June 03, 2009
"In light of recent revelations about the judicial ability of white males, it really would be irresponsible to allow this ruling to stand," explained Chief Justice Roberts.
He continued, "We're still concerned that we're not qualified to make these decisions being mostly white males but we were assured that we have achieved the correct percentage of minorities and women on the court to reach empathetic quorum. Hopefully a future court comprised entirely by Latina women will revise our decision using their super awesome wisdom."
Of course, this was not the only decision effected. Every Supreme Court decision before 1967 has been invalidated and awaits further review by a more diverse panel of jurists.
"We're not even sure that we should be using the Constitution as a guide anymore," said a frazzled Justice Alito, "I mean, it was written by a bunch of white males, too. It really is amazing the inferiority of their decision-making went unexposed for this long."
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