November 30, 2008

The times has come to talk of many things

Of shoes - these shoes in particular

Now.  Objectively, these are horrific.  And only $1,800!  But there's part of me that loves them in all of their Cher-tastic glory.  I mean, can't you just see Cher, during her Sonny and Cher Show days, wearing these and a Pocohontas outfit.  In fact, I think she did wear an outfit like that.  But yes, these may be ugly as all hell but they do speak to my inner diva. 

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I just don't get it

The Brady Campaign and other authoritarian vermin tell us that only police officers and other government agents can safely handle firearms...yet here's another cop ignoring basic safety rules and shooting himself with the damn thing.

Barry also notes that he's baffled as to why Plaxico Burress was carrying a firearm in a nightclub (again, idjit shot himself) in cities and states where there are pretty stringent gun control laws...I'm more baffled by the idea that someone thought that naming their kid Plaxico was a good idea, sounds like something you'd name a small manufacturing firm.

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November 26, 2008

Americans for Tax Reform looks at my pension system

Turns out I'm screwed.  Who could have guessed?

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November 25, 2008

Shocka! A Perverted Japanese Man!

But what did this fine lad do to get him a First Ballot Induction into the creepiness Hall Of Fame?

He used big-ass worms as a tool to get women to move.

He was arrested on the spot by a patrolling police officer after releasing the creatures on the Keihan line in Osaka prefecture.

"He would go close to women on the train, any woman, and pour out the worms from containers,'' a police spokesman said today.

Local police had been on alert after 18 similar cases of released worms had been reported this month by the same train operator.

"When the arrest was made, the man had nearly emptied a container, which is believed to have held 200 worms,'' he said.

"You cannot count them because there are so many.''

Mr Mizuta had 10 containers in his backpack estimated to contain a total of 3600 worms, police said.

"We have the worms sitting inside the police station right now,'' the spokesman said.

"You see them wriggling inside their clear cases. It's really disgusting.''

You said it buddy.

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Football Coaches Are Calm And Sedate

Just like this guy.

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I Found A Way To Survive Living In Wisconsin

Heavy drinking. But dude, 11 DUI arrests?

A  Kenosha man accused of his 11th drunken-driving offense pleaded not guilty Monday, despite evidence of a blood-alcohol level nearly four times the legal limit.

The next hearing is set for January in the case against Deciderio Soto, 51. He is charged with driving while intoxicated, as a 10th and subsequent offense.

If convicted, Soto could be sentenced to 7½ years in prison. He also could lose his driver’s license for at least two years, and his license could not be restored without alcohol treatment.

Soto is in jail because he has not posted a $20,000 cash bond.

Well, it is Wisconsin, so being drunk is one way to get through the misery that is 10 months of snow and bad accents.

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Okay, this is bad

I had no idea how dire this whole worldwide economic meltdown thingy was until now:

The global financial crisis has grown so bad that Russians are cutting back on vodka.

Stockpiles of Russia's national drink were six times higher at the start of the month than the same time a year ago because factories are producing vodka faster than they can sell it, an alcohol industry lobby and research group said on Monday.

"People are having to save money, including on drinks, and this is connected to the impact of the financial crisis on people's disposable incomes," Pavel Shapkin, president of the National Alcohol Association (NAA), told Reuters.

Now, this is serious, but I think we can all agree to keep calm until my people—the Irish—start cutting back on the hooch. Then, I'm sure we can all agree, it will be time to crack each others' skulls open and feast on the goo inside.

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Idiots+Sports+YouTube=Easy Pickings For Me


And, finally,

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November 21, 2008

Enjoy your prison stay, Sgt. Dumbass

This asshat bought an Army uniform online, and was running around pretending he was an Army sergeant.  Police busted Sgt. Dumbass as he was trying to cash a bogus check for $40K at a bank, some of the arresting officers were retired servicemen, and knew he was a bogus soldier.  The guy had already bought a new Dodge Charger with another bogus check.  I'm guessing Sgt. Dumbass is going to learn a whole new meaning for "embrace the suck" once his trial ends...
Hurrr...Semper Fi, or something...

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 01:29 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The Dutch are getting sick of all the friggin' stoners invading their country

Fellas, you set yourselves up as the pothead mecca, of course you were going to get overrun by douchebaggy hippies, trustafarians and college students.  Alas, it appears that some cities are looking to limit the amount of weed you can buy, so that means we'll be less likely to rid ourselves of the wankers for two weeks out of the year.

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November 20, 2008

There is only one possible response to this story

Doctors find worm in woman's brain

The only appropriate response to this? EW EW EW EW OMG EW WTF ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Bonus points for running around in a circle and flailing like I did.

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What's wrong with the U.S. Senate in one headline

"Stevens leaves to a standing ovation"

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 12:17 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Gee, It Seems As Though Some People Are Just Sick Assholes

Of course, this piece of debris has hit the Willy Wonka Ticket in the Asshole Lottery.

First, he did this:

Robert Melia Jr., 38, also pleaded innocent to charges of official misconduct and animal cruelty. He appeared in court with his attorney, but said nothing.

Last month, Melia was indicted with his former girlfriend, Heather Lewis, 33, of Pemberton Township on multiple counts of aggravated sexual assault, aggravated criminal sexual contact, criminal sexual contact, endangering the welfare of a child, sexual assault and one count of invasion of privacy.

Lewis pleaded innocent last week.

Lewis and Melia are due back in Superior Court before Judge Thomas S. Smith, Jr. in January. If convicted of all charges, both face life in prison.

The 45-count indictment stems from incidents with three girls at Melia's Cottage Avenue home in Moorestown between June 2000 and January 2008, authorities said.

Ok. That's bad enough. Fucker needs to burn for that alone. But, he tops that heinous activity by doing the following:

Also, authorities allege Melia engaged in sex acts with cows at an undisclosed location in Southampton in 2006. According to court document, investigators found video of the incident and other pornographic materials when they searched Melia's house in April.

"Other material"? What, pray tell, is that?

Jeebus. What the fuck is wrong with some people?

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November 19, 2008

Guess who?

Patterico describes a certain doucheblogger as "a shrieking, hysterical, gullible moron."  I'll give you three guesses as to who he's referring to, and the first two don't count.

(Oh, and, yeah, I'm offended by the "moron" thing, too.  I DEMAND SATISFACTION!)

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Fellas, Just Remember This Guy's Fate When You See A Pasta Jar

If I have said it once, I've said it a thousand times: if you have to put your junk in a pasta jar, at least don't do it while driving.

Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed.

Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar, a police statement said.

Weatherley, of Promontory Way, North Arm Cove, attracted attention parked in a no-stopping zone before noon on October 26.

Police believed Weatherley was doing something with his hands in his lap and thought that he might have a weapon.

Weatherley saw the police and drove away, despite them flashing their lights.

The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 kmh, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.

Uh, no. He just needed an extra minute or so.

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November 18, 2008

No they're not

And yes, I'll make you head to the link to figure out why they're not normal:

King: When you met, were you -- what kind of couple were you?

Thomas: A normal couple.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 12:57 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Guess Who Is Now Popular With MSNBC?

Just guess.

And yet, the first time Parker, Brooks, Frum, Noonan, Will, or Buckley dare criticize The Messiah, guess again how many more invites they will have to appear on MSNBC?

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Why Hillary! won't be a good Secretary of State..

...Apart from the fact that they're rarely good no matter what, that is:

True statesmanship, it should go without saying, requires political disinterestedness. As a Senator wisely put it many years ago:

'A politician thinks of the next election. A statesman, of the next generation.'

Which model best fits our girl?


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November 17, 2008

Remember Biz Markee?

Here he is on a show my daughter (she's 3 1/2) loves on Noggin called Yo Gabba Gabba.

Posted by: eddiebear at 09:53 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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November 14, 2008

I'm afraid they didn't factor in the deaths from my murder spree

Study: Paying more for alcohol saves lives

(Via Moron Central.)

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:41 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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