

So. A passenger ignited a powdery substance on a Delta flight landing in Detroit from Amsterdam.

Guess who gets to fly Delta through Detroit tomorrow!

F.M.L.

Posted by: alexthechick at 06:16 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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...and something for our Jewish friends

Jimmy Carter just wants you to know, he realizes that the rabid antisemitism he's been slinging for years was horribly, horribly wrong, and now seeks forgiveness*.


*When Jimmy says he realizes the antisemitism he has been slinging for years was wrong, he means his grandson is running for congress in a district with a fairly high Jewish population, and he is still cognizant enough to realize that his years-long campaign against Jews has suddenly become politically inconvenient.




No words can ever describe how reprehensible I find Jimmy Crater.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 05:54 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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