August 25, 2010

Giant Douche vs. Turd Sandwich

You think your political choices are bad?  Check this out:

Laura Manriquez, a nurse with years of community involvement, is making a second attempt at this seat. Manriquez said she’s running because “I know I can lead our community forward.”

Her top priorities are economic growth, education and health care. She said she’d press for local economic development such as light rail and the emergence of Milwaukee as a freshwater hub. She also supports transitioning local industries into the green economy.

She just stopped by my house and seemed like a nice lady.  Still, not exactly my cup o tea.

Angel Sanchez represented the city’s South Side in the Milwaukee Common Council from 2000 to 2004. He owns a home-improvement business and rental properties and has worked as a substitute teacher in the Milwaukee Public Schools (MPS).

Sanchez said his three signature issues are education, jobs and health care. He said his experience in MPS has helped him to understand the struggles of teachers and families. To curb classroom disruptions and ease teachers’ workloads, Sanchez would like to change the school day so that it starts at 7:30 a.m. and ends at noon.


Yay, a teacher.  I'm sure he'll be tough on wasteful spending. 

So, you can tell my enthusiasm will be limited.  Except, well, I know who has to lose:
JoCasta Zamarripa: Fighting for the District’s Fair Share

JoCasta Zamarripa is a community outreach coordinator for Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin, and has worked for Equality Wisconsin, 9to5, the Southside Organizing Committee and Fair Wisconsin. Zamarripa said she is letting the voters define her signature issues.

So, after reviewing the rest of it, I'd actually have to support Ms. Manriquez.  But boy, oh boy, do I not have any good options.  Of course, in my district, I don't have any good choices until I get to statewide elections. 

Oh, well.  Its the price you pay to live in the city.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:29 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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August 24, 2010

Be careful where you stick your stick

This is a foreboding warning.  Any terrorist group who has half a brain between the lot of them is going to realize in short order that they don't even have to be on a plane to make it go crashy-boom.

Authorities investigating the 2008 crash of Spanair flight 5022 have discovered a central computer system used to monitor technical problems in the aircraft was infected with malware.

An internal report issued by the airline revealed the infected computer failed to detect three technical problems with the aircraft, which if detected, may have prevented the plane from taking off, according to reports in the Spanish newspaper, El Pais.

I shouldn't have to issue this warning in this day and age, but we're still doing HIV education 20 years later, so I suppose it's worth repeating. 

USB drives are cheap.  REALLY cheap.  One of the semi-local electronics stores here sells them in bins by the cash register like candy, without even any pesky plastic casing to wrestle through to use.  Keep a handful of USB drives around, and take somewhat similar precautions to those that you'd take with your naughty bits - if you're sticking your USB drive into unfamiliar or dangerous territory, and you don't have the equivalent of a kryptonite condom's worth of security on your home system, don't risk your wife computer by infecting her with what you picked up from the local slut who's gangbanged the entire town.  Unlike your naughty bits, you can throw out a USB drive without amputation and blood and guts and gore.

I'm going to do you the favor of not hunting down and posting amputation footage from Piranha 3D.

Posted by: Alice H at 01:40 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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August 23, 2010

I Am Troubled By This As Well

Troubled that I couldn't help the sunbather out.

The mother had asked the fashion store assistant, identified only as Luisa under Italy's privacy laws, to cover herself up because her large breasts and the act of rubbing cream on them had "troubled her sons aged 14 and 12."

After the court handed down its decision the young woman's lawyer, Gianluca Arrighi, said he had never had any doubt that the accusation of obscene behaviour was without substance.

He pointed out that it was not illegal to sunbathe topless on an Italian beach and said it was not his client's fault if she had an "ample bosom".



Seriously, lady. Quit being a prude. And let your sons savor the beauty that is an ample bosom.

That is all.

Posted by: eddiebear at 11:33 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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August 19, 2010

Bummer: Famous paint huffer falls off the wagon

Patrick Tribett got busted again, looking like he gave C3PO a sloppy blowjob.  Last we'd heard of him, he was doing rehab and trying to clean up.  I think we all knew he'd go back to huffing, but you always hope for the best.

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Holy crap!

Again, holy crap!

So a bull in Spain got a bit, um, peeved during a bull fight and leapt into the stands. 40 people were hurt and one little boy is in critical condition. Yes, there's video - it's not that gory but it's very startling. I didn't know that this was even a possibility to guard against.


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August 15, 2010

Since Captain Islam Is So In Favor of it Now

Just thought I'd pile on with the historical significance:

Throughout history, Muslim conquerors have demonstrated their hatred and disdain for all other religions by purposefully erecting mosques over some of the most sacred and hallowed places of Judaic and Christian worship.

The al Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem is built on top of one of the holiest sites in Judaism, the Temple Mount.  The former St. Sophia’s Basilica, once the world’s largest cathedral and orthodox patriarchal basilica, was torn down and replaced with the principal mosque of Istanbul.  The Cordoba mosque in Spain was a former Christian cathedral.   Muslims have engaged in this practice for centuries, symbolizing their victories over the infidels.

Their attack on the WTC was an attack on what they perceived as a temple to America's worship of money.  They don't understand that it was the loss of life that precipitated our violent response, not the loss of some symbol.  Still, they are now completing the cycle by dropping a temple on the site of ours. 

I don't believe that all Muslims are violent or dangerous but I DO believe that the origins of that religion are opportunistic, violent and expansionistic.  It was, in many meaningful ways, a cult of personality intended to expand and consolidate the power of Bedouin Arabs in the Saudi Arabian desert.  Mohammed was not a good man but he surely wasn't stupid*.  Many millions of Muslims have taken that origin and turned it into something good but there is no lack of historical motivation to engage in these types of behavior and it must not be tolerated. 

Jerusalem is a Muslim holy city BECAUSE it was holy to Christianity and Judaism.  It was necessary for them to claim it as such so they could eventually conquer it and destroy the holy buildings of the other religions.  For the same reason, every place they have conquered in the west has magically become another holy place. 

This is just the next step in supplanting our claim to New York as ours and adding it to the list of conquered places they've taken from the infidels.

* - I would compare Islam's early history to the early history of the Mormon church.  A cult that eventually became something more and better than its roots.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:43 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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August 11, 2010

Scene from a 7-11 checkout

Q: What's worse than some hipster doofus in skin-tight low-rise girl jeans?

A: A fat hipster doofus in skin-tight low-rise girl jeans.

Seriously, man, know your limitations. The fact that your thighs are screaming in agony after the hour it takes to pry those motherfuckers off before bed is probably significant.

Posted by: Sean M. at 01:29 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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August 10, 2010

Falling Down

This friggin' loon wanted some Chicken McNuggets, but was told that Mickey D's was on breakfast still,



Reminds me of D-Fens at the Whammy Burger,


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August 09, 2010

Dear Hollywood

Fuck you for ruining another memory of my childhood and wanting to charge more because this flaming fuckpile of fucking fuckwaste is in three fucking d. Fuck you for taking one of the greatest works of all time and fucking it raw worse than a $.30 crack whore needing to pay back her pimp. Fuck you for having no fucking original ideas, save slapping a sequel together. And fuck you just because you make one of the things I truly enjoy, going to a movie theater and eating that trash bag sized popcorn and soda combo, so unappealing because of the shitfisting you put on the fucking screen.

And don't even fucking think of touching "Where The Sidewalk Ends" or "The Giving Tree". Just sayin'.

So fuck off, Hollywood. Fuck your shitty shitfuckiness with the furious fuckhammer of fuckingly fuckfuddled fury for fucking with my free time options.

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:15 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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August 07, 2010

Sarah...what were you thinking?

You agreed to take Kate Gosselin, who is like the world's greatest spoiled megabitch Philly trash into the friggin' woods camping?  What'd you think was gonna happen?  Unless this was a clever plot to try and have Kate get eaten by a grizzly bear...

Random,


Posted by: doubleplusundead at 11:37 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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August 05, 2010

Dear Sharron Angle...

Dear Sharron,

Stop saying dumb shit. We need a win.

Sincerely,

ME. 

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 10:42 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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August 04, 2010

Yeah, about those body scans the Feds said they weren't saving...

Are you surprised?  I'm sure as hell not.  The only question is, are they saving the 38-24-36 scans or the 52-72-64 scans?

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July 28, 2010

$69 dollars for a fucking hot dog?

Saw this at Hotair, and my first thought was,


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July 26, 2010

Uh-Oh, Climate Change and Illegal Immigration Have Teamed Up to Deal a One-Two Punch to the United States

(S)cientists are predicting another consequence of climate change: mass migration to the United States.
Between 1.4 million and 6.7 million Mexicans could migrate to the U.S. by 2080 as climate change reduces crop yields and agricultural production in Mexico, according to a study published online this week in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The number could amount to 10% of the current population of Mexicans ages 15 to 65.

Oh Dear God, what can we do? Wait I know we can adopted the green house gas emissions targets set at Copenhagen. It’s the only way to preserve the American way of life.

Or we can look at this as what it is, scare tactics to try and drum up support for the Cap and Trade bill and comprehensive immigration reform, and probably any other languishing social program you care to name.

source

This is why we need a man like Basil Marceaux


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July 23, 2010

Conor Friedrsdorf is a stupid piece of shit

I'm sorry. That's an insult to below-average pieces of shit...

You've probably heard about "The Ground Zero Mosque," an Islamic community center planned in Lower Manhattan. But I bet you haven't heard of The Ground Zero Strip Club.

There are actually a couple of adult entertainment venues that show up on Google Maps if you search around the former site of the World Trade Center. Internet reviewers seem to like New York Dolls best, due to its sexy, disproportionately Russian staff, mirrored stage and purportedly high-quality lap dances.

As yet, I haven't heard anyone wonder why our political class is silent as the sex industry operates on sacred ground.

Um, maybe because it wasn't a bunch of militant, fascist strippers who decided to kill around 3,000 innocent people on 9/11, you fucking dumbass.

(By the way, if you click on the link and look at his picture, just tell me you don't want to punch him in the dick.)

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:19 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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July 19, 2010

Dwyane Wade chooses his words...poorly

Being rich and famous has plenty of perks, but it also comes with a few drawbacks, like people listening to and reporting on every dumbass thing you say...

The Heat, which re-signed Wade and added LeBron James and Chris Bosh in free agency, is expected to be one of the most scrutinized teams in the NBA because of high expectations.

Referring to the potential reaction from losing two or three games in a row, Wade on Sunday said: "It's going to seem like the world has crashed down. You all are going to make it seem like the World Trade has just went down again.''

To be fair, he clarified his remarks by saying that he "was simply trying to say that losing a few basketball games should not be compared to a real catastrophe'' and apologized to anyone who was offended. Still, it goes to show that when people actually bother to listen to what you have to say, you have to think a little before opening your pie-hole.

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:37 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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July 15, 2010

Way to live down those stereotypes, comrades

I know, I know, as a full-fledged drunken Moron, I'm really not one to talk shit, but still...

Dozens of Russians, many of them drunk, are drowning daily as they head to water to escape a heatwave.

Vodka-drinking groups - some with small children - can be seen at lakes and ponds in and around the Russian capital where the current three-week heatwave may set a record of 98.6F (37C) this weekend.
Yeah, because there's no better way to stay hydrated during a heatwave than by guzzling some Val-U-Rite. That's the clear liquid they have in cups on the sidelines during marathons, right?

(More on the kids playing in the water in a second, with tragically predictable results.)
More than 1,200 people drowned across Russia in June this year, [Vadim Seryogin] said, including 233 between July 5 and July 12.

"The majority of those drowned were drunk," he said. "The children died because adults simply did not look after them."

Last week six children drowned in the Sea of Azov in southern Russia because the summer camp employees who were minding them were drunk.

Not that I'm siding with the drunken camp counselors or anything, but I hope for their sakes that the dead kids weren't fond of machetes and hockey masks, if you know what I'm saying.

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July 12, 2010

A serious question

No, really, it is.  Why is Mel Gibson's career over but Charlie Sheen's and Alec Baldwin's aren't?  Seriously, why?  Charlie Sheen is a notorious abuser and what Alec Baldwin said to his daughter should have him shunned from even uncivilized society.  Yet it's Gibson whose career is over and Sheen remains the highest paid actor on network tv, iirc. 

I don't get it.  I seriously don't.

Palette cleanser of The Good Baldwin (yes, I know they aren't related) below:


more...

Posted by: alexthechick at 01:01 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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July 05, 2010

Some bikers absolutely earned that South Park episode

This one, if you're unaware.  Watched some asshat today ride his Harley up the handicap incline on a curb, then proceed to park his bike on the sidewalk and shop in the local shopping plaza.  Do note, there were pleeeeeeeeeeenty of spaces in the parking lot, and there were plenty of motorcycles in the parking lot just like everyone driving cars, but oh no, no no no no no, we've gotta be Mr. Sooperkewlrebeldouche who can't handle his Harley getting a little warm in the sun, burns his delicate skin doncha know.  Really wish a police cruiser woulda rolled by.  Seriously, don't be an ass, there's a fucking parking lot there, use it.  Least his pipes weren't super loud.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 11:39 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Fuck you reality, I want to get off.

Further hijacking for personal reasons:

The BFF was readmitted to the hospital on Saturday morning with severe anemia.  Severe as in nearly to the point of death.  She was given blood and saline and all that and was improved enough for a liver biopsy and another CT scan yesterday. 

The oncologist came in today.  Cancer of undetermined origin.  He's talking Stage IV.  He's taking palliative care only.  He's talking terminal.  The liver biopsy results aren't in yet and will taken about a week or so but it's the worst possible news.  He said that there are spots on the liver and it's not certain her liver is in any condition for chemotherapy to be effective.  He didn't give a timeline since it's not really sure where the cancer is originating.  They believe it's some kind of cancer that's spreading through the bloodstream (I'm blanking on the term). 

Biopsy results are pending and he's going to be sending everything out for a second opinion but as of right now it's about determining how long before she dies, not if.  And we're taking weeks to months, not years.

She's devastated.  I want to punch God in the face. 

Please pray or send good thoughts or anything it is you do.  To be utterly selfish, I do not know what I will do without her.   I can't even begin to imagine it. 

Fuck cancer.  Fuck it with Dick Cheney's cougar condom'd dick.

Posted by: alexthechick at 02:12 PM | Comments (23) | Add Comment
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