November 27, 2008

Fess up, which one of you Morons did this?

Behold!  Turbaconducken!


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President-Elect Obama Overrules Pardons

Calling them "travesties of justice" and following through on his vow to bring change to Washington, President-Elect Barack Obama made the unusual step today of overruling President Bush's recently celebrated pardons, saying that the condemned "deserved exactly what they have coming to them."
 
Obama made the shocking announcement just hours before holding his star-studded President-Elect Thanksgiving Party in his Chicago headquarters, with a guest list which not only makes the Oscars seem like Hee-Haw, but is so long that he requires two full-size turkeys to accommodate everyone.
 
The condemned in question were the heads of the Pumpkin and Pecan crime families.  While Bush had long ago announced his full confidence in the criminals and vowed to set them free, Obama, eager to burnish his credentials as being tough on crime, stepped in via his authority as President-Elect and overruled the pardons.
 
Reports said that the sentence for the two "was carried out swiftly", although rumors that David Shuster fainted in the press room have not been confirmed.  A spokesperson did confirm that the veteran newsman "got the vapors" and felt dizzy, but would not comment on the report that Shuster "screamed like a little girl and wet his pants" before toppling face-down in a bowl of avocado dip.
 
New York Times editors said that the unusual move was "a right, and good, and just action, and will help to finally heal this country after eight years of Republican neglect."  They went on to publicly call for President Bush to step aside so that "the firm hand of Obama can rest easy on the tiller of the ship of state."

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Damn Birds

I always seem to post flash games on holidays...in any case, this one is pretty good.  It's called Damn Birds, you're a statue who has had one too many birds crap on you, and it's time to make those fuckers pay.

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Just a reminder: RNC FAIL stops for no holiday

Someone with the first name "Curly" sees fit to shape the direction of the Republican Party (emphasis mine):

"For this association of members to choose to outsource its leadership would, I believe, be an abdication of our responsibility," Curly Haugland, an RNC member from North Dakota and the former North Dakota Republican Party chairman, wrote in an e-mail to Mr. Steele.

Mr. Haugland called on Mr. Steele to quit the contest for Republican national chairman because he is not an RNC member.

"In my estimation, 168 committed members of the Republican National Committee are a powerful army of qualified advocates for Republican principles; certainly much more threatening to the Democrats than one celebrity spokesman," Mr. Haugland said.

Yeah cowboy, that's been working out really well so far under the leadership of Mike "Who??" Duncan. 

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!  I'm grateful for many things, my job, my family, my health, the BFF and all of you fellow Morons who I know will make the next four years not only bearable but amusing as all hell.

Remember, it'll be easier to take out your family once they fall into the turkey coma. 

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November 26, 2008

Thanksgiving plans?

I've been meaning to re-read Atlas Shrugged for a while now, so I think I'll start that up this weekend.  You?

Also, in case you were wondering, it does suck being the only one at work (and the only person on the interwebs) the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving.  Only 2.5 more hours to go.

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A bad week for Batman

While I would imagine that it's never easy being the Caped Crusader, this week has been especially trying, with rumors of his demise and now, a lawsuit:

The comic-book superhero Batman may have finally found his match – and he happens to be a plain-spoken mayor from southeast Turkey.

The caped crusader's latest nemesis is Huseyin Kalkan, the two-term leader of a city called, appropriately enough, Batman (pronounced Baht-mahn). The politician recently raised eyebrows around the globe when he announced plans to sue Warner Bros., makers of the successful Batman films.

"Of course, I'm thankful to them for making the Batman name famous, but we can't let them use the Batman name without permission," Mr. Kalkan said during a recent interview in his office.

I don't see him getting very far with this, seeing as how Batman (the character, that is) has been around for about seventy years now. But the important thing to take away from this is that we've now identified the most badass municipality in the whole world. I mean, how cool would it be to be able to say, "I'm from Batman"?

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New "Berlin Wall" being erected by Russian forces in Georgia

President-elect Barack Obama released a statement asking both sides to stop building the Wall.  He is expected to revise his statement after he sees Sen. John McCain's release.

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Terror Attacks in Mumbai

At least 16 dead, probably more. 

In related news, when the hell did they change the name of Bombay to Mumbai?

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Americans for Tax Reform looks at my pension system

Turns out I'm screwed.  Who could have guessed?

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Kathleen Parker warming up to this Marxism thing

While finding that she's in the process of being purged from the conservative movement, she makes the move to secure her future by demanding the further Pravdazation of the press.  So, how does it feel to sell your soul, Kathleen?

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Yay! Science!

Thank you, Mr. Science, for giving me the perfect excuse to drink beer.

Wine snags a lot of credit for its heart-healthy effects; truth is, moderate consumption of beer provides the same benefits.

Research suggests that it's the alcohol itself that lowers cardiovascular risk (by reducing inflammation, "thinning" the blood and improving insulin sensitivity). Here are six more reasons to cheer for beer!

Scientists at the Research Institute of Brewing and Malting in Prague announced that they've created a new non-alcoholic beer that may reduce hot flashes in menopausal women. It's long been known hops naturally contain low levels of the same plant estrogens found in soy; the Czech researchers used new technology to boost the concentration (to ten times that of some lagers).

Researchers at Oregon State University in Corvallis have reported that xanthohumol, an antioxidant in hops, may thwart the growth of prostate cancer by triggering the rampant cells to self-destruct. Unfortunately, the dose used in the study equals 17 beers (please don't try that at home). Upshot: The findings may lead to the development of a hops-derived pharmaceutical treatment.

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Why Soccer Still Is Worth Watching

Well, women's soccer at least.

It turns out somebody named Eva Roob used to play soccer, but traded in that "fame" for something more prestigious. Namely, pr0n.
[Warning! Link is clean, but the video might be a bit naughty!]

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November 25, 2008

Shocka! A Perverted Japanese Man!

But what did this fine lad do to get him a First Ballot Induction into the creepiness Hall Of Fame?

He used big-ass worms as a tool to get women to move.


He was arrested on the spot by a patrolling police officer after releasing the creatures on the Keihan line in Osaka prefecture.

"He would go close to women on the train, any woman, and pour out the worms from containers,'' a police spokesman said today.

Local police had been on alert after 18 similar cases of released worms had been reported this month by the same train operator.

"When the arrest was made, the man had nearly emptied a container, which is believed to have held 200 worms,'' he said.

"You cannot count them because there are so many.''

Mr Mizuta had 10 containers in his backpack estimated to contain a total of 3600 worms, police said.

"We have the worms sitting inside the police station right now,'' the spokesman said.

"You see them wriggling inside their clear cases. It's really disgusting.''


You said it buddy.

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Outsourcing hits...Major League Baseball?

All I can say about this is that it'll be awesome if either of these guys ends up playing for Cleveland someday.

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I Haven't Much to Add to This

Good news.

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Change!

It's official, Robert Gates will be staying on as Secretary of Defense in the Obama Administration. 

In related news, the Daily Kos and Andrew Sullivan should be comedy gold today.

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Football Coaches Are Calm And Sedate

Just like this guy.

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I Found A Way To Survive Living In Wisconsin

Heavy drinking. But dude, 11 DUI arrests?

A  Kenosha man accused of his 11th drunken-driving offense pleaded not guilty Monday, despite evidence of a blood-alcohol level nearly four times the legal limit.

The next hearing is set for January in the case against Deciderio Soto, 51. He is charged with driving while intoxicated, as a 10th and subsequent offense.

If convicted, Soto could be sentenced to 7½ years in prison. He also could lose his driver’s license for at least two years, and his license could not be restored without alcohol treatment.

Soto is in jail because he has not posted a $20,000 cash bond.

Well, it is Wisconsin, so being drunk is one way to get through the misery that is 10 months of snow and bad accents.

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Catholic Church better be willing to fight the long fight if FOCA passes

The church is threatening to not only close hospital doors if the State tries to force them to offer services (abortion in particular) that are in direct violation of Catholic teaching, but to sit on the property so that it can't be used.  The church better be willing to pull that trigger, or the church will become a meaningless institution.  You can't lead the pro-life movement for that long, only to cave like that and expect to survive as an institution.  The health care system in the US would collapse without the church, so what would the Democrats do?  Do they seize the hospitals and expose themselves as the authoritarian thugs they are, or do they cave?  This is very high stakes game being played between the Catholic hierarchy and liberal leadership.

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