July 31, 2008

An actual Sean Hannity statement

Speaking about Ludacris and Sen. Obama (paraphrased): "Listen, I don't think all rappers are bad people.  I actually have had the opportunity to interview MC Hammer before, and I love his earlier music."

He then transported back from 1991 to finish the rest of the show.  Oh, and to waste valuable air time by playing MC Hammer's "Pray."

It's time like these when I want to get a huge megaphone and scream "I swear, not all conservatives are this out of touch!"

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Paulbots seek to elect the most statist candidate in U.S. history

This, my dear, is what I call Grade-A nuance:

Dueling delegations pitting Ron Paul's Nevada supporters against those of John McCain vow to take their fight to the Republican National Convention.

That's just one sign that the outsider, Internet-fueled movement led by the feisty Republican congressman from Texas remains afloat in the wake of McCain's victory in the GOP primaries.

In the libertarian-leaning West, where Paul's message of distrust of the federal government and ardent individualism played particularly well, there is talk of Republicans straying from McCain. Libertarian candidate Bob Barr has emerged as a favorite alternative for Paul activists, followed by Constitutional Party candidate Chuck Baldwin.

[...]

"In Nevada, there's absolutely enough to have an effect on the election," said Chuck Muth, a leading conservative activist in a state in which early polls show McCain and Democratic candidate Barack Obama in a statistical tie.

I know I'm going to catch hell from the libertarians amongst us, but I never understood the draw of voting third party.  Personally, I couldn't live with the guilt of contributing to an Obama presidency. 

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July 28, 2008

The living PSA

Anti-drug commercials tend to be pretty lame: an egg that represents your brain, tearful teens screaming "I learned it from you, dad," etc. Weak stuff.

No, if we really want to keep the kids off the drugs, we need to turn to the walking (or, more accurately, stumbling) horror show that is Amy Winehouse. Consider the fact that Amy went from this, just a few years ago...

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/Amy1.jpg
Yeah, I'd hit that.

...to the following disturbing image, below the fold...

more...

Posted by: Sean M. at 11:30 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Wow! Wisconsin Has The Awesomest Of Awesome Prison Systems!

Nice to see that alcoholic inmates in Wisconsin are allowed to kick their habits and addictions in only the finest fashion: by going to a bar!

I know. Details. Details. It turns out the trip was part of some sort of motivational and uplifting trip to help them kick their addictions. But helping the drunks kick their habits this way?

The probe was started after a drug treatment counselor complained that allowing the inmates to get near alcohol was a setback to their treatment.

The counselor, Mark Nelson, 47, of Prairie Farm, alleges he was pushed out of his job shortly after he filed his complaint about the incident. A Department of Corrections spokesman said officials did not retaliate against him.

Nelson said it was unethical for officers to take alcoholic inmates to Ready Randy's Sports Bar & Grill in New Richmond -- to hear a motivational speaker -- since most of them will be barred from going into establishments where alcohol is served when they are released.

Top officials at the St. Croix Correctional Center approved the jaunt, saying inmates were closely supervised and could not get alcohol. They said they wanted inmates to hear an uplifting speech by motivational speaker Dick Hoyt.

"This was a rare, special opportunity for a motivational speaker," Superintendent Jo Skalski said. "(The inmates) are very thankful. It was very inspiring to them."




Yeah, I bet. It inspires me to just lock myself in my basement when I want to get hammered, so that I don't go outside and get arrested.
 

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Looks like it's Pawlenty for VP

Frickin' fan-effing-tastic retarded if true. I am hoping this is just more speculation. I share Allahpundit's sentiments:

His working-class pedigree is all to the good, but between the lack of name recognition and the “boring old Republican white guy” effect, I’m underwhelmed. He doesn’t even have serious religious cred to reassure antsy evangelicals. Let’s hope the report’s wrong, although given the general savviness of McCain’s campaign these days, it probably isn’t.

Here's my plan.  I am, from this point on, going to do absolutely all I can do to get Sarah Palin re-elected as Alaska Governor in 2010.  If anyone knows the first steps I could take to that end (what staff member I should get in touch with, etc.), please let me know. 

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 04:01 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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July 27, 2008

Thanks, dad

Everybody can relate to being embarrassed when a parent tells people about something that happened when they were little kids, but, thankfully, most of our parents don't tell those stories on national television.

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July 25, 2008

Teens Teach Toddlers to Toke on Tape

What is another definition for FAIL? This guy.

A teenager shown on a video coaxing his 2- and 4-year-old nephews into smoking marijuana was sentenced Thursday to eight years in prison.

Demetris McCoy, 18, pleaded guilty to two charges of injury to a child/causing bodily injury and agreed to testify against his co-defendant, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported online Thursday.

The video shows one teen lighting a marijuana cigarette in the 2-year-old's mouth, then laughing as the toddler coughs. One teen then tells him to pass it to his brother, who also smokes it and coughs. Parts of the video showed someone calling the children "potheads" and asking if they "have the munchies."

Drug tests showed the youngsters had marijuana and cocaine in their bodies. When the video was made, the children's mother was sleeping in another room, police have said. She was not arrested.
Awful. I think the mom could be included in the definition of FAIL too. Authorities put the children in foster care.

Police discovered the video when they were searching the teen's home based on two burglary investigations. Double doo-doo. So that's what these young punks do. They break into homes, then get high, then give toddlers cocaine and pot, then make a video. Then get caught.


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July 24, 2008

Life will, unfortunately, not be imitating South Park at the DNC Convention this summer

Sadly, it appears that the only incontinent people will be at the RNC Convention </libtard>:

Denver city officials on Wednesday sought to set to rest rumors about police equipment for the Democratic National Convention, saying they would not be buying devices that would incapacitate unruly protesters with sound waves or other out-of-the-ordinary technology, The (Denver) Rocky Mountain News reported Thursday.

Rumors had circulated that the city was interested in buying a system that, using sound waves, could cause people to lose control of their bowels. Because of the intended use of the system, it has been dubbed as the “brown note” in some corners.

Oh, what could have been:


Ahhhh. It's probably just as well. Most of the DNC protesters will smell like they're covered in their own feces already.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 12:29 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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July 23, 2008

Colombian Bull Fight+Too Many People In The Stands=Massive Fail!

I am writing this from Holland, MI while on vacation with The Little Princess and my wife. But, thanks to the wonders of Teh Intertubes, I can bring you this example of why you should not pack too many people into the stands in Colombia for a bullfight.

Note: I didn't paste the video because it is from That News Agency Which Shall Not Be Named.

Posted by: eddiebear at 09:18 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Some National Review FAIL for you

Newt Gingrich has suggested that Sen. McCain avoid choosing another "boring, normal, mainstream Republican white guy" for his vice president. He went on to endorse Gov. Sarah Palin.

Well, that was welcome news to me, but it apparently cause Kathryn Jean Lopez to have an aneurysm. She writes at The Corner:

Gingrich cautions against a "boring, normal, mainstream Republican white guy." I think it's save to say Newt would not think of himself as boring or normal ...

Wow.  There's some mental gymnastics.  By coming out and endorsing Gov. Palin, Newt was in actuality endorsing himself.  Methinks someone is a bit upset that their man Mitt Romney is the very definition of a "boring, normal, mainstream Republican white guy."

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 05:47 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Dick Morris proves himself a retard, again.

From the man who brought you the epic battle Condi vs. Hillary comes this astute analysis of John McCain's vice presidential prospects.  After laying out a good case for not putting Mitt Romney on the ticket, he steps in it by naming his four top picks:

With the nation in the grip of a fundamental re-appraisal of its past rule by white men, both Condi Rice and Colin Powell suggest themselves as excellent alternatives.

[...]

Or McCain could send a statement to Democrats and independents and become the first candidate since Abraham Lincoln to cross party lines and put a person from the opposite party on his ticket by selecting Joe Lieberman.
This Morris fellow really has his finger on the pulse of the electorate, no?  Well, if those three choices didn't already have you jumping for joy, take a look at his final pick:
If McCain wants a slightly less radical course, he should select Mike Huckabee.
Groan.

I'm going to use this time to tell a brief Mike Huckabee story.  During the beginning of the primary season, I was interning at Americans for Tax Reform.  One morning the interns and staff came in early to co-host a small press event with the American Spectator, with Mike Huckabee as a guest. 

For the event, we had a sign-in table for the press with a fiscal fact sheet that the Huckabee team had sent out to be distributed to the reporters who were gathered there.  Two of the fifteen or so items on the sheet where touting his tax increases.  Yes.  Mike Huckabee touted tax increases at Americans for Tax Reform. 

Update: In other veepstakes news, Jim Geraghty is saying that a "plugged-in Republican" thinks that former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina is probably on the short list.  I, like some of Geraghty's readers, have my doubts.  I think she'd be an great choice if we didn't have a 72-year-old presidential candidate.

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Want to read about some serious FAIL?

It occurs to me that I haven't abused my status as a co-blogger here for a while by linkwhoring, so I'm gonna force you to head over to my place to read a story that has FAIL written all over it.

(And by "force you," I really mean that I hope you'll click on that link. And by "I hope you'll click on that link," I really mean that I also hope you'll click on one of my Google Ads so that I can afford more Val-U-Rite vodka and smokes. But that's up to you, I guess...)

Posted by: Sean M. at 04:10 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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July 22, 2008

Your Laura Ingraham OUTRAGE!tm of the Day

I have a very boring job at the moment, but it's a job that allows me to listen to about 9.5 hours of talk radio everyday. I usually wouldn't subject myself to this, but I've decided to spend .5 of those hours listening to Laura Ingraham and present to you the most ridiculous thing she says during that 30 minute period.

Today's OUTRAGE of the day has to do with the new ad from John McCain's campaign, entitled "Pump."

What about this ad upset her so much? It's not what you think. The answer lies below the fold.

more...

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 07:24 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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In hindsight, not really worth it

This is another of those stories where you're just going to have to click on the link to find out about the most relevant detail. Namely, why the dude was up in the tree in the first place:

The fire department responded to the park at 6:11 p.m. Saturday and found Wood face down on the ground between two redwood trees, Santa Rosa Fire Department Battalion Chief Andy Pforsich said.

Paramedics tried unsuccessfully to revive Wood. He was pronounced dead at the scene, Pforsich said.

A caller to the fire department said Wood was about 30 feet up in the tree when he fell, Pforsich said.

Seriously, that was a lot of effort and a mighty heavy price to pay for...well, you'll see.

Posted by: Sean M. at 04:03 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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July 21, 2008

Because Robbery is Tough Work, Dude

When two guys in Seattle realized that stealing backpacks, pillows and hammocks from a department store was an exhausting endeavor, they did the most logical thing. They slept on the spoils - right behind the store they were robbing.

Police took some photos of the cat-napping cat-burglars before they were apprehended. Priceless.

Oh yeah, and did I mention alcohol was involved?

Posted by: conservativebelle at 07:36 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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But, I thought there has never been spitting at veterans by anti-war protesters!

When reached for comment, the spokeperson for one of the major anti-war groups stated,

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/bob4rv.jpg
No, no this is not so, we in the anti-war movement operate with the highest ethical standards!

When approached by this video (h/t),



the spokesman noted that he was late for a game of Parcheesi with his homies, and he had to peace out.

Later, when asked about incidents of anti-war protesters by some wingnut at Fox News about the incident, the chair of another anti-war group stated the following before the press,

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/ahmadinejad_2.jpg
This is all neocon propaganda, we do not have this spitting on veteran phenomena in the anti-war movement.

before moving on to declaring that he was an Anti-Zionist and that they were "a different thing" in front of the American cameras.  He abruptly ended the press conference to enter a trendy raw organic vegan slow foods restaurant for lunch. 

I dunno either...

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 03:17 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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July 20, 2008

What I learned this weekend

My friend's husband's band gig + giant beers + tequila shots + finding out that I'm allergic to Pomeranians by breaking out in blotchy red spots + Benadryl = drowsy utterly incapacitated.

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/pomeranian2.jpg
Yes, friends, I was essentially brought down by this.

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/patron-silver_3002_r2.jpg
And this.

Posted by: Sean M. at 11:14 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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July 18, 2008

PETA founder's will

Seems like the perfect follow up to a KFC story.

So pitiful, but oh so funneh, these are some of the requests found in Ingrid Newkirk's will,

a. That the “meat” of my body, or a portion thereof, be used for a human barbecue, to remind the world that the meat of a corpse is all flesh, regardless of whether it comes from a human being or another animal, and that flesh foods are not needed;


http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/ed-gein.jpg
Likes where she's going with this

b. That my skin, or a portion thereof, be removed and made into leather products, such as purses, to remind the world that human skin and the skin of other animals is the same and that neither is “fabric” nor needed, and that some skin be tacked up outside the Indian Leather Fair each year to serve as a reminder of the government’s need to abate the suffering of Indian bullocks who, after a life of extreme and involuntary servitude, as I have seen firsthand, are exported all over the world in this form;…


http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/buffalo.jpg
Can help her with that

PETA is such an asinine organization, it exists solely to provide a random cause for attention whores to attach themselves to, and Ingrid Newkirk is the ultimate attention whore.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 02:38 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Construction starts again at North Korea's unfinished Ryugyong Hotel

The hotel is the famously hideous giant pyramid shaped building in Pyongyang.  Construction began in 1987, and halted in the early 90's. 

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/ryugyong-hotel-lg.jpg

Construction has started again, an Egyptian firm has begun refurbishing some of the upper levels of the building.  South Korean media believes it would cost about $2 billion to completely finish, and there are some architects who question if it would even be structurally sound if completed.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 01:47 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Guidos Outraged! by comments made by mayor

The reaction from the guidos in this article pretty much confirm every goof the mayor made on them.

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/Guidos.jpg

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:45 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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