December 30, 2008
A man became disorderly at the Hess Express on Jonestown Road in Lower Paxton Twp. today after he complained that there wasn't any syrup in the Diet Pepsi dispenser, police said.
About 12:15 p.m., a customer went to the store's clerk and loudly complained of the lack of syrup. He also insisted his lottery ticket was worth a dollar when it was actually for a free drink, police said.
The man was ordered out of the store but proceeded to back his car into the clerk, who tried to take a camera phone picture of his license plate, police said. The clerk was not injured.
December 22, 2008
Don't lie. I know y'all car dance. I know it.
December 21, 2008
December 18, 2008
December 15, 2008
'Sprouts can cause bouts of flatulence in animals and humans. But I don't think any of us were prepared for a smell that strong,' said Michael Riozzi of Chessington Zoo in Surrey.
December 14, 2008
December 11, 2008
111 a. On or about November 27, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH, his wife and daughters, and BLAGOJEVICH's chief of staff JOHN HARRIS ate Thanksgiving dinner together. BLAGOJEVICH's wife asked BLAGOJEVICH to "please pass the potatoes." BLAGOJEVICH asked what his wife was willing to give him for "the f---ing potatoes" because "these f---ing things aren't f---ing cheap." HARRIS said that BLAGOJEVICH's wife might donate $250,000 to Friends of Blagojevich in exchange for the potatoes.Heh. Read the whole thing.
December 10, 2008
December 09, 2008
The current leading candidate is former NFL star OJ Simpson, who hopes his experience outrunning federal prosecutors will allow him to avoid the fate of the last two governors.
Also expressing interest is longtime Democratic standard-bearer Al Gore, who feels that the state's proximity to the water and several fine all-you-can-eat buffets makes it the optimum location to continue hectoring citizens about the coming global apocalypse.
A popular dark horse candidate is California Governor and Republican Arnold Swartzenegger, although he would like to churn out a few more wretched movies before driving another state into the ground.
Bill Clinton has been mentioned as a possible successor, but politely declined, saying he's holding out for something more prestigious than a mere governorship, perhaps working with young, ambitious men and women, helping them learn vital skills that will help them succeed in business and politics in the future.
Most surprising of all, though, is that former Illinois senator Barack Obama has tossed his hat into the ring, saying that not only does he love campaigning, but he also hopes to burnish his meager credentials with some executive experience before trying to make the jump "to prime time."
December 08, 2008
A facecocking that is well overdue. Inspired by this almost unbelievable bullshit.
Hopefully our friends at Justice have gotten enough out of Rezko to put this motherfucker away for a few decades.
December 06, 2008
December 02, 2008
Aww, wittle Macs not immune to viruses? HA HA.
...mac/PC flamewar in 3...2...
December 01, 2008
You'd think that people, upon sight of the charred human wreckage left in his wake, might consider avoiding insulting and attacking Mark Steyn.
* - From the Latin, "Encancerate" meaning to be struck with such ferocity that one is immediately diagnosed with cancer. To demonstrate, I provide you this example:
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow a and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Christmas Season Begins......
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