July 17, 2008

Building the cocaine submarines Americans won't build

A group of undocumented American patriots were discovered bringing much needed supplies to the needy citizens of Southern California today. What do they get for all their troubles? An arrest. No doubt brought on by racial profiling:

Mexico's navy seized a homemade submarine carrying a drug shipment off the Pacific coast on Wednesday and arrested its four-man crew.


The 30-foot makeshift submarine was detected heading north about 200 miles off the southern state of Oaxaca, Mar said.


The navy said in a statement that the sub was apparently packed with cocaine, but authorities were still determining how much was on board.
Really, who are we to pass judgment?  In all honesty, who among you hasn't build a homemade submarine filled with coke?

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 01:07 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 128 words, total size 1 kb.

We see here you made $20,000 last year...

So with the standard cost of living increase, you're new salary will be $440 million.

Zimbabwe's government is to distribute cheap food hampers to help people deal with inflation of 2,200,000%.

Basic products to last a family of six for a month will cost Z$100bn, the current cost of a loaf of bread, the state-run Herald newspaper reports.
I wonder how long it'll be before they start wallpapering their houses with currency.

{doubleplusundead}  For a little perspective on how bad things are in Zimbabwe, in January, a burger in Zimbabwe cost $15 million.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:40 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 100 words, total size 1 kb.

July 16, 2008

Andy Dick Is A Perverted Freak? NO FUCKING WAY!


Proof that evolution has stopped effecting humanity.


Cops arrested Dick, 42, just before 2 a.m. in the parking lot near a Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant.

According to the Murrieta Police Department's Web site, police responded to call at the restaurant to investigate an intoxicated male at the location urinating outside the bar and causing a disturbance.

Officers arrived and stopped a truck which was leaving the location. Witnesses told the officers that one of the truck occupants had sexually battered a 17-year-old outside Buffalo Wild Wings.

The 17-year-old female and several witnesses told police that as Dick left the establishment, he approached two females outside the bar. Dick walked up to the 17-year-old female, grabbed her tank top and bra and pulled them down and exposed her breasts, they said. He then was escorted by several of his friends to a truck which was stopped by arriving police officers in a nearby Sam’s Club a few moments later.

I'm surprised he survived the encounter as I can't imagine there is a 17-year-old girl on Earth that couldn't beat that little shit-stain to death.  Jon Lovitz could, anyway.

The look on his face alone has earned him 20 years in a cell with a serial rapist as far as I'm concerned.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 01:24 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 220 words, total size 2 kb.

July 15, 2008

Modesto gang members are viscious, mannerly

Personally, I think it would be nice if they apologized to all their stabbing victims, but it's a start:

A Modesto man was hospitalized in serious condition today after gang members broke into his south Modesto home, stabbed him, then apologized and said they attacked the wrong person, police reported.


"They saw these individuals in their home attacking their friend," [Sgt. Craig] Gundlach said. At some point during the attack, the men realized they had the wrong house and told the victim they were sorry. "The gang members tried to apologize for what they had done and they left."
The gang later visited the man in the hospital, bringing lemon squares and balloons .


Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 02:03 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 118 words, total size 1 kb.

July 14, 2008

I guess this in lieu of TBN giving him a show

Mike Huckabee is in talks to create a new show on Fox News....aaaaand Red Eye is still on at what, 3AM in the East Coast?  Is FNC just becoming a depository for goofy, washed up GOPers?  Seriously, they're going to give this populist Nanny tool a show and not bump Red Eye up to a sensible time?  They ought to move Red Eye to big Fox too, they'd have a bigger audience and something to compete a bit with the other networks on late night.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 03:15 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 96 words, total size 1 kb.

There will be no Vice President Mark Sanford

His performance as a surrogate for John McCain yesterday on CNN's Late Edition was almost painful to watch.  Here's a quote from the disaster:

BLITZER: Are there any significant economic differences between what the Bush administration has put forward over these many years as opposed to now what John McCain supports?

SANFORD: Um, yeah. I mean for instance, take, you know, ummm, uhhhh, take for instance the, the issue of uhhh, of um — I’m drawing a blank, um, I hate it when I do that, particularly on television. But take, take for instance the contrast on NAFTA. I mean, I think that the bigger issue is credibility in where one is coming from … on … are they consistent where they come from.

Yikes.  There's video at the link, if you can stand to watch it.  Whoever edited it had the good sense put in crickets chirping.  The worst part is that he wasn't even right about NAFTA.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 02:33 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 167 words, total size 1 kb.

Okay, whose fault is this? The Jews or Halliburton?

Or can it be both? There's no other rational explanation for this kind of censorship:

Actors Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright, along with members of a crew filming an Oliver Stone movie, were arrested during a bar fight Saturday morning, police said.

Shreveport police Sgt. Willie Lewis said Brolin, Wright and five others were arrested just after 2 a.m. at a club called the Stray Cat bar.

A call to deal with a rowdy patron drew interference from other patrons, Lewis said.

The Times of Shreveport reported that Brolin was booked and posted $334 cash bond to be released. Police could not say Saturday night whether he or the others had been released. The paper said they are part of the crew on an Oliver Stone film, "W," about President George W. Bush.

Will BushCo stop at nothing to prevent this courageous director from making his film?

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 01:58 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 155 words, total size 1 kb.

July 12, 2008

Recycling FAIL

As both a major league booze hound and a responsible steward of our precious Mother Earth, I know it's wrong to just chuck your empties anywhere, willy-nilly.  Thus it was that I packed all my empty beer bottles and plastic water bottles (gotta stay hydrated if you don't want a nasty hangover) into my car and drove down to the recycling center behind Ralphs.  The helpful idiot working there waited until I was out of the car and the paper bag full of brown bottles had split, dumping them all with a nasty crash on the asphalt, to notify me that they had just that very minute closed.

After getting back in the car and screaming "FUCKITY FUCK FUCK" at the top of my lungs,  I decided to drive down to the self-serve recycling center behind Vons.  This time, the bag I removed from the car didn't break, but the little touch screens said that it was, also, closed.  I guess it was full.

No problem, I thought, I have to drive to another city to get my hair cut anyway, so I'll find someplace there.  Nobody at Great Clips knew if there was a place nearby, so I went to buy a six pack at Beverages and More, where I was sure they would know, and they did!  They mentioned two, one nearby behind another Ralphs and another behind an Albertson's.  I headed for the former, which was actually open for a change!  Score, right?  Wrong, since the dude there informed me in broken English that they were taking nothing but aluminum cans, of which I had none.

After stifling a scream, I headed down to the other place that the folks at BevMo had suggested, only to be informed that it had just that very minute closed for the weekend.

I gave up and headed home, my car full of empties and reeking of stale beer.  It's gonna be a lot of fun should I get pulled over at any point during the rest of the weekend.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some drinking to do.

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:32 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 352 words, total size 2 kb.

Why is Atlanta so scared of vaginas?

UPDATE: Good Lord, I'm a retard. Sean M. already wrote about this today. First rule of moronblogging: read the damn moron blog before you post anything.

That's what Cynthia Good wants to know:

Across Atlanta they stood, orange signs with black letters that read "Men At Work" or "Men Working Ahead."

Sometimes, the signs stood next to women working alongside the men.

Good demanded Atlanta officials remove the signs and last week, Atlanta Public Works Commissioner Joe Basista agreed.

Score one for gender equality, Good said Wednesday.

Womyn across America can breathe a sigh of relief, as Good is planning to take her complaints nationwide. She'll be tearing down misogyny one $144 sign at a time.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 02:18 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 122 words, total size 1 kb.

July 11, 2008

On second thought...

And the angry cries of "discrimination" begin in 3...2...1...

South Carolina’s top tourism agency has canceled an overseas advertising campaign targeting gay tourists.

The campaign, tied to gay pride week celebrations in London, included ads that proclaimed “South Carolina is so gay.” A handful of other U.S. destinations joined the campaign, including Atlanta, Boston and New Orleans.

After learning last week the state had agreed to spend tax money on the campaign — and spurred by a post on The Palmetto Scoop blog — the Department of Parks, Recreation and Tourism said Thursday it would not pay the tour operator.

Check out the link for a glimpse of the canceled ad and some world-class buck-passing over how this whole debacle got approved in the first place.


Posted by: Sean M. at 05:33 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 130 words, total size 1 kb.

July 10, 2008

Did John McCain Just Have A "Senior Moment" In Pennsylvania?

Maverick was in Pittsburgh a few days ago to do an interview with the folks at KDKA Radio, the historic powerhouse radio station. During the interview, he gushed about the Steelers football team, including this gem.

"The Steelers really made a huge impression on me -- particularly in their early years."
In fact, McCain explains how the team helped him during his time in a POW camp. 

"When I was first interrogated and really had to give some information because of the physical pressures that were on me, I named the starting lineup -- defensive line -- of the Pittsburgh Steelers as my squadron-mates!"

Umm...Two things:
First, if I recall from my dad's copy of McCain's book Faith Of My Fathers, he claimed to give out the names of the Green Bay Packers, which ties into point two. I may need some backup on this point, but I think he did name the Packers and not the Steelers.

Back in the 1960s, the Steelers sucked big time. They were so bad, they made the St. Louis Cardinals Football Team look good. On the other hand, the Packers were destroying the competition on their way to winning five NFL titles and the first two Super Bowls during that same stretch. Obviously, most people back then would know more about the Packers than some bottom dwelling team from Pittsburgh.

To quote the great philosopher

[UPDATE: Yup. McCain screwed up.]

Posted by: eddiebear at 11:12 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 244 words, total size 2 kb.

Der Kris Kringle krieg

Rivalries between several organized groups of Santas are beginning to get heated.  Things started after a shakeup in leadership.  The leader of the  Amalgamated Order of Real-Bearded Santas (yes, really) was ousted after being accused by another board member of using his position to set up a booking operation for Santa appearances, and takes over.  Things get a lot crazier after that, but I'll make you hit the link.  Let's hope none of the Santas decide to sleigh someone from another faction...

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:15 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 86 words, total size 1 kb.

Parody, thy name is England

From the "You Can't Make This Stuff Up" department:

Bristol City Council wants to prune bushes and remove cover from an area known as the Downs to improve the landscape and encourage rare wildlife.

But its own gay rights group has opposed the move, claiming that cutting back the bushes was "discriminating" to homosexual men who used the area for late night outdoor sex known as dogging.

Work on the beauty spot has been temporarily delayed while talks with gay rights groups take place to try and break the deadlock.

According to the article, yes, screwing in the bushes is illegal, but they're having this ridiculous debate anyway. I mean, it's not like there aren't any hotels in the Bristol area. I'm sure they'd be happy to have these "gentlemen" as paying guests, but yeah, cutting back overgrown bushes where people congregate to have illegal public sex is discrimination.  I'd say "Get a room," if I wasn't afraid of a Hate Crime lawsuit.


Posted by: Sean M. at 12:51 AM | Comments (37) | Add Comment
Post contains 169 words, total size 1 kb.

July 09, 2008

Followup on that shooting instructor

You remember the police chief teaching a firearms safety class that shot himself?  Yeah, he resigned as an instructor after a state representative asked that the police chief face review by the bureau that oversees concealed weapons instructors rather than possibly have his license to teach conceal carry classes taken.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 02:20 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 55 words, total size 1 kb.

July 08, 2008

We need to find out who pulled this prank and give them a medal

I've never heard this story before, but it makes Mike Huckabee look foolish, so I'm sharing it:

If the cage match visits came from Baron Cohen, it wouldn't be the first time Arkansas fell for a practical joke. In 2000, then-Gov. Mike Huckabee fell for a prank and congratulated Canada for preserving its icebound Parliament, calling it a "national igloo."

It's scary to think that this man was almost the Republican nominee.

{doubleplusundead}  Here's the video,

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 04:47 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 90 words, total size 1 kb.

Who Lies, FAILS

An Army Cadet instructor in Britain has resigned his position after falsely boasting on his Facebook page that he was SAS and had 100 kills in his service.  Among his claims,

Mr McAuley, an adult instructor in the Lancashire Army Cadet Force, based at Fulwood Barracks, Preston, claimed that he had been a paratrooper at the battle of Goose Green in the Falklands War and that he was the second SAS man on the balcony of the London Iranian Embassy siege in 1980.

As it turns out, he was actually a member of the Army Catering Corps, which was the service that prepared food for soldiers until it was folded into the Royal Logistics Corps.  So really, I don't know that he's lying when he says he's killed 100 people, considering this isn't just British food he's cooking, but British military food.  Anyway, he was busted by other soldiers, and resigned when those soldiers threatened to take his lies public.  I should note, I respect the guy for serving his nation(assuming he did so honorably, or honourably, I guess), but his lie denigrates both what the SAS does and what he did, and that I don't respect.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 12:20 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 200 words, total size 1 kb.

July 07, 2008

Faith-based Charities

It turns out that Sen. Obama is for faith-based charities.  That is, as long as they don't participate in the offenseive practice of...wait for it...only hiring people who believe the same faith as the organization:

Barack Obama's speech in Zanesville, Ohio, yesterday will probably do for him what he designed it to do: attract some more "values" voters his way without his giving an inch on the most important "values" issues: abortion, marriage, and judges.   Left-leaning evangelical Jim Wallis sang his praises on cue.  Far-gone secularist Barry Lynn recited his lines just right, denouncing the looming gap in the wall of separation.  The whole production went off as planned.

Except for its Achilles Heel: faith-based hiring.  Obama will have none of it.  Unless they hire for mission, the identity of these charities precisely as Catholic or Mormon or Pentacostal (or as whatever) will soon disappear.  It is this identity, too, which is key to why they work so well, often better than any secular counterpart charity. But if they hire for mission, these charities will (as an Obama supporter bluntly put it) just have to leave the public money to others.  And note well: there is no question in any of this about serving clients without regard for their religion (or lack of it).

This is one of the biggest reasons* I have been against President Bush's faith-based initiatives.  Under more liberal administrations, "allowing faith-based charities to receive federal funds" becomes "allowing politically correct, non-discriminatory faith-based charities that the administration approves of to receive federal funds." 

Translation: Charities headed by Michael Pfleger, et al get funding.  Charities headed by people like James Dobson and Pat Robertson get no finding.

However, if Obama is elected and gets his way, the first thing I'll do is change my last name to Goldstein and apply at a few Islamic charities. 

*I also think that if you are running a faith-based charity, you should at least have enough faith that it can survive without the federal government intervening on your organization's behalf.  If its in God's plan for the organization to work, it will. 

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 07:39 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 351 words, total size 2 kb.

Maybe I Should Follow Rugby A Little More

I have always been a fan of rugby, especially the international game. The skill and courage to play a sport that vicious without pads puts ruggers in a class all by themselves.

Internationally, the sport rivals soccer/"football" for popularity in some corners of the globe, especially New Zealand, where the Kiwis are rabid supporters of their clubs and the "All Blacks" National team. Well, I think I may have found yet another reason to support rugby in New Zealand.

It seems one of the networks accidentally fed the wrong footage across the airwaves while broadcasting the Kiwis' beloved sport, leading to the airing of a hardcore adult movie. 

Parents were outraged at the programming blunder, one father told 3 News his 8-year-old son's innocence had been ruined.

Within minutes of the images going on air, 3 News was flooded with calls from distressed viewers.

A Whangarei 12-year-old was horrified, running around with her hands over her eyes saying "eww" and "gross".

An Auckland woman watched in disbelief as the rugby turned to Desperate Black Wives 2. She said it left little to the imagination.

A Port Waikato viewer said it was not something he wanted to see as he was watching Grass Roots Rugby.

New Zealand Rugby:

Come For The Game, Stay For The Pr0n.


Posted by: eddiebear at 12:07 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 223 words, total size 2 kb.

July 05, 2008

What goes around comes around

I'm pretty sure you can see where this is going:

UNESCO started its list of "intangible" cultural treasures such as dance, carnival or other rituals in 2003.

In 2005, a UNESCO jury including several French members turned down a request by Mexico to have its culinary tradition recognised.

Take it away, Mr. Muntz...

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:41 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 59 words, total size 1 kb.

July 03, 2008

I just thought I would share with the class

I was trying to alleviate the drudgery of my state government job tonight, and figured that trying to find reviews of The Dark Knight would do it. Thank goodness I did, or I may have missed this unintentionally funny excerpt (emphasis mine):

You can believe the hype, KNIGHT could have quite simply been renamed to THE JOKER. Ignoring the fact that we lost Ledger earlier this year, he truly does deserve credit for bringing one of the most diverse, unique and well-developed characters to the big screen since Daniel Day Lewis in THERE WILL BE BLOOD. Some will say it's over-the-top, while everyone else will see the true genius in his work. When Christopher and Jonathan Nolan reveal The Joker's motive early in the film, it's tough to take in, and tough to take serious (why so serious?), but by the final frame of the film, the viewer should be sold without question. The deconstruction of The Joker is something of wonder; watching Ledger descend deeper into psychosis was more interesting that watching Lewis do it in BLOOD. To say he will give the viewer goosebumps is an understatement.
Now, I'm nowhere close to being a professional film reviewer, but I think that if you're going to say the phrase "this is the best (something) since (film)," the film you're referencing should be more than six or seven months old

That being said, I have a feeling that if I had seen The Dark Knight weeks before almost anyone else, my brain wouldn't work, either.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 03:44 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 263 words, total size 2 kb.

<< Page 2 of 3 >>
54kb generated in CPU 0.2, elapsed 0.4471 seconds.
60 queries taking 0.3487 seconds, 169 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.