December 17, 2008

Can't hardly wait

Hey, guys, how's about we wait to see how he performs in office before, well, this.

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Presented without context

“For the first time in my professional life, my coworkers are unaware of whether I have pubic hair or not.”
You know, I don't make a hell of a lot of money, but right now, I'm feeling pretty good about my career path.

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:20 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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A Good, Old-Fashioned Pwnage, Moron Style (And I Mean That In A Good Way)

Go to Snapped Shot to see for yourself.

 And in tribute to Brian's hard work:

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The Chinese Really Love Explosions

So, this Wang is at a wake for his relative when half the roof is blown off by a massive explosion.  Authorities assume the house and the Wang were struck by lightning. 

A few days later at the Wang's funeral, as the Wang is being put into the cremation chamber, he explodes spectacularly, blowing the doors off.

Awesome.

Turns out that the house wasn't struck by lightning, but by a weather rocket* which lodged itself inside his body, causing the latter explosion. 

We at DPUD will be watching the news to see if any further people explode at funerals.  This may be the beginning of a chain reaction that kills everyone in China.

* What the fuck is a weather rocket?  I've heard of weather balloons but it seems that balloons are too peaceful and silent and safe for the Chinese.  No, right after they get done spraying lead paint into our toothpaste, they get right to building weather rockets which... I don't know... fucking fly up into the air and um...  blow up the weather?  I'm not really sure.  Do they have hot air rockets where they tie a lead-coated wicker basket to a rocket and enjoy a lazy day screaching across the sky?

(h/t: Alice H.)

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:11 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Just Remember This The Next Time You Want To Play Soccer In England

It appears as though some guy who owns some Italian Soccer Team is upset that too many of his players are considering bolting for more money in the English Premier League. And this guy is takingthe high road to convince his guys to stay in Italy.

“We made these players — two years ago nobody knew who they were,” roared the movie mogul.

“If they want to go to England then in the end they’re going to go, but they need to understand this: the English live badly, eat badly and their women do not wash their genitalia. To them, a bidet is a mystery.”

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Obama May Claim He Doesn't Support The Fairness Doctrine

But a hell of a lot of his own party does, and I wonder how willing he will be to fight them off. One example is Rep. Anna Eshoo (D-CA), who really is pushing for it, and wants to extend it to other venues such as the internet.

The Fairness Doctrine required TV and radio stations to balance opposing points of view. It meant that those who disagreed with the political slant of a commentator were entitled to free air time to give contrasting points of view, usually in the same time slot as the original broadcast.

The doctrine was repealed by the Reagan administration's Federal Communications Commission in 1987, and a year later, Rush Limbaugh's show went national, ushering in a new form of AM radio. 

Conservative talk show hosts fear the doctrine will result in their programs being canceled because stations don't want to offer large amounts of air time to opponents whose response programs probably wouldn't get good ratings.

Eshoo said she would recommend the doctrine be applied not only to radio and TV broadcasts, but also to cable and satellite services.

“It should and will affect everyone,” she said.

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Anybody Want To Go To Brazil Right Now?

I mean, the weather in much of the U.S. blows donkey balls this time of the year, while it is summer right now in Rio.

Oh, and you might get to see these synchronized swimming twins.

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/bia_and_branca_mtv_1.jpg

Courtesy MTV Brazil.

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Remember Mike Tyson?

Well, he's not looking so good right now.

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/121608-Mike-Tyson.jpg

Courtesy the AP and some other guy fearing he would be eaten.

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Headlines that stop you in your tracks...

Greece Runs Out of Tear Gas.

Opa!

(h/t: Steve Zabin)

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December 16, 2008

Eat a Whopper, annoy a lefty

Burger King's "Whopper Virgins" ad campaign seems to be annoying all the right people, including this ninny from the Chicago Tribune:

We are told that the burger virgins preferred—surprise, surprise—Whoppers to Big Macs, but we are only left to wonder how American-style junk food, laden with hormones, steroids and saturated fats, was received by their pristine digestive systems.
Yeah, I'm sure they all instantly contracted incurable stomach cancer and diabeetus. Lighten up, Francis.

(h/t)

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:26 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Stop. Bunk time.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine Trailer


Gambit. Gambit. Gambit. Gambit. Also Ryan Reynolds with swords.And pffft. Hugh looking hotass. Pfffft. Wow. Between this and Watchmen, next year has the potential to kick ass.

How excited am I for this?  I'm willing to embed a vid from that Hole Of Suck, MySpace. 

Posted by: alexthechick at 05:57 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Who Knew Wigs Were So Important?

I guess to Taiwanese politicians, they mean a lot.

A Chen supporter grabbed Chiu's wig outside the building, baring a mostly bald head, the publicist and local media said. "It feels like someone pulled my pants down in public," Chiu was quoted telling reporters later.

Police at the Control Yuan arrested the wig snatcher but later released him on bail.

"With that kind of bail, it means the crime isn't too severe," the Control Yuan publicist said. "But it's unclear what the name of the crime should be called."

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Gee, ya think?

"Our job is to hold him to account...we're going to have to get tougher."
- NBC Washington bureau chief Mark Whitaker, on Obama.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 02:06 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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One good thing about the Obama presidency

I agree with Karol...I like it when he takes Democratic Senators out of purple states to serve in his Cabinet.  Which, I guess, is not so much "good" as it is "less bad than everything else."

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 01:45 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Shut the hell up Newt

Yeah, the GOP elite are pathetic at offering constructive solutions to the problems of the nation, but there's no reason not to smack around the Democrats for their relentless corruption, either.  Newt seems to be swilling the grand gesture of bipartisanship Kool-Aid now too.  Do we have anyone who isn't going to sell out?

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 01:34 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Heartless wingnut credentials? Check!

Here is an article by a gentleman who lost everything to Madoff.  From the article it appears that so did his extended family, to the tune of over $31 million dollars.  My response?  Dude, you are an idiot.  Yes, that's heartless but when you read it you discover that he didn't actually know what the investment was and that they didn't diversify.  Apparently, everything was given to Madoff. 

To this gentleman's credit, he agrees that he was an idiot.  I also did not read anything in there where he's demanding some type of government intervention.  I know that I'm supposed to feel sorry for him.  I simply don't.  He did a stupid, stupid thing and he got screwed over.  No, I don't think he deserved it but I'm not going to feel overly sorry for him either.  If it sounds too good to be true, then it is.  Don't expect me to feel sorry that he didn't take basic precautions to determine what his investments were.

Of course, I'm horribly superstitious so I now expect to discover that the $14.95 in my bank account was eaten by beavers or some such. 

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A Very Eurotrash Christmas

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To Alex, With Love

Plate-sized spiders have been discovered in the Mekong Delta!

So little is known about the ecology of the region that previously unknown animals and plants have been turning up at a rate of two a week for a decade. At least 1,068 new species were identified in the Greater Mekong from 1997 to 2007 along with several thousand tiny invertebrates.

Annamite striped rabbits, Nesolagus timminsi, with black and brown fur, were discovered in Vietnam and Laos in 2000 and are only the second species of striped rabbit to be identified. The other is in Sumatra, the two sharing a common ancestor that lived several million years ago.

Among the most bizarre to be discovered was a hot-pink, spiny dragon millipede, Desmoxytes purpurosea. Several were found simultaneously in Thailand as they crawled over limestone rocks and palm leaves.

To defend themselves from predators the millipedes have glands that produce cyanide. Scientists believe that the shocking-pink colouration is to signal to predators that they would make a fatal snack. "They would do well to heed this warning," concluded a WWF report on the Greater Mekong discoveries.

A huntsman spider, named Heteropoda maxima, measured 30cm across and was found in caves in Laos. It was described as the "most remarkable" of 88 new species of spider located in Laos, Thailand and the Yunnan province of China.

The Greater Mekong comprises 600,000 square kilometres of wetlands and rainforest along 4,500km of the Mekong River in Cambodia, Laos, Burma, Thailand, Vietnam and China.

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When Life Imitates The Simpsons

Finally! Somebody is doing something about the bear menace.

The Alaska Assembly is considering a plan to hire a "bear cop" who would keep track of meandering bears and use air horns and rubber bullets to drive them back into the wild, the Anchorage Daily News reported Monday.

The bear cop, who would be a wildlife specialist, would have the power to relocate or kill a bear, said Assemblyman Bill Starr.

Anchorage residents are split on how to proceed against bears living in the city. Some think the state should take a more aggressive stance against the bears while others say the bears are just following their instincts, the Daily News reported.

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First They Came For The Motorized Couches, And I Said Nothing

It's a sad, sad day when motorized couches are outlawed in the parking lots of Cleveland Browns games.

On Nov. 23, (the driver) joked around to the officers at the entrance to the Muny Lot that he was driving his buddy to the stadium (he didn’t have tickets himself.)

“They laughed and waved me through,” he said. “We were like, ‘Really? You’re going to let us go?’ ” So he kept driving, past several other cops who laughed, until he was stopped on East Ninth Street by an officer who didn’t find it funny.

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