And 32 other apropos anagrams.  I'm sure we can come up with at least one more, especially given that IHTM stayed away from profanity.

Posted by: Alice H at 01:00 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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You could call it parody, but we all know this is exactly how the interview would go.

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Republican chairman Michael Steele today unrolled the GP's effort to recapture the House and Senate in the 2010 mid-terms by revealing his "Contract with America", a revival of the 1994 document that Newt Gingrich used to wrestle Congress away from the Democrats.

"We are promising a new dawning of politics in this country, and this is the manifesto that's going to show Americans what conservatism is all about!" Steele said during an appearance on MSNBC.

"We want to reassure women that they are important to the Republican party," Steele said.  "That's why we advocate changing the gender pronoun from Women, which currently makes them seem subservient by the repitition of the male gender pronoun, to Breeding Systems, which more accurately represents how we view them."

He went on to say that "the new contract also addresses health care for our most at-risk citizens.  Specifically, it says that we want the working poor, children, and the elderly exposed to harmful diseases as much as possible to thin their ranks.

"We want to acknowledge the changing beliefs of this country by modifying the pledge of allegiance to be 'one nation under a white God.'  We want to tackle the issue of immigration by forcing them to live in ghettos and making it legal for vigilante groups to hunt illegals on the borders like wild animals."

Steele also said that "We want to ease regulations on big businesses to allow them to pollute directly into aquifers and virgin forests, and we want to raze orphanages to make way for high-rises and luxury condos.

"And we promise to start three new wars every year until the world is subjugated at our feet.  This is the new Republican party!  Can I get a fist bump over here?"

Posted by: plebian at 04:16 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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At the risk of wearing out my welcome, I'm gonig to whore out my own blog here.  But I defend it with the following arguments:  I posted something earlier exclusively here, and I would post this here but they're super-duper long and it's always been my custom to keep my personal stuff over on my own blog.

Now that the excuse-a-tizing is out of the way, here's how my first weekend alone with the darlings went:

Saturday morning I found out all about the house at night.

Saturday evening we went to a party.

Sunday was not without its charm, especially when the heavens opened and God took pity upon me.

Monday I went to work, or as I call it, a mini-vacation from my wife's hellish spawn.

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Christopher Walken does a dramatic reading of Lady GaGa's "Poker Face" on the BBC's "Friday Night with Jonathon Ross".



For once NY Magazine actually has a suggestion that makes sense:

If the whole acting thing doesn't work out, Walken already has an entire sideline in reading things. How great would "Christopher Walken Presents: The Bible" be, for example?

source

Posted by: chad98036 at 12:34 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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On an otherwise serious day, here's a little levity: my wife, possibly suffering from mental illness, has left me at home alone with the kids for ten days.  Mwu-hahahaha! 

I know it's been a gazillion years since I posted regularly, but I thought it might be fun to chronicle the ups and downs.  Plus, without her nagging me to do stuff, I have all kinds of free time (I kid!).

Posted by: plebian at 11:41 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Them:  Two armed active-duty fighters killed by angry bear, possibly over pic-a-nic basket.  Two others missing, wounded, and presumed scared.

Us:  Ex-soldier kills bear with a freaking log.

Are you absolutely sure you want to continue to screw with us?

Posted by: plebian at 05:38 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The UK version of Coupling, of course.



"Come the revolution"... crack me up!

(h/t to the magnificent skye820)

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Posted by: plebian at 03:17 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Apparently Moron Pundit needed a ride home.  From Massachusetts.

Posted by: Alice H at 09:27 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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But I needed a laugh and I thought I'd share it.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:50 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Sometimes The Onion really gets it right.


Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire

Also be sure to read the crawl, the Black and Decker bit made me snort out loud.

Posted by: alexthechick at 06:44 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Due to my immeasurable respect for the man and in the interest of right-blog camaraderie,  I will attempt to take the following assault on my honor as a demonstration of good-willed ignorance on the part of Robert Stacy McCain.  Surely a man as esteemed and well-traveled as he would never lower himself to bigoted ravings about an entire region when he has spent so much time dispelling vile accusations about the South and its residents.

Are all Wisconsinians acromegalic blog whores? If I ridicule Troglopundit's shameless blogwhoring by posting a funny picture of a cute woodland creature, does that mean that I'm prejudiced against Wisconsinians? (Wisconsinites? Wisconsinistas? What the heck kind of morons would name their state "Wisconsin" anyhow? No wonder the Packers suck and the Badger defense gives up 25 points a game. BTW, what kind of morons would name their football team "Badgers"?)

Well, regardless of anything I've said here, I cannot be accused of hating every resident of Wisconsin merely because of one lame joke at the expense of a blogger who is to Milwaukee what Godzilla was to Tokyo.

To make such an absurd assertion would be even more stupid than the average UW-Madison coed. It would be as stupid as that liberal idiot at Sadly No claiming that Tammy Bruce is a racist. And surely the freakishly tall Troglopundit is not that stupid. Maybe Sean Hackbarth but . . .

At any rate, the assertion that Wisconsin produces only stupid bloggers is perhaps prejudicial, as is the claim that there are no sexy women bloggers in Wisconsin.

Just because I haven't seen any Wisconsin women bloggers posting sexy pictures of themselves cannot be considered proof that all women bloggers in Wisconsin are fat, hairy, buck-toothed and cross-eyed, no matter what Minnesota's Ed Morrissey says about them.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:35 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Kang Wins 2016 Nobel Peace Prize
 
The Nobel Prize committee today announced a surprising winner for the 2016 Nobel Peace prize: Alien Overlord Kang, who narrowly defeated her rival Kodos in the heated election for Dictator of Earth last year.  The vote, which was decided by a coin toss after the two tied with a single ballot cast for each of them, had roiled the attention of the few remaining humans who have not yet been burned for fuel or eaten.
 
From the smoking ruins of their Norwegian hideout, the committee said that the election of Kang might signal "a new era of peace and understanding between our alien overlords and those few scattered barbaric tribes of humans who still wander in this smoking desolation.  Except in Australia, which was completely destroyed in 2014."
 
During the campaign, the media became utterly enchanted with Kang's soaring rhetoric of "enslave, not destroy" and her supporters often chanted "yes we cannibal!" at election rallies shortly before Kang's security robots incinerated them.
 
In some ways the prize is seen as a referendum on Kodos himself, whose rule has been a despotic horror never before witnessed in the annals of history.  His tyranny led to the death of four billion humans, the destruction of every major city center, and a revival of disco music for which he can never be forgiven. 
 
Kodos was named as "Vice Dictator of Human Dispensation" by the incoming administration, but Kang has pledged that his depredations will be scaled back gradually over the coming centuries.
 
For now, though, Kang's actions have yet to match her promises.  The death machines still roll unfettered across the plains, gathering up people to use as fuel or forcing them to battle mutated animals for the aliens' perverse pleasure.  She has also reneged on her promise to shut down Harvard Law, that bastion of pestilence that has been spewing forth zombie lawyers to bedevil humankind for centuries.
 
She has, however, written her third autobiography, Soon Into My Slavering Jaws, which went to #1 on the New York Times bestsellers list shortly before the entire paper was destroyed for daring to criticize her gown during the inauguration.

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Posted by: plebian at 04:27 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Fair warning: do not have any, er, liquids in your mouth as you read this.

Posted by: Sean M. at 05:52 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Putting up stickers all over town.

(h/t)

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President Barack Obama today announced that the United States would boycott the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio as a sign of protest for the IOC's snub against his adopted hometown of Chicago, despite a strenuous two-hour lobbying effort by the President and the First Lady.

"Let me be clear: the IOC's decision is racism," he told a group of independently-minded sycophants in the White House press room.  "And it's sexist, too, since Michelle asked more than I did.  It's a shame that the taint of the Bush legacy continues to damage our once-great nation, in which Michelle and I endeavor to be proud of despite its many, many grievous faults and shortcomings."

He went on to say that he thought the organizers in Chicago were to blame.  "It was like a Special Olympics organizing group," he said to chuckles.  "Those guys were all thumping their chests and drooling and stuff.  It was, um, really, uh, emboozling.  I mean, embarassing.  Sorry, there's a glare on the teleprompter."

Although the president didn't get what he claimed that he wanted, many thought that it was part of his plan.  "The Olympics are a boondoggle and a disaster anyways," said noted conservative opinion-shaper Andrew Sullivan.  "Obama saved us from the Olympics and kept it from blowing a hole in Chicago's budget, because he's got more foresight than the Hubble telescope."

Liberals were delighted as well.  "This should finally shut up the right-wingers," said Keith Olbermann.  "They keep calling Obama a fascist or a communist.  Well, since Beijing got the last Olympics, and Hitler got an Olympics, I guess that makes them wrong, doesn't it.  Doesn't it?"

When reporters asked why he didn't boycott the 2012 Olympics, Obama replied that "Even though I hate Gordon Brown, I don't want to have to skip the Olympics during my presidency.  By 2016 I figure I'll be President of the United Galactic Planets or something, so it won't be my problem any more anyways."

Posted by: plebian at 04:21 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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New to me though,

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:53 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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