militant atheists continue to bring respect and legitimacy to atheism at large

We seem to have a stupid video game pattern in our stories today, anyway, here's one more for you.  Some doofus grad student decided to create a game where you go back in time and slaughter biblical and religious figures through history as an exercise in the tired "there would be no/much less war without religion" line of thought that exists among goofy militant atheists.  He wishes to remain anonymous because he now fears for his life...did I mention that one of your tasks in this game is to behead Mohammed? 

He hopes the game’s real message --helping kids imagine a time when religion was new and less organized-- will not become an undertone to the violence.

Ah, its For The Children^TM.  Yeah, it's about helping kids imagine when religion was new and less organized, or you can read the next line and realize,

“It’s the idea of being able to go back in time and sort of nipping the problem in the bud,” says the game's creator.

... it might just be one dumbass student's masturbatory fantasy.  FAIL.  Sorry to decent atheists who have to put up with embarrassing loudmouth tools like this student, those of us who believe in some higher power have these types to deal with too.  Fun, isn't it? 

I should note that there is a problem with the game, the programmer couldn't figure out how to stop a certain glitch, when you face Jesus, he's always in God Mode, and even if he does decide to let you kill him, he just raises from the dead if you come back to the game after three days time.  You can't actually beat the game.  Plus he's a relentless spawn camper.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 05:21 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Supreme Court 2: Extreme Jurisprudence

The video game news all you barely-literate morons have been waiting for! Supreme Court - The Video Game!

America's first female Supreme Court justice unveiled a videogame project on Wednesday to teach children how courts work, saying she wanted to counter partisan criticism that judges are "godless" activists.

I can hear Gabriel Malor's zipper from here!  But wait, morons!  There's more!

Features Include:

• Legislate from the bench with EXTREME JURISPRUDENCE!!! : "There is hardly an area of the law that Justice O’Connor did not significantly affect." - Joan Biskupic
• Find new meaning in that stuffy old Constitution or SHREDD IT TO PIECES!!!
• Intelligent arguments destroy affirmative action? DIVERSIFY THEM INTO A COMA!!!
• Many, many more!!!!!

I know what you're all thinking: How will I stop orgasming all the time?

Well, here's your solution:

What's the opposite of priapism?

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 01:16 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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BREAKING: HOLY FUCKING SHIT - Hillary "Open" to Veep Slot

A while back I started taking bets on when Hillary would gracefully bow out of the race. Our host strongly disagreed but what can you expect from a guy that only scored a 93.33%? (Pity him)

Anyway, even I didn't think this was going to happen:

The Associated Press, continuing to lead the way in reporting the breaking developments in the wrap-up to the Democratic presidential race[wow... -MP], writes that Hillary Clinton has told unspecified lawmakers from her home state of New York that she is "open" to joining the party's national ticket as Barack Obama's running mate.

If this is true, then I can't imagine Obama, a shrewd, win-at-all-cost politician, could deny her the position. That ticket is orgasmic for victimology enthusiasts and sure to beat an already weak McCain ticket.

Update: Here is some more:

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton told the New York congressional delegation today that she's willing to serve as Sen. Barack Obama's vice presidential nominee.

As Associated Press projected that Obama had the number of delegates he needed to clinch the Democratic presidential nomination, Clinton raised the possibility of serving as Obama's running mate during her talk with New York lawmakers, said Rep. Brian Higgins, D-Buffalo.

"She brought it up, and it it was reaffirmed by others," Higgins said. ""It was in the context of: we've got to win this thing."

While saying she would not officially concede the nomination to Obama at a New York rally where she will appear tonight, Clinton also stressed that she will do whatever she can to help Obama win the presidency.

At first I suspected this was just a reporter asking a cleverly worded question but it appears that she brought it up. Now we just wait to see if Obama is really as stupid as he seems. After all, how do you win in a 58 state landslide without a good running mate?

*Updated for clarity.  Sorry, still getting the hang of the mee.nu system.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 03:56 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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preparation h being used as muscle toner?

Apparently, clubgoers are slathering themselves in the hemorrhoid medication because they think it tightens up flabby spots(I'd have to dive into a swimming pool of the stuff and wade around for a few hours), particularly along the torso. The good news is if this catches on, we might make a few of these disappear,



But yeah, not a smart move, you can develop an allergy to the stuff, and because the stuff works by restricting blood vessels, it could potentially cause a problem by raising your blood pressure.  They got this idea from bodybuilding, where bodybuilders use it in small spots to push out any additional water weight they may be carrying.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:15 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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another police weapons instructor shoots self

Sort of, the officer got damn lucky and just had the round go through his clothes. This time it was in Massachusetts.  I like how the pistol they use in the graphic isn't a Glock...of course its a British paper, so they and their readers probably don't know the difference.

So, what was he doing?  Of course,

Officials say the Glock handgun discharged while Maj. Donald Lamar was demonstrating to Bristol County deputy sheriffs how to safely holster the weapon.

B-b-b-but, the Brady Campaign says only police officers and government agents are smart enough to use firearms responsibly!  Anyway, he's been reassigned and his weapon taken until the Department reviews the situation.

Is it just me, or do a lot of these events seem to come from Glocks?  Yeah, I know a bajillion people have and handle them without incident every day, but every time we see a story of a cop shooting himself with his sidearm, it always seems to be with a Glock.  Maybe some of these police departments ought to look issue sidearms with an actual safety, because some of them seem to not be able to handle their Glocks safely.

Obligatory,

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 03:47 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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dewmocracy has failed

Anyone familiar with the DEWmocracy ad campaign?  It was an ad campaign that allowed you to choose flavors for a new Mountain Dew soda, vote and campaign for your flavor of choice.  There are three new flavors, and the winner of those three in the next vote will unveiled as the latest Mountain Dew product.  Mountain Dew and Pepsi have long been trying to branch out beyond the original Mountain Dew with limited success, and after my taste test, I feel confident in saying they won't have any success here either.

I saw three new sodas, I bought three new sodas, I figure I gotta try them, right?  So I bought three 20 oz. bottles. 

I opened the first of these sodas, the Mountain Dew Revolution.  Like Ron Paul's rEVOLution, Mountain Dew's Revolution is total crap, like Ron Paul's nasty mix of crazy conspiracy theorist and crazy paleocon crank, the Mountain Dew Revolution is a nasty mix of crappy berry-ish candy tasting badness with a nastier back note of cough syrup.  You'd have to be insane to like this crap, and even more insane to vote for it. 

Yeah, okay, my review of the Revolution is bad, but not nearly as bad as the soda itself.  The only way I can see this appealing to anyone is if they've developed a taste for the purple stuff and want that wonderful cough syrup flavor in a drink that won't make you high or kill you.

Next I tried the Mountain Dew Supernova.  If its a Supernova, its a supernova of cheap candy flavor.  You know when you were a little kid,  and you'd go out on Halloween and get candy that was like the crappy generic version of Runts?   They didn't have the fun shapes, they had kind of a chalky flavor and a really cheap tasting flavoring, and when you ate a bunch of them they kind of melded into an unappealing vaguely fruity flavor?  Yeah, its basically like a carbonated swig of that flavor. 

Last I tried the Mountain Dew Voltage.  To me, this basically tasted like Pepsi Blue, minus the aggressive cough syrup taste of Pepsi Blue.  It basically tasted like a soda version of every crappy blue-raspberry flavored thing in the world, so it was just a typical bad soda, which means I found it to be the least offensive of the three.

So they were all bad, but certainly not as bad as some other ones I've tried in the past, like Canada Dry Green Tea soda and Pepsi Jazz Caramel, the latter of which is about the nastiest carbonated beverage ever created.  I'll stick with Frozen Run.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:36 PM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
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this is going to reach daikatana levels of suckage

This is an interview with one of the creators of Mortal Kombat, talking about their new project, which will put the MK universe together with DC Comics.  Which means Michael at IB will dig it because it'll have Batman, but its gonna suck beyond that.  Here's the thing, they're either removing fatalities or watering them down.  I'm sorry, but MK was a weak fighting platform to begin with, if you take away the gruesome fatalities, you basically take all the fun out of the game.  Yeah, it was a dying franchise, but they could have done done one last big hurrah, at least. 

Oh well...wonder what's going on in the Duke Nukem Forever front?

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 12:43 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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hugh hefner wants miley cyrus to pose for playboy

Hey Mr. Hefner, why don't you have a seat over there?

Yes, I know Hefner said when she turns 18, but seriously, asking her that is just creepy as hell.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:39 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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