May 31, 2009

Revealed!

Who knew Allahpundit was a country singer?


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May 27, 2009

TOTUS gets blown - Biden digs it

Enjoy your vice-presidential comic relief.

Posted by: conservativebelle at 08:31 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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We Have Heard About People Not Being Able To Handle Getting Dumped, But This Is Crazy

Wow. Just wow.

When Alik started moving out Kira suggested that they had a farewell dinner. After a hearty meal and some heavy drinking Alik fell asleep. The girlfriend tied several firecrackers to Alik’s penis and exploded them. The man was rushed to intensive care and doctors are reported to be fighting for his life.

Here is the lesson: don't have a series of drinks with a woman upset at you dumping her. Just sayin'.

Posted by: eddiebear at 08:32 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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May 25, 2009

Nothing good can come of this

Holding a metal pipe in a thunderstorm, even with a piece of wood insulation, is probably a bad idea.

Posted by: Alice H at 09:03 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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May 24, 2009

Suicide is selfish

So here's one way to deal with it.

Retired soldier Mr Lai at first volunteered to try to talk Mr Chen down but was turned away by police, Xinhua said.

Mr Lai is said to have then broken through the police cordon, climbed to where Mr Chen sat, greeted him with a handshake - and then pushed him off the edge.

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May 21, 2009

Well, it doesn't explain the arachnophobia...

...but I suspect alexthechick may have had a bed like this when she was a little girl.

Posted by: Sean M. at 09:39 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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May 19, 2009

Guess the party

A dad called 911 because he was fighting with his son over his messy room.  His son had a tantrum and threw a plate of food at Daddy and made a fist at him.

I guess I forgot to mention.  The son, Andrew Mizsak, is 28.  And a political consultant and a school board member.  And here's what I'm guessing is his biography - it's the right age and the right town and the right job and Mizsak isn't exactly Smith, and both the senior and junior are named Andrew. 

Did I mention that Andrew Mizsak lives in his parents' basement?

And did I mention that Mommy and Daddy are both judges?  At least, I think that's what it means when your name is preceded by Honorable. 

Oh, and did I mention this little child who's less capable of controlling his temper than the average six year old is a "
Member of the Ohio Campus Security Task Force following the shootings at Virginia Tech"?  And very active in his state political party?

Daddy doesn't want to ruin Andrew Mizsak's political career with this.  Daddy is doing a good job of teaching his son that little Andy never ever has to take responsibility for his own actions - instead he can have hysterical fits because he doesn't want to clean his room and he doesn't want Daddy to tell him what to do.  I fully expect Andrew Mizsak to be rolling around on the floor, kicking his feet and pounding his fists on the ground and if that doesn't work, holding his breath until his face turns blue.

Go get a real job, Andy.  Your temperament doesn't lend itself to a career leading others.

Posted by: Alice H at 10:05 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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May 18, 2009

There's a gas pedal for a reason

RightWingVideo titles it, "This is why you need a gun". I'm in agreement with one of the commenters that the car would have been an adequate weapon.  Not that I think there's ever a reason not to have a gun...

Uh, Vinty, if you're going to listen to this at work, put your headphones on. 



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May 16, 2009

Do NOT drink liquid when reading this link.

The title is hilarious. You have been warned.

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May 15, 2009

VDH puts on his Iowahawk/plebian hat!

And does a pretty damn good job

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May 13, 2009

Officials Complain of Upcoming First Lady Biopic

By Joseph Gerbels, AP Freelancer
 
Officials of colleges around the country have complained about the recently-announced biopic Right Arm, which focuses on Michelle Obama, charismatic wife of President Barack Obama.  The film is not set to open until June 1st but is already causing a stir as lines begin forming outside of films so that eager viewers will be sure to be the first in the theater.
 
"Our entire Philosophy department is sitting in front of the Bijou now," said one college president.  "And they're not even first in line, because most of the Women's Studies majors were already all there.  The only students and teachers who show up any more are the so-called 'hard sciences', like Math or Physics.  And I hardly think that the purpose of college is to teach people things like that."
 
The film is the first of two which will focus on the First Lady, with the second, Left Arm, set to open on July 4th weekend.  They were directed by Yoko Ono and narrated by James Earl Jones, and will spend three hours and forty minutes "traversing the perfect space between Michelle's right shoulder and the tip of her right middle finger, which have been called the most perfect right arm in the history of humanity."
 
"It really is a unique journey," said Ono in an interview.  "What's it like, to see this arm up close, through a variety of different lenses?  What are its peaks, its valleys, its highs, its lows?  I think that it's a very affirming film.  It's the story of humanity, really, distilled in one perfect arm.  But I'm urging people to watch the director's cut, which is two hours longer and includes outtakes narrated by Tom Hanks and a special 'the making of' feature."
 
The soundtrack also includes previously-undiscovered tracks by John Lennon, but has been embroiled in controversy following a lawsuit by Paul McCarthy because he needs money to pay off his angry ex-wife.
 
Some journalists were concerned, though, with one noting that "almost four hours may not be enough time to properly appreciate the perfection that is Michelle's right arm.  It would be better if we replicated them in marble and  put them on the Venus de Milo, where they could be appreciated by art patrons for the rest of time."

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May 12, 2009

In which Plebian plays Wordsmith

Okay, I can't offer hot girl-on-girl action like Alex can, and I don't havea cool superhero alter ego name like Michael Steele.  I do, however, have a gutter mouth like Meaghan McCain, which has gotta be worth something.
 
But I can offer you this: mad wordsmithing skillz.  Case in point?  Here are ways that the GOP could describe how bad the budget is:
 
"Barrackruptcy is like normal bankruptcy, only you spend trillions and trillions in one last ditch effort to kill the economy in order to save it."
 
"Obanomics:  The perfect fusion of fiscal and public health policies, which forces citizens to exercise by bending over and getting screwed by the government again and again."
 
"Unless you're a member of a parasitic union or the child of a prominent member of congress, it's likely that you will soon pay a massive amount of taxes to subsidize the lavish lifestyle of do-nothings who will drive your cost of living ever higher.  It'll be like the 70's without the rabbit attacks."
 
"You know why the communists have been so quiet lately?  They're busy taking notes from our President on how you really redistribute wealth."
 
"While we appreciate the President's desire to scrimp and save by using second-rate comediennes at his White House galas, perhaps he should concentrate on cutting a bit more out of the largest budget ever proposed by any government in the history of the world."
 
"Don't worry: according to Obama's friend Hugo Chavez, all Americans will officially be humans by the end of 2010."

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May 11, 2009

Hot dog!

funny pictures

(h/t)

Posted by: Alice H at 04:31 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Is it just me, or...

1)  Wouldn't it make more sense to have the word Celebrity in quotes in 'Apprentice' Celebrity Edition?  I mean, like Apprentice 'Celebrity' Edition.

2)  Doesn't it seem strange that Wanda Sykes was the headliner at the Correspondent's Dinner?  What, Kathy Griffin was booked?

3)  Isn't Dragonball Z best left as a cartoon?  How, exactly, can the show be enriched by making a poor movie of it?

4)  Aren't we well past time for a TV show where a small group of humans fends of zombies in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, eating nothing but bacon and wearing nothing but tight T-shirts?

5)  Wouldn't David Hasselhoff be perfect for the lead in said TV show?

6)  I don't know what the letters really stand for, but when somebody told me MSNBC stood for "Milks Some Nuts for Barack's Cream" I nodded.

7)  Doesn't synergy demand Tea Party T-Shirts? 

8 )  Will I get seventy comments if I say I agreed with Patterico in the infamous Patterico-PW feud?

9)  Is everyone else amused by the horrified Boston fans, who apparently believed that all the other teams juiced, but their victories were "pure."  Yeah, that explains the sudden tailoff of players after they left Boston.  Just keep telling yourself that.

10)  Okay, if #8 doesn't work, how about if I say I agreed with Goldstein.  Will that work?

Posted by: plebian at 04:22 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Why do I seem to find all the great time sucks?

Double face-palm and more...

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May 09, 2009

Actions Have Consequences

Who'da thunk?

My favorite:

"This is what happens when you don't put out like you imply you will."

And in another example of Actions Have Consequences...

“He did not make the bomb threat to Purdue,” she adds. “Even so, it’s about the Constitution.”

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The Kindle is conservative

So conservative, in fact, that it refuses to speak President Obama's name.  It chooses instead to refer to him as Brack Alabama.

Posted by: Alice H at 05:12 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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May 07, 2009

May 05, 2009

A Little Silly For Your Tuesday


Ambassador Stages Coup At UN, Issues Long List of Non-Binding Resolutions

I hope I'm not the only one that laughed out loud at the phrase "Secretary General For Life."

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 04:08 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Obama Presidency Causing Depression

 by Joseph Gerbels, AP Writer
 
A study by the White House Counsel on Psychiatric Health and Well-Being has revealed what many feared:  the Obama presidency has caused a massive upsurge in depression among Washington residents, with the number of people seeking treatment for clinical depression more than quadrupling since President Obama took office.
 
"You have to understand something about your average Washington Beltway insider," said mental health expert Christopher Buckley "they live a life of wretched self-loathing.  When a paragon of virtue like Barack Obama enters their lives, it's like shining a light on a cockroach: it brings nothing but agony.  Seeing such a perfect specimen makes them realize their own hollowness.  It's pathetic, really."
 
Experts said that the problem was especially grave among Republicans, who are either abandoning the party or simply giving up on their past pursuits, like torturing prisoners or stealing from the poor to give to the rich.  "They've realized we don't need a two-party system," said one Congressional staffer.  "since one party is headed up by the ultimate in human evolution."
 
In the true spirit of politics and the NFL, though, more and more Washington residents are joining Be Like Barack clubs, which give seminars on how to emulate the popular president.  In fact, the New York Times has recently announced it is changing its format, from having a Lifestyle section to have a BLB Encounter page dedicated to following the popular groups.
 
Not everyone is so sanguine about Obama's perfection, though, with some wondering its long-term impacts on Washington mental health.  "My main concern," said one White House pool reporter "is that we only have three years, seven months, and seven days guaranteed for us to observe this model of latter-day perfection.  Is it enough?  Or should we begin amending the constitution now to appoint him our King for perpetuity?"

Posted by: plebian at 08:30 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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