July 02, 2010

John Fitzgerald Page (aka The Male Jacqueline Mackie Paisley Passey aka The World's Worst Person) is back...

UPDATE:  Extra special douchey update below the fold.

and this time he is trying to extort $1,000 from a 19 year old girl.

If you don't remember Mr. Page (hereafter "douche") he made the news in 2007 when Gawker.com dubbed him the world's worst person after an e-mail exchange he had with a potential match on match.com went viral. Douche apparently couldn't handle being rejected after laying out his numerous charms for the lady and responded to her "no thanks" thusly:

I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards - not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!

So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don't blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren't any more of those!


Regards,

John Douche

To fully understand what a prize Douche is you need to watch this interview he gave to CBS News:


OK, so now you have the background and we can move on to today's story. Apparently since the last time we met him Douche has started a talent agency in Atlanta in which he sends the models on publicly advertised casting calls and then collects (according to gawker) large commissions. A 19 year old girl figured out what he was doing and via a reply all to an email let everyone else know. Douche then tried to wring a little money out of her:

Subject: "Your options: APOLOGIZE/SETTLE/GET SUED" He tells the girls "I am going to educate you to a bit and then give you your options."

...

1) APOLOGIZE. I need a full, heartfelt, detailed apology, which I will send to all affected talent. You had nothing to lose by working with me, and everything to gain. If I made you $100 this year, you were up $100!

OR

2) Pay me $1000 settlement EACH by Sunday at midnight. This is to make up for commissions lost today and in the future, by you actively revealing my business sources to my talent. And your attempt to damage my reputation, question my intelligence and reduce my talent pool. Also, my name or my business name is never to cross your lips again.

OR

3) On Monday, I will begin the legal process to sue you both for the sum of $100,000 for defamation of character, libel, slander, current and future loss of income & talent pool. I will probably win an out of court settlement from you for $10K each pretty easily, based on the emails you each wrote that I have forwarded to my counsel.

After Rebecca called him and told him to fuck off, basically, Page Douche reiterated his accomplishments and demands in a new email. Adding, this time,

My legal team is prepared, I expect to hear from you ASAP about which option you want to explore. You stood your ground as tiny mouse against a cat, now that you recognize that cat is a mountain lion, maybe you will come to your senses.

Now personally I don't really have a problem with Douche's business model.  If the girls aren't smart enough to check the papers themselves that's on them.  I do have a problem with him threatening someone because they figured out what he was doing and warned others.  Let's face it he knew he wasn't really providing a valuable service, when people contract with an agent they do so because they believe they are gaining access to people / events that they wouldn't ordinarily have, if you think you are smart enough to play off that belief without actually delivering you have no room for complaint when you are caught.

To really get a full view of Douche's douchieness check out his playlist and the underlying theme of the titles.  (Normally I wouldn't point this out because God knows I make my share of spelling errors, and like everyone I make mistakes of fact, but I don't manage to work my MENSA membership into every conversation; that said song number 3 in his play list is Big Bad John and the artist is listed as Jonny Cash.  First, Jimmy Dean sang "Big Bad John", second, it's Johnny Cash not Jonny.  If I was MENSA I think I would be reviewing that membership. )


more...

Posted by: chad98036 at 10:34 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Brilliant!

See if you can find the flaw in the, um, "reasoning" here...

Metrolink, the commuter rail service that serves five Southern California counties, is raising fares an average of 6% to help cover a decline in ridership and revenue. The increase is expected to raise $3.3 million next year.
This sort of thing happens out here (and I'm quite sure everywhere else elected or appointed government dumbasses are in charge) at least once every few years. The last instance I can remember off the top of my head was when the LAX parking garages decided that they would raise fees because cheaper surrounding private garages were luring away customers.

Stupid assholes.

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:51 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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July 01, 2010

If there was ever a reason to give up WoW

this is it.

700 pd Ninjitsu master shows how she rolls by calling out former guildies:

I don't whether [know] we should blame video games for violence, or Pillsbury for being so delicious.

Posted by: chad98036 at 08:38 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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June 22, 2010

This has to be fake:

This guy goes nuts after his WoW characters are deleted -


1. That isn't the screen for an empty realm
2. Why is there a video? Do they just have 24 hour surveillance on the WoW login screen.

Posted by: chad98036 at 09:17 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Dr. Jenny McCarthy proven wrong. Again.

Researchers at the University of Rochester Medical center tested the idea that a gluten-free and casein-free diet could help children with autism.  It didn't.

Doctor Funbags can stop selling her snake oil any time now.

Posted by: JoeCollins at 09:19 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Well, nobody's perfect

Especially not French amateur surgeons/cannibals. Or, apparently, their prison guards...

A French prisoner killed his cellmate then sliced open his chest to remove and eat his heart, a court has heard.
However, the man removed the wrong organ, and ate his lung by mistake.

Nicolas Cocaign, 39, appeared in court in the northern city of Rouen for allegedly killing Thierry Baudry in January 2007 by punching and kicking him, stabbing him with a pair of scissors and suffocating him with a rubbish bag.

Mr Cocaign then allegedly sliced open Baudry's chest with a razor blade, removed a rib and pulled out an organ which he believed was the man's heart, but which in fact was a lung.

He is accused of eating part of the lung raw and then frying the rest of it with some onions on a makeshift cooker in the cell in the Rouen prison.

Leaving aside the fact that the beating and stabbing might have been, I dunno, a little bit noisy, how do you miss a heat source in a prison cell? And how do you get onions in there? Oh, wait...



Well, at least Paul Sorvino never resorted to cannibalism.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:06 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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June 21, 2010

WTF is wrong with Wisconsin?

At least they aren't making it rain on Capitol this time.

Yes, this happens all the time.

In other news, how's that World Cup working out for you, North Korea?

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:32 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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June 18, 2010

Do Not Pass Go

I can't wait to see the douchey asshole's smirky booking photos.

Posted by: Sean M. at 01:55 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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June 17, 2010

Friedersdorf FAIL

He attacks Mark Steyn's criticism of the American media's refusal to cover honor killings in the US and Canada by citing a bunch of American media reports of high profile honor killings outside of the US.  FAIL. 

And then Steyn makes Conor his bitch.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 02:17 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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June 15, 2010

RGI

A very unattractive woman says:

You have to lift their skirts to find out if they are women.

A couple of things.
1)  If there is any bias toward attractive females by party it would be entirely due to the fact that more young, stupid females associate themselves with the Democratic party.  The Republican party, on the other hand, is populated by more mature, sexy women that can also talk their way out of a paper bag. 

2)  I would like my "Official Republican Gender Inspector" t-shirt in a large.  I will expect full skirt-lifting cooperation until we can put this unpleasant mess behind us.

3) Janis Sontany calling out Republican woman is like the thing with stupid hair and indeterminate gender calling the thing with stupid hair and indeterminate gender a thing with stupid hair and indeterminate gender. 

As they say, you can't put lipstick on a pig... unless the pig's name is Janis Sontany.

*- Changed a word to mean what I meant it to mean in my haste.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:30 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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June 14, 2010

My response to watching the World Cup



Dude, even my seriously hearing impaired friend was all "what the hell are the bees doing in the stadium?"

Posted by: alexthechick at 02:20 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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June 08, 2010

Hijacking the blog for personal stuff

I'm currently in Canada due to a medical emergency with the BFF.  Long story short, all the signs point to her having colon cancer.  She first felt sick two weeks ago and this has all come about very quickly.  They did a CT scan yesterday that showed lesions and she's off being scoped right now.  Biopsy results will be 5-6 days probably.  She's only 39 years old.

Her mother died of colon cancer about 10 years ago so, needless to say, she's completely terrified.  Please pray or send good thoughts or evil thoughts towards cancer or what have you.  I don't know if I'm going to be around more or less since visiting hours at the hospital are limited.  I do have wifi at the hotel so I'm not totally out of the loop.

Motherfucking cancer needs to die in a motherfucking fire. 

UPDATE:  BFF (her name is Leslie for those praying) had the scope and a bonus laproscopy.  There is a mass and now it's a matter of waiting for the biopsy to set up the treatment plan.  The good news is that she was released from the hospital in the meantime so I get to play pack mule and take care of her.  Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers, it means a lot. 

Posted by: alexthechick at 03:52 PM | Comments (23) | Add Comment
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June 03, 2010

Notice anything wrong here?

And, no, I don't mean the absence of Ralph Macchio or a zombie Pat Morita (although the latter might be interesting):



No, I'm talking about the fact that the "Karate Kid" isn't learning Karate at all, but rather Kung-Fu, as his teacher explicitly states several times during the course of the trailer.

Karate is a Japanese martial art, while Kung-Fu is a Chinese martial art. The two countries, while both in East Asia, are very different.

This is why the terrorists hate us.

Posted by: Sean M. at 01:54 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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May 31, 2010

Parody just died a painful death

Here's Andrew Sullivan (no link per doubleplusundead editorial policy) discussing the way in which the press has treated Barack Obama:

Bad for journalism? What journalism? The MSM let this farce of a politician go an entire campaign without a single real press conference...That's how you find out who this delusional phony truly is...I think the press should be right in front of powerful people's faces. Right there. Unblinking, so to speak.
Hahahahahahahaha! Just kidding. You know who he's really talking about.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:19 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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May 27, 2010

Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm is There...

...to demand you shell out over $1500 in auto repairs to the guy that ran over your dog.  Now, don't get me wrong, the dog should not have been in the road, and I think State Farm is well within their right to ask for the money. That said, when you're a giant insurer like State Farm, or really any company, sometimes you have to assume that the cost associated with what will be widely seen as a heartless dick move is gonna be much more than the $1500+ in auto repairs.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:42 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Presented without context

But in spite of this, his fishmonger father Mohammed, 30, said: 'He looks pretty healthy to me. I don't see the problem.'
Something tells me that Dr. Phil isn't syndicated in this part of the world.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:03 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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May 26, 2010

What's worse than getting in a car accident?

Get in a car accident with a truck full of bees:

Rescue crews were using fire hoses to douse an angry swarm of bees after a fatal crash that involved a semitrailer carrying about 17 million of the insects.

Authorities say a truck hauling 7,000 bee hives was involved in the four-vehicle crash Monday on Interstate 35 near Lakeville, about 35 miles south of Minneapolis.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 07:48 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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May 25, 2010

Breaking News, Must Credit doubleplusundead: Will Folks Releases Videotape Proof of Affair With Gubernatorial Candidate Nikki Haley

I do have to warn you, this contains graphic language and images, definitely NSFW,



Let's be blunt, the guy is basically the political world's Miggs.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 01:42 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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May 24, 2010

My DVR hates me

Okay, so how the fuck did it decide that recording the first hour of the LOST series finale was something that it didn't want to do, even though I expressly programmed it to record THE WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING EPISODE?!!!!!

Now, I have to wait until ABC decides to put the episode up on their website to see what I missed. 

And pardon me for wanting to enjoy the first hour of the most watched series finale in A FUCKING DECADE without buffering.

Fuck you, DVR.  Fuck. You.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:04 AM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
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May 21, 2010

I think whoever did his hair needs to be put away too

A pimp in New Jersey has his prostitution ring broken up, but dude, seriously, the fuck is with his hair, and what the fuck is that thing hanging off the back of his head

http://doubleplusundead.mee.nu/files/HairFAIL2.jpg

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:17 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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