October 07, 2008

Weather Forecast

In New York, we’re keeping our eyes on a widespread baseball-related depression, with some associated angst in Manhattan.  On Wall Street, be sure to watch for falling stock brokers.
 
Expect continued euphoria and elatement in the Boston area, with the return of insufferablility likely by the end of October.
 
In the Washington DC area, today’s weather calls for widespread blamestorming, with possible floods of incompetence on Capitol Hill.  Those going outside are advised to wear hip waders.
 
For residents of the South, we will not present weather, because it appears clear from reports that they are all ignorant rednecks who can’t read anything more complicated than a Bazooka Joe comic.
 
Florida’s brief Indian Summer should end soon with the collapse of the Rays and the Dolphins, but weather patters are difficult to predict in the “America’s Wang.”
 
Those in the Great Lakes region are advised to stay indoors to avoid the severe disillusionment in the area, coupled with severe regret in the Green Bay area.  Those in Chicago are advised to watch for falling Cubs fans.
 
Turning to the Midwest, we expect the drought of respect to continue.
 
California’s outlook is positive, except for San Francisco, which continues to suffer from self-induced effects Hurricane Pelosi.  This situation is expected to continue for some time.
 
In Nashville, expect clouds of verbal obfuscation, followed by massive media coverup and boosterism, with a fifty percent possibility of statistical improbability.  Those going outside are advised to watch for falling Republicans.

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