July 31, 2008

The New England Patriots Have Some Skeletons In Their Closet

It seems as though some guy who is leaving his front office job with the infamous 18-1 team is spilling the beans on what really goes on in Foxboro, MA.

And the "highlight"?

-Corey Dillon is about the most miserable piece of shit you would ever want to encounter. You should see the looks and gestures he would give fans when we went on the road. Sometimes an athlete's reputation is blown up by the media but that wasn't the case with Dillon. There is no doubt in my mind that he will end up in jail at some point. You don't have to be a good guy to be a star in the NFL and no one is a better example of that than Dillon.

--Randy Moss is the best player I've ever seen with my own eyes. The guy is a freak and it was an honor to watch him close up the past two years. I don't know what Moss was like in Minnesota and Oakland because I didn't cover him then. However, he's been nothing but a class act since coming to the Patriots. He's actually one of the nicest guys I've come across.  He's extremely popular in the locker room and even jokes around and bullshits with practice squad players. Moss was nothing like I thought he would be when he came to New England.

--Hold on for this one: I heard from someone who is close to the case that there is a sex tape of Bill Belichick banging the married woman he had an affair with. I shit you not. The husband who is suing that woman for being unfaithful to him has a tape of his wife and Belichick screwing while the two of them were still married. Belichick is a very powerful man so I imagine he's doing everything in his power to squash this from getting out but it could only be a matter of time. A part of me doesn't want to see it but another part of me can't help but be intrigued.


Ummm...does he wear his hoodie during the video?

Just askin'

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July 29, 2008

Because I'm childish

Here's a list of domain names that I suspect people really didn't think very hard about before they were registered.

Posted by: Sean M. at 03:42 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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July 28, 2008

Obama Has a Wide Stance Too?!

Say it isn't so.  You just can't make this priceless stuff up.

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July 24, 2008

Thursday Night Stupid

What happens when you combine horse genitals and a Fox News anchorwoman? This clip (and, yes, I know it's old):

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 09:02 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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We are the World Hopenchange!

Jim Geraghty has a pop quiz for us.  Can you decipher which lines are form Obama's speech in Berlin today and which lines are from "We are the World?" 

It would be funnier if this hack weren't thisclose to being our next president.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 01:56 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The News Whip

Greg Gutfeld has a new* segment on "RedEye" called the News Whip.


*I don't have cable, so I only see RedEye when it makes its way to Kentucky's internet tubes. Translation: it may just be old as hell, but it's new to me!

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 02:45 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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July 23, 2008

When Sports And The Moron Lifestyle Collide.

Besides the thrill of sports, one of the things I love about athletes is how stupid they are. Yeah, I know they have a shitload of talent and get paid handsomely for it. Butusually, they wind up drunk and doing something they shouldn't. And Australian Rugby star Todd Carney is the latest example.

It seems he and teammate Bronx Goodwin went on a bender after a recent match. So, how did Carney celebrate?

Carney was alleged to have urinated on a patron at a Canberra pub in the early hours of Monday



Well played. Well played.

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Vultures

You really can't make this up:

Patients at a Milwaukee-area hospital say the last thing they want to see while facing surgery are vultures perched outside their windows.

Yet, that's the view from some patient's rooms at the Orthopedic Hospital of Wisconsin in Glendale, Wis., the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported Wednesday. It said patients about to go under the knife can watch up to six turkey vultures sitting on ledges of the three-story building.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 05:13 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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July 20, 2008

Thanks For The Birthday Wishes

Again, thank you very much. The last few days have been a whirlwind of activity and parties between my in-laws and my side.

Anyway, I offer in gratitude a picture of Rosario Dawson.
http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/ro1.jpg

Posted by: eddiebear at 10:27 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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July 18, 2008

Bush's Economic Policies Force Another Guy To Be Homeless

Wait. Maybe not.

Turns out it's just a Milwaukee Brewers fan who lost a bet with his friend, who is a Philadelphia Phillies fan, over which team would do better in 2007.

The loser (in more ways than one) was and is a guy named Chris Jollay. Turns out Jollay, who is a Brewers fan living in Washington, DC, bet his friend from Philly which team would end the season with a better record. Well, the Phillies had more wins and division championships than the Brewers. So, what did Jollay have to do to live up to his end of the bet?

That's right! Live on the streets of DC for a week.



He talked to some homeless but kept mostly to himself. He didn't have much exposure to homeless people before taking on the bet. "I've given to charities but I've never really [come into much contact.]"

"One of the mistakes I made was...I wore light clothing...I would be [sleeping on a] bench and the [homeless] guy was next to me...and I didn't see him," he says. He says he was also cold at night wearing only shorts.

According to the bet, Jollay was allowed to carry one bag of items. Christman approved all of the items. Jollay says, he carried 12 power bars and 100-calorie snacks, a disposable camera, $20 dollars, contact lens, a marker and pen, and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"I brought a big bottle of that, just to pass the time. Especially when it was cold...made the nights go faster."

He also added a change of underwear and white t-shirt, sunscreen, bug spray and pepper spray. For sleeping, he carried a woven blanket and couch pillow.

"A lot of people thought I was a weirdo with the Pokemon backpack and pillow and blanket," Jollay says.


Instead of a trash bag, he carried his 8-year-old Pokemon backpack. He tells WUSA9.com he's a fan of the Pokemon. But more importantly, he had to carry two Arabic language textbooks.


Here's some advice: become a Cardinals fan!

Posted by: eddiebear at 11:57 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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July 17, 2008

Heh

I'm going to make you click on the link for the context behind the following quote:

"We're a family-oriented association," Schuttauf said. "That's very important, and we've been saying that for 75 years. There isn't an awful lot of room for co-existence."
Trust me. Totally worth it.

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:51 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Obama Platitude Generator

Generate a Barack Obama Quote!


"I think it's time we had a national conversation about problems. We need to get past all the dwarf-tossing competitions and recognize that we are our own best hope for overcoming infant roasts. We need fist pumps, not cancers of the penis. Fist pumps are our free alcohol. And we need to have change in problems."
Generate your Barack Obama quote at Buttafly.com

 

Don't forget about my Obama Phrase Generator.

 (h/t: AOSHQ)

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 06:03 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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July 16, 2008

The website we've all been waiting for!

Get Drunk and Vote for McCain.

It's the perfect combination of the Ace-of-Spades Lifestyletm and despair.

(h/t)

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 06:05 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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July 15, 2008

A Stupid, Tasteless Joke

A Detroit Tigers scout flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play baseball and, being suitably impressed, arranges for him to come to the U.S. to play. Two weeks later, the Tigers are in a close game with the Indians. The manager gives the young Iraqi reliever the nod and to the mound he goes. This kid is a sensation and strikes out everyone he faces for the rest of the game, winning it for the Tigers. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are thrilled and the media has a new superstar.

When the player comes off the field, he immediately phones his mom to tell her about his first day in the majors.

"Hello mum, guess what?" he says, "I was called in with the bases loaded today but I struck everyone out and we won the game! Everyone loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me!"

"Wonderful," says his mom, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters but I'm glad you had such a great time."

The young man was very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm sorry."

"Sorry?!! Sorry??!!!" says his mom, "It's your damned fault we moved to Detroit in the first place!

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 01:21 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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He's not that hip

In case you missed it, here's last night's Gregalogue from RedEye on The New Yorker's Obama cover.

I love the new Gregalogue and Bill-a-buster graphics.  When did that start happening?

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 01:05 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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July 13, 2008

Sunday evening stupid

I know it's probably old, but I couldn't stop laughing at this clip from one of my favorite comedians, Louis C.K.



Update: There's another good one here.

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July 11, 2008

The population crisis

Moar from Obama community blogger James Jones.

Previous messages from James Jones.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:42 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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From the advertising firm of Moron & Moron

Somebody will probably jump in with "it's old," but I just couldn't resist.

Posted by: Sean M. at 01:17 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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July 08, 2008

Democratic Goodie Bag Revealed

More woes were reported from Denver today for the Democratic National Convention, this time from the contractor hired to assemble a “goody bag” of items to be distributed to each speaker.  The contents of the bags, personally selected by Howard Dean, were supposed to represent the Democratic Party’s values in general, and to be “a fair summary of the wild dream that is Barack Obama.”

 

So far the organizers have not found any of the items on the list, which includes:

 

Fifty Tons of CO2 Credits:  While these were easily found available from the AFL-CIO, who sold the offsets by guaranteeing that members would work less and be more sullen, thus causing industry slowdown of equivalent carbon reductions, the price was astronomical: six hundred and seventy-three dollars per pound, or 6.7 million dollars.  Credits were also available from Al Gore’s company, but he demanded payment in cash instead of vague promises to end oversight and allow rampant corruption.

 

One Dodo Bird Egg:  Dean wanted to help this noble bird to flourish once again, but after bieng extinct for 400 years eggs are difficult to find.

 

No-Stick Frying Pan:  Perfect for making flapjacks, this nonstick-coated frying pan is able to automatically flip and flop the dough in mere seconds.  Unfortunately, the left-handed lesbian paraplegic workforce that manufactures them are nonunionized, so they do not qualify as an approved supplier for the DNC.  The substitute pan, made in Detroit from approved suppliers, stuck to everything it contacted and exploded when exposed to heat.

 

The Party Unity Puzzle:  This ten-piece jigsaw puzzle of a photo of Obama and Clinton embracing had to be discarded after it was revealed that someone had doctored them to give Obama devil horns and a tail and scrawled “misogynist bastard!” at the bottom.

 

Change:  A bag of coins was to be included as symbolic change, but since the only coinage featuring minorities is the Sacagawea dollar the project had to be abandoned for excessive cost overruns.  That and everybody hates the Sacagawea dollar.

 

Hope Floats:  This inspiring tale of a small-town woman who succeeds despite disaster is the perfect symbol of the new Democratic Party, helping move the country past 8 years of Republican misrule.  Ordering it on Laserdisc to save money is also a symbol of the Democratic Party.  Dean attempted to resolve this by ordering Laserdisc players to give away as well, but the only response he received was “You’re kidding, right?"

Posted by: plebian at 12:17 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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July 03, 2008

Saw this a while ago,

and I've got nothing because today is a slow news day, so I'm posting it,

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/barackparisfamewd2.jpg

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:05 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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