June 13, 2008

The rEVOLution is still over

Mwahahahahahaaaa!!  The first time posting it was so much fun I thought I'd post it again!

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What do you call it when you give up a 24 point lead on your home court in the NBA finals?

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/FAILakers.jpg

Well, that was pathetic.

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June 12, 2008

Wisconsin Has Angered God

And we're about to get punished.

The state hasn't even backed off from record flood levels and we're about to get 3+ inches of rain tonight. It appears that at least 3 dams are going to give way tonight at least.

Also, most of the interstates are being closed due to flooding, semis are being blown over by high winds and power is slowly turning off for thousands of residents.

I'm just waiting for some retarded Packer fan to blame this on Favre's retirement.

At any rate, wish us luck. We're going to need it.

P.S. Do you know why Bush hasn't visited the effected areas yet? He hates white people.

Update: Current reports show that each of three dams are currently expected to hold by county officials if the rain total is less than 3". That is, unfortunately, a big if. We're up to 19,000 without power.

Only about 6 hours of storms to go.

Update Part Deux: I was right, Fond du Lac is fucked:
County Executive Allen Buechel declared a State of Emergency for all of Fond du Lac County on Thursday evening. All citizens are asked to remain in their homes unless they need to evacuate.

Many streets and roads are impassable across the county. The County is urging residents to stay home unless they need to evacuate.

One resident said some sewers are gushing out like fountains in the city of Fond du Lac. The sewers backed up into many basements and many city roads are impassible due to flooding.
Those poor people have been under the red on the radar screen for five hours straight. It is going to be a rough morning for them. Unfortunately for points south, that water has to go somewhere and I have a suspicion it might be this way.

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The Free Trade Express?

Really?  Sorry, but touting the fact that John McCain is for NAFTA and the Columbia deal does not constitute a statement nearly as bold as calling the Maverick's campaign The Free Trade Express. 

We're talking about the same John McCain who pretty much views the petroleum business the way the media, populist and liberal demagogues all view itThe same McCain who demagogues CEOs and their salaries.  This is the same John McCain who favors the statist cap and trade nonsense to regulate the petroleum industry.  The same John McCain who claims to be all for opening up oil fields, yet refuses to concede that ANWR should be open to exploration because of his own vanity and refusal to concede a damn thing to conservatives.  The same John McCain who says he's all about opening up the rest of the country to exploration, yet wants to leave any efforts to do so open enough so they can be killed by a thousand cuts from state and local governments, environmentalists and whoever else has an interest in stopping oil exploration. 

Leagues better than our Marxist Messiah?  Yep.  Free Trade Express?  Not so much.  When McCain's ready to quit acting like an intemperate jackass, learn how the market works and embrace it fully, I might accept that Free Trade Express line, for now, it's,

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/facepalm-1.jpg

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June 11, 2008

Poor little fella

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/zcTqHiK8ca2x66m4H9XmIjPs_400.jpg

Found here.

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I knew giving China the Olympics was a mistake

Parents in China are celebrating China's Olympics in their own special way:

More than 4,000 children in China have been given the name Aoyun, meaning Olympic Games, in the past 15 years.

[...]

The first surge in Aoyuns came in 1992, when China applied to host to the 2000 Games. About 680 Aoyuns were registered at the time.

In 2002 another 553 Aoyuns were named, after China was chosen to host the 2008 Games.

If this is what they're doing to their children, can you imagine the righteously bad tattoos they're getting?

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Illinois governor Blagojevich possibly facing impeachment?

The Illinois House Speaker's aides have been handing out memos with talking points which lay out arguments for impeachment proceedings.  From the memo,

"One thing we learned from the (imprisoned former Republican Gov.) George Ryan case is that we should excise a tumor when it is first discovered; not leave it in the body to continue to spread and do further harm,"


Sounds like Blagojevich is in trouble.  The article is interesting, but I'm not sure how much of it is inside baseball, I don't really pay enough attention to Illinois politics enough to know. 

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June 10, 2008

Two-time loser

Getting arrested for a DUI is always bad, but do you know what getting two DUIs in two hours is? Why, that's EPIC FAIL:

A Sheboygan man is behind bars after being arrested twice for drunken driving within two hours early Tuesday. Police say the 24-year-old driver was stopped by an officer about 1:50 a.m. after he was spotted driving the wrong way on a one-way street in Sheboygan.

The man was arrested, cited for driving drunk and released to his brother about 3 a.m. at the police station.

Police say about 40 minutes later, an officer saw the same man, driving the same vehicle at 20 mph over the 30-mph speed limit.
They didn't just release his drunk ass that second time.

Look, Lord knows I'm all about being a drunken moron—after all, that's a huge part of the Ace of Spades Lifestyle™—but I'm also all about staying out of jail. That's why I always guzzle my Val-U-Rite vodka in the comfort of my own home.

Or on public transportation.

(cross-posted at The Brea Canyon Monument)

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obama going back his on public funding promise

Patterico makes a good catch, the Washington Post in an editorial,

Mr. Obama’s campaign now claims that his earlier promise was not to stay within the public financing system if his opponent agreed to do the same, as Mr. McCain has done, but merely to pursue such an agreement.


Really, is anyone surprised by this?  No way was Our Lord and Savior, He Who Is, the King of Kings Barack Obama gonna give up such a powerful advantage over his opponent.  McCainiacs better take note that their guy has some fences to mend, because all the advantages McCain has will be destroyed if the organization collapses around him, and there's already a real threat of that happening.  It hasn't collapsed, but it's a rickety motherfucker held together with duct tape, and November is a loooong way off.

Ultimately, I think this is likely to be a campaign of Demographics vs. Organization, with McCain having advantages in demographic, Obama in organization.  If McCain can keep himself controlled enough not to frag the conservative base, he stands a chance because of the damage Obama and his supporters have done to his campaign in middle America.  Obama has limited his growth potential severely because of that factor.  McCain has a distinct possibility of having major portions of the GOP base refuse to even vote for him in November, he's going to have to show some restraint and temperance, and even some compromise in favor of conservatives.

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June 09, 2008

Fun With Hungry Truthers!

***Check out the Barack Obama Automatic Policy Generator, feel free to offer your own!****

This idiot saw "Loose Change" and completely lost his mind,

Blair Gadsby, the 45-year-old former owner of an adult-care home and an adjunct professor of religious studies at a community college, never figured he would be the type of person to stage a hunger strike outside the Phoenix office of U.S. Sen. John McCain.

But about a year ago, Gadsby convinced himself that the U.S. government, not terrorists, demolished the World Trade Center buildings in New York on Sept. 11, 2001. And that belief has turned him into a fasting activist.

I wonder how this guy got to be 45 years old being this stupid and gullible. I mean, it’s amazing he hasn’t been swindled out of everything he’s ever owned by Infomercials, if a pieced together internet film made by college students could affect him so profoundly. It’s a miracle he hasn’t accidentally stabbed himself in the eye, or drunk drain cleaner. His very existence, the fact that someone can be this dumb and live to be 45, is a testament to how great this country is.

Once he locked in on the idea that the government planned the murder of thousands of its citizens, it became his overriding priority. He wondered why it wasn't getting more attention, so he got the idea to sacrifice himself for some attention.

It “wasn’t getting enough attention” because it’s retarded, jackass.
http://i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll169/imbmac/PHP484C83172AFAC.jpg

In May 2007, Gadsby, who was already skeptical that terrorists caused the attacks, found a video online that showed the collapse of World Trade Center 7. He believes the government has ordered media outlets not to show the footage, which shows the building falling in on itself, much like a building does when it implodes.

Truthers love that building 7 don’t they? It’s the keystone of their entire argument, the one thing they all bring up first, because you know, they’re all experts in building demolition. Never mind the fact that people were working in that building, everyday for the last 25 years or so, including 9/11, and no one saw any demo crews setting the massive amount of charges that would be necessary to bring it down.

I live in a city famous for building implosions, Las Vegas. We have an implosion every other day here. As a result, we get extended coverage of these things, and what many people don’t see is the prep that goes into imploding a building, which takes months of nearly round the clock labor. The buildings you see falling to the ground so beautifully, are barely even buildings anymore by the time the massive amount of explosives are detonated. They’re just empty husks, completely gutted, and every support beam is scored, so that it’s barely even standing.

That’s why it’s called “Controlled Demolition.” The building is this close to falling on itself before any charges are even set off. Nobody, not even super secret Government Black Ops Teams can quietly sneak around thousands of people everyday for months, completely unnoticed, to prep a building for demo.

The footage clinched it for Gadsby. He had to rethink all he had accepted about the terrorist attacks. He spent sleepless nights thinking about how the government planted explosions in Building 7 and then, most likely, the twin towers.

Dude, get some sleep.
Read the whole thing, it’s classic truther insanity, and I feel sorry for this assholes wife.
*cross posted at my blog*

{doubleplusundead} Greetings Lizardoids, be sure to visit the rest of doubleplusundead!

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June 07, 2008

lightworker probably explained

***check bottom of the post for updates and clarifications, most specifically why I think Morford got the Lightworker concept from this person, also, pictures now exist for the confused, which should make this less confusing***

Most of us just dismissed Mark Morford's gushing prose about Barack Obama as ridiculous swooning.  Most notably this ridiculous "Lightworker" line,

Here's where it gets gooey. Many spiritually advanced people I know (not coweringly religious, mind you, but deeply spiritual) identify Obama as a Lightworker, that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet, of relating and connecting and engaging with this bizarre earthly experiment.


As it turns out, he did get this from "spiritually advanced" people, or maybe one person.  Mrs. Peel found a guy, possibly the guy who talks about this Lightworker thing, and is certainly a believer in it.  * Peel notes in her post this guru guy didn't create the term Lightworker, or the basic concept. I still argue that his concept of the Lightworker originates, or at least borrows heavily from where I argue that he does in the rest of this post.   I saw this linked in Ace's comments, and most likely (creepy cult-y site warning) here is where Morford's guru guy got the basic Lightworker idea, and added his own spin to it.  Both these people and the guru guy are based in Vegas and do appearances in the West.  I maintain that Morford got this idea from the same guy I think he did because of the guru guy's web savvy, and that he is regularly featured on sites like Lifehacker, however, these fruit loops may make up the plural of Morford's "spiritually advanced" persons.  I'm guessing that Morford started with the self help guru, then went on to the weapons grade crazy with these freaky deaky people.

When you read the guy's site, you learn there are Darkworkers too.  As I read this guy's explanation of Lightworkers and Darkworkers, I realized, I've seen all this before!  And in fact, video games may well have a role in this nonsense.  I recognized this basic framework of this philosophy from a video game released for the X-BOX in 2005, called Jade Empire.  I later came to the conclusion that he borrowed from a game called Star Wars:  Knights of the Old Republic(KOTOR) which was made by the same development team before Jade Empire.  Jade Empire was based heavily on KOTORs engine and gameplay.  I don't feel that I need to explain the whole Jedi/Sith thing, because everyone knows what it is already, so I'm focusing on Jade Empire.

In Jade Empire, you could either follow the philosophy of the Open Palm or the Closed Fist.  Open Palm is a philosophy that argues one should always give aid to someone, be in tune with nature, and to know and accept one's place in this world.  Closed Fist is a philosophy that teaches self-reliance, to control one's surroundings, and to try and be ambitious.  Lightworker and Darkworker operate on similar principles.  From Morford's article,

The unusual thing is, true Lightworkers almost never appear on such a brutal, spiritually demeaning stage as national politics.


Let me repeat Jade Empire's Open Palm philosophy:   Open Palm is a philosophy that argues one should always give aid to someone, be in tune with nature, and to know and accept one's place in this world.  

The reason you don't see an Open Palm or Lightworker on the national stage is because philosophically speaking, they aren't supposed to be ambitious.  This is why Morford is so excited.

Let that sink in, and keep it in mind, because things are gonna get better.

In Jade Empire, philosophically speaking (though not functionally speaking, which was a criticism I had of the game) Open Palm is not necessarily benevolent, and Closed Fist not necessarily malevolent.  Open Palm can be malevolent in that it can weaken others, instead of making someone fend for themselves, an Open Palm may give them that aid, which makes the person less self reliant.  Someone of a Closed Fist may look at someone in need, and will help them knowing that in the future they may be able to use that person to advance themselves later or use them in a time of need.

In theory, Lightworkers and Darkworkers operate on similar principles, but our guru deviates and argues that true Lightworkers have no malevolent side, and Darkworkers are by their nature destructive, which as we learn is more like the concept of Jedi vs. Sith.  Lightworkers work for the common good and to "raise consciousness".  Basically typical liberal hippie Marxist crap.  Darkworkers are malevolent, in our guru's world, and indeed Morford's world, capitalist pigs, the Bushitler and Enron.  He argues that both can get to the same place in terms of power, but that the Darkworker by his very nature leaves a trail of chaos and destruction in his wake, not unlike the Sith or Closed Fist.

Guru:

Do you really think scandals like Enron, the manufactured War in Iraq, or the sub-prime collapse are just the result of a few people exercising poor judgment? Hardly. Such occurrences are the modus operandi of darkworkers. To a darkworker the greatest good is to seek power at any cost.


Morford:

And perhaps, as Bush laid waste to the land and embarrassed the country and pummeled our national spirit into disenchanted pulp and yet ironically, in so doing has helped set the stage for an even larger and more fascinating evolutionary burp, we are finally truly ready for another Lightworker to step up.


Moar Morford!

There's a vast amount of positive energy swirling about that's been held back by the armies of BushCo darkness, and this energy has now found a conduit, a lightning rod, is now effortlessly self-organizing around Obama's candidacy.


Darkworker=Sith=Closed Fist, you dig?

Let's look at Morford's "Lightworker" statement again,

Here's where it gets gooey. Many spiritually advanced people I know (not coweringly religious, mind you, but deeply spiritual) identify Obama as a Lightworker, that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet, of relating and connecting and engaging with this bizarre earthly experiment.


Our gurus most simplified explanation of the first objective of a Lightworker,

First, it’s important to understand that the ultimate goal of a lightworker is basically the expansion and elevation of consciousness. Darkworkers have essentially the same primary aim, but lightworkers pursue a very different path to get there.


Lightworker=Jedi=Open Palm.  See what I mean?

Okay, silly, whatever, typical leftist blather with a spiritual bent and an odd coincidental similarity to Bioware RPGs.   I thought it was a coincidence until I saw this.  What is it I see?  Look,

In your life story, you can choose to be the hero, the villain, or an NPC (i.e. non-player character, someone passive who watches the story unfold from the sidelines). Most people live like NPCs, but the hero and the villain have far more power to direct how the story unfolds. There are lots of heroes and lots of villains in this story, but there are orders of magnitude more NPCs.


All bold mine.  For those that don't know, NPC is a term that is very common in role playing games (RPG), both of the tabletop and video game variety.  If you're not a gamer or D&Der, you've probably never heard these terms before.  Upon seeing it, I think our guru based this stuff on KOTOR and Jade Empire!  He's selling dopey leftists like Morford a bunch of warmed over RPG themes!  Talk about Darkworking!

Further, from this guy's website,

If you polarize as a lightworker, you are dedicating your life to serving the greater good.

If you polarize as a darkworker, you are dedicating your life to serving yourself.

When he says "Polarize", what he means is that you live your life as a devotee of one philosophy or the other.  This guy compares it to being a Jedi or Sith in Star Wars, which is a central part of KOTORs gameplay.  If you've ever played KOTOR, you may remember that as you play, different actions you take push you toward the light side or dark side of the force, to where you could become fully of the light side, or fully of the dark side.  Jade Empire works on the same principle, and one can become move toward and become fully aligned with the way of the Open Palm or Closed Fist.  These are central functions of KOTOR and Jade Empire, and the primary moving forces in their stories.  Sounds a hell of a lot like Polarizing, doesn't it?   The good news is I finally found a screenshot, which should clear up any confusion immensely,

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/closedfist-1.jpg

Notice the bar gauge next to the character?  And the yellow arrow that is as far down as it'll go?  This is a full acolyte of the Closed Fist.  When you play Jade Empire or KOTOR, if you max out on one spectrum or the other, you are at your most powerful because of bonuses the game gives you.  Sounds a lot like the way Pavlina gauges his Lightworkers and Darkworkers, huh?  Here's a pure Light Jedi in KOTOR, if I had the patience I'd play as a black guy with the name Obama and make him a Lightwor...er, Jedi.

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/KotOR_LS_Mastery-1.jpg

Why didn't I come up with this?  I could have quit shaving, taken up drugs, bought some hippie clothes, moved to San Fransisco and became a guru!  The only thing that would have sucked is the not bathing and pretending that I'm that willfully ignorant all the time, but I coulda milked it for what it was worth and bailed afterword.  That would have been awesome, talk about Darkwork!  Taking stupid progressive douchebags' money, BSing them with philosophical claptrap from some video games...*sigh*, I've been bested.

Update:  Peel notes, our guru actually used to develop shareware gamesDude knows the game industry. Also in his wiki, he retired from making shareware games and started his self help site in 2006, after KOTOR(the first one) and Jade Empire were released!  Jade Empire was released in 2005, and KOTOR was released in 2003!

I also still believe that Morford got the Lightworker concept from this guy.  I argue that based on this guru guy's traffic, and that our guru guy is based in the West.  When you punch his site into Alexa, he's competitive in terms of traffic with sites like Michelle Malkin's and Hotair, just a notch down from them for the most part, but is currently ahead of both.  When you do a search for our guru's name, you see he gets around online, not to mention the personal appearances, it wouldn't be hard for Morford to find this guy.

Moar!  JSchuler in comments notes another dynamic from KOTOR and Jade Empire, that of the influence you wield on others as a Lightworker/Jedi/Open Palm or a Darkworker/Sith/Closed Fist.  In fact, our self help guru covers a very similar dynamic,

On lightworking,

If you work for a company or organization run by lightworkers, you can expect it to be a consciousness-raising experience. Going to work is like entering a cloud of light. You look forward to it and almost hate to leave. You know you’re performing a valuable service that helps others. At the end of the day you feel great about your job and the people you work with. You may even want to extend the work into your personal time. Going to work gives you feelings of peace, joy, love, contribution, compassion, and connection. Working feels like breathing love — an energizing experience.


Darkworkers,

You can often detect the presence of a darkworker by the effect they have on your consciousness. For example, if you work for a company run by darkworkers, you may perceive that going to work at your job actually lowers your consciousness compared to if you just stayed home. Going to work is like entering an awareness-lowering cloud, inviting you to resonate with lower states of consciousness such as fear, greed, apathy, depression, and worry. When you leave work, you feel like you’re coming out of that dark cloud; it’s like you can finally breathe and be yourself again. If you recognize that you’re in such a situation and continue to allow yourself to be vamped because you feel too powerless to do otherwise, then you have first-hand knowledge of how effective darkworking can be. The weaker your independent will becomes, the more you empower the darkworker that’s using you. Think of this as energetic slavery.


You can experience this in both KOTOR and Jade Empire, but it's even more prevalent in KOTOR II, released in 2004!

Kishnevi offers some insight into the origins of the New Age movements, which is what this Lightworking nonsense came from.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 11:14 PM | Comments (129) | Add Comment
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June 06, 2008

sacrebleu!

According to documents leaked to the French press, half of France's military equipment is busted and inoperable, and most of the rest is held together with duct tape.  How bad is it?  Like early post-Soviet collapse bad,

According to confidential defence documents leaked to the French press, less than half of France's Leclerc tanks – 142 out of 346 – are operational and even these regularly break down.

Less than half of its Puma helicopters, 37 per cent of its Lynx choppers and 33 per cent of its Super Frelon models – built 40 years ago – are in a fit state to fly, according to documents seen by Le Parisien newspaper.

Two thirds of France's Mirage F1 reconnaissance jets are unusable at present.


The documents say that the weakness of the military could have quite easily been exposed during a rescue mission off the coast of Somalia(Somali pirates had seized a yacht and taken her passengers hostage) last month, an effort that nearly fell apart in the early stages.  Two frigates and a jet experienced engine failures, and a ship carrying equipment sunk under its load. 

Be sure to read the whole thing and look at Sarkozy's plans for France's military future.

*D'oh!  Jeff in comments informs me Cuffy's video is of French Canadians...whatever, it's still a funny video, so it fucking stays!

Makes me think of this video Cuffy posted a few months ago.



Also obligatory, but I feel like a tool for doing it because I feel bad for the decent French servicemen who have to serve with this crappy equipment.

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/French_Surrender.jpg

***Welcome again morons, and thanks for the link Ace!  Be sure to check out fellow Morons bmac, Sean M., It's Vintage, Duh, and Moron Pundit at doubleplusundead!

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I Now Pronounce You ... Party A and Party B

Photobucket

I posted something about this over at the old place but I think it needs a bit more exposure.

I was one of those people that never cared about the gay marriage debate. In fact, I found myself actively irritated by both sides. To put it politely, I found claims that marriage was a 'civil right' unconvincing (fucking bullshit). On the other hand, claims that gay marriage would destroy the institution of marriage seemed a bit hyperbolic considering the already pathetic state of things.

Now I see this:

The words "Bride" and "Groom" have been replaced with "Party A" and "Party B" on all marriage license applications.

How fucking romantic. How meaningful. How spiritual!

How completely bureaucratic. I don't know about you but if I'm entering into a holy pact to spend the rest of my life with another person I don't want to feel like we're cosigning for a car loan.

I guess I was naive and wrong while the supporters of traditional marriage were correct. This is just one more step toward the destruction of the cultural and moral basis of our nation. Marriage is not and never has been about love and the reframing of the argument to that angle was ingenious and destructive. The state's interest in marriage is to create stable environments for the raising of children.

If marriage were about love then it would logically follow that a person should be able to marry anyone or anything he loved. Why shouldn't a man who loves ten women be able to marry all of them? He loves them! It's all about love!

But it isn't and it never has been. That's why things like polygamy and incest and beatiality and yes, gay marriage, have always been illegal. These arrangements don't promote a healthy, stable atmosphere for procreation. That's why they should remain illegal.

There, I said it.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:40 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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June 05, 2008

militant atheists continue to bring respect and legitimacy to atheism at large

We seem to have a stupid video game pattern in our stories today, anyway, here's one more for you.  Some doofus grad student decided to create a game where you go back in time and slaughter biblical and religious figures through history as an exercise in the tired "there would be no/much less war without religion" line of thought that exists among goofy militant atheists.  He wishes to remain anonymous because he now fears for his life...did I mention that one of your tasks in this game is to behead Mohammed? 

He hopes the game’s real message --helping kids imagine a time when religion was new and less organized-- will not become an undertone to the violence.


Ah, its For The ChildrenTM.  Yeah, it's about helping kids imagine when religion was new and less organized, or you can read the next line and realize,

“It’s the idea of being able to go back in time and sort of nipping the problem in the bud,” says the game's creator.


... it might just be one dumbass student's masturbatory fantasy.  FAIL.  Sorry to decent atheists who have to put up with embarrassing loudmouth tools like this student, those of us who believe in some higher power have these types to deal with too.  Fun, isn't it? 

I should note that there is a problem with the game, the programmer couldn't figure out how to stop a certain glitch, when you face Jesus, he's always in God Mode, and even if he does decide to let you kill him, he just raises from the dead if you come back to the game after three days time.  You can't actually beat the game.  Plus he's a relentless spawn camper.

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/shotgun_jesus.png
For I shall bring peace on Earth, one shell at a time.

So, I wonder if this student will own up to why he wishes to remain anonymous, or maintain the morally relativistic charade?  The article noted the threats on the student last year who portrayed Mohammed as a dog as well.

Update I just remembered this!

***Welcome back, morons, and thanks again for the link, Ace! 
***Thanks for stopping by, Hotair readers, and thanks to the HA crew for the link.  Be sure to check out the rest of doubleplusundead, and check out the posts from Moron Pundit, bmac, Sean M. and It's Vintage, Duh too.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 05:21 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Supreme Court 2: Extreme Jurisprudence

The video game news all you barely-literate morons have been waiting for! Supreme Court - The Video Game!

America's first female Supreme Court justice unveiled a videogame project on Wednesday to teach children how courts work, saying she wanted to counter partisan criticism that judges are "godless" activists.

I can hear Gabriel Malor's zipper from here!  But wait, morons!  There's more!

Features Include:

  • Legislate from the bench with EXTREME JURISPRUDENCE!!! : "There is hardly an area of the law that Justice O’Connor did not significantly affect." - Joan Biskupic
  • Find new meaning in that stuffy old Constitution or SHREDD IT TO PIECES!!!
  • Intelligent arguments destroy affirmative action? DIVERSIFY THEM INTO A COMA!!!
  • Many, many more!!!!!

I know what you're all thinking: How will I stop orgasming all the time?

Well, here's your solution:

Photobucket

What's the opposite of priapism?

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June 03, 2008

BREAKING: HOLY FUCKING SHIT - Hillary "Open" to Veep Slot

A while back I started taking bets on when Hillary would gracefully bow out of the race. Our host strongly disagreed but what can you expect from a guy that only scored a 93.33%? (Pity him)

Anyway, even I didn't think this was going to happen:

The Associated Press, continuing to lead the way in reporting the breaking developments in the wrap-up to the Democratic presidential race[wow... -MP], writes that Hillary Clinton has told unspecified lawmakers from her home state of New York that she is "open" to joining the party's national ticket as Barack Obama's running mate.

If this is true, then I can't imagine Obama, a shrewd, win-at-all-cost politician, could deny her the position. That ticket is orgasmic for victimology enthusiasts and sure to beat an already weak McCain ticket.

Update: Here is some more:

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton told the New York congressional delegation today that she's willing to serve as Sen. Barack Obama's vice presidential nominee.

As Associated Press projected that Obama had the number of delegates he needed to clinch the Democratic presidential nomination, Clinton raised the possibility of serving as Obama's running mate during her talk with New York lawmakers, said Rep. Brian Higgins, D-Buffalo.

"She brought it up, and it it was reaffirmed by others," Higgins said. ""It was in the context of: we've got to win this thing."

While saying she would not officially concede the nomination to Obama at a New York rally where she will appear tonight, Clinton also stressed that she will do whatever she can to help Obama win the presidency.

At first I suspected this was just a reporter asking a cleverly worded question but it appears that she brought it up. Now we just wait to see if Obama is really as stupid as he seems. After all, how do you win in a 58 state landslide without a good running mate?

*Updated for clarity.  Sorry, still getting the hang of the mee.nu system.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 03:56 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 337 words, total size 2 kb.

June 02, 2008

preparation h being used as muscle toner?

Apparently, clubgoers are slathering themselves in the hemorrhoid medication because they think it tightens up flabby spots(I'd have to dive into a swimming pool of the stuff and wade around for a few hours), particularly along the torso. The good news is if this catches on, we might make a few of these disappear,

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x73/doubleplusundeadmeenu/Guidos.jpg

But yeah, not a smart move, you can develop an allergy to the stuff, and because the stuff works by restricting blood vessels, it could potentially cause a problem by raising your blood pressure.  They got this idea from bodybuilding, where bodybuilders use it in small spots to push out any additional water weight they may be carrying.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:15 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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