December 30, 2008
And this is what happens when he doesn't get his way.
A man became disorderly at the Hess Express on Jonestown Road in Lower Paxton Twp. today after he complained that there wasn't any syrup in the Diet Pepsi dispenser, police said.
About 12:15 p.m., a customer went to the store's clerk and loudly complained of the lack of syrup. He also insisted his lottery ticket was worth a dollar when it was actually for a free drink, police said.
The man was ordered out of the store but proceeded to back his car into the clerk, who tried to take a camera phone picture of his license plate, police said. The clerk was not injured.
Posted by: eddiebear at
09:58 AM
| Comments (1)
| Add Comment
Post contains 128 words, total size 1 kb.
December 22, 2008
Don't lie. I know y'all car dance. I know it.
Posted by: alexthechick at
10:01 PM
| Comments (4)
| Add Comment
Post contains 24 words, total size 1 kb.
Looks like some football players might need a refresher on how to throw a snowball.
Posted by: eddiebear at
02:15 PM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 19 words, total size 1 kb.
December 21, 2008
Posted by: Sean M. at
08:45 PM
| Comments (3)
| Add Comment
Post contains 7 words, total size 1 kb.
December 18, 2008
Posted by: Sean M. at
07:58 PM
| Comments (8)
| Add Comment
Post contains 10 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: Sean M. at
05:05 PM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 13 words, total size 1 kb.
December 15, 2008
'Sprouts can cause bouts of flatulence in animals and humans. But I don't think any of us were prepared for a smell that strong,' said Michael Riozzi of Chessington Zoo in Surrey.
Posted by: eddiebear at
11:38 AM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 61 words, total size 1 kb.
December 14, 2008
Posted by: Sean M. at
07:13 PM
| Comments (1)
| Add Comment
Post contains 20 words, total size 1 kb.
December 11, 2008
111 a. On or about November 27, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH, his wife and daughters, and BLAGOJEVICH's chief of staff JOHN HARRIS ate Thanksgiving dinner together. BLAGOJEVICH's wife asked BLAGOJEVICH to "please pass the potatoes." BLAGOJEVICH asked what his wife was willing to give him for "the f---ing potatoes" because "these f---ing things aren't f---ing cheap." HARRIS said that BLAGOJEVICH's wife might donate $250,000 to Friends of Blagojevich in exchange for the potatoes.Heh. Read the whole thing.
Posted by: Sean M. at
09:02 PM
| Comments (1)
| Add Comment
Post contains 102 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: doubleplusundead at
08:35 PM
| Comments (3)
| Add Comment
Post contains 12 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: eddiebear at
03:48 PM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 7 words, total size 1 kb.
December 10, 2008
Posted by: doubleplusundead at
11:06 PM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 15 words, total size 1 kb.
December 09, 2008
The current leading candidate is former NFL star OJ Simpson, who hopes his experience outrunning federal prosecutors will allow him to avoid the fate of the last two governors.
Also expressing interest is longtime Democratic standard-bearer Al Gore, who feels that the state's proximity to the water and several fine all-you-can-eat buffets makes it the optimum location to continue hectoring citizens about the coming global apocalypse.
A popular dark horse candidate is California Governor and Republican Arnold Swartzenegger, although he would like to churn out a few more wretched movies before driving another state into the ground.
Bill Clinton has been mentioned as a possible successor, but politely declined, saying he's holding out for something more prestigious than a mere governorship, perhaps working with young, ambitious men and women, helping them learn vital skills that will help them succeed in business and politics in the future.
Most surprising of all, though, is that former Illinois senator Barack Obama has tossed his hat into the ring, saying that not only does he love campaigning, but he also hopes to burnish his meager credentials with some executive experience before trying to make the jump "to prime time."
Posted by: plebian at
05:44 PM
| Comments (3)
| Add Comment
Post contains 258 words, total size 2 kb.
December 08, 2008
A facecocking that is well overdue. Inspired by this almost unbelievable bullshit.
Hopefully our friends at Justice have gotten enough out of Rezko to put this motherfucker away for a few decades.
Posted by: Moron Pundit at
02:27 PM
| Comments (15)
| Add Comment
Post contains 36 words, total size 1 kb.
December 06, 2008
Posted by: eddiebear at
12:06 AM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 12 words, total size 1 kb.
December 02, 2008
Aww, wittle Macs not immune to viruses? HA HA.
...mac/PC flamewar in 3...2...
Posted by: Moron Pundit at
12:35 PM
| Comments (11)
| Add Comment
Post contains 21 words, total size 1 kb.
December 01, 2008
You'd think that people, upon sight of the charred human wreckage left in his wake, might consider avoiding insulting and attacking Mark Steyn.
* - From the Latin, "Encancerate" meaning to be struck with such ferocity that one is immediately diagnosed with cancer. To demonstrate, I provide you this example:
Posted by: Moron Pundit at
12:53 PM
| Comments (4)
| Add Comment
Post contains 54 words, total size 1 kb.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow a and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Christmas Season Begins......
Posted by: conservativebelle at
07:08 AM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 151 words, total size 2 kb.
November 27, 2008
Obama made the shocking announcement just hours before holding his star-studded President-Elect Thanksgiving Party in his Chicago headquarters, with a guest list which not only makes the Oscars seem like Hee-Haw, but is so long that he requires two full-size turkeys to accommodate everyone.
The condemned in question were the heads of the Pumpkin and Pecan crime families. While Bush had long ago announced his full confidence in the criminals and vowed to set them free, Obama, eager to burnish his credentials as being tough on crime, stepped in via his authority as President-Elect and overruled the pardons.
Reports said that the sentence for the two "was carried out swiftly", although rumors that David Shuster fainted in the press room have not been confirmed. A spokesperson did confirm that the veteran newsman "got the vapors" and felt dizzy, but would not comment on the report that Shuster "screamed like a little girl and wet his pants" before toppling face-down in a bowl of avocado dip.
New York Times editors said that the unusual move was "a right, and good, and just action, and will help to finally heal this country after eight years of Republican neglect." They went on to publicly call for President Bush to step aside so that "the firm hand of Obama can rest easy on the tiller of the ship of state."
Posted by: plebian at
12:01 PM
| Comments (3)
| Add Comment
Post contains 273 words, total size 2 kb.
November 24, 2008
“Today more than ever, it’s important to get this information out way in advance of Christmas,†said APERH spokesman Lucille Blarney-Whitte. “Because we want to make sure that the holidays are appropriately ruined by ill feelings about the economy. We wouldn’t want any Black Friday retail boost this year!â€
APERH pegged the cost of the Twelve Days of Christmas, which is out of reach of all but rich Sultans and the occasional Wall-Street Fatcat, as follows:
A Partridge in a Pear Tree: Retail value: $0.22, based on the typical cost of pears bought wholesale. Having Danny Bonaduce pose naked inside the stack of pears is considered free, as he is a well-known low-rent attention whore.
Two Turtle Doves: Not available, because cross-breeding a turtle and a dove is wrong, and APERH refuses to play God. Although their Korean affiliation did offer to supply two turtle-doves for only $645,000, with a skunk raptor thrown in for free, this gift violates all biomedical ethics and should be soundly denounced by right-thinking people.
Three Freedom Hens: $147.50. As continuing punishment for our unreliable, shifty-eyed, beret-wearing, mime-loving ex-allies, “French†Hens are no longer acceptable as gifts,
Four Calling Plans: $25 a month (roaming charges may apply). But if your teenage daughter gets infatuated with somebody on another plan, this might cost you way more than that.
Five Golden Rings: APERH regrets that the weight of the golden rings was unavailable, as they were stolen by a wild-eyed McCain voter convinced that Obama’s win signaled the end times. The crazed survivalist buried the rings in a coffee can under the floorboard of his Unabomber-style shack up in the hills, and Federal agents have yet to recover it.
Six Geese a-Laying: $1.99 a pound, or just under $240. Unfortunately, the real value of these geese cannot be realized, as they were all brutally slaughtered when they wandered near a Sarah Palin press conference.
Seven Swans a-Swimming: $752,843,192 (Superfund Site Cleanup Bill). The swans died and their bodies disintegrated because the lake was polluted with toxic waste because of lax environmental regulation.
Eight Maids a-Milking: $642 for the milk. The maids were fired because it was revealed that they were not maidens, but rather tramp-stamped former Kid Rock groupies.
Nine Ladies Dancing: Unfortunately, a catfight broke out when an inner-city dance squad accused the all-white dance squad of stealing their moves, preventing the APERH judge from getting a realistic evaluation of the cost. He did, however, describe the scene as “titillating†and said it might make for “very revealing filming.â€
Ten Bloggers Blogging: Free. APERH has updated this, since Lords went out of style with the closure of the upper house of the English parliament. The good news, though, is that anybody who pays for bloggers (singly or by the gross) is a moron, since there are hundreds who blog for free. Please note that you get what you pay for.
Eleven Hash Pipers Piping: $245 in California, Free with cup of coffee in Amsterdam. This is the most regional-based purchase of the gifts.
Twelve Drummers Drumming: $84. Since drummers are the least-talented of all musicians, anything more than minimum wage is overpaying for their services.
Total Cost of the Twelve Days of Christmas: $752,844,575.72
Posted by: plebian at
05:29 PM
| Comments (6)
| Add Comment
Post contains 615 words, total size 4 kb.
59 queries taking 0.1124 seconds, 169 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.
