September 30, 2008

Mother of the Year

I know that some of the Morons around here are also parents, and good parents at that. But Moron activities and parenting are best kept separate:

State police Lt. Juan Martinez said Monday that undercover agents with the Region III Narcotics Task Force were at 21-year-old Virginia Neel-Blaker's home in Ojo Caliente to buy drugs from her and her husband, James Blaker.

The agents saw her give her daughter a sip of beer from a can. Then she allegedly filled up the girl's sippy cup with beer and gave it to the toddler to get her to sleep, Martinez said.

The cops, needless to say, were not amused. In addition to child abuse charges, the woman and her husband are being held on heroin trafficking, marijuana distribution, and prostitution-related charges. The 18-month-old girl has been handed over to the New Mexico Children, Youth and Families Department. I hope they find a much better home for her.

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All that is necessary for Evil to succeed is that Morons do nothing

Well, sports fans, you can't say I didn't warn you about the coming of fascism to Wrigleyville bars, and now, it's about to happen:

Bars and restaurants surrounding Wrigley Field reluctantly agreed today to stop serving alcohol after the 7th inning of potential title-clinching Cubs playoff games...

Local Ald. Tom Tunney (44th) disclosed the compromise after a meeting at John Barleycorn's Restaurant, 3524 N. Clark, that included bar owners and city officials.

"Nobody wants to see restrictions, but this is an experiment. These are special circumstances, special times. We are all concerned about safety for the neighborhood," said Tunney, the owner of Ann Sather's Restaurants and a former liquor license holder himself. Tunney said the unprecedented ban on liquor sales would start "at the end of the 7th inning and last for approximately one hour.
What's that Ben Franklin quote that the lefties are always bandying about, talking about how the Amerikkkan sheeple are allowing Chimpy McBushitler to usher in a new era of fascist repression in America through the Patriot Act or listening in on terrorists' phone calls or "harshing their mellow" somehow? Oh, yeah.

The one silver lining? If the games go into extra innings, the taps get turned back on.  That's a compromise that will likely save some lives.

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September 28, 2008

Sleeping on a lawn chair

Not really a good idea.  I'm just saying is all.  Now, back to your regularly scheduled blog.

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September 26, 2008

Come to Kentucky: We'll cut your junk off!

Yes, we really will!

A lawyer for a Kentucky doctor being sued over the amputation of a patient's penis said Friday the procedure was "medically necessary" and authorized by the patient.

Attorney Clay Robinson said Dr. John Patterson performed the surgery because the patient, Phillip Seaton, 61, had cancer.

Patterson was given permission to perform any medical procedure deemed necessary, Robinson said.

Well, he's married, so it wasn't like he was using it anyway. 

Note to self: When confronted with cancer, always ask the doctor to consult you before cutting off your man parts.  

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September 25, 2008

"They even have names for them"

I don't have any kids, so I'm not usually comfortable with giving people parenting advice, but the following is a great big pile of creepy motherhood FAIL!

*Serious Content Warning*

(I'm moving the video below the fold.)

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World's Biggest Blowhard blows....ugh....hard.

Bill O'Reilly teaches us all a lesson about how policies of past administrations never affect current administrations. 

Wow, I'm so happy he's looking out for me.  I just know the Big Oil companies are behind this somehow. 

And I just received word from Laura Ingraham...she blames the culture. 


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Apparently, there was a contest between Mexico and Chile at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on Wednesday night, wherein they played some game called "soccer."  For some unfathomable reason, the L.A. crowd didn't really like the one of the key plays in the game:

When Chile took the lead, its fans were treated to the usual Coliseum reaction and were pelted with cups and plastic bottles, but the incidents were soon over as even Mexico's faithful realized that there was no sense in getting upset over an essentially meaningless friendly.
Why, you might wonder, would I bring any of this up?  Well, it's because one of the Mexican players ended up scoring the winning goal.  The only problem was, he scored it for Chile.  Way to go, dumbass.

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September 24, 2008

Dude hates Bacon. Dude Needs To DIAF.

Seriously, this "too cool for school" act means you deserve a meeting with a tall cold glass of shut the fuck up.

I never thought I’d say this, but I’ve had it with bacon. Let’s be clear: I love bacon as much as the next person. I just can’t understand the mass bacon worship cropping up in every restaurant, bar, and blog.  I love waking up to the smell of it, but (sorry Denise) I don’t need an alarm clock to cook it at my bedside. I love eating it next to a mound of warm, syrupy French toast, but I’m not interested in turning my breakfast into a miniature, perishable Stonehenge.


I used it as the base for a Bolognese sauce last week because I couldn’t be bothered to go out and buy pancetta, and it tasted great. But, I’m not going to weave strips of it into serving cups, placemats, squiggly garnishes—or better yet, tiaras. And I am definitely not going to floss my teeth with it.

Oh yeah. Fuck you, loser. Bacon rules and always will rule. Go stick that pancetta in the tailpipe of your Obama stickered Jeep TrailRated.

And did I say "Fuck You"? Because that is how I feel.

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Milton Hershey is spinning in his grave

Good God, "mockolate"?  Fake milk chocolate?  What a disgrace, no way would Milton Hershey approve of this fake crap. 

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September 23, 2008

Morons to riot in Chicago

It seems that the Mayor isn't down with the Ace of Spades Lifestyleâ„¢. Not during the playoffs, anyway:

Mayor Richard Daley said today the city will ask bars near Chicago's baseball stadiums to voluntarily cut off alcohol sales after the seventh inning of home games where the Cubs or White Sox could clinch a playoff series.

While other city officials cautioned that they had yet to discuss the plan with bar owners, the mayor said it was a no-brainer.

"What we're asking is common sense. You can drink as much beer for seven innings as you want," Daley said. "Give me a break. This is common sense, that's all it is. We're asking for the cooperation of everyone."

Asked what he would tell business owners who fear a loss of business, Daley replied, "I'll have somebody buy their place tomorrow ... If you've been drinking for five hours and you're laying on the floor, don't give that person another beer.

"I mean, give me a break ... It's not going to cost them any business. They made enough money all year, I'm sorry. We're just talking about common sense."

You keep repeating "common sense," Mayor Daley, but what I'm hearing is fascism. Samuel Adams must be spinning in his grave.

And God forbid any of those games should go into extra innings! The bloodshed will be on your hands. GOOD DAY, SIR!


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September 22, 2008


Anne Proulx, meet Rule 34.  Apparently the author of Brokeback Mountain is receiving an endless flood of horrifying fanfics, and she's growing quite tired of it.  I'd feel more sympathetic, but we had to tolerate the months of endless talk and fawning over that damn book and movie.  It isn't that I'm hostile to movies about gay cowboys eating pudding, it's just that I didn't care, no matter how hard the media tried to make me care.

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September 16, 2008

Give These Vodka Smugglers An "A" For Effort

It seems as though a massive vodka smuggling ring was busted this week in Estonia. Normally, that would not be news, but how these folks did it is.

It might sound weird and unbelievable but it's a very real criminal case," Mari Luuk, spokeswoman for the Estonian Viru Circuit Prosecutor's Office told AFP.

She said the 11, who included Russians and Estonians, were likely to go on trial soon and faced up to five years in prison if convicted.

The illegal pipeline was submerged in a water reservoir located between Russia and Estonia near the north-eastern Estonian border town of Narva.

Now, was it good stuff, or hobo-bait quality?

According to prosecutors the men had pumped at least 6,200 litres of illegal spirit to Estonia, avoiding paying 57,000 euros (900,000 Estonian Crowns) in excise duty.

"The investigation also revealed that the men had tried to sell some of the alcohol in Tallinn in early November 2004 but the quality of the spirit was too bad and no buyers were found. They then transported their cargo back to Narva and later managed to sell it in Tartu, the second largest town in Estonia," Luuk said.

Look for Ace to head to Estonia soon.

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The Ace-o'-Spades Liftestyle under attack in Florida!

They told me Bush-Cheney's AmeriKKKa would be a police state, and they were right!

A 40-year-old man walking his dog in the nude Friday night in northwest Tallahassee was Tasered by police when he became belligerent and refused to follow an officer’s commands.


When asked what he was doing, the man told the officer, “Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie and walk the dog,” McCranie said.
Sounds reasonable to me, although the Allah talk makes me think he's a brown person, which fills my WASPy heart will a chill terror. 

Be ever vigilant my friends.

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David Brooks' latest whine

Palin isn't ready blah, blah, blah,

Sarah Palin has many virtues. If you wanted someone to destroy a corrupt establishment, she’d be your woman.

Stop right there!  Yep, that's exactly what we want. 

And no, David, destroying corrupt establishments isn't a utopian pipe dream as you imply.  Palin has made excellent progress in doing precisely that in Alaska.  It isn't perfect, certainly and there's a long way to go, but she shook things up and took down a few pieces of the corrupt establishment.  Brooks wants effective governance...problem is, you can't have effective governance when the government is immobilized under the weight of rampant corruption.

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September 15, 2008

On the WSJ's "Airport to Nowhere"

Cuffy, our missile defense expert, takes a look at the earmark request for that Alaskan airport and explains why it matters.

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September 13, 2008

This is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life


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September 12, 2008

I Found One Positive Thing To Come Out Of The Hurricanes


Namely, watching Geraldo get knocked on his ass.

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September 10, 2008

No Wonder The Tech Support For My Gadgets Blows Donkey Balls

It seems some of them are more interested in stealing your landlines and using them for phone-sex use.

Joseph Vaccarelli, 45, of Nutley, made approximately 5,000 calls, resulting in 45,000 minutes of call time, Bergen County Prosecutor John L. Molinelli said in a news release.

Vaccarelli placed the calls in about 30 municipalities in Bergen County, according to the release.

Verizon estimated that out of a 40-week period, Vaccarelli spent 15 weeks talking on 900 chat lines, authorities alleged.

And yet I have to wait on hold for 40 minutes just to have them answer an invoicing question.


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September 09, 2008


I swear I went through this routine last month for the Obama campaign fundraising numbers.  I swear we saw the same thing last month, media reports Obama campaign isn't going to do well in fundraising, sites like Hotair pick them up, I offer up suggestions for why the numbers are weak, media reports the numbers that meet or surpass the goal, or at least are solid...dammit.

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"The Peacemaker"

Yeah, I know, I know, Radley Balko's a rabid anti-police douche, but on this one he isn't far off the mark.   There is no friggin' reason some police department in South Carolina needs this,

...dubbed "The Peacemaker," an APC equipped with a Ma Deuce.  Are you kidding me?  What the hell could this police force ever possibly need with an APC equipped with a Ma Deuce?  This is ridiculous, and I hope the taxpayers who funded this thing agree, there's safety, and there's this monstrosity.

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