My answers are in bold:
 
1:  Which political outlook describes you?
Conservative
Liberal
Independent
 
2:  You don't fool us; you're a conservative trying to game the system, aren't you? 
Yes, you caught me.
Yes, but I'm too stupid to pull it off.
 
3:  Who will you vote for for president?
Barack Obama
Someone Else
 
4:  Why won't you vote for Barack Obama?
I hate brown people
I don't like non-white people
I am a racist
Other
 
5:  Admit it, you're afraid of brown people, aren't you?
Yes
Hell Yes
 
6:  Are you bitter about Wall Street fat cats getting rich even though millions of regular Americans are losing their homes and being forced to live on the streets?
Yes, the gall is choking me even as I type
No, I'm both outraged and bitter
 
7:  What is your religious affiliation?
Radical Christianist
Apocalyptic Christianist
Fanatical Christianist
Other Christianist
 
8:  If you were drowning, and a giant inflatable bible floated by, would you cling to it?
Yes
No, I would go down to a watery grave and make a widow of my spouse and orphans of my children
 
9:  What if it were a giant inflatable gun?  Would you still cling to it?
Of course I would!  I'm not insane!
I am a crazy person who prefers the cold embrace of death to a rich, full life.
 
10:  If you knew that an elderly presidential candidate had a virtual certainty to die before leaving office, and the vice presidential nominee was a scandal-ridden newcomer with no political experience, wouldn't you agree that it was foolish to vote for that candidate?
Yes
No, I want America to fail because I am unpatriotic
 
POSTSCRIPT:

Thank you for participating in our survey, "STUDY:  Are Republicans actually bitter gun-clinging racists who act patriotic but deep inside detest America?" 
 
We look forward to your participation in our next survey, "Proof that Republicans are stupider than Democrats because they can't solve basic math questions like describing the circumference of a semihemispherical shape in four dimensions."

Posted by: plebian at 02:53 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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