While at the theater this afternoon to see the newest Harry Potter film, I saw a preview for an upcoming piece of crap titled 2012.   How can I be so certain it will suck?  Let me count the ways:

It's directed by Roland Emmerich, who should be in prison for crimes against celluloid.  Bastard.  He's spent over a half-billion dollars making three of the worst movies ever (Godzilla, Day after Tomorrow, and the execrable 10,000 BC). 

It's a disaster movie, which were pretty much all tapped out in the late 70's.

It's directed by Roland Emmerich, whose talent for destroying movies has only been thwarted once thanks to Will Smith, who is a latter-day David Hasselhoff.  Smith even overcame a smirking Jeff Goldblum, though it's not clear how this was done (I suspect performnace-enhancing drugs).

It stars John Cusak, the least-talented of the Cusak acting clan/crime family.

It was written by Roland Emmerich, which ensures that it will conform to the same rigorous accuracy and believeability we've come to enjoy in his other films, like The Patriot or TDAT.

It's based on a Mayan prophecy that the world will end in 2012, which gets much play from conspiracy theorists who believe that aliens built all the ancient civilizations.  Stupid Mayans.

Did I mention it has the big dirty fingerprints of the worst director currently working, Roland Emmerich?  Did you know he once cast Ferris Buller as the lead in a monster movie?

So please, please, please avoid this movie at all costs.  I got stupider just watching the trailer for it.

Did I mention that jackass moron Roland Emmerich is directing it?  You need to know that, because his movies all suck in direct correlation to his involvement.  This time he wrote and directed it.  Just sayin'.

Posted by: plebian at 10:54 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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