Some guy in a telemarketing company has shown me a use for Twitter.
It's about funny as he notes some of the.... problems with the staff.

Many employees begin to complain about Lori's distinct "pelvic odor." I am too distracted by her crystal meth smile to notice.
...
Dee hasn't shown up for a week because her husband pushed her into a plate glass window. No one knows what to put on the attendance sheet.
...
During lunch, Alonzo slams his girlfriend's head into a keyboard. I immediately wonder how long it will take the I.T. guy to replace it.

It's funny because it's not me.
I forget where I saw this. Sorry.

Posted by: Veeshir at 07:42 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Sorta chainmail fodder, but still funny.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:29 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Freshly ground black people, eh?

Posted by: Alice H at 11:41 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Jim Treacher on twitter:

How is Ashley Dupre like "The Terminator"? They're both known for having a governor in them.

Posted by: JoeCollins at 04:59 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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And other awesome metaphors and analogies:

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:41 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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According North Korea's state-run news service, Dear Leader's style of clothing has become an international style craze.  Have you bought yours yet?  I bet you'll never be ronery rocking the Kim Jong-il suit.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:31 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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To Kill a Mockingbird:

Looking for a sappy, cliched, novel to read? One predictable as most young-adult books and more degrading than harlequin romances? Well, To Kill a Mockingbird is your book.

It is because of this horrid book that I eat sausage every morning and tell my dad to kill every spider I see. It is a traumatic, coma-enducing story that has changed my life forever.

Man, this book is boring. All this weird stuff happens and it's harder to get into than Lord of the Rings. And what's up with the red writing and the LORD says stuff. All caps = rude, peter paul and mark, whoever the heck you are. And this is just badly written. James Patterson could do better. These apostles need to get a clue and hire a ghost writer. Even Miley Cyrus's manager was smart enough to do that. Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ, indeed.

Posted by: chad98036 at 07:40 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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