September 30, 2009
September 27, 2009
September 24, 2009
On the Leno show. It was pretty fucking funny.
September 23, 2009
September 22, 2009
More funneh signs here.
"We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a shit load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavely. He doesn't even need to socialize with anyone, just drink."
I would have responded to that in a fucking heartbeat. They're all pretty funny.
(h/t: Ann Althouse)
When a marriage goes bad, who gets the X-rated photos of the wife? In the case of Valeria Gentile and Erwin Cajamarca, the wife says she does.
She sued her soon-to-be-ex-husband last week in state circuit court in Sanford, accusing him of putting the photos on a Spanish-language porn site, distributing them via the Internet and, at times, using them during on-line sex chats.
September 16, 2009
These guys are in Boston as advocates for jihadis in Guantanamo Bay, getting people to sign up to be pen pals and/or to offer a "loving American home" when they're released into the US, the "Love Thy Prisoner Campaign".
Best quote, from an attorney (sorry alexthechick)
"I don't know what the best way to convince Americans that quote unquote terrorists are okay"
Then she gets stupid. Seriously.
Check out the site where I saw it, it's full of hidden video reportage.
Funny how only the Acorn sting ones seem to have fallen afoul of any laws.
Click on the "Mission statement", they're currently 'updating it in view of current events'.
Eric at Classical Values says they're the producers of the Acorn vids.
September 14, 2009
Really, the whole reason I'm posting this is that if I'm found dead in a semen-encrusted fox costume in the next couple of weeks, please know that it was NOT THROUGH NATURAL CAUSES AND YOU ALL NEED TO AVENGE ME.(topless robot)
Once you have to write the words found dead in a semen-encrusted fox costume to describe some action in your life it is a pretty good bet that you are not on your high school guidance counselor's list of success story. It's also a good bet that your mom doesn't brag about you to her friends.
I personally blame it all on George W. Bush. If he hadn't invaded Iraq then people wouldn't need to dress up in fox costumes to get their perverse sexual jollies.
(now to see how many links are generated by people googling semen-encrusted fox costume)
Special Guest Post by Charlie Sheen
I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with God, or as I like to call him, the Big Cheese. I asked for thirty minutes to give him the scope and detail of my inquiry; his handlers said I could have fifteen and a half. Fifteen and a half minutes, 930 seconds, not a lot of time to ask God about one of the most important questions to bedevil mankind. Especially since he can make time go backwards, like Superman but with better special effects. The following is a transcript of our remarkable discussion.more...
This recent scam, which was attempted in San Diego, Los Angeles, Miami, New York, Philadelphia to name a few places, had failed for months before the results we’ve all recently seen. -Bertha Lewis, Chief Organizer, ACORN
Part II is at BigGovernment.com
I'm guessing at some point ACORN will shut-up and the fun will stop, but this is damn amusing at the moment which is why it get a The Funneh tag instead of Liberal Fail.
September 11, 2009
(Plebian's note: I feel bad about posting this on 9/11, but I wrote it Thursday and would have posted it then but for computer problems. No disrespect intended, I assure you.)
Not a pundit was stirring, not woman nor man.
The congress assembled, a charge filled the air,
For they knew that ST. BARRY soon would be there!
The anchors were nestled, all snug in their seats,
Their legs all a-tingle, their nails in their teeth.
And though ma and I'd not worked in ten months or more,
We'd just settled down to watch President Bore.
When out in the alley, there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.
The fumes from the garbage there poked at my eyes
(A trash strike still raged - they had mighty allies)
The CF-bulbed street lamp let off a wan light,
And my heart filled with dread; for thieves prowled the night.
When suddenly 'twixt garbage piles I heard a crash,
And spotted a clunker thought long swapped for cash.
With a big-eared chain smoker, so sharp-eyed and grim,
I knew in a moment it was certainly HIM!
His chariot wobbled, its haulers intense,
They dragged him on slowly as he spewed nonsense.
"Now, Parker! Now, Frum! Now, Matthews and Buckley!
On Couric and Marx, on, Olby and Huxley!"
Steady and even, they judged his demeanor,
Though he whipped and cursed them and called them all "Weiner!"
As star-stuck young groupies, who put out for roadies,
They slavered and giggled, these eight loathsome toadies.
So up next to the house they came through the trash,
And into my fence row their clunker they crashed.
Then next with a crack and a boom and a smash,
The wall opened up, he was in like a flash.
I jumped back in fear and let expletives fly,
And in stepped Saint Barry, one heck of a guy!
He was dressed all in red, in a Guevara T-Shirt,
His Oxfords were shined well with spittle (no dirt!).
He gave out entitlements (vote-buying some call it),
And I'm almost certain he stole from my wallet.
His eyes-oh how steely! My anger, I fought it.
I knew if I vented, then surely they'd audit.
My elderly neighbor had once spoken out,
And now he was ruined, the foolish old lout.
The butt of a cigarette he held in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
The glint of a rifle-scope somewhere outside,
Let me know his patience was not to be tried.
I did (I admit) ask him to desist,
But I soon demurred amidst cries of "Racist!"
Then he started to blather, and spoke of his work,
He made sure that I knew Sarah Palin's a jerk.
He spoke and he spoke, and then he spoke some more,
Both ma and I found him a terrible bore.
He spoke 'till I fell asleep on my feet,
And then spoke some more, the boring old creep.
Yelling "HOPE" and then "CHANGE" he jumped to his car,
And whipping his team turned it back towards the stars.
But I heard him exclaim, as they lurched out of sight,
"Health care mandates for all, and to all a tax hike!"
September 10, 2009
September 08, 2009
Grandma, Rev. Wright, Van Jones, Samantha Power,...
September 06, 2009
Strangling a guy with your own intestines really is hardcore :-)
September 03, 2009
Libyan leader Colonel Gaddafi is set to ask the United Nations to 'abolish' Switzerland and share the land among its neighbouring countries.
He first mentioned his idea at the G8 summit in Italy in July. 'Switzerland is a world mafia and not a state,' he said.
Wait, wait wait, I thought the Jews were the international criminals secretly controlling the world. Are the Swiss jewish, the Jews under control of the Swiss, the Swiss under the control of the Jews, or is it some sinister cabal with still others to be named later? I'm so confused!
September 02, 2009
Okay, I'm willing to say it even if none of the rest of you are: Ace has gone soft. And if you're like me, it's tearing you apart.
We're all used to Allahpundit being (in the vernacular) a douchebag, with his Northeastern Pencil-Neck Elitist vibe only slightly less effusive than ESPN's unquenchable lust for Yankees-Red Sox games.
We long ago accepted that guys like David Frum are a riddle tied up in an enigma wrapped in a dickhead.
We know that Malkin is...well, I'm not gonna say anything bad about Malkin, because I'm afraid that she'll hunt me down and cut off my ball sack to use it for an egg cup.
But you get my point. We're the Morons because we don't like the effete, elitist, ivy-league pricks that dominate the conservative heirarchy and punditry. We like our commentary raw.
Ace was our rock. But now he's gone squishy, too. I'm not even sure he's a Moron any more. I think he's a MINO now: Moron in name only.
Oh, he's got an excuse. He has to eat. Like hobo flesh cooked over a tire fire isn't good enough for him any more! Ooh-la-la! Next he'll want paper plates and sushi.
So go ahead and click on through to Captain MINO if you want. But you won't like what you find, all lace and doilies and nary a hint of cursing.
Maybe if you hit the tip jar enough, you'll get him to let loose with some expletive like "indolent" or "tertiary."
Do you know what the difference was between a giant, pus-filled cold sore on your face and Teddy Kennedy?
Nobody ever died from going on a first date with a giant, pus-filled cold sore on their face.
September 01, 2009
After learning in class how breathalyzers work, Robert Clain and Miguel Salas assembled a fart detector from a sensitive hydrogen sulfide monitor, a thermometer and a microphone and wrote the software that would rate the emission. A “slight perturbance in the air” near the detector sets it to work measuring the three pillars of fart quality: stench, temperature and sound. Temperature, Clain explains, is critical. The hotter a fart, the faster it spreads. “It beeps faster if it’s a high ranker, and a voice rates it on a scale of zero to nine,” he says. “If it ranks a nine, a fan comes on to blow it away. It even records the noise so you can play it back later.” After a few months of construction, they began field tests. “Well, the sample data wasn’t the entire school, but we definitely tested it,” Salas says.
My guess is that a girlfriend complained and this was built to prove his farts weren't as bad as she claimed.
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